It Comes with the Badge
by Tainted Elf
Summary: OE.Elliot's divorced. When Olivia gets attacked by a perp, can she recover? What will the unit do until then? Will her replacement suffice? What about the new addition? Can Alex put the guy away? R&R AlexOC implied (ff)
1. Prologue

_"In the criminal justice system, sexually based offenses are considered especially heinous. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit. These are their stories."_

It comes with the Badge

A/N: _'...'=thoughts_ and "..." = speech; the usual. Enjoy, R&R. **Also note that this story contains rape**. Most people would guess that since it's a SVU fic, but I'm warning you. It's as gruesome, if not more so, than the show is.

__________________________________________________________________________

Prologue

Olivia Benson sighed heavily when she walked into the interrogation room. Before her was a man who had raped seven women, then cut them up inside with the knife blade and stabbed them to death. The sight of Jerry Hobson made her skin crawl and her stomach turn. He had bleached blonde hair, dark brown eyes and tanned skin. He was fell just shy six feet in stature and grotesquely fat. He was wearing a pair of khakis and a button down shirt that was unbuttoned enough to reveal foul chest hair. His imitation Rolex and gold crucifix on his neck made her detest him even more; he was scum and sure as hell no Christian. She glared at him, "Admit it, you killed them. We've got enough evidence to put you on death row before you can blink twice." 

Jerry stood up and placed a soft touch on her cheek. "You're a very beautiful woman Olivia."

She stared him down. "It's Detective Benson..."

"Maybe I'll come visit you at the gym tomorrow night, or rock climb with you after work." He made a point of looking her up and down. "You would be fun."

Ignoring his come-ons, Olivia glared at him. "I'm not here for your pleasure..."

He licked his lips. "Is that just an added bonus?" He put a hand on her arm, brushing his thumb against her periwinkle shirt. "Why do you dress so modestly? You are very attractive, you could dress much nicer...or not dress at all. You know, consensual sex isn't illegal..."

Detective Benson drew her gun out and slapped him in the mouth with the butt of the gun. "Sit your ass down." She stepped away from him. "Did you know that sexual harassment _is_ illegal."

Jerry laughed. "Why do I care? I'm already going to jail...so why not make it fun?" 

"You're damn right you're going to jail." Her voice was stone cold and she knew it. "DNA, fingerprints and at least one eye witness for each crime, if you hadn't been so hard to find, some of those girls may still be alive. You were sloppy. Remember Jamie? You stabbed her husband twice before you attacked her, but he survived. Nancy, the younger blonde girl, she had security cameras at her front door. Danielle's mother saw you leave the building before she found her daughter's maimed body...should I go on?"

Jerry grinned evilly. "Go right on ahead, I'm enjoying it. Reliving the scenes motivates me even more. I start thinking of how I'm going to do all of that and more to you when I get out of here."

Elliot walked in, teeming with anger. "That's just it Jerry, you aren't getting out. Ever. And you're never going to touch a hair on Olivia's head. You even go near her and I will personally break every bone in your sick body."

"It's not her head I'm after..." He smirked smugly until Elliot shoved the table into his chest.

Olivia stormed out, it wasn't the first time she'd been threatened but it was the first time she actually believed he would follow through with the threat. Jerry was a very determined asshole, with way too many connections to keep Olivia's mind at ease. It left her feeling violated somehow; she was definitely going to need a shower when she got home tonight, or a hot bath. Unsure of what to do, she went outside and got in the squad car, waiting for Elliot to come out.  When he got in the driver's seat and started the ignition, he smiled faintly at her. "Don't let him get to you Liv...he won't get out. We'll make sure of it."

          They drove in silence until he pulled up in front of her house. It was two story, she'd inherited it from her mother when she passed away. The brick building looked solid and protecting as Olivia stared at it for a moment. Closed blinds shielded all the windows and wrought iron covered them, and the doors, protectively. She couldn't help but be paranoid after her mother was raped; she'd always been afraid something like that would happen to her, she didn't think she'd be able to deal with it if it ever did. The gate surrounding the house was open, allowing Elliot to pull into the driveway. The lights were all off, except the outside one that illuminated the front step. It looked rather homey to her, but she didn't think most would agree.

She smiled lightly, and looked him in the eye as he put the car in park in her driveway. "Elliot, it's not just Jerry that's got to me. I think you should take some time off, I really do...you didn't miss a day of work all through the messy divorce and now you're moving in to a new apartment..."

Elliot frowned. "I see where you're coming from, but I'm fine Liv, trust me. Let me walk you to your door." They both got out of the car and walked up to her front door as she unlocked it. He put a hand on her arm reassuringly. "Don't worry about me, if this job was too hard, you'd be the first to know..." He brushed some of her hair away from her face so he could look further into her eyes, and portray his truthfulness more accurately. 

The tall cop hugged his partner comfortingly. A friendly hug to comfort her and reaffirm his opinion. He hadn't been thinking of seducing her at all as he hugged her. Seduction hadn't even crossed his mind when their lips met as they pulled away from the hug. He wasn't meaning to enamor her as they walked into the house, kissing. Causing her to ache for his touch her wasn't even on his mind when he slid his tongue into her mouth. Lovemaking hadn't crossed his mind as he laid her down on her bed. He hadn't meant to tempt her when his hands found her breasts.

Passion overcame the two as they stripped one another of their clothes. How this was happening, neither knew. Tangled in the bed sheets, entranced by one another, they made love. Elliot had not been thinking of this when he gave Olivia that harmless hug, and she had not been thinking of such when she accepted that hug. It had just happened, desire pent up over the past months, maybe even years. As the two pushed one another to the edge and beyond, neither could help but think it was worth the wait.

***

When Detective Benson and Detective Stabler arrived half an hour late to the precinct in the morning, looking equally exhausted, no one commented on what they all knew. Munch smiled. "Hard night last night?" He paused for a moment. "Wait, you two left _early_ to appear in court..." Giving them an innocent look of suspicion, he turned to Fin with a smirk.

Olivia blushed lightly. "Yeah...still a long night...I'll be glad when Jerry's behind bars. Then I'll be able to sleep better."

As Elliot sat down in his desk, he saw the morning paper on his desk. The front-page article made his blood run cold. The headline read: **Serial Rapist Jerry Hobson Escaped Prison. **"Jerry's missing?" _'Shit. It can't be true.'_

Munch frowned. "Looks like. Says he escaped prison last night...I guess it really was a long night. They said he slipped out, no one noticed until around midnight last night..."

Stabler looked to Olivia to see her reaction. _'Don't worry Olivia, you'll be okay...'_

_'You've got to be kidding...'_ Olivia stood stiffly. "He's out?" She looked rather uncomfortable and Elliot frowned.

"Don't worry Liv, I'll keep you safe." He gave her a reassuring smile.

Fin looked to Munch, and Munch shrugged and looked back at the two.

Olivia looked at the case folder on her desk._ 'It was done last night, now it is open again. That bastard's on the street again, and he may just rape and kill again. He may even be after _me.'

Elliot and Olivia waved slightly to Munch and Fin as they headed out to check up on some sightings. There were about thirty in all and they were trying to get a head start before they really got bogged down.

Fin sat in his seat and leaned back. "What do you think is going on between those two?"

Munch laughed. "Probably what should have happened a while ago." Fin laughed and Cragen walked in frowning.

"Guys, make sure Olivia's never alone, we have reason to believe Jerry's out because he's after her..." They fell silent and nodded, no one wanted to see Olivia hurt like that and they all knew this guy made her real uncomfortable. 

***

Olivia sighed in frustration after three worthless sightings. "Elliot, we need to talk..."

"About last night..." He finished her sentence. _'Great.'_

She smiled halfheartedly. "Yeah."

He turned to her as they stopped outside the next house. "If you want another partner, or some time away from me...I'll understand..." _'I'm such an idiot.'_

_'What?' _Olivia looked at him. "No, that's not what I was going to say. I was going to say, maybe you could move in with me for the time being. That way you won't have to stay in an empty apartment, I'll feel safer and if things don't work out you can always move out..." _'Don't make me look like a fool...please say he's not going to get creeped out...'_

_'Wait...is she serious?' _Elliot stared at her for a long moment. "Okay. That sounds good, great actually." 

She smiled. "Great, now let's get this bastard back in jail." She squeezed his hand shyly and got out of the car as they went to question another sighting.

***

After fifteen false sightings, the two had gone back to the precinct. It was too depressing to cover them all at once. Cragen was not happy. "I want this guy off the streets. If we don't catch him soon, he's going to kill again. Munch, you and Fin decide which one of you gets the night shift for sighting calls. Olivia, Elliot, you two can check them out tomorrow. Get out of here and get some rest. You both look like hell."

Olivia bit her lip. When Cragen had left and Fin stuck Munch with night duty, she walked over to him. "Call us if you get any promising leads, we'd like the head start. I want this guy behind bars soon, I just don't feel comfortable with him out." Fin nodded politely and Munch grinned.

          "Not a problem Olivia, I would never pass up an opportunity to keep you two apart." Munch glanced from her to Stabler.

Blushing lightly, Elliot put a hand on her shoulder and helped her slip her coat on. "Come on, we'll get him soon but in the meantime you need to sleep." He opened the passenger's car door for her and went around the other side. "I'm going to drop you off and get some stuff from my apartment, I'll make it quick though."

She smiled. "Okay, as long as it's quick. I don't like the idea of being alone..." He took her hand in his as he drove down the street.

Shortly after, they arrived at Olivia's place. She walked upstairs to the bedroom and sighed. "I'm going to take a shower while you're gone." She handed him a set of keys. "These will get you in incase I'm still in the shower when you get back."

He nodded. "I'll lock the door on my way out." Stabler kissed her cheeks softly and walked out of the room.

***

Turning on the faucet, Olivia slowly peeled off her clothes. Nothing felt right; she was on edge. Jerry was loose and she had no idea where he was. _'At least Elliot's here.'_ It was strange how much safer that made her feel, if only he were there at the moment. Olivia stepped underneath the warm spray and sighed. It was soothing, that's for sure. Her tense muscles loosened up slightly and she tilted her head back, letting the water run down her body. Steam billowed up and out of the shower stall, fogging the mirrors. Tonight she would sleep well...with Elliot. She blushed lightly.

Stepping out of the shower and wrapping her terry bathrobe around her nervously, she heard the front door open. Tying her robe, Olivia walked into the bedroom. "Elliot?" She patted her brown hair dry and looked towards the doorway.

A figure appeared in the doorway. "No Detective Benson, it's a dear old friend come to collect his dues."

Olivia's eyes went wide. Her gun was downstairs; she felt pretty helpless without it, but that wouldn't keep her from fighting. _'What good will fighting do? He's got a knife...'_ Olivia backed away slowly. "Get out of here now! NOW!"

He grinned. "If you want me to leave, I can...I'll go visit Kathy and the kids..."

Olivia's breath caught in her throat. "NO!" She could feel herself start to shake. "Stay."

With a short laugh, he walked closer. "That's what I thought..."

***

          Elliot sighed as he walked out of the house with a suitcase in hand. "Kathy, we've been through this. It was your affair, your decision, not mine. I was loyal. All those times you accused me of having affairs with Olivia, it never happened, and now you're the one who betrayed our marriage. It's over Kathy and it's your own fault. I know I wasn't there as often as I would have liked, but you knew it was going to be that way when we got married. You said that was okay; you changed your mind." The kids were at her parents' house, and this was the final straw. He knew the neighbors were probably listening in on their argument, but oh well.

          "Elliot! Please!"

          "We aren't married anymore Kathy. You got custody and the house, just like you wanted. Now leave me alone. It's not like you love me anymore anyway." He was frustrated and knew he was being harsh, but she had hurt him when she cheated. 

"Elliot!" Kathy was clutching her bathrobe closed. "Stay! I'm sorry!" When he opened the door to his car she stepped back. "You're going to see _her _aren't you?"

"What does it matter Kathy, we aren't married anymore." Sighing as he got in his car again, Elliot pulled out of the driveway very unhappy. He decided to grab a cup of coffee for him and her on the way back to Olivia's, she would probably want to hear about how his visit went when he got home, to her house. He liked calling her house home, they were one in the same now and he felt very comfortable with that.

***

Tears streamed down Olivia's cheeks from the sheer pain, but she would not let him think she was scared. She'd seen victims who'd put up with much worse. Jerry had already forced her to her knees and orally raped her. Now she was handcuffed to the bed with him thrusting inside of her painfully hard. She could feel her body fighting him, and she could feel him tearing her apart. He ran his hands over her body. "I'm so glad we got to meet again. Remember last time? I warned you Detective Benson, now it's payback time. If I'm going to jail, I'm going to make you pay. You should've listened to my warning..."

He had used her own handcuffs to handcuff her to her bed. She'd been foolish enough to leave them, and her gun, downstairs. "Go to hell Jerry." He was pushing into her, hard. She'd only been with one man besides Elliot until last night, so she was still very sensitive, and this was hell on earth. Like Jerry cared, he thrust into her over and over as he pressed his lips against hers. She bit his lip and glared. "You _are_ going to jail Jerry, no matter what you do to me. When Elliot gets back he's going to make you pay." _'Where is Elliot? Please let him get here soon...' _Helplessly, she dug her nails into his shoulders and skin, anything to get him to stop.

Jerry grinned. "By the time he gets here I'll be gone..." he pulled out his knife, "And you'll be dead. Too late for your boyfriend partner to come save you...is he your boyfriend Olivia? Or were you just his one-night whore? Doesn't matter, he'll never have you again..." He raised the knife so she could see it.

Her eyes widened a bit at the sight of the blade. As if rape wasn't traumatic enough...now she wondered if he killed his victims to be merciful. So much pain, and there was nothing she could do. She had said "No" over and over, tried to fight him off. She'd kicked him, punched him once too, but it was not enough. Her nails had done little damage too, though she'd cut his skin open. He'd kept coming until he knocked her down long enough to handcuff one of her hands to the bed. Another hard blow had allowed him time to get the other. 

Olivia never realized how vulnerable she made herself. Glaring into Jerry's eyes she brought up her knee and kicked him hard in his balls. "Rot in hell." She tried to push him off her, but as soon as he recovered from the pain, he hit her with her own gun. 

"Shut up bitch!" He kept going, in and out, so hard and so fast. Olivia felt like her insides were being torn apart. She could feel the warm thick blood seeping from between her legs. Pain was all she could feel right now, that and her own blood...so much blood. _'I'm going to die...'_

She wouldn't scream, wouldn't give him that satisfaction. When he'd spent himself, he brought out the knife blade again and straddled her thighs, forcing them open. He raised the knife and grinned. "Payback time." Olivia remembered just what Jerry did to his victims. He raised the knife and brought it down in between her legs.

Now she screamed.

***

As soon as Elliot pulled up, he saw the open door. Pulling out his gun and running in to the house, he was furious. "Olivia!?" God, he hoped she was okay. _If anything happened to her because I was gone too long..._ He couldn't stand the anxiety as he made it up the stairs to the bedroom. Once he got there, he wished he hadn't. Immediately, he called for backup. No one was there, except Olivia...and he wasn't sure she was there either.

Blood coated the bed sheets, pouring from between her legs. Instinctively, he bunched up a towel from the bathroom and placed it between her legs to slow the bleeding. "Olivia? Olivia can you hear me?" _'She looks so empty...like nothing is inside anymore... How could I let this happen?'_

She blinked once and looked at him slowly. "I'm sorry I couldn't stop him Elliot, I'm sorry...I tried my hardest..."

He ran a soft hand through her hair. "It will be okay, just stay with me okay?"

Olivia nodded weakly. "It was Jerry...he said he was going to visit Kathy and the kids..."

Something in him snapped. "He won't get near them. Kathy is in Jersey picking up the kids from her parents'. Don't worry sweetheart, just stay with me." Elliot shook his head. "You have nothing to be sorry about, it's okay. We're going to get him good Olivia... He will not get away for doing this to you. Stay with me Olivia...stay with me..."

***

When Munch and Fin realized that the call for backup had come from Olivia's address, they sped down there. The first cops on the scene, spare Stabler, they entered cautiously to find Olivia wrapped in a bathrobe with Elliot pressing a large towel between her legs. Munch swore loudly. "Is an ambulance on the way?"

Elliot nodded. "Any minute now. You guys going to start processing this, even if we all knew who did it...we need the evidence." The two nodded slowly and showed the first CSI team to the bedroom. Olivia was being wheeled out on a stretcher and Elliot frowned. "I'm going with you."

He followed Olivia's stretcher into the ambulance and rode with her to the hospital, never letting go of her hand.

Fin looked at all the blood. "Cragen was right, it was Jerry..."

Munch frowned deeply. "Poor Olivia...damn." He picked up an evidence bag with the bloody sheet in it. "Let's go grill the neighbors, none of them called anything in..."

***

One of the paramedics nodded politely to him. "You may just have saved her life with your quick thinking..."

Elliot thanked him quietly and sat down for a long wait in the emergency waiting room. Bent over his knees and staring at the ground, he chastised himself for not being there for Olivia. _'I lied to her, I promised to keep her safe and I failed. How could I? Perhaps Kathy is right, I never keep my promises. I didn't even lock the door for her...I let this happen. How could I? I promised to keep her safe, and I told her nothing would happen to her! I said I'd lock the door! How could I do this to her?'_

With nothing else to occupy his mind, he berated himself mercilessly for two and a half hours before a doctor came out. "Detective Stabler?" Looking up quickly, he realized it wasn't the same doctor that had admitted her.

He stood up nervously. "How is she?"

The doctor frowned. "Your wife...er, ex-wife... will make a full recovery, but due to serious blood loss, she is in a drug-induced sleep. She's in urgent care now. Would you like to see her?"

Elliot blinked. "Say again?"

He repeated himself slowly, assuming the poor guy was in shock.

Still slightly confused, Elliot shook his head slowly. "Olivia Benson is not my wife, we're just partners."

The doctor shook his head. "Not Olivia Benson, I'm talking about Kathy Stabler..."

Detective Stabler shook his head. "No, there must be some mistake...I'm not here for my ex-wife...I am here to see Detective Benson. Is my wife here also?" He looked extremely confused at this point, which was a bad combination with lack of sleep and emotional distress.

The doctor nodded, staring curiously at the Detective. "She came in just a few hours ago, she's stable for the most part...We were lucky to get her in when we did..." _'How can this guy not know his ex-wife's in the hospital?'_

_'What? What has Kathy done?' _Elliot looked very worried. "What happened to her? Is she okay? What'd she do?" How could this all be happening at once? He had to see Olivia.

"Didn't you know? I assumed the precinct called you...Cragen said he would when we called him..." The doctor frowned. "She was admitted for attempted suicide."


	2. Shock

_"In the criminal justice system, sexually based offenses are considered especially heinous. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit. These are their stories."_

It comes with the Badge

**SVU-obsessed:** Thank you for your helpful hints, if you would, could you re-read it and see if it's accurate now? I'd greatly appreciate that. Thank you tons for the info, and thank you also for being kind about it. I kept hoping to get an episode with Elliot's wife in it but I ended up having to guess and I haven't seen that Olivia episode. I wish I had, I love her. Thanks again. ~TE~

__________________________________________________________________________

_Last time:_

_Detective Stabler shook his head. "No, there must be some mistake...I'm not here for my ex-wife...I am here to see Detective Benson. Is my wife here also?" He looked extremely confused at this point, which was a bad combination with lack of sleep and emotional distress._

_The doctor nodded, staring curiously at the Detective. "She came in just a few hours ago, she's stable for the most part...We were lucky to get her in when we did..."_ 'How can this guy not know his ex-wife's in the hospital?'

'What? What has Kathy done?'_ Elliot looked very worried. "What happened to her? Is she okay? What'd she do?" How could this all be happening at once? He had to see Olivia._

_"Didn't you know? I assumed the precinct called you...Cragen said he would when we called him..." The doctor frowned. "She was admitted for attempted suicide."_

__________________________________________________________________________

Chapter One

In Shock

Elliot looked at Kathy lying in a hospital bed unconscious. Her wrists were tightly bandaged up almost to her elbows. She looked way too pale compared to her usual self and all the life was drained from her body. If he didn't hear the constant beeping of the heart rate monitor, he'd think she was dead. _'She's here for attempted suicide? Was it because of our argument? How could I have been so heartless...? Why didn't I notice the signs?_

Another doctor, a female doctor, walked in. "Detective Stabler, are you here to see Detective Olivia Benson also?" She was about average height and a bit heavy. Her eyes were a cheery brown and hair was auburn up in a bun. She was wearing maroon scrubs and had a bright smile on her face. She tried to look jovial, but even that much joy was sucked away by the hopelessness that hung like a palpable gossamer screen throughout the room.

He nodded gravely. "Yes, how is she?" Not sure if he wanted to hear the answer, Elliot braced himself.

She frowned. "Not well I'm afraid; she's in a coma..." The doctor looked like delivering that news hurt her too. Elliot appreciated the sympathy somewhat.

_'A coma? God, no! Why now? Why Olivia? This can't be happening! Not now!' _Elliot rested his head in his hands wearily. "Can I please see her?"

She gave him a sympathetic smile and nodded. "Of course. I'll take you there now. I'm Doctor Herrera, her physician." She bit her lip lightly and led him up to her room. It was dark inside, illuminated only by the moonlight in the window. "You can stay as long as you wish...she came in yesterday and added you to her family list...that also means you can make medical decisions for her..." The Doctor smiled halfheartedly. "I am truly sorry." With that, she slid out quietly, closing the beige metal door behind her without more than the _click_ of the latch.

He smiled falsely and nodded politely. "Thank you." As soon as she closed the door, he rushed to her side. "Olivia..." He watched her for a long moment, trying to come to terms with her condition and what the nurse had just told him. _'You knew what was coming...you made sure everything at the hospital was in order...you knew he was after you and that didn't stop you from letting me leave...you always said not to change your life for a perp...Maybe you should have just this once.' _Her eyes were closed, and she looked like she was just sleeping soundly. "Can you hear me?" _'Of course you can't...'_ He took her hand gently. "I'm so sorry. I forgot to lock the door, and I didn't get back as fast as I could. I'm so sorry I let you down Olivia." Elliot rubbed his thumb against the back of her hand for a long moment, savoring the soothing and warm touch. _'At least she's alive...unlike the other victims...' _He kissed her hand softly. "I'm sure Munch and Fin will be in here shortly...I hope you won't mind all the attention. I know you never liked it when men paid too much attention to you. You always blew off Cassidy and the other men who were interested in you. Maybe if I had paid more attention you would be fine right now."

Olivia was non-responsive, as expected, but Elliot stayed by her side. He started to cry after a while; she was very pale. _'Why can't you just be sleeping? Why can't this all be one big nightmare? Why can't I just wake up and see her lying next to me?'_ Sitting by her side for a bit longer, Elliot sighed. He had considered returning to Kathy's side, but he knew she would wake up. Somehow, he believed he could wake Olivia up if he talked to her long enough, if he just stayed there to hold her hand she would find her way back to him.

"Olivia, Kathy attempted suicide today...it sure has been a hard day. I wish you were here, so I could really talk to you. You have to stay with me Olivia, we were just starting to get settled together; you can't leave me. What will I do without you? I need you. You're my partner in all ways I'd like to think. I care about you more than you could ever know...you can't die before I get my chance to tell you..." He knew life didn't go that way. Bad things happened to good people...but he just wished he could make them right. No one, and especially not Olivia Benson, deserved to be attacked by that bastard.

Fin and Munch walked in slowly. "How is she?" Both of them looked very grim and yet hopeful at the same time.

Elliot rested his head on the bedrail. "Not good. She's in a coma...and no one knows when she may wake up...she may never wake up..." He looked at her with a look of utter despair as he said those words, just reaffirming his greatest fears.

Munch swore quietly. "Elliot, I'm sorry. Cragen told us to tell you that you can take as much time off as you want...Everyone at the precinct is worried about you, and we're here for you if ya' need us."

He looked up, his eyes bloodshot. "Thanks. Did you get Jerry?" He looked pathetically hopeful and his bloodshot blue eyes were pleading for an affirmative response.

Fin nodded. "We caught him within an hour of Olivia's attack. Every cop in the surrounding precincts was looking for him. Lennie caught him."

Elliot smiled faintly. "Briscoe's a damn good cop." He looked melancholy, but pleased by the proceedings of the capture.

Munch nodded. "He got in a few punches before his partner arrived, and he claimed there was a struggle. No one held it against him."

He laughed lightly. "Who would? Everyone likes Olivia..."

Fin looked at him. "You're right about that, and if I were to guess I'd say a certain cop I know might even love her."

Stabler smiled softly. "Yes, you'd be right in that guess. Who wouldn't love her?"

Munch put a hand on his shoulder. "She'll pull through, don't worry over it. Do you want anything? Coffee?"

Elliot remembered stopping for coffee before going to Olivia's and fresh tears came to his eyes. "Um, no coffee...thanks anyway though."

Fin grinned. "You look more like you could use some whiskey...when the hospital closes we'll take you out for drinks."

Stabler nodded. "That sounds good." He smiled faintly, _'Maybe alcohol can get rid of this emptiness inside of me...'_ Truly, Stabler knew only Olivia's recovery would cure that pain.

Munch frowned. "We heard about Kathy, do you want one of us to watch her?" John looked rather skeptical about bringing up his ex-wife in the conversation after all he'd been through, but he thought it best to ask anyway.

Elliot nodded. "Would you?"

Fin smiled. "I got it. John might scare her when she wakes up." He punched his partner's shoulder jokingly and walked out with a comical grin.

Stabler stared at Olivia for a long moment. "She looks like she's sleeping, doesn't she?" He ran a hand through her short hair with a faint smile. She looked so content lying there, far more at ease than he'd ever seen her...except last night.

Munch nodded. "She does...if only she were just sleeping."

Elliot nodded. He kissed her forehead softly and brushed her hair away. "I forgot to lock the door when I left..." The pain sprung anew, another tidal wave crashing against the corroding walls of his sanity. He'd put protective details on her before, why hadn't he done it yesterday? He should've, maybe if he had..._ 'No, maybe is not something I want to think about. What happened is irreversible no matter what.'_

John walked up behind him and put a firm hand on his shoulder. "Don't start blaming yourself, that won't help you or her."

Detective Stabler nodded. "I know, but I can't help it. I promised to protect her, I said I would lock the door..."

Munch frowned. "Let's get that drink, it's getting late and I'm beginning to think more and more about how much we could all use that drink."

As Elliot looked at Olivia again, he wiped fresh tears from his eyes. "Damn it. Why her? She's an angel. She puts these guys away to help other women, and never once thinks about protecting herself. She has always been a good cop, never once ruffed anyone up or went past what she knew she could do. Always protecting those women, children and men...she didn't have a selfish bone in her body."

He sighed heavily. "It happens to the best. You can't pick the vic Elliot, you knew she was knowingly endangering herself. It was her choice, and she decided that getting Jerry was more important. It doesn't make you responsible, or her foolish, it makes her a very good cop. It also helps me believe that she'll pull through."

Olivia lay there silently, not stirring, and just the sight filled Stabler with so much anger. "Let's get out of here." He kissed her cheek again and smiled. "Sleep well Sweetheart." _'Don't give up on me Olivia.'_

Munch didn't comment on Stabler's pet name for Olivia. Walking out with Munch right behind him, they went to pick up Fin. Elliot broke the silence. "Hey, isn't Yom Kippur coming up soon?"

          Munch nodded. "Yeah, actually, in a week and a half." He was surprised Elliot remembered that he was Jewish. _'Poor Elliot. Kathy and Olivia both in the hospital in one day...how does he do it?'_ He knew the answer, he doesn't.

Fin walked out of the room when he heard them come down the hall. "She is still out..."

Stabler nodded. "Okay." He figured she'd be out for a long while after seeing her wounds. He found out the kids were still at her parents' by the doctor, and that relieved him somewhat. At least they didn't see their mother hit rock bottom. What blew him away was, they gave her custody because he wasn't around enough...and now she tried to commit suicide...

***

After a few shots, Elliot's nerves buzzed lightly. His worries seemed somewhat lighter, and his headache was gone...until tomorrow morning. "I should have seen it coming. Jerry always used to make crude comments to her...and then he threatened her...but I never saw it...I knew she was uncomfortable around him. Yesterday, she went to the hospital and added me to her family list...she knew he was after her. She knew it and yet she didn't say a word."

Munch nodded. "That's Olivia. She's done that before when her life's in danger. She doesn't seem to care at all as long as the perp gets put away. Remember the crazy stalker guy from back when Cassidy worked for us? He knew about Serena and everything, and she still used herself as bait...she doesn't let the perp control her life."

Stabler's eyes looked bloodshot. "I still should have seen it coming..."

Fin patted his back lightly. "Let's get home, you could use the sleep."

Elliot looked at him, his blue eyes filled with despair. "Where? I don't know if I can go to Olivia's house..."

Munch patted his back. "We'll drop you off and help ya' get settled down."

After a long pause, Detective Stabler nodded. "Thanks you two, you've all been a great help."

Fin nodded. "Let's go."

***

He had snuck into the hospital easily, and found Olivia's room without too much trouble. Leaning over her bed, he took in her scent. She smelled so sweet; it turned him on. She looked like she was just sleeping. Running his hands over her breasts, he sighed heavily. His look-alike had been taken in to custody today. They were searching his apartment as he stood there. Too bad they thought they had him, because he would have plenty of fun. Stroking her cheeks softly, he placed a white rose on her breast and smirked. "Sleep well sweetheart."

***

            Elliot sat up in Olivia's bed. He couldn't get the image of Olivia's torn and bleeding body from his head. He stood up. _'Something is wrong...'_ He went downstairs and nervously paced the kitchen for a moment. 

After a few moments, he pulled on a pair of pants, a collared shirt, and his jacket and headed out the door, meticulously locking the door behind him. He couldn't bear to sleep in her house while Olivia was in a coma at the hospital. When he got in the car, he checked to make sure all the windows were closed in the front of the house, and drove off towards the hospital. He couldn't stand being away from Olivia when she may wake up any moment.

Stabler arrived quickly at the hospital around 3:15 am and walked up. "I know visiting hours are over...but I was told I could stay with my partner. She's in a coma...and I don't think I can sleep unless I'm near her."

The nurse looked sympathetically at him. "Of course Detective, what's her name?"

He said a silent prayer of thanks that he would be able to see her and smiled faintly. "Olivia Benson, Detective Olivia Benson."

She smiled politely. "Right, she's in urgent care." When she pulled Olivia's file from the top of the stack, she noticed his surprised look. "We try and keep the cops files on top after all they do for us."

Elliot smiled halfheartedly. Just the simple thought of that lightened his mood more than he expected. "Thanks." Walking with her to Olivia's room, she made polite conversation.

"It says here that, assuming she wakes up, she will be physically ready to leave in two weeks."

Stabler looked down. "_If_ she wakes up...Olivia will. She gets through everything."

The nurse nodded politely to him when he stepped into the room. "If you need anything, call the front desk. The cafeteria is on the first floor in case you get hungry."

Elliot nodded. "Thank you Miss." He walked over to her bedside; she actually looked better to him. Something caught his eye. A white rose lay on her breast. _'White rose...Jerry!'_ Kissing Olivia's forehead softly, he apologized for the briefness of the visit and ran downstairs, dialing his cell phone as soon as he got out of the building. "Fin! It's Elliot...the guy you got isn't Jerry."

On the other end of the line, there was some groaning and a heavy sigh. "Elliot, it's 3:30 in the morning, can't this wait?"

He shook his head. "No, Jerry's still loose."

Another exasperated sigh. "How do you know? Didn't we tell you earlier that we have him in custody?"

Elliot held the rose up in the moonlight. "He left her a parting gift."

Fin sat up in bed. "You mean the rose." Another long pause, "That's right! He always leaves a rose on the body! I completely forgot his MO!"

"Bingo. Can you get down to the station?"

After a short period of bustling around, Fin spoke again. "Yeah, I'll call Munch too."

Elliot sighed. "Thanks Fin."

Laughter on the other end of the line surprised Elliot. "You owe me Elliot."

He nodded and chuckled softly. "Yeah, I guess I do. I see you in a bit."

"Alright, peace." A click told him Fin had hung up. Elliot turned around and looked up at the hospital windows and blew a soft kiss. _'Sleep well, I'm thinking about you...'_ God he missed her so much already. His heart ached.

Getting quietly into his car, he started the engine and headed for the station. _'I'm going to personally put this bastard away for you Olivia...'_ He drove off as a light drizzle started to fall.

***

By the time Elliot made it to the station around 4 am, Fin was waiting and it was pouring outside. "John is on his way."

Stabler thanked him. "Let's get inside, I don't see any end to this downpour."

Fin nodded. "I hate rain."

After a silent pause, Elliot nodded. "So does Olivia." His voice seemed more wistful than it ever had before; this incident was changing his life almost as much as it was Olivia's.

The other cop smiled faintly. "She'll pull threw, she always does." Elliot nodded and walked into the building, flipping on the light switch. The main room slowly lit up and it looked rather eerie. It was completely empty.

He laid the rose on his desk and stared at it for a moment. "He left it for her, on her bed."

Fin swore quietly as Munch walked in, looking exhausted. "What in the world made you want to get me up and 3:30 in the morning? Have you become some kind of sadist?" He saw the rose. "Oh, I see. Well, where do you want to start looking?"

Elliot frowned. "That's just it, I have no idea. I was hoping you two would have some clue."

Munch stared at the rose for a moment. "You know, in his apartment we found an address book...his mother lived on the North side, near that floral shop that just opened."

Fin looked at him. "Is that by the bank on 1016 East 6th street?"

Without hesitation, Elliot swiped up his keys. "Let's get going, I don't want to waste any time." He walked out, flipping the lights behind him. Getting into his car, he peeled out of the lot and headed towards the bank.

Munch frowned. "We'd better follow him before he hurts himself." Fin nodded and the two got in their squad car, following Elliot.

***

_'Why won't these nightmares go away? I want to wake up! I need to help catch Jerry!'_ Olivia's brain was screaming at her body to get up, to move, but she lay helpless. She could hear doctors talking about her vitals improving faster than expected, and she heard Elliot earlier. She had wanted to reply so badly, but she was stuck inside her own body. All she could remember was pain, and fleeting inside herself for protection. _'I was raped...Jerry was there...' _She felt a little weight come off her shoulders. _'If I can just remember everything about that night...maybe I can wake up...'_ She pushed threw her memories, no matter how graphic, in search of those few critical pieces she was missing.

***

Elliot walked into the apartment after kicking the door open. Fin and Munch were right behind him, with their police issues drawn. Elliot yelled down the hallway. "POLICE! COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP JERRY!" Fin ran towards the fire escape.

"Clear." Fin yelled out. He heard John and Elliot yell clear in other rooms and then a loud bang. Walking out, he noticed Elliot had kicked open another door and was aiming his gun at something.

"Fin, Munch!"

Munch pulled out a warrant and grinned. Walking in to the room, he saw Jerry lying on the floor with his hands on his head. Elliot was standing on his back. "This is a warrant for your arrest, but since you're fighting back so hastily, we're going to have to defend ourselves."

Elliot laughed as he kicked Jerry in the side. "You sound like Lennie now Munch."

Fin laughed too. "That's more of a compliment than an insult."

Jerry gritted his teeth and took a heavy breath. "Get the fuck away from me! I know my rights! You can't do this!"

Elliot pulled his head up by his hair and looked firmly in his eyes while Fin cuffed him. "You lost all your rights when you went after Olivia."

Munch yanked him from the floor and pushed him towards the door.

With a broad grin, Jerry laughed. "Go ahead, take me away. I've already had my fun with Olivia."

Elliot punched him in the jaw. "You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of law. You have the right to an attorney, if you can't afford one, the court will appoint one for you..."

***

          Doctor Herrera waited patiently in the lobby as she watched Elliot walk quickly in. Grimacing, she prepared to deliver the news. "Elliot, I'm sorry to have to say this, but according to the lab results of all of Detective Olivia Benson's injuries, we've found it's almost certain that she will never be able to bear children."

          Elliot looked momentarily confused. "Why are you telling _me_ this?"

          She flushed slightly. "I assumed you two were...together. Not to mention, since her mother is deceased, you are the only listed family member."

          He nodded. "We are actually together, I guess you're right. I...uh, thanks." He didn't look very thankful, but forced himself to look past it. _'Would Olivia want to have children after that anyhow?'_ "How is she doing otherwise?"

          Doctor Herrera smiled faintly. "Not much change, but any change at all so far has been for the better so not all hope is lost..." She tried to look sympathetic, but he could tell that she had little hope for Olivia's recovery.

          Detective Stabler watched her for a long moment. "Hope was never lost. Olivia's going to pull through, it's just a matter of when."

          She seemed touched by the sentiment and smiled. "Of course. My apologies Detective Stabler."

          Unsure if he could handle seeing her, Elliot drove back to the precinct to find Cragen awaiting him. "Elliot, can I speak with you in my office?"

          Elliot nodded and followed him in. A young woman was in the office; she smiled politely and greeted him.

          Cragen introduced the lady officer. "This is Detective Ryan Jamerson from the 31st precinct."

          The detective held out a hand. "You can just call me Ryan. How do you do?"

          Elliot smiled politely. "I'm fine, thank you Detective Jamerson, it's a pleasure to meet you, and I'm Detective Elliot Stabler."

          Cragen waited for a moment. "Detective Jamerson will be your partner until Olivia recovers. After, I'm thinking of adding another team to SVU. Jamerson will be one of the two if everything goes as planned."

          The female detective looked straight in to Cragen's eyes. "I know what rape looks like first hand Sir, I think I can stomach it." He handed her a file.

          "Here's your first case Detective." He nodded and granted them both leave.

          Jamerson walked out, reading the file. "Seven year old girl found in a garbage can. Raped, murdered. Cause of death was heart failure." 

Elliot shook his head in remorse. "How did she die of heart failure? Isn't that a little far fetched?" He could feel his temper rise a bit; it would be even harder to control without Olivia with him.

Ryan looked up. "Not quite...it says in the file that the perp drugged her...the drug inhibited her ability to breath...so when he raped her, she went in to cardiac arrest and died because of lack of oxygen."

Stabler sighed heavily. "This is going to be a gruesome one."

Looking up at Elliot, she smiled. "Shall we start with the parents?"

          Nodding, he examined his temporary partner for a moment. She had grey eyes that looked like storms. Each one it's own individual tempest. Endlessly thick dark brown hair fell in front of her eyes as she read the file. Her tresses were wavy and moved as with her as she walked. Her smile was soft and her skin reminded him of porcelain. She looked like a doll, not a cop, to him. Elliot wondered how she managed, looking so thin and fragile. She was wearing a bright blue shirt with a black camisole underneath. Her chest was rather small, but she was thin. Black jeans and a navy blue jacket finished off her ensemble. She was wearing white tennis shoes that must have been brand new. "Let's get out of here." As they approached the car, he smiled. "I drive."

          She chuckled lightly. "Sure thing." Getting in to the passenger's seat, she waited for him to get in. Absentmindedly, Ryan ran her finger over the face on the picture. The girl was Hispanic, and looked so adorable. Her hair was braided into pigtails and she was wearing a blue dress with flowers on it. Ryan's heart went out to her poor mother. Elliot started the car.

          "You sure you can handle this?"

          Ryan looked at him, as if offended. "I'm quite capable Elliot, it's just that I feel bad for her mother. No mother wants to hear that her seven year old daughter was raped and murdered."

          He nodded. "You're right on that one. Where's the apartment?"

          Jamerson glanced at the report. "It says she lived at 413 East 3rd Street. The little girl had on one of those medical bands. She had diabetes. Without that, we'd still be searching for a mother."

          Keeping his eye on the road, Stabler nodded. "Sure."

          "What's wrong?"

          He continued driving. "Nothing."

          "Look, I know what happened to Olivia looks bad...but she'll get past it. I know."

          Unwilling to think too deep into that comment, Elliot nervously returned to his driving and they drove for a while in silence. He broke it. "So, what happened to you? You said you were raped?"

          Detective Jamerson snickered. "Yeah. When I was twenty-two. It tore me apart. I was always going to parties and did some stuff with a couple boys so most people I told about my rape said I deserved it. The guy picked me up outside a party one day and held me captive for four days." She looked out the window. "He got me pregnant...but also saw to it that I could not have another child after that the way he maimed me."

          Elliot's ears perked up. "Wait...did he stab you? More specifically...between your legs?"

          Ryan's head whipped around. "How the hell did you know that?" She didn't know whether to be frightened or suspicious.

          He grimaced. "That's the same perp that raped Olivia. We have him in jail awaiting trial."

          Her eyes returned to her window. "I see."

          Elliot stopped the car and parallel parked at the corner. "We're here." Getting out of the car and locking it, he walked up to the doorstep. Ringing the buzzer, he announced himself as a cop. 

Ryan joined him as the door opened and she wrapped her arms tight around herself. "It's chilly."

Detective Stabler turned to her. "Maybe it's just the memories..." He knew just the memory of finding Olivia made him cold.

A shorter woman with long black hair looked at the two. "Hello, can I help you?"

Ryan smiled. "Yes, I'm Detective Jamerson, this is Detective Stabler."

Her eyes went wide. "Are you here about my Rosalinda? Is she okay? Oh no!" She raised a hand to her mouth. "What happened to her?"

Detective Jamerson put a hand on her shoulder. "It's okay, let's talk upstairs."

As they headed upstairs, Elliot whispered to Ryan. "Don't be so easy on her, it won't make it any easier in the long run."

Ryan gave him a heavy stare. "Let me do my job."

He muttered under his breath. "It's my job too." His thoughts wandered to Olivia. _'It's her job too...but she can't do it because of me.'_ He shook his head. "Hey, since it seems you can handle this...mind if I go down to the hospital to see Olivia?"

Detective Jamerson's expression softened. "Not at all, go on ahead. I can handle this." She continued up the stairs as Elliot called and asked Munch and Fin to bring another sedan here for Miss Jamerson to take home. He paused. _'Is it Miss Jamerson?' _He couldn't recall seeing a wedding band, but he didn't recollect the absence of one either. Shrugging, he pulled a u-turn and headed back to midtown, to the hospital.

***

Once Mrs. Rivera was calm, Ryan sat next to her. "I just need you to look at this photograph and confirm that this is your daughter." As she got the picture from the file, she was glad the girl had one on file at the doctor's office because she would not have shown the body to any mother. "Don't worry, it's a professional photo from the doctor's office."

When Mrs. Rivera looked at it nervously, she burst in to tears. "Yes, that's my Rosalinda..."

Ryan grimaced. "I'm sorry Mam."

Mrs. Rivera looked up at the Detective. "Who did this to my baby?"

Detective Jamerson looked at her sincerely. "That's what we're trying to find out. Was there anyone who might have wanted to kill Rosalinda?"

After a long moment of deep thought, Mrs. Rivera looked up at Ryan. "Only two people knew her and where that sick that I can think of." The woman shuddered lightly. "A teenage boy who used to baby-sit her didn't like her much. She told other girls that he was a bully or something like that and he couldn't get a job around the area. The only other person would be...her father. He's married...and he won't pay child support or acknowledge us. He said if I ever talked to his wife that he would kill her." She started to cry. "I spoke with her yesterday..." She sobbed heavily.

Ryan frowned lightly. "Thank you Mrs. Rivera. I promise you I will get this guy, for you and your little girl. Can you give me the names of those two men?"

She nodded slowly. "Matteo Sanchez and Ricky Simon."

Writing down some notes, she looked back up at the poor woman. "I'm going to need their addresses and telephone numbers if you could."

Mrs. Rivera stood. "I'll go get those. One moment." She was in so much pain, Ryan felt horrible for being the bearer of bad news, but bringing this family justice would make her feel somewhat better.

When she returned with an address book, Ryan jotted down the information and stood up. "Well, if there is anything else or anyone else you happen to remember, call us." She handed her a card. "And if we need anything else we will call you. Again, I'm terribly sorry for you loss Mrs. Rivera."

She smiled weakly. "Thank you for helping my baby."

Ryan nodded and showed herself out, smiling when she found another sedan waiting for her. Like she guessed, the keys were resting on top of the exhaust pipe. She got in and drove away.

***

Elliot stared at Olivia for a long moment. "Sweetheart, I've got a temporary partner for now." He smiled falsely. "She reminds me a great deal of you." He rubbed his thumb over her soft skin. "I miss you so much Olivia. Come back to me, and to all of us down at the station."

***

When Ryan returned to the precinct, Elliot was waiting. She held up her notes. "Two possible perps."

Cragen examined the notes. "Good. Munch, Fin I want you two to check out this Matteo punk. Stabler, you and Jamerson get Simon."

Ryan walked out of the room and down the stairs. "Olivia must be a real nice girl, everyone is trying their hardest lately."

Elliot smiled. "She was one of the cops who would fight even if it meant her own life, that's why she's in a coma. A perp took interest in her, and he escaped jail before his trial and attacked her."

Jamerson frowned as they got in the car. "I'm sorry that you all had to go through this. I have been looking for the bastard since he raped me. If I had found him..."

Stabler laughed for a long moment. "Now I know why every tells me not to blame myself, it's hard to listen to without saying it."

Ryan chuckled softly. "Yeah, but if you're thinking it, you might as well say it."

Elliot shrugged and continued driving towards 1512 Seventh Avenue, the address of the potential perp. When he put the car in park, Ryan got out and left her jacket in the car. When Stabler gave her a questioning look, she laughed. "I don't want to chase him in a jacket. It has bad aerodynamics and it's restraining."

Detective Stabler laughed. "Maybe this won't be such a bad pairing after all. It could be good for me."

Ryan winked and the two headed for his apartment. "NYPD here to talk to Ricky Simon." The buzzer let them up and his wife answered the door. She was a nice blond lady about 5'3". She seemed rather homey to Ryan.

"You're a Detective?"

With a partially annoyed look, Ryan nodded. "Yes. Is your husband home?"

She showed them in. "He will be home in fifteen minutes or so. I'm his wife, Cristina."

Ryan smiled. "We are investigating some rumors about his employer and we need to ask him a few questions, privately."

Cristina nodded. "I have to do some grocery shopping anyway. Would either of you like a cup of coffee?"

Stabler smiled. "No, thank you though."

Ryan was about to say 'yes', but the look Elliot gave her convinced her to decline. "No thank you Mam."

Elliot laughed. "How come you don't call me Sir?"

She raised her dark brown eyebrow. "Sir implies respect." She laughed lightly. "No, I was raised in a military household, anyone older than me in Sir or Mam."

Stabler nodded. "How old are you?"

Cristina laughed. "Men never learn. Didn't your mother ever tell you it's rude to ask a woman's age?"

Elliot laughed. "She can call me unworthy of respect and I can't ask her age? Besides..." He grinned. "She's my partner."

Ryan laughed. "I'm twenty-seven."

Stabler laughed. "Then it's Sir to you Detective Jamerson."

She rolled her eyes. "Yes Sir, Detective Stabler!"

Cristina smiled. "You two get along well. Do you enjoy your job? I always wanted to be a police officer."

Ryan grew somewhat solemn. "We investigate sexually based offenses, so it's not a walk in the park."

Elliot rolled his eyes. "We also handle corporate affairs."

Jamerson's eyes went slightly wide and she nodded. "That's right, the two units merged a couple months ago."

Cristina smiled. "I see."

Elliot looked at his watch, just as the door opened. "Ricky Simon?"

He looked from Ryan to Elliot before turning around and running back downstairs. Ryan leaped up faster than Elliot and ran down the stairs in a sprint. "STOP! POLICE!"

Elliot caught up at the corner and helped her pin him and cuff him. He smiled at her. "Nice catch."

She laughed. "It's all in a days work."

Ricky looked at the two. "What do you want?"

Elliot smirked; he loved interrogation. "Obviously you know or you wouldn't have run."

He looked at Detective Jamerson for a long moment. "You don't look like a cop."

She pulled out her gun and aimed it between his legs. "Wanna test my aim asshole?" She put the gun away when he flinched. "That's what I thought. Now tell us where you were three nights ago around seven pm."

Ricky rambled for a while. "I think I was on my way home from work."

Elliot grinned. "What time did you leave work?"

"Umm...about six I think." He sighed heavily. "Look, can we do this somewhere else and without handcuffs?"

Ryan nodded. "If you cut the bullshit and stop running like a sissy."

He frowned and Elliot took him back to the sedan. "Ryan, tell Mrs. Simon that she can pick up her husband around eight am tomorrow at the precinct."

She went back up to the apartment, grabbed Elliot's trench coat, which he'd removed on the run, and relayed the message without any explanation. Hurrying downstairs, she got in the car and Stabler headed for the precinct.

***

Elliot walked into the interrogation room, and too many memories surfaced when he saw Ricky try and sweet talk Ryan. He punched him in the jaw. "Shut up and just answer the questions."

Ryan blushed slightly and sat down. "What time did you arrive home?"

He paused. "Around eight?"

Elliot laughed. "Where do you work?"

"Down on Broadway, why? Am I under arrest? I want a lawyer!" Ricky looked rather distraught when no one acknowledged his claim.

Ryan laughed at his cowardice. "No need to get a lawyer, this is just routine questioning."

He laughed. "Your friend over there just punched me!"

She shrugged. "You hit on me, that's called sexual harassment. Deal with it. Now, how in the world do you take two hours getting from Broadway to your apartment? Oh that's right, you stopped on your way and raped this little girl! She was walking home from her friends house two buildings down but you got to her first. Do you like barrettes and pink bows? Do those kinds of things turn you on? How about pigtails?"

Elliot smiled silently. _'She's good...she may be able to crack this guy without tag teaming him.'_ He walked out. "I am going to see how the ordeal with Matteo is doing."

Ryan showed him a picture of Rosalinda. "You know the one thing you messed up on Ricky? She was your fucking daughter!"

He pushed the photos away. "I didn't do it. I don't have a daughter."

She grinned. "Then consent to a DNA test."

Looking trapped between a rock, being Ryan's interrogation, and a hard place, getting caught via DNA, he frowned. "What do I have to do?"

She grinned and showed him to Alex. "Wanna take over?"

Alexandra Cabot, the ADA, smiled. "Surely. Thanks Detective."

Ryan smiled. "No problem. Where'd my partner wander off to?"

Alex pointed down the hall to the other interrogation room. "He's trying to help Fin with Matteo, the kid only understands Spanish."

Jamerson cracked her knuckles. "I see." With a faint smile, the two parted and Ryan walked up to Fin. "How's my partner doing?"

Fin turned and smiled. "Hey Ryan. Neither of us can really understand him but from what we gather, we think he saw something, or heard, that he won't tell yet. Probably playing dumb because the real perp told him to."

Ryan grinned. "I know Spanish, let me talk to the kid for a minute. By the way, Alex is handling the real perp now, her father. How sick can these people be? He claimed he didn't even know it was his daughter!"

He laughed lightly. "Wait for the insanity plea." He rolled his eyes. He smiled. "I'm proud of you, we all are. Most cops can't stomach these type of crimes. Go on in there and help Elliot out."

She nodded. "I can understand why most cops can't handle this stuff, but I'm in for the long haul if Cragen will have me."

Fin smiled. "He's talking about adding a team, so you will have a partner to train."

Ryan laughed. "Shut up Fin." She patted his back as she walked in to the interrogation room to translate for Elliot. 

"Go get 'em." Fin walked away with a sly grin on his face and winked.

"Well?" Ryan looked up at Elliot.

Elliot shrugged. "You tell me what he's saying."

"¿Qué sabes acerca de Rosalinda?"

Matteo frowned. "Sólo un poco. Su padre estaba enojado con su madre sobre su esposa. Yo no sé si él la podría matar pero es posible."

Ryan frowned. "Gracias chico, hizolo ve algo?"

"No. ¿Puedo salir yo ahora?"

She nodded. "Sí, pero primero, necesitas darme su dirección."

He wrote down his address and nodded. "Aquí, chao." He walked out slowly.

Ryan turned to Elliot. "He said he didn't know much, only that her dad was mad at her mom for talking to his wife and that he didn't know if her father would kill her but it was a possibility."

Stabler shook his head. "I knew I should have taken a foreign language."

Jamerson pretended to be admiring her nails and grinned. "I am a pro. I also got Ricky to break."

Elliot laughed. "Rookie. Now, did you get a confession?"

"I left him with the choice of DNA sample or confession the hard way. He's with Alex giving the sample now. He's guilty; I know it. The funny thing was, he didn't even know it was his daughter."

Stabler nodded. "Go figure. That's got to be a blow for him, regardless."

Ryan shifted lightly, becoming more distant. "A man like him doesn't have a heart." She waved, putting on a false smile. "See ya' tomorrow. Stay safe." Walking out of the precinct, she drove home silently.

***

Elliot sat in front of Olivia's bed. "We got another one. Ryan, my temporary partner, she's a good cop. She nailed the perp today. I still miss you so much though. You have to come back Olivia. You have to...we all need you, and if you didn't meet Ryan then you'd be missing out on a good friend. She's ready for this kind of stuff. She could use a female role model for her to learn from though. One like you Olivia...come back, please." He gripped her hand tightly and fell asleep in his chair in the hospital.

***

Ryan tried to endure the nightmares; they haunted her nightly. _'No! I said no!' _Fighting, kicking, and screaming...it happened all over again every night. When she sat up quickly, soaked in fear-drenched sweat, she sighed. _'I hope poor Olivia never has to go through something like this.'_ She walked sleepily in to her bathroom to shower. She wouldn't be able to sleep again tonight.

***

Elliot watched Olivia. He heard that Kathy had been released this afternoon. She would have picked up the kids right away. He sighed; he wished he could have been a better husband to her... _'and a better partner to Olivia.'_ His heart ached watching her lying there. _'I'm waiting Olivia, no matter how long it takes, I'll be waiting.'_

***End Chapter One***


	3. Expecting

_"In the criminal justice system, sexually based offenses are considered especially heinous. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit. These are their stories."_

It comes with the Badge

__________________________________________________________________________

_Last Time:_

_Elliot watched Olivia. He heard that Kathy had been released this afternoon. She would have picked up the kids right away. He sighed; he wished he could have been a better husband to her... _'and a better partner to Olivia.'_ His heart ached watching her lying there. _'I'm waiting Olivia, no matter how long it takes, I'll be waiting.'

__________________________________________________________________________

Chapter Two

Expecting

***

Olivia had been in a coma for a month now, and Jerry was still awaiting prosecution because Judge Thomas had been sympathetic to Alex's request to wait two months and see what happened with Olivia. Elliot had been called down to the hospital because the doctor wanted to discuss something with him. He had assumed it was about pulling the plug on Olivia's life support, and that was out of the question. 

His nerves were frayed as he walked up to Doctor Herrera. "Well?"

The Doctor allowed a moment of silence to pass. "Were you and Detective Benson sexually active?"

At first, Elliot was offended, but after a moment of calculating, he nodded positively.

"Then there's a chance." She took a heavy breath. "Detective Stabler, Detective Olivia Benson is about a month pregnant."

Elliot stood there for a long moment. "She...she was raped the day afterward; it could be his child."

The Doctor frowned. "It's possible but not likely. Since he stabbed her after raping her, most of the seed was probably washed out of her body by the blood outpour."

Hearing this, Stabler didn't know whether to laugh or cry. She was in a coma, but she was pregnant. "Is there anything else?"

Herrera nodded. "More good news. Increased brain activity leads me to believe that she will wake up within the next three days."

Asking to see her, Elliot was led down the all too familiar hallway. As soon as Elliot reached her bedside, he took her hand and prepared to stay until she woke up.

***

          Olivia sighed in frustration. _'I'm so close. I just need one last piece.'_ She knew he raped her orally and had intercourse, but then she froze up. She saw something and her heart raced...but she didn't know what it was. _'I have to keep looking.'_

***

          Elliot sat in front of her bed. "Olivia...the doctor gave me great news. You're pregnant. She's sure it's my child too because the stabbing probably washed his seed away." He held her hand tighter. "I need you to come back, for me...and for our child."

***

          Olivia heard everything Elliot said. _'Stabbing?'_ The flood of memories returned and she wasn't sure if she was going to complete the puzzle or be forced back to step one by the overwhelming pain. Buckling down, she fought the emotional hurricane. '_Elliot, I'm trying my hardest.'_

***

          Ryan sighed. The trial of Ricky Simon had been short. The jury deliberated for thirty minutes and returned, finding him guilty of murder in the first degree and rape in the first degree. Matteo Sanchez had testified all he saw, but the DNA spoke for itself. 

          Elliot and she had been assigned a new case, but it didn't seem to be going anywhere soon. A sixteen-year-old girl was beaten to death in her home. If Olivia had been on the case, Elliot said, it would be done already. _'Not that I'm a bad cop or anything...'_ Ryan rolled her eyes, Elliot hadn't meant it but it still hurt. She was trying her hardest to find the killer...but without a DNA match or any leads...it was difficult.

***

Elliot heard his phone rang and ran out of the hospital to answer it. "Stabler."

His partner was on the other line, "Elliot!" She was very emotional; "There's another victim...alive." She gave him the address for the hospital and he took off.

Ryan was already there and she gave him a weak smile through her forlorn eyes. "She in room 301. She told me she can I.D. the guy."

Elliot let out a heavy sigh of relief. "Finally."

She looked up at him. "She shouldn't have had to be raped before we solved this."

He frowned deeply. "You're right, but at least we will solve this."

No reply indicated to Elliot that she was too occupied berating herself for her mistakes. "The girl is only fourteen this time, but the MO was the same. He came in to her house under the identity of a repairman, when no one else was home, and he tied her to her bed. The only reason she wasn't beaten to death was because her mother walked in... The perp took off."

Elliot shook his head. "How'd he get out?"

She rolled her eyes. "How about we ask her?"

He laughed slightly. "Okay, let's go." He opened the door to her hospital room and showed his badge to the nurse and the mother. "We just need to ask her a few questions."

The girl looked frightened. "Can it wait?"

Ryan looked into her eyes with utmost sincerity. "We're afraid that if we wait...he'll do this to another girl."

She frowned. "I see."

Elliot got out his notepad. "Can you tell us anything about what he looked like?"

Carolina, as her chart read, nodded. "He was about a half a foot taller than me...brown hair, white skin."

Her mother piped in. "If he was a half a foot taller, that'd put him at five nine or ten."

Elliot thanked her quietly. "Can you tell us how he exited the house?"

She nodded. "Through my bedroom window."

He thanked her and smiled softly. "Anything else about his appearance?"

Carolina continued. "He had a mustache and he was about average weight, maybe a little less. He wore glasses...I can't remember much else...except that his voice sounded sore when he first came in. He might be sick or something...I don't know anymore."

Ryan smiled. "You've done great sweetheart. Tell you what, tomorrow we'll send a sketch artist down. Until then, we'll see what we can do." Ryan tore a piece of paper from her notepad and scribbled something on it. "That's my cell number incase you remember anything else, okay?"

She nodded. "Okay, thank you for trying to get this guy."

Elliot looked at her determinedly. "We're not trying, we _will_ get him."

This made her smile once as the two left. Ryan looked up at Elliot. "That was a good thing to say. I'm going to go with the sketch artist tomorrow, she may need the support."

Stabler smiled. "That's good. I think I'm going to head back to Olivia though, they said that she'd be waking up soon."

Ryan gave him a shy look. "Do you think I could come too?"

He nodded. "Yeah, I don't think Olivia would mind at all."

They took both cars, since Elliot intended on staying the night at the hospital, and headed towards the midtown hospital.

***

Elliot walked slowly in to the room. "She's right in here." Taking Olivia's hand quietly, he spoke to her. "Olivia...Ryan's here to see you too. We're all waiting for you."

Ryan smiled at him. "He talks about you so much Olivia, you must be a great cop. I could use some female friends besides Alex...Fin and Munch might get to me if I don't have any girls to talk to."

Stabler looked at her intensely through his blue eyes. "Ryan's a good cop Olivia, you'd like her so much. Just come back to us Sweetheart, come back to all of us."

Olivia's hand gripped Elliot's. She started coughing violently and a nurse came in, removing the breathing and feeding tubes from her mouth. She smiled and thanked the lady in a very hoarse voice. Her voice was hardily audible, and very weak, but her eyes were open. "I like her already Elliot." Elliot fell into those deep brown eyes and kissed her softly. Pain filled those dark pools that stared into his blue ones, but he would heal them.

Ryan blushed softly. "Maybe I should go, I have a couple things to attend to anyway..."

Elliot nodded. "Okay, I'll see you bright and early in the morning."

She nodded and Olivia looked at her. "Thanks for keeping Elliot safe for me."

Ryan smiled. "Get better soon, I can't defend myself against Munch and Fin much longer."

Olivia laughed hoarsely and nodded.

***

Ryan smiled faintly. "Hello Father." She had stopped by her apartment to change quickly, and was now wearing a button-down wine red shirt and a pair of khaki slacks. Hugging her leather jacket tight to her, she entered the church and crossed herself with Holy Water.

Kneeling at a pew silently, she prayed. Adoration was held every week, and she tried to make it at least once a month. Sitting before Christ made her feel so much better. As she silently told him all her problems, how her new job was going, and how she was doing...the father walked up to her. "Are you going to Reconciliation today Ryan?"

She nodded. "Yes, it will take a while though Father...perhaps the other people here should go before me..."

Father Kingery shook his head. "You come on in, you still have to see your mother tonight."

Ryan followed him in to the Reconciliation booth and said her prayers. "Father, in the past few days I believe I have been angrier than I ever have before. I want to get this perp so bad...he's hurting these young girls..." She paused. "I really haven't prayed enough lately and I still haven't forgiven Sean for what he did..."

The Father smiled. "My daughter, you will forgive Sean in good time." He then absolved her of her sin and told her to say three Hail Marys as penance.

Detective Jamerson walked solemnly out of the church and smiled. One more stop before she could get some shut-eye.

***

Elliot sat at Olivia's side, handing her the food he'd brought for them. "It's not so bad...I stayed overnight enough times to know."

Olivia smiled. "Thanks for staying with me Elliot."

He smiled and kissed her. "The doctor said you will be able to come home in two days. I'll take off work and fix the whole place up nice and neat for you."

She sighed. "Elliot! Just because I'm recovering doesn't mean you can be overprotective!"

Elliot kissed her again. "You're also pregnant."

Olivia rolled her eyes. "Go to bed. Let me rest before you smother me with protectiveness." 

He kissed her tenderly for a long moment. "Everyone's missed you so much." He ran a soft hand over her cheek and walked out.

***

Ryan sighed wearily as she made a plate for her mother. "Mom, I won't be able to visit next week...the case I'm working on needs serious work so I will see you in two weeks okay?" She knelt down to the level of her mom's wheelchair and hugged her tightly. "Stay safe."

Her mother smiled. "You stay safe too Samantha."

She frowned. "Mother, it's Ryan."

With a heavy sigh, her mother nodded. "I know; I just love your middle name so much more."

Ryan laughed slightly, "Of course." Kissing her mother's forehead, she waved and closed the door behind her. She did enjoy cooking for her mother once in a while, but some days it left her begging to reach her bed. Today was one of those days.

When she reached her house, she sighed heavily and started to strip away her clothes for a shower. That's when she noticed him in her living room. Buttoning the three buttons she'd gotten around to unbuttoning, she turned and looked at him sternly. "How'd you get in?"

He held up a key. "It was under your doormat."

She rolled her eyes. "Don't lie you bastard. How'd you get in?"

With a straining sigh, he pulled himself up from her couch. "It's a secret. Let's talk about why I came here, motive is always more interesting."

Ryan stepped away from him. "I know why. I told you that we're through. You don't want to be around me when I get home from this kind of job anyway; I'm always in a crabby mood."

He sighed. "I see. Perhaps lunch tomorrow then?"

She shook her head. "I'm having lunch with my partner tomorrow. Sorry, take a rain-check and get the hell out."

Arching an eyebrow, he took in a deep breath. "Still so cold Samantha. Why?"

"That's not my name."

"That wasn't my question."

Out of sheer exasperation, Ryan drew her gun and pressed it against his chest. "Get the hell out of my house."

He laughed. "That's right, you're an expert shot."

"I will tell you once more, get out."

When he didn't move, Ryan swung her leg down and tripped him before grabbing her phone and dialing for backup. When he got back up, Ryan backed away, placing her gun back in the holster, and picked up the baseball bat she always kept by the front door. "Get the fuck out of my house asshole!"

He looked at her weakly, "Come on Sweetheart, don't be like this." She swung the bat, hearing the sickening crack of his ribs.

"Don't call me Sweetheart, I don't love you and I never did."

With a pathetic frown, he pouted. "Don't be like this, let's talk about this like a normal couple."

She sighed. "Don't you get it? We aren't a normal couple! We aren't even a couple!"

When the backup arrived, she had him arrested for breaking and entering...after discovering the broken window of her back door. After the cops left, it was around midnight and Ryan was exhausted.

***

Waking the next morning slightly distraught, Elliot shut the intruding light away behind curtains. Sighing heavily, he stumbled over to the bathroom. Olivia woke up and smiled softly. "Hmmm..." She felt like going home right away. "Am I coming home today?"

He looked at her warmly. "I hope so."

Doctor Herrera walked in. "Good morning Detectives. It's good to see you in such good health again Olivia."

Olivia smiled kindly. "Thank you Susan."

"I take it your partner has told you about your new partner?"

She nodded. "Yes, she is only temporary."

Doctor Herrera shook her head and pointed to her thin stomach. "I meant that one."

Olivia laughed and blushed faintly. "Yes, I've heard."

Elliot smiled. "When can I take my lovely partner home?"

Looking at the charts a bit more, Susan smiled. "According to the charts, if she can pass a physical examination, then she's in fit physical condition, and will be allowed to go home. Her muscles will probably be severely weakened for a long while. I spoke with some other doctors and they all agreed with me. I will require you spend another month or so off duty Detective."

Defeated, Olivia nodded. "Whatever will get me back to one hundred and ten percent fastest."

The Doctor smiled. "I'd like you to see a psychologist before you..."

Olivia interrupted her. "No. That won't be necessary."

Elliot looked questioning. "Are you sure?"

She gave him an astonished look. "Yes I'm sure, Elliot!"

He looked down. "Fine. I'm sure she'll be fine Doctor."

Doctor Herrera smiled. "Then I don't see why she can't leave right now."

Elliot grabbed the keys. "Get changed real quick, I'll pack up your stuff." He dialed Ryan to tell her that he'd be late.

***

Ryan groggily reached for the phone. "H-hello?"

Elliot was on the other line. "Are you still sleeping?"

Sleepily, Ryan looked at her alarm. It read 7:47. She gasped and pushed her brown locks away from her face. "Shit." She sat up. "Sorry I'm late."

He laughed. "No, I was calling to tell you I wasn't going to show up today..."

Ryan sighed drowsily. "Okay. I'm just planning on going with the sketch artist to the hospital and showing the sketch around the neighborhood so you won't miss much."

Elliot sounded firm. "Take either Munch or Fin with you."

She rolled her eyes and yawned. "Elliot, they have other things to do. I can take care of myself."

"This guys a serial rapist."

Ryan sighed in frustration. "And I'm a cop who knows how to deal with them so no!" She flipped the phone shut and slammed it on to the nightstand before getting up groggily and staring down at her white camisole and underwear. "Shit." Getting up to get dressed, she shook her head drowsily. _'Good job Ryan, late already.'_ She looked at her phone and noticed a voice mail, and checked it as she stepped in to her pants.

"Detective Jamerson, it's Carolina. I remembered something that I think might be useful to you. I'm still in the hospital, and I'll see you when the sketch artist comes...Thank you."

She closed the phone and stared at it for a moment before getting in the sedan and driving down to the hospital.

***

Olivia walked in to her house slowly. "Wow, you really cleaned it up."

Elliot smiled. "Fin and Munch helped too. I got a new bed set...the other one was too stained..."

She kissed him softly and walked upstairs to the bedroom. The bedding was now a garnet color with golden accents in the cloth. Just looking at it reminded Olivia of the deciduous trees in autumn. She smiled, turning to him. "It's lovely."

He smiled faintly back, embarrassed. "I'm glad you like it." Elliot kissed her tenderly on the lips, and stared deeply in to her eyes.

When she started heading towards bathroom, Elliot laughed slightly. "I left that alone. I have never seen that many beauty products in my life."

Olivia laughed lightly and blushed timidly. "So, how's work going?"

Trying not to look hurt, he backed away and eyed her sarcastically. "You're supposed to stay off the job for a month or so, that means not being involved."

She looked at him. "If I did that, by the time I got back to work, I'd have to take maternity leave."

Letting out an exasperated sigh in response to her hyperbole, he shook his head. "You'd have a good four months on the job before maternity leave."

Olivia put a hand on her hip, already set on arguing like a married couple. "That's not the point. As soon as Cragen finds a partner for Ryan I'm coming back."

Elliot turned around, not willing to argue. "Okay. Well, then at least wait until then."

She smiled softly. "I will. So what's happening at work?"

Giving her a faintly admonishing look, he turned around and walked down to the fridge. "Do you want something to drink?"

Olivia walked down the stairs. "I'm quite capable of getting my own drink. Now, I'm going to cook you a decent breakfast first. How do you like your eggs?"

He smiled. "How do you know that you have eggs?" When she responded with an exasperated look, he laughed. "Scrambled eggs please."

She grinned back. "That's more like it." She opened a cabinet and got out a frying pan. Turning the stove on, she smiled at him. "How have you been this long month?"

Elliot shrugged. "Eh, you know. Pretty good. Ryan and I caught another pedophile." He watched her cook the eggs and couldn't help but smile.

Olivia smiled. "That's good. I can't wait to get working again." She piled some eggs on to his plate and some on to hers. "These are the best eggs ever...my secret recipe."

Stabler gave her a soft grin and kissed her. "I'm sure they're perfect."

***

Ryan sat in the hospital room, holding Carolina's hand as she told the sketch artist that his glasses were thicker.

The sketch artist, Mickey, was trying to work as quickly as possible because it was evident that Carolina was becoming unnerved.

She smiled. "Keep going Carolina, you're doing terrific."

The young girl looked up at her. "Detective Jamerson...there was something else I remembered. The car that was parked in the driveway, it wasn't a big van like I expected. It was a red four-door car and there were no supplies in it either. I remember thinking how odd that was."

Ryan hugged Carolina to her. "Thanks sweetheart."

Mickey held up the sketchpad. "How's this?"

Carolina flinched, but nodded. "That's him."

Ryan smiled halfheartedly. "Thank you so much for helping us Carolina. If you need anything at all, or you want to talk, call my cell. I already gave you the number right?"

The girl nodded and smiled. "Thank you."

Ryan offered her a warm embrace. "No problem."

Standing up to leave with Mickey, she turned around. "Stay safe sweetheart." Ryan walked out slowly with Mickey right behind. She shivered lightly when she caught a glimpse of the sketch. _'That man would scare me just walking down the street...poor Carolina.'_

***

Elliot arrived at the station around 2pm and smiled. Fin and Munch were sitting at their desks. Alex was talking to Ryan about a warrant to search a potential perp's apartment. Cragen was walking towards Elliot, and he noticed Olivia behind him. "Welcome back Olivia." Everyone looked up.

Olivia smiled. "Hey guys."

Munch and Fin stopped chatting and stood up. Ryan smiled kindly from her desk and turned to speak to Alex again, who was heading towards Olivia. Alex smiled. "It's so good to see you back!" She hugged her lightly. "I'm going to need your statement soon..."

She smiled. "Of course..." Her brown eyes looked a bit haunted. "I'd like to do that now if that's okay..." She looked over Alex's shoulder and glanced at Ryan.

Detective Jamerson nodded. "Go ahead, I've got time."

Alex nodded. "Let's go."

Elliot planted a soft kiss on her cheek and looked concerned. "Do you want me to come with you?"

Olivia gave him a powerful look of reprove. "I'm fine on my own Elliot."

As far as Ryan could tell, Olivia seemed to be talking about more than just her statement. Trying not to be nosey, she turned to Fin and Munch. "John, you and Fin should go talk to the neighbors."

Munch nodded. "Right. We'll see if anyone else saw him."

Ryan laughed, she knew the nosey old woman across the street had probably made the whole thing up, but she had said that she saw the man enter the house but never leave. Gladis, the old woman, had given Ryan a name, which was traced to 413 East 3rd Street. Bobby Johnson was his name. It sounded awfully fake to Ryan but she knew she had to follow every lead at this point.

Elliot looked up at her. "Well? Where are we headed?"

She took the keys out of his hand. "Wait and see."

He gave her a reproachful look but sighed and followed her.

She looked at him as he sat climbed rather angrily in to the car. "What's wrong with you?"

He looked at her for a moment, questioning whether she could be trusted or not. "Olivia's pregnant...and the doctor told me that it's my child...but she was just raped around that time too..."

Ryan looked at him as she stopped at a stoplight. "Ask Olivia."

Elliot shook his head. "I can't make her think about that..."

Jamerson laughed. "Chances are she already has. Trust me, she'll know. You can't carry a child for ten months without knowing. Personal experience only affirms my belief."

Stabler made a point _not_ to read in to that comment as they drove on in silence.

***

Olivia sat in the room with Alex sitting across from her and Huang to her left. "Olivia, we need you to tell us what happened..."

She stared at the desk for a long moment. "Well...I was taking a shower, and Elliot was picking up some stuff from Kathy's. I heard the door open, and assumed it was Elliot. I was drying my hair off and I had a bath robe on."

Alex frowned. "The one in the lab, with your blood on it..."

Her deep brown eyes watered lightly. "Yes."

"What happened next?"

Olivia looked up at Alex. "Don't you know? Haven't you read the reports from the other victims? Do you really need me to tell you what he did to me?"

Alex put a hand on Olivia's...only to have Olivia pull away. "I know how you feel but..."

Detective Benson cut her off. "No you don't Alexandra. You don't know how I feel, stop trying to treat me like a fourteen year old girl who doesn't even know what happened to her!"

Huang looked at Alex and nodded. "Let me talk with her for a little while."

Olivia rolled her eyes and hung her head back, staring at the ceiling. "Don't try to shrink me, please."

George laughed. "Sorry Olivia but that's my job. Now, why was Elliot at your house?" He gave her a sly grin.

She chuckled faintly. "He and I are seeing one another I suppose you'd say."

Huang nodded. "How long?"

Olivia stared at the floor. "The day before I was raped..."

He retreated and chose another topic. "Do you like Detective Jamerson?"

She nodded faintly. "She seems nice enough to me."

George continued. "She was raped too you know."

Olivia looked at the floor. "Did they get the guy?"

He shook his head. "They will if you testify."

She looked up, surprised. "It was Jerry?"

Huang nodded sadly. "Yes, but her case is so old that without you they cannot get a conviction."

Olivia rested her head in her hands. "Terrific." She stared at the desk for several moments and shook her head. "I can't testify in there...in front of him..." She looked down for a long minute, ashamed. _'I have told vics to have courage yet I cannot conjure the courage myself to do what they have done.'_ She sighed. "I...I just can't testify. You do have evidence though?"

George sighed. "DNA is miniscule and without your testimony, Ryan's count of rape is useless."

That stung Olivia. "It's just that...looking in to his eyes...seeing him before me...I don't know if I can."

He nodded. "That's perfectly understandable...but there are many people who know you can get through this...and need you to go through with it. Let's just talk about what he did to you..." He flipped the tape recorder on.

She hugged her arms around herself. "Well, I had left my gun and handcuffs downstairs...and when he came up, he had them. After a short, and pathetic, struggle..." Huang could see her criticizing herself mentally; "He forced me to my knees and orally raped me."

Huang looked at her softly. "What happened after that?"

Olivia looked way more fragile than she ever had before. "He handcuffed me to my bed and pulled my robe open. Then, he raped me. I kept remembering not to let him see me scared, because that's what he was wanting, but it only made it worse. When he was done...he took out a knife and stabbed me multiple times between my legs." Her legs were crossed tightly and insecurely.

George frowned. "I'm terribly sorry. Was there anything else?"

She looked up, pondering, and then nodded. "I've been told that he visited me in the hospital, and left a white rose on my bed."

Huang nodded. "The white rose, a symbol of purity. He wants to think, even though he's done terrible things to his victims, that they are still as pure as they were. If he realized they weren't, he would have to blame himself. Also, he brought it to you while you were in a coma because he wanted you to live, unlike the others."

Olivia stared at him. "Ryan lived..."

He looked away for a moment. "I've talked with her...he let her live because she stopped fighting. She gave up, and he lost his drive and left her for dead after stabbing her."

Detective Benson shuddered. "I was going to quit...but I kept thinking maybe I could hold him off long enough for Elliot to come back..."

Huang smiled. "You were lucky, he wouldn't have killed you anyway. He wants to see you suffer for putting him away."

She scowled. "Too bad."  She started to stand. "You have my statement, he raped me...but I cannot testify in court. Play that tape if you wish, but I cannot testify."

George looked up at her gently. "The prosecution may need to subpoena you if they feel they are loosing their case."

Olivia nodded. "I understand. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a meeting with the DEA."

Huang gave her a questioning glance. "What about?"

She sighed heavily. "Turns out they were running a sting on Hobson and they're furious that we've messed it all up. According to them, he's been sneaking crack and pot in to the country for over five years now. Terrific. Now I know he's got the connections of a drug lord and enough fiery hatred towards me to want me six feet under."

He chuckled slightly. "You'll be fine. I can guarantee if you tell them that you were raped by this guy, they will give him to you."

Olivia nodded. "That's the idea." With a faint smile, she headed out the door.

***

Stabler and Jamerson walked out of the apartment on 3rd street and sighed. "Well, his alibi seems shaky, but I don't see any motive..."

Elliot shook his head. "I do. He was arrested for rape and murder once before, but he got off because of prosecutorial error."

Ryan shook her head. "Sick bastard. What was the old case like?"

He opened the case files in the car. "Too much like these cases. I'm worried. We need to find the loophole in his alibi."

She nodded. "Then let's talk to some neighbors." Ryan got out of the car and wrapped her leather jacket tightly around her body. Even in mid-autumn it was freezing. She turtleneck sweater did not even offer enough refuge from the icy wind blowing. With a heavy sigh, she walked across the street to another apartment building.

Upon questioning every neighbor, they got only shady responses about a fight, and screams. When they inquired as to why there were no 911 calls from their building, they all said that they assumed someone else had already called the police.

This kind of thing made Ryan sick to her stomach. If someone had called the police when she screamed, she may be able to have kids. She sat down in the car for a moment, and Elliot got in next to her. "Want to grab some lunch before we grill another building?"

She looked up and nodded slowly. "Sounds good." She threw him the keys. "Know any good places?"

Elliot nodded. "Definitely." 

After switching seats with her, he headed for a nearby diner and smiled. "They have pretty good breakfast here, never had their lunch though."

Ryan grinned. "As long as it has meat, I'll be fine." Her grin looked somewhat forced, but it was at least there. Elliot did not smile back.

"I heard about the B&E at your house...who was that?"

She looked away slowly. "An ex. That's all. It was nothing, he just wouldn't leave."

Elliot inquired further. "Did he hurt you?"

Ryan laughed. "That boy couldn't hurt a fly, he's too damn stupid."

Stabler chuckled slightly, but refused to think of it in a comical way. "Are you seeing anyone right now?"

If Ryan hadn't known about Elliot and Olivia, it would have sounded like a come-on. "Yeah, a cop in the 31, his name's Jared. Cragen told me he might transfer him in here when he starts up another team."

Elliot smiled faintly. "How long?"

She shrugged. "Two years or so, I can't quite remember." She toyed with a silver ring on her left ring finger. It was shaped like a dolphin with a sapphire in the middle.

He raised an eyebrow after taking a heavy drink of his coffee. "That an engagement ring?"

Ryan blushed. "I wish. It's a promise ring."

That surprised Elliot more than the engagement ring would. "He's a good guy then."

She nodded. "He knows how religious I am, and says that's cool."

Elliot smiled. "It's good that you're happy. You two thinking of getting married?"

Ryan hesitated. "I guess. I don't know...I'm afraid that I might be too scared to sleep with him when we do, and he might get mad. I've seen it happen to married rape vics. I don't want to end up like that."

Stabler looked away for a long moment, staring in to his coffee cup. "Do you think that might happen to Olivia?"

Jamerson put a comforting hand on his shoulder. "She's strong Elliot. Granted, she's not going to heal right away, but she's strong. Just give her some time, and from what I've seen so far, some space too."

He smiled. "So I'll be sleeping on the couch?"

Ryan's eyes went wide. "No!" She calmed a bit. "You're the only one she trusts right now. She thinks that she couldn't protect herself, so she needs that security that you can offer."

Elliot looked at her. "How do you know all this? Have you been talking to Huang too much?"

She laughed, a real laugh, and Elliot could tell. It brightened both their days a bit. "No, I got my bachelor's degree in psychology. I know all about the human mind. In fact, I could be shrinking you right now."

He chuckled slightly. "I see." He pretended to scoot away. "Well, I...er, better go."

Ryan grinned. "Sit your ass down, I'm still hungry."

Elliot nodded, "I agree, I suppose. Where's our food?"

Two plates were placed in front of them. Elliot had a cheeseburger and fries. Ryan was eating a large grilled chicken sandwich with a baked potato. When Elliot gave her a surprised look, she laughed. "I said I was hungry."

***

Olivia looked up at Huang. "Don't you understand?" She sighed heavily. _'Of course you don't.' _Benson rested her head in her hands. "I have nightmares every night...he _raped_ me!"

The DEA rep, David, looked surprised. "I'm sorry Detective, but we've been working on this for almost two years."

She slammed her hand down on the desk. "Two years is nothing! I've seen your stings go on for five years or so, I want this guy and I will get him! If you don't turn him over to us, I will have a judge force you to."

He sighed. "I..." He paused. "I will have to tell Carrie to pull out of there. Do not say a word about what you know Detective Benson. Give me a week and then we'll use what we have against him, plus your case, to put him away for life."

Olivia looked up at him. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

David fiddled with the wedding band on his finger. "I don't want my wife near Jerry anymore, not now that I know he's a rapist."

She nodded, completely understanding, and slightly thankful. "He's not just a rapist, he's a murderer too."

He bit his lower lip lightly. "Thank you for your forewarning Detective. I will call your precinct when our agents are out of the operation."

Olivia smiled. "Tell your wife thanks." She gave him another warm, thankful smile, which was mixed with a twinge of pain, and walked out of the office.

As she got in the sedan, she frowned. Elliot was going to be furious with her for working today, but she had to talk to this guy.

When she got back to the station, she found Huang. "They're going to pull everyone out of the op. and then we get him. Until then, don't even hint that we know about his other career, okay?"

Huang sighed. "I know what I'm doing Olivia, I know what I can and cannot say. Thank you though."

She hated the way he spoke so gently. It made her want to scream. "I was raped! I'm not a timid teenager! I'm a grown woman who can deal with this AND the fact that I'm pregnant at the same time! I do NOT need you to treat me so easily! Got it?" Olivia took in a deep breath and let it out, glad to have finally told him off.

The object of her rage just sighed. "My apologies."

Doing everything in her power not to yell again, she walked out of the room and in to Cragen's. "When are you getting the new cop?"

He looked up. "I'm not sure. Ryan has requested I call in Jared Moore, from the 31." Cragen noticed Huang standing outside, looking somewhat perturbed. "You finish that interview with Huang?"

Olivia nodded, but behind her, Huang shook his head. "Yes."

Cragen sighed. "Olivia, don't lie. Get back in there, when he says you can go, go home. I don't want to see you back here unless you're talking to Alex about the case or I've called you back. Got it?"

Benson sighed. "But I'm fine."

He shook his head. "Got it?"

She walked out, slamming the door behind her, and followed Huang down the hall.

***

Ryan sighed heavily as she walked back in to the station. She was incredibly downtrodden. Not one neighbor could place the guy at the scene...and all they had was one picture that no one could identify.

Munch walked in. "Ryan, we've got a surprise for you."

She turned around, about to tell them she was not in the mood, when she noticed they had guy walking behind them that looked all too much like the perp in the sketch. Ryan was about to hug them both when Huang walked out. "Ryan, I need you to come talk with me and Olivia for a moment."

Dread filled her; his tone was way too serious. "Um, sure, of course." Ryan glanced at Elliot. "Want to take care of those three?" She motioned to Fin Munch and their potential perp.

He nodded. "I got you covered." She smiled weakly and turned to follow Huang.

She walked down the hall, and smiled when she saw Olivia sitting in the room. "How's it going?"

Olivia looked at the ground, and she did not respond.

Ryan shifted uncomfortably. "What is this about?"

Huang frowned. "Are you going to testify against Jerry?"

She stood tall. "You're damn right I am! That man is going to get a needle in his arm if I have to inject it myself!"

Olivia rested her forehead in her hand and sighed heavily. "I can't testify."

Jamerson's eyes lit up. "Why the hell not?"

When Olivia looked at her again, Ryan noticed the tears brimming in her eyes. "Because I cannot go in there and relive that again in open court, in front of him, and in front of Elliot."

Alex walked in. "I can motion for the court to be closed to press and anyone you do not wish to allow in."

Olivia shook her head. "If Jerry's going to be in there, it'd all be a waste of time."

The assistant DA sighed. "You know there's nothing I can do about that."

She nodded. "I know."

Ryan started to pace. "You can't even use the recording Olivia." She set it down after listening to it. "He has a right to face his accuser."

Olivia sat back in her chair. "I know damn it! I know..." She shifted uncomfortably. "Can you please try and run this without my testimony?"

Alex nodded. "Yes, but the moment the balance evens out, I'm going to subpoena you."

Benson stared at the wooden desk. "I understand."

Ryan watched Olivia for a long moment, unsure of whether to pity her or be angry. Confused, she walked out in a huff and didn't look back. Grabbing her cell phone, she called Jared. "Jared? It's Ryan, can we meet somewhere for dinner? I need to talk to you..."

***End Chapter Two***


	4. Back on the Job

_"In the criminal justice system, sexually based offenses are considered especially heinous. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit. These are their stories."_

It comes with the Badge __________________________________________________________________________

_Last Time:_

_Benson stared at the wooden desk. "I understand."_

_Ryan watched Olivia for a long moment, unsure of whether to pity her or be angry. Confused, she walked out in a huff and didn't look back. Grabbing her cell phone, she called Jared. "Jared? It's Ryan, can we meet somewhere for dinner? I need to talk to you..."_

__________________________________________________________________________

Chapter 3

Back on the Job

***

          Detective Ryan Jamerson was off duty, with her boyfriend, Detective Jared 

Moore. The two were eating at Michelangelo's Italian Restaurant. Candlelight dinner, music playing in the background, it was all set up by Ryan's beloved boyfriend Jared. Ryan was flushing the whole time, and in her mind, the thought of a certain question lingered in the back of her mind. The night dwindled away, and Ryan got more nervous about what was to come. Dinner ended, Jared led her to the car.

Ryan smiled faintly at Jared as he opened the car door for her. Sliding in carefully, and tucking her dress under her, she closed the door. "Thanks sweetheart."

          He grinned and walked around, starting the car. "Not a problem." He took her hand. "I have something I want to talk to you about."

That's when Ryan heard her cell phone ring. Glancing at it, she sighed. "Jamerson."

It was Olivia, and she was crying. "Ryan, I'm so sorry I can't testify."

Ryan tried to understand what she was so worked up about. "Olivia, I understand if you can't do it. It's okay."

She heard her take a deep breath. "I can't sleep, my nightmares are horrible, and I'm afraid I'll wake Elliot."

Jamerson looked at her watch, and motioned for Jared to keep driving. "Well, you can stay with me for a while if you want...I have a fold out couch."

Olivia paused. "That sounds good actually. Can I?"

Ryan smiled. "Of course. What's the address?" Olivia gave it to her slowly. She nodded. "I'll come pick you up right now, grab some things and leave a note for Elliot so he won't freak out."

Benson laughed faintly. "Okay, thank you."

Ryan hung up. "That's Detective Benson, I'm her temporary replacement. Think we can stop by and pick her up?"

Jared looked at the address and smiled, something disappointing lingered in his eyes. "Not a problem." He kissed her cheek softly. "Anything for you sweetheart."

Jamerson blushed. "She's going to stay with me for a bit."

He nodded. "That's sweet of you."

"She was raped too."

Jared fell silent. "I see. I guess that means you want me to kind of back off for a while?"

Ryan shook her head. "No, she needs to be exposed to men, so she learns she can trust them again. It will take a while."

He kissed her again. "It took you a while too love."

She nodded. "That it did."

Jared sped down the street, halfway to Olivia's apartment already.

***

Olivia packed nervously, and started jotting a note to Elliot. _'Elliot, I'm going to stay with Ryan for a while. I'm worried my nightmares might keep you from sleeping. When I can deal with them more, I'll be back. Until then, stay safe. Love always, Olivia.'_

Benson heard Ryan knock softly on the front door, and she crept out of the house and nervously smiled. "Thank you so much."

Ryan grinned and took her bag. "Hop in the cab, I'll drive and make Jared get in the bed."

Olivia noticed Ryan was wearing a long black cocktail dress that accentuated her figure. She frowned. "Did I interrupt anything?"

She realized Olivia was talking about her dress. Jamerson turned and looked at Jared, wondering if he had been considering asking her to marry him tonight. "Oh, no, not at all." Ryan grinned. "We just got done with dinner."

"Oh. Who's the boyfriend?"

Jared climbed out of the F-150 and took the bag. "Glad to be of service."

Ryan slid the keys out of his hand. "You get the bed."

He kissed her cheek, and Ryan flinched lightly and gave him an apologetic look when she did. Jared rubbed her shoulder softly and headed for the truck.

Olivia looked at her. "You still flinch?"

Ryan glanced at her; Olivia was about an inch shorter than her. "Can you imagine not flinching?"

Without commenting, Olivia locked the door to her house, climbed in to the passenger's seat, and closed the door.

Getting in to the car and starting the ignition, Ryan opened the back window and turned up the radio. Country music was playing and Jared sighed. "Go figure."

She turned to Olivia. "He doesn't like my music."

Olivia smiled faintly as they drove away, leaving Elliot in peaceful sleep. She sat there silently for a long while, just trying not to cry.

Ryan turned to her. "You know something, after this trial, Alex, you, and I need to go out for drinks."

Benson grinned faintly. "Sure, that sounds good."

Jamerson smiled. "Cool." She glanced in her rearview and saw Jared staring at her with a smile on his face. "Do you believe in love Olivia?"

Olivia looked out the window. "Love? Well sure, I loved my mother..."

Ryan sighed. "I mean like true love..."

She frowned. "I'm not sure. I think that perhaps it's possible, just rather rare."

Jamerson nodded. "You think more highly of it than I do." She shrugged. "I'm not sure that it's possible after what happened to me." She sighed. "I'll never be able to love a child of my own because of him." I do believe in the ability to love, but I do not believe that everyone can love."

Olivia sighed. "I've never met anyone who's been so passionate about the subject."

Ryan shrugged shyly. "Do you love Elliot?"

She turned to her. "Love him? We aren't even a couple officially."

Jamerson laughed and grinned. "He thinks you are."

Olivia blushed. "Oh."

Ryan turned to her. "You know, he stayed with you as often as he could. When his ex-wife was admitted for attempted suicide, he stayed with you, not her."

She shook her head. "No, Elliot wouldn't do that. He treats Kathy better than that."

Without saying another word, Ryan pulled up to an apartment building and turned the car off. "This is our stop." She got out and tossed the keys to Jared in the back. Pulling Olivia's bag over her back, she grinned. "I'm a bit anal retentive so the apartment's going to be pretty clean.

Olivia nodded. "Not a problem."

Jared kissed Ryan lightly when the two headed up to her apartment. "I'll call you later Jared." He winked and headed back to the car. When he pulled away, Ryan shuddered fiercely.

The insecure motion caught Olivia's eye. "What?"

Ryan smiled falsely. "I always tell him never to wink at me, because that's what Jerry did to me when I first saw him. He must've forgot for a second, but I can't help it. It still brings everything back up."

Olivia sighed. "Does it happen often?"

She nodded solemnly. "Even after five years."

"Wait. Five years ago as of when?"

Ryan ran a hand along her opposite elbow, somewhat wrapping her arms around herself. "December."

Olivia looked down. "So if you don't get a conviction by then, it's gone."

She nodded and walked in to her apartment. "The bathroom's down the hall. Kitchen's on the right."

Benson headed in to the bathroom and stared at her self in the mirror. Opening her bag, she pulled out her toothbrush. "Damn it."

Ryan grinned and walked in behind her. "What?"

She looked in her bag. "I forgot everything except my comb and toothbrush."

With a coy grin, Ryan opened her bathroom cabinet and showed Olivia her wide range of beauty products. "I've got enough shit in there to run my own salon."

Olivia grinned. "Now we're talking."

Ryan sat down on her double bed. "Hey, can I get your opinion on this case? The potential perp doesn't fit with my opinion on the murderer. Take a look at this."

Benson sat down next to her; she examined the two photos. "Teenage victims...both brutally attacked after the rape." After a silent moment spent in deep thought, Olivia nodded. "We had a guy do things like that a couple of years back. Huang explained that the perp blamed his victims for making him do that, and that's why he beat them to death."

She looked at her fellow cop. "Did they ever get the guy?" It was a weak hope, but maybe if he were still out it would widen their evidence field and give them more victims to interview.

Olivia shook her head. "Sorry, we put him away plain and simple, and besides, he used object rape...he was a bit smarter and didn't leave any fluids behind.

Ryan sighed exasperatedly. "Yeah well, since we can't match the fluids yet, all it's doing is making it harder."

Benson sighed. "I'm sorry." Then she looked back at the pictures, something caught her eye. "Look at this." She pointed to a small earring in the girls' ears. "They both have the exact same earrings. What is that?"

Jamerson grabbed a photo and looked at it. "That looks like platinum, flags of some sort maybe..."

Olivia sighed. "Do you think we have it in evidence?"

Ryan nodded. "I'm positive. There was a whole bag of jewelry from the first vic, and I saw earrings." She reached over to her nightstand and grabbed her keys. "Want to come with me? I'm gunna go to the precinct."

With an all too sly grin, Olivia nodded. "It's an excuse to get me back in the game, of course I will."

Pulling her leather jacket on, Ryan handed Olivia her own jacket and locked her apartment on her way out.

***

When they reached the precinct, they went straight to the case evidence and Ryan pulled out the earrings. "They're not flags, they're sickles. Take a look; how sick is that?"

Olivia looked at the initials on the jewelry. "That's where I got my ring from my mother. She gave it to me when I got in to the SVU. It's Sinclair's Jewelers, I think it's on 6th street."

She turned to Ryan. "I can get us there faster." Ryan handed her the keys.

"Got your badge?" Ryan patted her pockets to double-check herself too. 

"As always." Olivia jumped in the truck and sped off.

Ryan grabbed her cell and started calling Munch and Fin. "John, we just got a break on the case, we need you to meet us at the Sinclair's Jewelers on east 6th street."

Groggily, he gave an affirmative response and hung up.

She rolled her eyes. "Twenty bucks says he won't get out of bed."

Olivia raised her eyebrow. "You're on."

Ryan gave her an odd look and got out of the sedan just as she stopped the car. "It's open until ten, they should be closing right about now."

The two knocked loudly on the door. "Police!"

When a gentleman in a suit opened the door. "How can I help you?"

"This is Detective Benson, I'm Detective Jamerson. We've found a piece in one of our open cases we believe is one of yours."

Munch walked up behind them. "What'd I miss?"

Ryan grinned. "Olivia here noticed a common pair of earrings between the two vics. We're going to have a quiet talk with the sick bastard who gave them out."

John laughed. "Give me his name, I'll go back to the precinct and look it up."

Olivia smiled. "That's what we're working on. Can we come in Sir?"

He opened the door and allowed the two women in. "May I see the piece?" Upon receiving the piece, it took him barely over a minute to nod. "Yes, I made five of these, all for the same customer."

Olivia smiled. "We're going to need those records."

The jeweler smiled. "Anything for New York's finest."

Ryan smiled. "Thanks." He highlighted the name of the customer from his credit card bills. "Jeffery Thomas?"

"What's he done?"

Olivia frowned. "We've reason to believe he's using these earrings to charm girls before her rapes and murders them." She handed the papers to Munch as they walked out the door and he got in his sedan.

Ryan turned to her after they left the store. "That can't be, Carolina said she'd never seen him before..."

Benson checked the address. "He lived just down the street from her, maybe she just didn't recognize him."

"That makes any hope of ID useless. Wait a minute, let's go pay him a visit right now."

Olivia gave her an odd look. "It's almost half past ten."

Ryan smiled. "I don't need to talk to him, I just need to see his car."

Benson looked perturbed. "What good will that do?"

Jamerson smiled. "Carolina was a smart one. She noticed that this guy was driving a red four door instead of some generic repair van."

Olivia smiled. "It never hurts to listen to the vic." Ryan laughed for a moment before hopping in the truck and driving towards the address. 

When Olivia and Ryan reached the house, they pulled up behind a red four-door Toyota Camry. Ryan grinned. "Wouldn't you know?"

Benson nodded. "Lights are on. Let's go talk to the upstanding citizen."

Ryan climbed out of the cab and grinned.

Knocking loudly on the door, Olivia frowned. "Mr. Thomas? Police!"

Jamerson looked inside and saw a man starting to run out the back door. Ryan motioned for Olivia to take the right and she'd take the left. "I think our upstanding citizen in hiding something."

Olivia nodded and took off, in brisk jog, after the prick. 

Ryan ran around the other side of the house, climbing up on and jumping over a fence in to the alleyway, watching him cross the road. "Olivia! He's across the street!"

Benson grinned, pulling her jog in to a sprint. "Got him."

Jamerson was close behind Olivia when she tackled the guy to the ground and held him there. "Why you running? We just want to ask you some questions...nothing more..."

Ryan pulled out his wallet. "It's the guy."

Olivia grinned. "We're curious about some custom jewelry you had made, and we'd like to ask you about them."

The two detectives pulled him to his feet after cuffing him. "Would you like us to do that down at the station alone, or quietly in your apartment?"

Jeffery frowned. "I'll talk in the apartment."

Ryan jerked him around. "Good choice."

Olivia helped her take him back to the apartment. Once inside, they removed the handcuffs but blocked the only way to the door from the living room. "Now, about these earrings." She dangled the evidence bag in front of him. "Why did you have five pairs of these made and why were two pair found on deceased rape victims?"

Jeffery shook his head. "I...I dunno."

Ryan pulled his head back by his hair, and stared at him from behind. "Wrong answer. What do you do for a living Mr. Thomas?"

He frowned. "I'm a teacher."

Benson snickered. "You wouldn't happen to teach high school would you?"

Jeffery nodded. "I do, that's correct. I teach freshman, sophomore and junior history."

Ryan snarled. "It would figure. Would either of these girls happen to be your students?" She showed him the picture of the vics.

He nodded again, wearily. "Yes, where is this going?"

"They're both dead Mr. Thomas." Olivia was definitely pissed. "Now, why did they both have a $900 pair of earrings on from you?"

With a heavy frown, he shook his head. "I can't believe you'd think I'd kill them. I didn't hurt those girls."

Ryan jerked his head back again. "You're not answering the fine lady's question Mr. Thomas."

Jeffery sighed. "I had them made for any students who participated in the state wide history competition and did well. Five of them did."

"Did you like those girls very much Mr. Thomas?" Ryan smirked. "Maybe...too much?"

He frowned. "I don't like what you're insinuating. I wouldn't hurt them."

Olivia flipped open her cell. "I'm going to wake Cabot up and make her wake a judge up. I want a search warrant for this place."

Jeffery turned to her. "You can look through whatever you want...what are you looking for?"

Ryan grinned. "Anything of interest. We'll also need the names of the other three girls you gave those earrings to."

He nodded. "Abigail Davies, Kayla Meyers, and Jessica Hartley."

Olivia walked in to his bedroom and opened his closet. "Whenever you want us to stop looking, just say so and I'll call the ADA."

Ryan smirked; this guy was clueless. She began to open all the kitchen cabinets. "I've got a pair of glasses in here. Do you wear glasses Mr. Thomas?"

Jeffery shook his head. "They're for reading only."

"Do you wear them at school in front of your students?" Mr. Thomas shook his head negatively. Ryan opened her notepad. "How tall are you?"

He shrugged. "About five nine or five ten."

Olivia grinned. "I've got a plumbers jumpsuit back here."

Jeffery frowned. "I used to work for that company."

Ryan laughed. "So what. You still have it."

Benson walked out with it in her hand. "And it has blood on it."

"Twenty bucks says it's got some of your little soldiers on it too." Olivia held it up. "We're going to have to confiscate this."

He shrugged. "Whatever you need."

Ryan turned to him. "We're also going to need a DNA sample, will you come down to the station with us and give one?"

Mr. Thomas frowned. "I'd like to call my lawyer."

Olivia's cell phone rang. "Benson."

Munch grinned. "You're guy happens to have two priors. Two counts of sexual assault on his record and he works with teenage girls."

She nodded. "So we've heard. Wanna wake Cabot up about an arrest warrant?"

"What've you got?"

Olivia held up the uniform. "Well, we've got glasses that he doesn't wear around his students, a plumber's uniform and a red four door. Not to mention he's about five foot nine."

Ryan's voice carried from the bathroom. "We've also got a bottle of temporary hair dye. Brown."

Benson grinned. "Did you get that?"

Munch laughed. "Hair dye? What color's his hair now?"

She turned. "Greying blond."

John smiled. "Perfect, I'll call Cabot."

Ryan walked out with the hair dye and the perp's sketch. "You got an evil twin Mr. Thomas?"

Jeffery looked confused. "I'm an only child."

She laughed. "Well, if you didn't do it...then Carolina must've made it all up because this looks an awful lot like you."

Olivia brought out his razor. "Did you ever have a mustache Mr. Thomas?"

He nodded. "Yes, I shaved it off this week because my girlfriend didn't like it." Jeffery blushed lightly.

Ryan snickered. "Bet she'd like it even less if she knew she was sleeping with a rapist."

Her phone rang and Cabot was on the other line. "Jamerson."

Sounding extremely tired, she sighed. "You're lucky Judge Taylor was still awake. You've got your warrant."

Ryan couldn't keep from grinning. "Great."

Olivia looked at her. "Hmm?"

Jamerson pulled out her cuffs and dangled them around. "Thanks a million Alex."

"No problem." A click told her that Alex wasn't thrilled about being woken up so late, but that she was glad he was going to be off the streets tonight.

Ryan turned to Olivia. "You want the honors?"

Olivia shook her head. "It's your case."

Jamerson cuffed him. "You have the right to remain silent, if you should choose to give up the right, anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of law. You have the right to an attorney, if you can't afford one, one will be appointed to you by the court."

Jeffery looked at Olivia. "Wait a minute, you can't do this! I cooperated with you!"

Olivia shrugged. "Doesn't mean you aren't guilty. Let's get that DNA sample to test."

Ryan roughly shoved him in to the back of the sedan. Olivia got in the passenger's seat.

When Jamerson got in and started the car, she turned to Olivia. "You're a great cop, you know that?"

Olivia smiled. "You're not so bad yourself Ryan."

She grinned back and drove down to the station.

***

Elliot woke late the next morning to find that Olivia was not there. _'Oh no! Oh no!!'_ When he sat up nervously, he noticed the note. Olivia had left a lipstick kiss on it. He smiled lightly. _'She didn't have to worry about my sleep...'_ He got up and went to take a shower before calling her.

***

Ryan arrived at the station to see most of the squad in Cragen's office. She also saw Jared in there. Silently, she joined them. Olivia stood next to her. Cragen was talking quietly. "With a new team we will have plenty of man power to pay more attention to these cases. I want to be sure that these teams will be paired perfectly for optimum work capacity. Elliot, I want you to train Detective Moore." He looked to Jared. "The teams will be set up like we talked about over the phone last night." Cragen turned back to Jared. "He's going to need a guy to talk to when you two start this case." He handed a folder to him.

His hard blue eyes met Olivia's. "Detective Benson. I thought I told you that you were off-duty until further notice."

Detective Jamerson cleared her throat. "I asked for her opinion on the case. If anything, the blame lies with me."

Cragen looked at her. "What blame?" His glance hit both of them. "I want to commend you two on the apprehension of Jeffery Thomas. His DNA matched perfectly and CSU teams found a list of the other three girls' weekly routines and home addresses."

Ryan shivered faintly. "Thank you Captain."

Olivia smiled. "Am I back on duty?"

He nodded. "You'll work with Ryan for the next two cases. I figure with two cases under his belt, I'll know whether or not Jared's up to this."

Jared looked over at Ryan and smiled. "Good job babe."

She gave him a scolding look and blushed faintly. Cragen handed Ryan a folder. "You two have a separate case too." Olivia frowned but looked at the folder with Ryan for a moment.

Cragen sighed. "Dismissed. Munch and Fin are still together. Elliot, will you stay behind for a moment?"

He nodded and the rest of the detectives walked out. Elliot looked up. "What is it Captain?"

The Captain frowned. "If you feel that you need to be paired with Olivia to help her through this, I'll understand."

Elliot shook his head. "It's not a problem for me. I would recommend not pairing her with Jared though, I do not think she trusts him at all...and it will be harder for her to come to trust him now."

Cragen nodded. "So noted. Thank you Detective Stabler."

Stabler smiled. "This a gruesome case?" He held up the folder.

He shrugged. "Not any worse than the rest of them."

Without a comment, Elliot nodded and walked out of the office. "Detective Moore, we've got a six year old boy who has been raped and murdered. The parents have no idea who could've done it. The mother found the body in their home upon returning from work."

Jared frowned deeply. "Shall we talk to them?"

Elliot nodded. "I'm driving." Jared didn't comment, just followed him out the door.

Olivia looked at Ryan. "What do we have?"

Ryan shook her head. "Two dead prostitutes. Same DNA, same MO. We've got both of the victims IDed and I was thinking we'd talk to the younger girl's parents. Problem is, of the two cases, one of them is almost four years old."

Benson nodded. "Well the statute is set at five years so we can go on it. Only problem we'll have is trying to get the witnesses to remember. Otherwise, it sounds good."

Jamerson handed her the keys. "I didn't sleep very much last night, you should drive."

Olivia reluctantly took the keys. "You and me both." She laughed faintly and glanced at the address before heading out of the station.

Munch looked at Fin. "Think they'll make good teams?"

Fin shrugged. "What's it matter? They're both going to use us to run around for 'em. When's Cragen gunna give us a case?"

Cragen walked out. "You may just get your wish Fin, I just called Olivia back in." As if on cue, Detectives Olivia and Ryan walked back in to the station house, and Olivia looked rather irritated.

"What the hell was that Cragen?" Olivia walked up and glared at him. "Don't tell me you're taking me off this case!"

Captain Cragen couldn't help but laugh. "No Olivia. I've received a call from homicide. I'm assigning you and Ryan to another case instead."

She frowned. "Why?"

Cragen handed her an address. "No report has been started yet, go check out the scene. You'll know why then." Olivia handed the other folder back to Cragen and walked out of the station once more with Ryan at her side.

Fin looked at the case file. "Who's that for?"

He grinned. "It's your lucky day Tutuola." He handed him the case file and walked back in to his office.

Munch flared at Fin. "You had to open your mouth."

***

Olivia and Ryan slid under the police line and saw the body being wheeled out. "Why is SVU on this? Was she raped?"

The cop nodded. "Not only that. Detectives, I think you two should see this."

A breath caught in Ryan's throat as the Detective pointed to the wall inside the house of the victim. Written in bright red across the wall was a phrase the made the detectives' blood run cold. It read: _'Olivia, do you like your new partner, Ryan? I know I do...'_ Ryan stepped back. "No..."

Olivia looked at her. "How could he have known?"

Ryan shook her head. "I've no idea. We were just assigned our teams thirty minutes or so ago..."

Benson shivered. "What worries me more, is he after you or me?"

Detective Jamerson shook her head. "I haven't the faintest clue...right now it looks tied."

Olivia turned to her with a somberly amused look on her face. "You can win this one if you want."

Ryan chuckled faintly. "No thanks. Let's get this site analyzed and talk to the family, a guy that's after one of us will kill again."

She nodded. "We'd better get started."

As the two walked out, a cell phone rang.

"Benson."

"Jamerson." Ryan and Olivia's voices echoed simultaneously.

The two looked at each other and laughed faintly. Ryan held a hand up. "Hi Jared."

"Are you okay?" He sounded concerned.

Olivia waited patiently for Ryan to finish her call. "Yes Jared, I'm fine. No, we're both fine. Don't worry, just stay on your case and let us work ours. Yes, you too, bye."

Benson gave her a peculiar look. "Did he say 'I love you'?"

Ryan shook her head. "No, just 'stay safe'."

Olivia rolled her eyes as she opened her car door. "Hopeless romantic, eh?"

Jamerson nodded and get in after her. The two headed back to the station house to look up all the family addresses they could find and cross-reference the address book they found in her house with the system to look for any leads.

***

Jared looked over to Elliot. "They're both fine, Ryan sounded a bit shook up but I think they're just a bit shocked."

Elliot sighed. "This is not going to happen again, if this guy's after Olivia he's in for a world of pain."

Moore looked at his watch. "From me too, when was she supposed to be back?"

Stabler sighed. "The maid said Marissa would be back in an hour, she's thirty minutes late."

Jared groaned and sat down in one of the too-expensive-to-sit-in chairs, annoyed. "I know it's going to be hard for her since she lost her son, but this guy's going to go after other little boys if we don't get him."

Elliot frowned, knowing every word out of the detective's mouth the truth. 

***

Olivia and Ryan looked at the final product, a page long list of people to interview. "She was quite popular wasn't she?"

Jamerson nodded. "It's a shame."

Munch looked up as he noticed their return to their desks. "The ME called, she said she's got something for you."

Olivia sighed. "Did it sound good?"

John chuckled lightly. "Nothing's good in this line of work."

Ryan motioned to Olivia and the two headed towards the ME's office

Olivia frowned. "Maybe she'll give us a time of death."

Jamerson looked down at the ground. "I'd prefer DNA but that would get us started on the questioning.

Her partner nodded, agreeing fully. When they met up with the ME, the two looked somewhat hopeful. "What'd you find?"

She smiled falsely. "I apologize but all I can tell you is that she died around 11 o'clock last night. She was raped with a blunt object and her cause of death was a definitely from being crushed under a heavy object. There were tire tracks along her chest so I'd assume she was run over by a car."

Olivia turned away. "Lovely way to die."

"That's not the half of it, she was posthumously raped."

Ryan ran out of the room and tried not to gag. "How disgusting is that?!"

***

Jared looked up at Elliot. "Hey, I'm going to head over to Ryan's house, the two might want the protection after that case. You want to come?"

Elliot shook his head. "Tell Olivia I said hello and I wish I could but I have a date with the kids today as soon as I interview Marissa."

Moore smiled. "That must be nice."

Stabler smiled. "Yeah, I love getting to see them as often as I do."

Jared shook his head. "I meant just having kids in general." Without another word, he climbed out of the sedan in the lot and walked over to his car, climbing in a leaving a very unsettled air behind him.

***

Olivia knocked softly on the door of the victim's mother, Mrs. Valdez. "Mrs. Valdez?"

The woman stood wearily in the doorway. "Yes?"

Ryan smiled falsely. "I'm Detective Jamerson, this is Detective Benson. Are you the mother of Tiffani Valdez?"

She shook her head. "I _am_ Tiffani Valdez."

Olivia looked at her. "Wait, what?" She pulled out an evidence bag of a military ID card and pills. "Are these yours?"

Mrs. Valdez nodded. "Yes, my purse was stolen last week, I didn't bother to report it because I had no credit cards in it, I just found my ID missing this morning."

Ryan frowned. "Can you tell us where it was stolen from?"

Startling the three women, Ryan's cell rang. "Jamerson." She nodded and gave a few 'uh huh's before hanging up. "Well this is all we were able to find of your belongings. Sorry for wasting your time Mrs. Valdez."

Olivia looked at her oddly as she left. "What the hell was that?"

Ryan gave her a frightful look. "There's another victim...alive."

The two got in the car and raced down to the hospital. "Did you get a rape kit?" Olivia was doubtful.

Doctor Campbell, the presiding ER doctor nodded. "There were only a few minor wounds aside from the extensive blood loss."

Unsure of whether to be relieved or shocked, Ryan nodded. "We'll need those samples and is the patient conscious?"

The doctor nodded slowly. "Yes, she is. I'll take you there now and you can pick up the samples on her way out."

Olivia thanked her and walked outside for a moment to answer her cell phone. "Benson."

Cragen responded. "Olivia, I need you two back here now, the identity of the first victim has been discovered. I'm sending a sketch artist down to talk with the new victim now. Get back to the station house asap."

Rather distressed, Olivia motioned for Ryan to follow her and she headed towards the car.

Ryan turned to the doctor. "My apologies, something's come up. We will return later to speak with the victim. Can I get the samples?"

The doctor nodded and retrieved them. "Here you are."

She smiled. "Thank you so much." Ryan walked out and got in to the car, which Olivia had waiting right outside. "What's up?" Olivia explained on the way to the precinct.

***

Stabler walked in to the precinct to see Olivia and Ryan talking with Cragen. "I thought you two were at the hospital..."

Ryan gave him a sharp look. "Judge Warren's daughter...she was victim from earlier today."

Elliot shook his head. "She's been a great help with putting away these sex offenders too..."

Olivia nodded. "She was only twenty-two."

Jamerson shook her head. "That's the not the worst of it, she was a virgin. She was engaged, I figure we should go break the news to the fiancé."

Benson closed her eyes for a moment and nodded. "This is the worst part." She walked out of the station in a huff.

Ryan looked up at Elliot. "Where's Jared?"

Elliot looked at his watch. "He's over at your place, he said he's planning on staying over with you."

She laughed. "That's what he thinks. When'd he leave?"

He shrugged. "Around two pm."

Ryan nodded and walked out to meet Olivia. She looked at the clock; it was a bit past four. "We'll probably have to call it a day after getting the sketch and interviewing the fiancé."

Olivia nodded. "It's a shame. I might stay late."

She looked at Olivia carefully. "You're not working alone, this guy may be after you."

Benson smiled. "Thanks."

Ryan didn't reply as they pulled up to the rather large house of her fiancé, John Brenner. Olivia rang the bell, and shifted uncomfortably when a butler answered the door. "I'm Detective Benson, this is Detective St-er-Jamerson. We're looked for a John Brenner..."

The butler looked carefully at the badges and led them in. "He'll be with you in a moment."

After about ten minutes, a tall man with tanned skin and golden hair walked down the stairs. "Sorry about the wait, I had wedding plans to finish up."

Ryan bit her lip. "We came to talk to you about Janet, Janet Warren w-is your fiancé correct?"

He nodded. "Yes. How is that of any interest to you, Detective?"

Olivia sighed. "I'm sorry to tell you this but Janet Warren is dead."

Mr. Brenner shook his head. "No. That can't be! She was here just last night."

Ryan frowned. "What time did she leave your house?"

He thought about it for a long moment. "Around nine thirty."

Olivia looked at the ground for a moment. "Then I assume she died around the time she arrived home. How long does the commute usually take?"

John shrugged. "An hour and half in typical traffic, but traffic was light that time of night."

Ryan nodded. "So around ten forty-five or eleven?"

He nodded. "That's about right. She can't be dead..."

Olivia held up the picture, her face was untouched but the coldness of her flesh was still stunning. "Is this her?"

Mr. Brenner's eyes went wide. "Yes! That's her!" His eyes started to water. "Who would do this to her? Why?"

Ryan sighed. "We think it may have to do with her mother being a judge."

He shook his head. "This is terrible. Did she suffer?"

Olivia took a breath lightly. "It's hard to tell at this point." 

He poured a large glass of whiskey and took a heavy drink. "I, can I come down to the precinct tomorrow and speak with you? I need some time alone."

Ryan glanced at the half-empty bottle of whiskey and knew what he was thinking. It sounded pretty good to her right now too. "Of course. If you do not come down tomorrow though, we will pay you another visit."

Mr. Brenner nodded. "Of course."

Olivia smiled faintly and nodded goodbye as the two got in to the car. "I don't think he had anything to do with it."

Ryan nodded. "I concur. Did Cragen say he would notify the parents?"

Benson nodded and the two headed back to the station.

***

Cragen waited for them by Olivia's desk. A single piece of paper was in his right hand. He looked all too serious and the two cops fell silent as they approached. "Detective Jamerson, I believe it is critical that you see the sketch of the perp. that your victim described. It might alarm you but do not worry, it will be handled appropriately." As Ryan approached Cragen and reached for the piece of paper, Detective Jared Moore walked in and smiled.

"Hey sweetheart, how are you?" She stopped what she was doing and allowed him to put an arm around her but she flinched as he placed a kiss on her cheek.

Captain Cragen looked nauseas but remained silent.

***End Chapter Three***

Disclaimer: (I kept forgetting this!) I do not own the Toyota Camry or the Ford F-150. Also, I obviously don't own Law and Order: SVU


	5. Betrayed

_"In the criminal justice system, sexually based offenses are considered especially heinous. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit. These are their stories."_

It comes with the Badge

A/N: This will be more of a mini-chapter because of a violent attack from a muse. Also note that by mini-chapter I mean around three thousand words. Thank you all for your reviews. Also note, ADA Alexandra Cabot is portrayed as bisexual in this chapter, if that offends anyone, oh well.

__________________________________________________________________________

Last Time: 

_Cragen waited for them by Olivia's desk. A single piece of paper was in his right hand. He looked all too serious and the two cops fell silent as they approached. "Detective Jamerson, I believe it is critical that you see the sketch of the perp. that your victim described. It might alarm you but do not worry, it will be handled appropriately." As Ryan approached Cragen and reached for the piece of paper, Detective Jared Moore walked in and smiled._

_"Hey sweetheart, how are you?" She stopped what she was doing and allowed him to put an arm around her but she flinched as he placed a kiss on her cheek._

_Captain Cragen looked nauseas but remained silent._

__________________________________________________________________________

Chapter 4

 Betrayed

Ryan looked up at Captain Cragen with a worried expression. "Is everything alright Captain?"

He shook his head and looked at Jared oddly. "Ryan, will you and Olivia come to my office immediately?"

Olivia nodded and Ryan followed her in to the office. As they watched from the window, Cragen spoke quietly with Munch before turning and heading towards the office.

"We've discovered the identity of the other victim. She's an aspiring actress who was just making it big. Her two movies are coming out this winter, she was definitely a high-profile character. Her name was Kiera Knightly."

Ryan gasped. "Are you serious? This guy must be high-profile."

Cragen shook his head. "No, he's your average Joe with a pent up rage that could blow away half of New York. I'm going to put Munch and Fin on the case with you and postpone their other case."

Olivia nodded. "Let's get this bastard. Can we see that sketch?"

He shrugged. "It's skewed. I need you two to pay a visit to him and get the original. He lives at 1603 west 39th and his name is Chris Barton."

Ryan smiled lightly. "Great. We'll get this bastard."

Olivia's cell phone rang. "Benson."

The ME replied. "Olivia, I have good and bad news."

"Bad news first please."

"Well, the samples of blood are totally scrambled. Scene two has the first vic's blood for the writing."

Olivia frowned. "Good?"

She smiled. "I've got the perps blood. It's male and it matches the semen. It was used to make the first message."

Benson thanked her. "Oh, one last thing. What did the second message say?"

The ME frowned. "It said _'Watch out ladies, your guns are useless against a friendly foe.'_"

Olivia shivered. "Creepy."

"Definitely. Well, I've got another body to process, I hope it was of some help."

Benson nodded. "Of course. Thank you so much." The _click_ on the other end sound and Olivia hung up. "The second message said _'watch out ladies, your guns are useless against a friendly foe.'_" Shaking her head, she frowned. "The DNA was also weird. The DNA from Nicky was at the second scene and the perp's blood was the paint in the original message."

Ryan's eyes went wide. "That means there'll be another victim if we don't get this guy."

Olivia nodded. "Let's find Chris."

Jamerson grabbed their jackets and grabbed the keys. "How fast do you drive?"

She shrugged. "Average for a New Yorker."

Ryan laughed. "I'm driving." Handing Olivia her jacket, she ran out to the sedan without another word.

Cragen walked out of his office and looked at Jared's hand. "When'd you get that?"

A large cut was wrapped up under white bandages. "Two nights ago, never argue with a steak knife, it's not pretty."

Munch laughed and looked at Cragen. "So we're on the case now too like you said right?"

When Cragen nodded Munch called fin up and told him to hurry his ass up.

***

Olivia walked in to the house first when she noticed the door slightly ajar. Luckily, she managed to keep her stomach down. "They're dead."

Ryan looked at her. "They?"

Following Olivia's hand, she saw the sketch artist and his wife lying in a pool of their own blood. What scared the even more was the message scrawled across the walls. _'This is the last kill I'll make detectives. Catch me if you can.'_

Olivia called for an ambulance even though Ryan couldn't find a pulse. "Twenty bucks says this is Warren's blood." She motioned to the message. Olivia nodded as the ME came in to claim the bodies.

That's when Ryan found the sketch of the perp. It was sitting on the coffee table. She screamed. _Blood. So much blood. Pain. Screaming for help. HELP ME!_ All the memories washed back anew. When she finally opened her eyes again, Olivia was crouched on her knees next to her. She had curled up on the floor and hugged her knees to her chest. _NO! Bleeding, begging for help, pleading for mercy. Peace. Darkness, unconsciousness is the only release. Stop fighting, hopeless. Blood. So much blood. The Knife. Screams._ She screamed again. Olivia wrapped her in a soft hug. "Shh. It's not Jerry, don't worry."

Choking on her tears, she pointed to the picture. "Look..." she swallowed hard and wiped tears away. "It's him."

When Olivia picked up the picture, she wanted to scream too. Wrapping Ryan in a comforting hug, she whispered to her. "Shh, it's okay sweetheart."

Ryan clawed at her and pulled herself away. "Don't call me sweetheart!"

Olivia bit her lip. "Come her Samantha." She remembered Huang's sessions with Ryan and how her mother called her that. Right now, Ryan would need a motherly figure. Taking her in to her arms, she cradled her weeping body. She opened her cell phone and dialed Elliot's cell.

"Stabler."

She took a deep breath. "Elliot I need you to get down here right now. We're at 1603 West 39th."

Elliot frowned. "I can't find Jared anywhere."

Olivia nodded. "I'd expect not. Come along. If you find Jared, don't bring him. Get down here now." When she hung up the phone, her hands were shaking. _Poor Ryan._ Olivia kissed her forehead softly. "It's going to be okay. It's all going to be okay."

Ryan's chest heaved in protest as sobs racked her body. Elliot walked in. "What's wrong Olivia?"

She held up the sketch of the perpetrator and Elliot backed up a step. "No way. This has to be some kind of hoax."

Olivia shook her head. "No, it's real. It can't be anyone else."

Elliot saw Ryan lying in a heap sobbing. "Oh God. IBA is going to have a field day with this. Not to mention psych evaluations for all the new cops are due in two weeks. Ryan can't pass that exam after all this."

Cradling the woman's head in her arms, Olivia looked up at Elliot. "She won't have to. I'm going to make sure it's postponed. There's no way she can be fairly evaluated after such a traumatic episode."

Stabler nodded. "She has her testimony against Jerry coming up too."

This caused Olivia to find the ground intensely interesting. _'She will still testify after this fiasco ends, but I cannot bring myself to do it.'_ Shaking her head slightly, Olivia looked up at Elliot. "Think you can pick her up?"

He nodded. "No problem."

Bending over and gently picking Ryan up and holding her in his arms, he felt her racing heart and her shaking torso. Her pain was emanating from her body.  Olivia shook her head. "I can't believe I've been so selfish to think that I have it bad."

Elliot kissed her forehead. "You're not selfish sweetheart."

Olivia smiled and walked with him towards the car. Olivia sat in the back with Ryan while Elliot drove back to the precinct. "I think I'll stay with her in the crib tonight."

He turned to her at a red light. "Would you like me to stay too?"

Smiling at the offer, Olivia shook her head. "One of us should get some sleep."

Elliot smiled. "I love you Olivia."

Somewhat shocked, she didn't respond as Ryan's body stopped shaking and she laid her head in Olivia's lap. Olivia brushed her long hair away from her face and smiled down at her. "Sleep will do you good Ryan." As the dark haired girl lay in her lap, she reminded Olivia as a broken doll. A porcelain doll who'd been played with too much and was now broken. She was only twenty-seven and she'd been through pain Olivia could only imagine. Yet, through it all, she'd survived. Olivia knew she'd be a great cop in the SVU. Now the challenge at hand was making sure she remained in the SVU despite upcoming psych evaluations.

Stabler broke her train of thought. "Want me to carry her in?"

Cragen walked outside, having received a call for a warrant for Jared's arrest and saw Elliot carrying Ryan. "God, is she okay?"

Olivia looked up at him. "She's physically perfect."

Elliot walked past him and in to the station house. Setting her on the bed, he turned to Olivia and Cragen. "Do you have the warrant?"

Cragen handed it to him. Elliot placed it in Ryan's limp hand. "She gets the right. I'm going to detain him for questioning all night and she can arrest him when she wakes up.

Olivia smiled at Elliot. When Cragen walked back in to his office, she kissed him softly, shyly. "I love you too Elliot."

He ran a hand along her face. "I was so worried about you when I got that call." Her partner placed a hand on her stomach and smiled. "Stay safe for me, love."

A soft blush lit her cheeks as he kissed her goodnight and headed for the parked sedan to pick up Jared Moore.

***

Morning came quickly, and when Ryan woke up, she found her head resting in Olivia's lap as she leaned against the wall, dozing herself. Looking at the warrant in her hands, she sat up and shifted Olivia's sleeping body down so that she was lying on the cot. Scribbling a short but sweet thank you note, she went to arrest Jared and planned on writing her resignation. She'd never pass the psych exam coming up in three weeks.

Smiling faintly at Fin and Munch, she walked up to their desks. "Where's Jared?" 

Fin looked up at her. "Elliot's been grilling him since last night. Interview room 3 I think."

Ryan gave him another forced smile and nodded. "Thanks." Approaching that room, she wanted the whole past day to disappear. Walking in to the room formally, she smiled at Elliot. "Thank you Detective Stabler."

Elliot, sensing she was being formal to spare any shred of sanity she had left, nodded politely. "My pleasure Detective Jamerson." He walked out, knowing the punches he'd delivered to Jared were nothing compared to what Ryan would do to his mind.

Looking in to Jared's deep eyes, her grey eyes seemed stone cold. "You bastard. You realize we have DNA on you right?"

He nodded. "I don't give a damn. Maybe if you'd actually let me have you like Jerry did I wouldn't have had to look elsewhere."

Ryan kicked him in the balls. "Shut up. I do the talking here. We already know that your alibi is a clear as mud and that you raped and murdered these people. Janet Warren was an innocent girl! You bastard! She was getting married next month!" She punched him in the stomach as he got to his feet. "How could you?" Another punch in the face knocked him down again. "That's for the poor actress you mutilated. She has bruises all over her body. Luckily, she'll live to testify against your pompous ass." Once more she kicked him, in the stomach. "That was for lying to me." She pulled him up and showed him the warrant. "I hope you like it in prison. You'll get plenty of sex there, but I doubt the kind you want. I'm going to tell them all you're a pedophile. They won't care enough to check the story." Ryan pushed him against the table as she cuffed him. "Get used to this position Jared, you're going to be seeing a lot of it where you're going." She pulled him up and walked out of the interview room. "You have the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of law. You have the right to an attorney, if you cannot afford one, the court will appoint one for you. Other than that, you're mine asshole."

Jared turned around. "I give up my right to a lawyer. I did it. I confess. I raped those two young girls; they were fun. Then, when I found out one of them lived and that she talked to Chris, I followed him home. There, I tied him up and raped his wife in front of him over and over. Then, I told him he could chose. I'd either shoot his wife now in front of him, or kill him quickly and give her a slower, more painful death. He had me shoot the Misses. Then I raped him and shot him too."

Pulling out her tape recorder, she grinned. "You're fucked asshole." She roughly pulled him around until she ran in to Alex as she glanced at her desk. Fin offered to handle Jared, and she agreed as she went to greet Alex.

"Good morning." Ryan smiled at her. "I got you a present." She played the tape for Cabot and Alex grinned.

"Lovely job Ryan. I need to tell you though, I terribly sorry that it was him."

Ryan's stone eyes stared back at her blue ones. "I'm not. At least now I know what kind of person he really is." Walking away coldly, she grabbed the keys to her F-150 and headed out the door. On her way, Fin stopped her.

"Hey, you're strong Samantha. You're a good cop."

She smiled faintly through tear-filled eyes. "Thanks."

Fin placed a hand on her shoulder, still maintaining his distance. "Where you headed?"

Ryan looked up at him. "To be honest, I'm going to a bar with the soul intention of getting incredibly drunk off my ass."

He frowned lightly. "Sounds like a plan. Do you mind if I join you?"

She shook her head. "It'll be nice to know there's someone I can trust there. If Olivia can trust you, I can trust you."

Fin smiled. "I'll drive you." Ryan handed him her keys without anymore than a slight thought of dispute.

As the two got in to the truck, she turned to him. "How did you know my middle name?"

He smiled. "Olivia told it to us. She said it'd probably be best to call you that for a while. Your mother calls you that?"

Ryan nodded. "Yes. It's my middle name."

Fin started to drive away. "Where to?"

Jamerson sighed. "Any place with alcohol."

With a soft laugh, he turned left and headed down the street. "Samantha suits you better."

She rolled her eyes. "Everyone says that. They say I look more like a ballerina than a cop."

"I wouldn't beg to differ." A slight grin crossed his lips. "Munch's going to be jealous that we left him behind."

Ryan shrugged. "Oh well. I'm going to have a nice glass of brandy."

Tutuola laughed. "Yeah? You seem like a wine girl."

Refusing to take the bait of that comment, they drove in silence to the bar.

***

Jared smiled at Cabot with his lawyer at his side. Teresa Jensen was his lawyer. Alex had heard of her before, she was notorious for getting rapists off on lesser charges. She smiled sweetly at Alex. "I was thinking we could plead down to manslaughter and rape in the second..."

Cabot closed her briefcase, stood up and laughed. "Absolutely not. I have a perfectly sound confession and enough evidence to convict him twice over."

He blew a kiss through the air. "I am in the room Miss Cabot."

Ignoring him, she gave his attorney a smug smirk and walked out. _If I can't put Jerry away on Olivia and Ryan's rapes then I _will_ put him away. For life._ Seeing Elliot and Olivia leaving for the bar with Munch, she joined them, hearing that Fin and Ryan were already there.

***

Ryan stared at the empty-inside of her glass. Laughing lightly, she turned to Fin. Elliot and Olivia had joined them about an hour ago. "It's empty again."

Fin shook his head. "I don't think you should have another..."

Elliot laughed. "I second that motion."

Slurring her words together slightly, Ryan looked at Olivia. "Come on Olivia, tell them I can have another drink."

Before Olivia could object, a song Ryan knew came on and she began to hum softly. Olivia shook her head. "Let's get you home."

Fin smiled. "She looks even more like a ballerina now."

Munch couldn't help but laugh as he approached the group. "She looks happy."

Olivia looked up from her beer. "At least she's forgotten Jared."

Ryan stopped singing. Her eyes glanced from Elliot to Olivia to Munch to Fin and back. "No, I never forget. And I never forgive." Her voice was very solemn, which worried the other detectives because of the severe contrast to her earlier mood.

Benson stood up and grabbed Ryan's keys. "Want me to drive you home?"

After a moment of nearly dead silence, Ryan looked up. "Me? I..." She looked at Fin.

Tutuola smiled. "Go with her, I'm going to have to drag Elliot home." He laughed lightly.

Ryan nodded. "Alright then." She followed Olivia out.

***

Waking up in the morning was just plain painful. Her head pounding, her bladder screaming and her eyes protesting the light, Ryan sighed heavily. Trying to remember what on earth got her in to this situation to begin with as she fumbled her way to the bathroom was difficult. She washed her hands and looked in the mirror. Her mascara was running down her cheeks, she'd been crying. Walking back in to her bedroom, she cried out softly. Olivia was lying in her bed.

Trying not to wake her sleeping partner, she slid in to the kitchen and sat down for a moment. _'Why the hell is Olivia here?'_ Trying to remember was futile; all she could remember was getting terribly wasted.

Fixing a pot of coffee and drinking from a brimming cup deep in thought, Ryan barely noticed Olivia walk in. She was wearing a t-shirt and her pants, which were unbuttoned. Ryan felt her cheeks blush lightly. "Good morning."

Olivia smiled kindly. "I'm glad you slept well Samantha."

That name made her even more suspicious. Ryan laughed, unsure of how to ask Olivia what she needed to ask. "I...uh..." She took a deep breath. "I can't remember a damn thing about last night, what happened?"

Benson gave her hand a soft squeeze and poured herself some juice. "When I was about to leave last night after coaxing you in to pjs, you started crying. I realized that after Jerry and now Jared, you needed someone's touch you could trust."

At first, Ryan assumed the worst. "I...sorry?"

After fully digesting Ryan's thought pattern, Olivia laughed. "I gave you a comforting hug until you calmed down and I decided to stay the night so you would feel safe."

Letting out an all-too-relieved breath, Ryan nodded. "Of course."

Olivia gave her a sly grin. "What? Did you think we had hot passionate sex?"

Ryan refused to comment and took a heavy gulp of her coffee. Her partner laughed. "I haven't even had sex with Elliot since my rape, let alone my partner."

Jamerson found herself blushing again and stood up. "I should get dressed. You need an extra pair of clothes?"

Before Olivia could respond, she put an uneasy hand over her mouth and made a rush to the bathroom. Ryan followed her and frowned when she heard Olivia throwing up. "You okay?"

Olivia walked out and blushed. "Yeah, it's been happening more and more often so far. Doctor says it should be over by the fourth month though."

Ryan recalled Elliot talking about her being pregnant. "Oh, right. I forgot."

Benson smiled before taking the clothes Ryan had held out to her. "I wish I could sometimes."

With a false smile, Ryan walked back in to her bedroom to change. Walking out in her dress slacks and a button-down, she sighed. "I really don't want to go to work. When will the new recruit be coming in?"

Olivia shrugged. "Let's go find out." The two got in the F-150 and headed for the station house. Jared was going to be put away, Ryan was sure of that. Now she only had to worry about her testimony.

***

As soon as Ryan got in to the station house, Cragen called her in to his office. "I'm not going to be calling in another partner for you for a while. I want to see how you do on the psych exam before I take on another unit, okay?" He paused. "I understand what all of this has done to you so far, but I just want you to know I've delayed the evaluation three weeks. That gives you plenty of time to give your testimony and a week or so for a break afterward. It will be paid leave, but I am enforcing that you do not get involved in the cases running at that time, if you do I will submit you to the evaluation immediately. Is that clear?"

Standing in front of Cragen and realizing how much he cares about his detectives, she nodded. "Thank you Captain Cragen." As she turned to leave, she looked back. "How come you didn't go with us to the bar to celebrate last night?"

Cragen smiled faintly and shook his head. "AA."

Giving him a look of understanding, she walked out and closed the door. Alex was awaiting her to prep her for her testimony tomorrow morning. She greeted the ADA with a pleasantly fake smile. "Hey Alexandra, how are you?"

Alex gave her a kind smile. "I'm doing okay, I've been better."

Ryan could tell she'd missed out on a full night's sleep. "Did you go with us last night?"

Trying not to laugh, Cabot nodded. "I will take it that you don't recall."

Jamerson raised an eyebrow. "Recall what?"

With a coy grin, Alex shook her head. "Nothing Samantha, nothing."

She groaned. "You're not going to start calling me that too are you?"

Alex laughed. "I could always call you, how did you put it? Damn sexy?"

Not willing to ask what Cabot was referring to, Ryan looked seriously at her. "I'm ready to testify. It's tomorrow right?"

She nodded. "At least you remember _something_."

Ryan gave her an eat-shit-and-die look before walking with her to the parking lot, the two bound for her office to prep.

***

Elliot walked in to the station house to see Olivia drinking from a coffee cup and looking over the case he and Jared had been working. He whispered in her ear. "Coffee's bad for the baby."

She jumped slightly and turned around. "God Elliot, you know I hate it when people sneak up on me. It's not coffee." She handed him the cup and he saw the orange juice. "I'm going to die without the caffeine but oh well."

He patted her back and kissed her cheek. "You'll manage."

Olivia looked at him. "So, what parent doesn't teach their six-year-old child not to open the door to strangers?"

Elliot looked down at the case and recalled the details. He was raped and murdered in his house while his parents were at work. Stabler sighed. "I'm sure they taught him."

"Then, maybe, he thought this guy was allowed in. There was no sign of forced entry?"

When he shook his head, he paused for a minute. "It could be a family member, I remember looking up the family and finding an uncle or some other relative in the city and he has a father in Queens."

Olivia stood and grabbed her jacket. "Is the mother single?"

"No." Elliot paused. "There's a step-father."

Benson shook her head. "Let's talk to them first and see where that goes."

Elliot nodded and grabbed him keys, heading towards the lot with Olivia at his side. He took her hand shyly.

***

Alex looked at her watch; it was almost two. "Want to grab lunch? We can work some more after that..."

Ryan let a small smile pull at her lips and nodded. "That sounds great. Are we going to cover what cross might ask me? I don't want any ludicrous questions setting me off-guard."

Cabot handed Ryan her jacket and grabbed her own purse. "Well, I can't completely safe-guard you but I can ask you questions that I'd ask if I were in his position, and remember, just keep the answers short, concise and truthful."

Jamerson nodded. "This has been a great help."

Alex smiled. "That's my job. Now, where to?"

Thinking for a moment, Ryan shrugged. "How about you chose?"

Sighing lightly as they took the elevator down to the parking garage, she laughed. "You like Italian?"

Pushing thoughts of Jared's dinner less than a week ago from her mind, she nodded. "Italian sounds great."

Alex opened her car with the remote and climbed in. Ryan was surprised. It was a red Lexus SUV that made Ryan almost envious. The inside was beige leather interior and it was more luxurious than Jamerson first expected. Alex turned the car on and drove out.

Ryan turned the radio up lightly. "I like this song."

Cabot nodded. "Me too."

"I didn't think anyone else here was religious...Mercy Me* is a Christian Band."

Alexandra nodded as she turned right and in to a parking lot. "I know. I love their music. Now, come on, let's get something to eat."

Ryan nodded and got out. As the two met around the front of the car, Alex leaned in and whispered in her ear. "This is on me by the way."

At first, Ryan sought to oppose this but she noticed Alexandra's determined look as the waitress sat them and gave in. "What are you ordering?"

Alex picked up the menu and read through the bottom of her glasses.

Ryan found herself watching Alexandra; she looked very beautiful. "Well?" She blinked a few times, taking her out of her trance as she glanced at her own menu.

Cabot laughed. "I already told you, I'm going to have seafood alfredo. I asked you what you are going to have..."

Jamerson looked up at her again and forced herself to return her gaze to the menu. "Right. Sorry, I'm still a bit tired. Um, I think I'm going to get a salad and spinach ravioli."

Alexandra wrinkled her nose up. "Spinach hmm?"

Ryan nodded. "I'm not a big fan of red meat."

Her companion's blue eyes lit up. "Me too, well, I try to stay away from meat. Seafood is okay in my book though."

Jamerson gave her a coy grin. "You could use the meat on your bones." _'Not really, her bones look just perfect to me...'_

Alex blushed faintly under her glasses and Ryan smiled at her. "I eat plenty, it just seems to vanish."

As Ryan slid off her coat she nodded. "I know what you mean. I felt awful when I leant Olivia one of my shirts today and I had to get one of the bigger ones I never wear..."

A fair blond eyebrow rose. "Olivia spent the night? I thought she and Elliot..."

Ryan interrupted her. "Yes, they are together. She just stayed to comfort me. I wasn't in the best condition mentally..."

Alexandra took her hand and smiled at her. "It will all be over soon with Jared, don't worry."

***

          Alex smiled at Ryan. "Would you please tell the court what Jared confessed to you just outside of the interview room?"

          Ryan nodded. "He told me that he'd raped those two women." Her lip quivered lightly and she wiped her eyes. "Then he told me that if I'd had sex with him, he wouldn't have had to go elsewhere." Unable to look at Cabot anymore, she looked down. "Then he confessed to the murder of the sketch artist and his wife. Saying he raped the wife in front of the husband, and sodomized the husband." Tears were streaming down her cheeks.

          "Did this seem like the same Jared you knew?"

          Shaking her head, she looked up at Alex. "He always treated me so nice, but I could see it in his eyes. He wasn't lying. He meant every word of it."

          "And what can you tell me about the sketch artist's composite?"

          Ryan swallowed hard. "It looked almost as much like him as the picture I used to keep on my bedside."

          "Used to?"

          Jamerson's eyes lit with fire. "He _raped_ four people! And he _murdered_ three of them in cold blood!"

          Cabot was pleased, even though Ryan's tears hurt her to see. This was a open and close case. "Thank you Ms. Jamerson."

***

Ryan sighed heavily and nodded. "That is correct, I was dating the defendant at the time."

The defense proceeded. "Did anything lead you to believe he was capable of rape?"

That's when Ryan remembered something a shivered lightly. "I'd always told him that I hated it when he winked at me because when I was raped, the rapist winked at me as he left...but in the four days prior to the attacks, he had winked at me more than any other time during our entire relationship. When I confronted him about it, he didn't even seem regretful, he only laughed and told me to stop being so up tight."

Defense questioned her again. "Had you ever slept with the defendant?"

Alexandra stood up. "Objection!"

The judge looked at the defense attorney through her half-moon glasses and frowned. "Where is this going Ms. Jensen?"

Teresa looked up at the judge. "Character of the witness, your Honor."

Frowning, the judge sighed. "Watch your step Ms. Jensen. Answer the question Detective."

Ryan shook her head. "No, I've never slept with Jared."

Teresa stepped closer. "I thought you'd been together for four years or so?"

Once again, Alex was on her feet. "OBJECTION! Badgering the witness."

Judge Ramsey sighed. "Sustained."

Ms. Jensen frowned and redirected. "When you first saw that sketch, did it ever run through your mind that it might be someone else?"

Ryan shook her head. "It was the final piece to an intricate puzzle. He was always MIA during the time of the crime and his alibi was always paper thin when Elliot wanted to know where he'd been."

"So, you'd thought about Jared being the rapist before?"

She shook her head again. "Never. Why would I? He was my boyfriend, I trusted him." Tears brimmed in her grey eyes.

Ms. Jensen sighed. "You trusted him but yet you suspected him immediately?"

Ryan sighed. "It looked exactly like him, it still does and now there's no doubt in my mind that he did it."

Teresa grinned. "Are you so adamant about that?"

Suspicious, Ryan looked to Alexandra. Alex nodded for her to answer. "Yes, I am. I have been told that DNA and eye-witness testimony corroborates my opinion."

Ms. Jensen pounced on her one chance. "That's right, you'd know how exactly to explain to the girl what her rapist looked like because you're a cop and understand the proceedings."

"OBJECTION!" Alexandra was furious.

With a smug grin, Ms. Jensen returned to her desk.  "Withdrawn. Nothing further your Honor."

***

After the trial, Alex smiled and hugged Ryan. "The jury only took thirty minutes, you did great."

Ryan blushed faintly in her embrace. "I feel exhausted."

Alex paused. "Tell you what, I'll take you back to my place to sleep. That way you'll have someone with you and it's only about twenty minutes away."

She remained silent for a moment, and nodded. "I'd like that." As the two headed out of the courthouse, Ryan's cell rang. "Jamerson."

Olivia smiled. "How'd it go?"

Ryan sighed. "The sentencing is in a week."

Sighing with relief, Olivia grinned. "Do you want a ride? I know you went there with Alex."

Blushing, Ryan responded negatively. "Actually, Alex has offered to let me stay at her place for the night."

Olivia laughed lightly. "You do know that Alex is bisexual, right?"

Ryan paused for a moment, looking at Alexandra, and nodded. "Yes I do."

"Are you?" Olivia earnestly awaited an answer. Munch and her had a bet going on whether or not the two would hook up, not that she'd tell Ryan that.

Shrugging lightly, Ryan felt a shy smile tug at her lips. "We'll see."

Olivia laughed. "Have fun Samantha."

"Is everyone going to start calling me that?"

Benson nodded. "It stuck, sorry. Well, have fun. See you after your break."

Recalling Cragen's orders, she nodded. "Right, see you then."

As Ryan hung up the phone, she climbed in to Alex's car. "Are you intending on calling me Samantha too?"

Alexandra blushed. "I'm not sure, maybe we'll find out later." Listening to Alex's words made Ryan blush brightly as the two drove to Alexandra's apartment.

***End Chapter Four***

* I do not own this!


	6. Cabot's Test

"In the criminal justice system, sexually based offenses are considered especially heinous. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit. These are their stories."

It comes with the Badge

**A/N: Spoilers for 'LOSS'!!!!!!!!!**

____________________________________________________________________________

_Last time:_

_As Ryan hung up the phone, she climbed in to Alex's car. "Are you intending on calling me Samantha too?"_

_Alexandra blushed. "I'm not sure, maybe we'll find out later." Listening to Alex's words made Ryan blush brightly as the two drove to Alexandra's apartment._

__________________________________________________________________________

Chapter Five

Cabot's Test

          Alexandra Cabot stared at the papers on her desk. She was not going to get this conviction. Olivia had to testify or Ryan's and her conviction were out. Hopeless, she took another drink of the shot. It burned on it's way down but left her nerves buzzing with anxiety. _'I'm so close to a conviction. I just need her testimony...' _Cabot rested her head sleepily in her hands and stared at the papers a bit longer before wrapping her jacket around her tightly and walking downstairs to her car. What she saw scared her to death. A red rose and a note lay on her windshield. After dialing Olivia's number and asking her to stay on the line until Cabot was safely on her way home, she reached out and read the note. It scared her even more. _'You stupid bitch! If you put Jerry away, we'll get you.'_ She had a feeling it had nothing to do with the rape and murder. This had to do with what the DEA had on him. Drugs. She had always heard how dangerous it was in that department, but she'd never messed with them. Now she was in trouble. Getting in her car nervously and driving home, she couldn't sleep.

Sighing heavily, she sat in her bed with the nightstand light on and reviewed every piece of evidence once more. There had to be some way for Olivia to testify without having to put up with cross. Nothing came up, except the sun. With a glum frown and a sigh of defeat, she climbed in to the shower and allowed the hot water to lull her in to a half-sleep state before clambering out and pulling on a pair of black dress slacks and a sweater. "I need this damned conviction." Pulling on a pair of shoes, she grabbed her papers and headed for the precinct. Alexandra needed to talk to Ryan and Olivia; she was looking forward to speaking with Ryan for many reasons.

***

Ryan smiled when she saw Alex walk in, but her smile fell when she examined the woman. The usually sharp-minded attorney looked like she hadn't slept in days. When Ryan had been put on leave for a week last Tuesday, she'd spent three days with Alex. How she got like this since then was a mystery to the detective. Purple spots hung under her blue eyes like death slowly creeping over her body. Jamerson wondered if she'd even eaten. "You look awful Alexandra..." Ryan hugged her lightly.

She gave the cop a kind but grim smile. "I need you to think of every possible thing you can to support your rape case. Without Olivia's testimony we can't convict him of your rape, and the statute is running short."

Jamerson stared heavily at the floor. Rape was not a word she wanted to hear right now, and _rapist_ was even worse. "I told Jared what happened to me, couldn't he testify to how torn up I was emotionally? Couldn't he testify to say that I've abstained from sex as long as he's known me? Can't the medical file saying I was a virgin be presented? Can't you do SOMETHING!?"

Alex frowned. "I can't do a damn thing when you can't give me anything to work with. Jared is already on the witness list but I'm still worried about his credibility, you are on the list to give your own testimony too but we have no way to prove he did it. You didn't see him, correct?"

Ryan nodded. "I heard his voice, I can remember that like it was yesterday."

Cabot shook her head. "That can't hold in a line-up now that you know the guy. Maybe, if you aren't allowed to see the men, just hear them..." Alex stood, "I'm going to call in a favor."

Jamerson smiled. "Thanks, be sure to savor them while you still can. I know what it's like to run out."

Alexandra remembered Ryan saying she was from the three-one but she didn't reply to her comment. Walking out slowly, she prayed to God Olivia would testify and slam-dunk this case.

***

Olivia arrived at the precinct to see Ryan hunched over a pile of papers referring to the Janet Warren, Chris Barton, Devon Barton, and Kiera Knightly cases. Those were the four counts that Jared was being tried on. She closed each one of the folders separately after gazing at their pictures. It sent shivers down her spine. _'How does she do it? How does she stay so strong?'_ Olivia knew how _she_ did it, she tried to forget, but she could tell Ryan remembered. She remembered every kiss, every touch, and it fueled her. Frowning, she put a hand on Ryan's shoulder. "You look like you could use some sleep. Did you sleep last night?"

Ryan nodded slowly. "Two hours in the crib, but that's all. It's still more than Alex."

_'So you didn't sleep at Alex's again last night?' _Benson frowned. "Is she worried about the sentencing?"

Her friend retreated. "She's still struggling to get more against Jerry." A slight grin, which Olivia hadn't see since the night she'd gotten drunk, crossed Ryan's dried lips. "Jared's sentencing is today, and after that I've got to get used to working again."

Olivia grinned and handed her some Chapstick. "You need it, trust me."

For some reason, Ryan felt like Olivia was hitting on her, but she shrugged it off. Memories of how Olivia had held her when she saw the sketch of Jared flooded back in to her mind and she remembered how motherly Olivia had been, of course she wasn't hitting on her. Her experience with Alex must've been clouding her view.

Benson sat on her friend's desk slightly. "So how are things between you and Alex?"

Ryan blushed lightly. "I don't know, ask her."

Laughing casually Olivia shook her head and looked up as Elliot entered. "I thought you'd be late when you weren't up when I left."

Elliot kissed her softly and his hand found her stomach easily, caressing it softly. "I'm never late."

Ryan smiled at him. "I see you two are finally acting like a couple."

Stepping away from Olivia, Elliot nodded. "Yes."

Elliot cleared his throat as Olivia sipped from her coffee cup. Frowning, Benson sighed and showed him the cup. Inside was orange juice again. "You don't need to rub it in Elliot. The caffeine withdraw is killing me."

Elliot laughed. "I'm sure you'll survive."

"Are we going to speak with the father today? See who's stories better?"

Stabler recalled the stepfather's poor alibi and nodded. "Let's. The father's in Queens."

Benson flipped through some more papers from the case file. "Sounds great, at least he's not a dead-beat dad. I may be able to treat him fairly."

Elliot frowned. "Maybe _you_ will but I've got other plans. We have to break one of the two, and I'd rather get this guy."

Olivia looked a list of family. "After that we've got an uncle in the Bronx."

Grabbing his keys and heading out of the station, he nodded. As they got in the sedan, he looked at her. "So how are Samantha and Alexandra getting along?"

Giving him a coy grin, he laughed. "I thought you didn't care when we were pooling the bets."

Elliot gave her a reproving look. "When she finds out about it, I'll have clean hands."

Olivia laughed. "Well, she told me to ask Alex, I'm planning on it."

Driving away, Elliot nodded. "Let me know how it goes, I'm curious."

***

Alexandra sighed heavily. Her case with Rafael Zapata was building but she was still trying to put everything in to Samantha's case. _'She deserves this conviction. I can't fail her like Jared did.'_ Cabot admitted her feelings about Samantha, and she had kindly humored her. Samantha was a good kisser. They hadn't gone further than that, but if Alexandra could do anything about it, she planned on pursuing Samantha.

Glancing at her watch, she sighed. She had a meeting with the DEA concerning Zapata coming up soon and she couldn't go looking like she did and after that she had a meeting with a judge about Ryan's voice identification issue. Getting up and clambering in to her shower, she slid off her robe and turned the hot spray on. It felt so good to take a soothing shower. She hadn't slept the night before, she'd spent half the night on the phone with Samantha, and talking about the testimony she was going to have to give.

_'Samantha...'_ They were going to have lunch together after her meeting, and for some reason, she couldn't wait.

Brushing and blow-drying her hair, she pondered what to wear. While it had to look business-like, she also wanted to impress Samantha. Wearing a sapphire blue collared shirt, and a black business skirt, she smiled in the mirror. She fastened a chain of pearls around her neck and grabbed her briefcase. Getting in her car, Alexandra was definitely happy.

***

Ryan looked at the case that she was to run with Fin and Munch. It was two murdered prostitutes like Munch had said. _'A four year old case?'_ She shook her head and set the file down, looking up to see a woman walk in to the station, crying. She stood up and approached the woman. Her hair was brownish blond, and she had lovely blue eyes that reminded Ryan of Alexandra. "Hello, my name is Ryan, or you can call me Samantha, Jamerson. Can I help you?"

She nodded, and sniffled lightly. "Are either Olivia Benson or Elliot Stabler here?"

Samantha shook her head. "No, would you like me to call one of them?"

The girl protested. "No! I'd like to report a rape." When she tugged her jacket closed, Samantha noticed she was probably about twenty years old and much thinner than she first appeared.

Frowning, Samantha nodded and led her in to an interview room. "I'm going to tape it so my partners can listen to it too when they return, is that okay with you?"

The girl nodded again, politely. "Thank you."

Samantha smiled at her comfortingly. "I haven't done anything worth thanks yet. You're the hero here so far, for coming in to talk to us. Now, can you tell me your name and age?"

 "Maureen Stabler, 19."

Her ears pricked up. "Elliot's oldest?"

She nodded slowly. "You cannot tell him. Please, at least not until I can tell him myself."

Samantha reached out and took Maureen's hand. "Hey, when I was raped, I waited three years to tell my parents. I'll keep your secret. Munch and Fin will be looking for the perp, and we'll call you by another name if it's needed, okay?"

Maureen gave her a trusting smile. "Thank you Detective."

Smiling, she got out a pen for her notes. "Call me Ryan or Samantha, Samantha seems to be really common around here." Scribbling a bit on the paper, she tore it off. "This is my cell phone number, call me if you _ever_ want to talk, promise?"

The young girl nodded. "Okay. I promise."

"Now," she sat back to take notes. "Tell me what happened."

Maureen sniffled again and nodded. "It happened last night. My roommate was having a party at our apartment and I stayed in my room." She frowned. "Jasmine's parties are always really wild and I know better. Dad's job has always made sure of that, he tells me every time a girl my age walks in here and tells me not to let that happen to me." She started to cry. "One of the guys came in to my room...and I told him to leave. When he sat on my bed, I stood up and started yelling with him. He was drunk and wouldn't listen...I hadn't thought to lock the door."

Samantha put a soft touch on her hand. "I wouldn't have thought to do so either. Is that when it happened?"

The Stabler daughter nodded and sighed. "I went to a doctor, so they did a rape kit."

Sighing, Samantha nodded. "You're a smart girl Maureen."

Frowning, she looked at her hands as if they were all she could see as she scratched off her nail polish. "Obviously not smart enough, Dad's going to kill me if he finds out."

Scooting her chair around, she put an arm around her. "No, that's not true." She hugged Maureen as she started to cry harder. "He'd try his hardest to get this guy and he'd commend you for being so strong. If not, then he's just worried because I know your dad and that's what he'd want to do."

This caused Maureen to smile again. "Thank you."

"Now I'm going to have to call in another precinct's sketch artist because we're without at the moment..." Ryan's voice was a bit timid as the phrase ended. "So, if you'll allow me, I can take you down to the 3-1 where I used to work."

Maureen smiled. "Okay. You _are_ the only one who will be working the case?"

Taking a deep breath and phrasing her words as cautiously as she could, she replied. "As long as your case requires no more police force I will be the sole detective. Now, if I require some kind of aide, I can ask Olivia to help me off the clock or I can have Munch and Fin give me a hand. I will let that be your choice."

Trustingly, Maureen nodded. "Olivia, please. I can trust Olivia."

As the two walked out to the sedans, she looked at the girl. "You can trust me too. Promise."

Maureen climbed in to the passengers seat and Samantha grinned. "How's it feel?"

"Hmm?"

Laughing, she motioned to the car. "All you need's a badge and you'd know what it's like to be a cop."

Maureen smiled. "And a gun. I've been thinking of getting a concealed weapon license, especially now."

Samantha nodded. "Ask Olivia about it, or I could take you to get it."

Nodding slowly, she thanked her again.

"You don't have to thank me for everything. If people didn't help other people out, where would this world be?"

Maureen sighed. "I would think in your line of work you would think the opposite. Helping people gets you killed or something."

Ryan smiled. "My father was an Army man, that kind of thinking wasn't allowed in my house."

"You're an army brat?" 

She nodded. "That's what got me in to the force. My mother always wanted me to be a ballerina but my dad thought ballerinas were pansies. That's why my first name is somewhat masculine and my middle name is hyper feminine. My family could never agree on anything. I grew up with my dad calling me Ryan and my mom calling me Samantha."

Maureen laughed. "My mom and dad used to fight about petty things regarding us all the time. I think it's better that they got divorced. Elizabeth and Kathleen love seeing Olivia so much. They keep joking together about if the two will ever get married."

"How about you?"

She shrugged. "It's nice to see them both without the fighting and I'm glad that I can see my dad more often now. I think that's more due to me attending Columbia and having moved out than the divorce though."

Samantha nodded. "What are you majoring in?"

Maureen laughed. "I'm not quite sure yet, I think I want to be a doctor."

That brought a smile to Ryan's face. "That's a noble profession."

"What did you major in?"

Samantha crinkled her nose as she put the car in park at the 31. "Psychology. I went to Duke."

Maureen laughed. "You don't strike me as the type to be a shrink."

"I get that a lot. I just thought it would be handy as far as handling perps and vics. Not to mention, Cragen likes having me on hand when Haung isn't available."

The two got out of the car and headed in to the precinct. Two uniforms waved to Samantha. "Hey Ryan." She waved to them.

Finally, she reached the Captain's office. She poked her head in. "Hey, can we borrow a sketch artist Cap? We're in the market as it were..."

"Sure thing Ryan." He looked up from his papers and smiled before he motioned for her to leave. 

Walking past the interview rooms, they saw him speaking with another victim. Samantha turned to Maureen. "You realize that after we find the guy who did it, you're going to have to explain in further detail your rape so that Alexandra can think of how to approach the case."

Maureen nodded. "Alex is sweet."

Ryan leaned in. "She's seemed a bit less resilient as of late. The guy who raped Olivia and me is on trial. I'm testifying tomorrow but the day after I will start working on your case, is that okay?"

Nodding slowly, Maureen sighed. "I hope they get that bastard. Olivia was so torn up after that."

Jamerson began remembering back to how her rape had affected her. She remember trying to wash it off futilely in the shower and then standing in front of her bathroom mirror and cutting her hair off. Her hair had been to her waist, and she cut it to her shoulders, unable to stand how dirty it was, like the rest of her. Shivering lightly, she smiled as the sketch artist came out. "Hey Marty."

He grinned. "How's it going Ryan? I haven't seen you in ages!" Giving her a light, and purposely-distant hug, he smiled. "You look better than when you left. I heard they got the guy."

Samantha nodded. "I need you to help me get another guy."

Maureen stepped forward nervously. "Hello."

Marty shook her hand softly and nodded. "I'd love to."

Samantha whispered in Maureen's ear as they walked in to the interview room. "Don't worry about him, he only likes men."

Maureen laughed faintly and sat down close to Samantha for protection anyway.

Marty looked up. "So, let's start with skin tone."

"Um, he was white but his skin was tanned."

He started sketching already. "Height? Weight?"

Maureen shifted. "Taller than me, maybe 6 foot? He was a bit chubby but nothing compared to half of America."

Ryan smiled lightly. "Hair and eye color?"

Shifting she shrugged. "Dark brown or black hair...green eyes. They might have been blue."

Marty sighed but continued. "Facial hair?"

Maureen shook her head. "No."

He handed her the rough sketch. "Well?"

Biting her lip lightly, she shook her head. "His eyebrows were really thick. Also, he had a bit longer hair..." Her eyes were closed as she made these corrections and Ryan remembered having to do this herself. She took Maureen's hand comfortingly.

***

Alex grinned as she parked in the precinct's lot. She was able to get the voice ID in. When she walked in to the precinct, she saw Munch, Fin, Olivia and Elliot but not Samantha. "Where's Samantha?"

Olivia smiled and walked up to Alex. "She's with a victim at the 3-1 getting a sketch done. Why?"

Alexandra blushed. "We're going for lunch, and I've finally managed to get her voice ID in, assuming she does it properly. I have this for you too." Elliot picked up the blue folded paper.

Benson grinned. "So are you two a couple?"

Cabot laughed. "Maybe?"

Stabler frowned. "Liv, we've got an arrest warrant on Raphael Zapata, we need to pick him up. Gossip can be done later."

Olivia rolled her eyes lightly. "Tell me how lunch goes." She walked out of the precinct with Elliot at her side. Alex had noticed her shirt was untucked, but she was only three and a half months along...Shrugging, she sat in Samantha's chair and got her cell out and dialed her number.

Ryan answered, "Jamerson."

Alexandra smiled. "Hello Samantha."

Samantha laughed on the other end. "I'm sorry I'm late, I'm dropping a vic off. I'll be there in thirty minutes."

Cabot's smile grew. "That's great. I've got good news when you do get here."

***

Ryan hugged Maureen softly as she let her out of the car in front of her apartment. "Stay safe sweetheart. I'll be by again in three days to talk about where I am on the case, okay?"

Maureen nodded and walked in, locking the door behind her.

Driving away, as fast as possible to get to Alex, she smiled. Things weren't so bad after all, even with what happened with Jared. Now, she was going to hear good news on the case _and_ go to lunch with her lovely companion.

***

Samantha blushed as she walked in to the station house. "So sorry I'm late."

Alex hugged her softly. "It's okay. Let's go to lunch."

"You look like you got some sleep..." She smiled.

Cabot laughed. "No, I just took a shower."

Ryan laughed faintly and sighed. "Close enough. What's the good news?"

Alexandra gave her an excited smile. "If you can accurately ID the perp by voice, she'll let it in."

A wave of relief washed over Samantha. "Can we do it after lunch?"

Alex nodded. "Of course. Where would you like to eat?"

Samantha picked up her keys. "I know this great seafood place on Broadway."

Smiling, Alex followed her out. "Sounds great."

***

Olivia gave Elliot a grin as they drove towards the docks where Zapata had his yacht. "Admit it, you think they'd make a great couple."

Elliot nodded slowly. "I'm worried about Alex though, she's getting in too deep with Zapata."

Frowning, Olivia nodded. "I know what you mean."

"I think we need to keep an extra close watch on her, according to the DEA Zapata and Hobson were buddies. Alex failed to mention that to anyone."

Olivia shook her head. "She thinks she'll be fine, she doesn't realize the danger she's in."

Elliot kissed Olivia's forehead. "Sounds like someone else I know."

***

Ryan sighed heavily as she spooned the last bit of her clam chowder in to her mouth. "Did you enjoy the food?"

Alex let out a large sigh and placed a hand on her flat stomach. "It certainly was delicious, and filling."

Samantha could tell that Alexandra was still tired. "Want me to take you back to your place Alexandra?"

She smiled. "No, thank you, unless you care to join me? I'm not going to sleep either way so it's up to you."

"Why won't you sleep?" She looked concerned as she stared in to the blue eyes of her dear friend.

Alexandra sighed. "I can't sleep until I'm sure I'll get a conviction on your count. I won't let this asshole get away with it."

Ryan was touched. She smiled. "I'd love to go back with you. We can prep for my testimony too."

Cabot nodded. "I need to know exactly what happened to you also." She noticed Samantha draw back. "It's okay though, you just look straight at me when you tell the court and pretend you're just telling me. You can trust me."

Standing and tipping the waiter seven dollars, she smiled. "Yes, I can." Alexandra took her hand as the two walked out of the restaurant, much to the surprise of some of its occupants.

Samantha drove slowly, with her free hand in Alex's as they headed to her apartment. "I'm glad you liked lunch."

Alex grinned. "It could've been awful as long as you were there."

Jamerson's pale cheeks turned pink as she looked at her friend. "Thank you."

Taking on a more serious tone, Alex looked at Samantha. "You know, I'm really sorry about Jared. I wish you could've been spared that pain."

Ryan shrugged. "It makes you stronger, that's all."

Alexandra squeezed her hand softly. "You don't need to be any stronger Samantha."

Parallel parking a bit quicker than most would risk, she rolled her eyes. "Samantha is such a laborious and feminine name, can't you pick something else?"

This made the ADA smile again as they headed towards her apartment. "How about Sammi?"

Sighing, Ryan shrugged. "I thought _Ryan_ might sound good, but whatever you choose." She took Alexandra's hand shyly but held it firmly. 

***

Cragen sighed, "Elliot, Olivia, you two need to call Cabot down as soon as possible. The DEA needs to speak with her and I will need you two to make sure she has a detail on her at all times. There's been a threat against her life."

Olivia's eyes went wide. "Oh God. It's Zapata isn't it?"

He nodded solemnly, "Take care of her you two."

Elliot frowned, but nodded. "Of course." Looking seriously at Olivia, the two walked out, Olivia calling Alex from her cell phone.

***

Ryan took a deep breath. "On December 12th of 1998 I was at a party with my roommate. Most of the people were drinking...or drunk, but I never drank. I've always held strong to not getting drunk at foolish parties, I'm Catholic too so I refused the alcohol. Unfortunately, a guy at the party was too drunk to have any common sense left and he came on to me rather forcefully. I ran out of the house rather nervous and headed to my car. I left quickly, heading down the block to where I had parked my car; I never got to it. A man pulled a knife on me and told me that if I said a word he'd slit my throat open. He pulled a pillowcase over my head so I couldn't see and led me to his car. I have no idea what the car looked like, or what he looked like. Then he shoved me inside of the back seat; it was a four door. I remember what seemed like an eternity driving. Finally, he stopped the car and pulled me out. He dragged me down a flight of stairs and through a doorway. The floor was cement; I could feel in on my bare feet. My shoes had come off before he pulled me in to the car. Then in changed to tile, through another doorway I assume, and he pushed me down on a mattress. He unbound my hands and I tried to fight but he quickly secured them to the wall with chains. Then he removed the pillowcase. I had been screaming since he dragged me down the stairs, but no one heard me..." She opened her eyes after vividly reliving the scene; her eyes were watering.

"He was wearing a ski mask and I couldn't see his face. For two and a half days, or so I measured from the sunlight, I fought him. I cursed his name and tried my hardest. Eventually, on the third day, I quit fighting. I couldn't take it anymore. My body was weak and dehydrated, I was sick and I started to pray that God would kill me. For the next two days, I prayed non-stop. I begged for God to end this torment that my captor submitted me to. Finally, he got sick of my submission, stabbed me several times between the legs and put the pillowcase over my head again. The same as when he picked me up, he bound my hands and drove the long way back to the block where I was captured. He threw me on to the sidewalk and left me there alone with nothing more than a white rose. My voice was hardly audible from screaming so much, but someone heard me..." Tears were flowing down her pale cheeks; Alexandra held her hand softly. "The doctors told me I was pregnant...but I miscarried within a week of the hospitalization. I can never have kids of my own due to the wounds he inflicted upon my body..."

Alexandra cut the recording tape and reached out to wrap her arms around Ryan, holding her tight. "I'm so sorry Samantha." She kissed her cheek. "I'm so sorry."

Frowning and heaving an exasperated sigh, Alex turned off her cell phone. "It can't be that important."

Samantha smiled at her through tears and hugged her tightly. "Thank you so much Alex."

Cabot tightened their embrace. "I'm going to put this guy away for you." The two held that tight embrace for a long moment as Ryan sobbed softly, but the buzzer shattered the comfortable silence.

Sighing with annoyance, Cabot pushed the buzzer. "Cabot..."

Olivia responded. "Alex, it's Olivia. Elliot and I need to talk with you."

Pressing the button to let them up, she turned to Ryan. "You okay?"

Samantha nodded and smiled forcedly. "I'm going to go wash up...I can't have them see me like this."

Alex tucked a strand of Ryan's lovely long hair behind her ear. "You always look lovely to me."

Blushing, she walked in to the bathroom as Elliot and Olivia knocked on the door. Alex answered. "What is it? I've never gotten a house call from you two..." She looked concerned.

Olivia frowned heavily. "Cragen's told us that there's been a threat against your life. We're to make sure there's a detail on you 24/7."

Alexandra stepped back. "Is it Jerry?"

She shook her head. "No, Zapata."

Ryan came out. "Alex, what's wrong?" She saw her two fellow detectives. "Hey you two."

Olivia gave her a curious look but frowned. "Do you think you can stay with Alex tonight? Cragen told us to keep a detail on her..."

Samantha nodded strongly. "Of course. No one will get to her unless they go through me."

Elliot grinned. "That's the idea. So, we'll be by tomorrow morning to pick you both up. Okay?"

The two nodded. Ryan frowned. "Tomorrow I testify..."

Olivia flinched lightly. "Yes. You do." _'And I don't...'_

Alex smiled faintly. "The case will go fine. Trust me. Elliot's on the witness list so you two had better rest up tonight."

Elliot nodded. "That's right." He gave Olivia an emphasizing glance before opening the door for her. "If either of you need anything, call."

The two nodded as Olivia and Elliot walked out.

***

Samantha woke later than usual the next morning and heard the shower running. Alex was no longer in bed, so she assumed that was why the shower was on. Sitting up lazily, she went to fix a pot of coffee. Drinking heavily from the coffee cup and clinging to her collared shirt around her, she sat down at the kitchen island and sighed. Alex came out in a bathrobe with her wet hair combed back. Samantha gave her a big smile. "Good morning."

Alex came up behind her and hugged her softly. "Good morning to you." Stealing a sip of her coffee before making her own, she smiled. "Want me to show you how to work the shower?"

Ryan nodded thankfully. "I could use one of those." Pulling her shirt down to cover her bare thighs as she walked towards the bathroom, Samantha found herself looking at Alexandra long legs. Her cheeks grew hot and she looked away. 

Once she'd managed to turn the shower on, Alexandra had left her to bath. The hot water was relieving and the gently feminine scent of the soap soothed her frayed nerves. Climbing out and wrapping a towel around her, Ryan walked out and frowned. "Alexandra, I don't have any clothes..."

After spending a long moment with her mouth slightly ajar as she gazed at Ryan's form, Alexandra laughed. "I'm sorry, I completely forgot."

Walking over to her closet, she opened it and showed her the vast choice of combinations. "The pants may be a bit too large."

Ryan laughed. "Don't be silly. Your waist is as small as mine." Grabbing a pair of black slacks and a pastel pink button-down she smiled. "Thanks. I promise I'll return them, dry cleaned, as soon as possible."

Alexandra chuckled softly. "Don't worry about it. Get them to me whenever it's convenient. What matters today is that you look good for trial."

Nodding, she changed in the bathroom. Coming out, she frowned. "My hair looks atrocious." Alexandra convinced her to sit down as she combed through her hair and gently French braided it.

"It looks lovely." She walked back around. "You look lovely."

Biting her lip as she approached the full-length mirror in her bedroom, she almost gasped. "Wow. I look way too much like a girl."

Alexandra came up behind her and kissed her shoulder. "That's the idea. I doubt the jury will commiserate with a boy."

Ryan allowed herself to smile and turned. "I'm ready."

Grabbing Samantha's keys from the nightstand, Cabot nodded. "Let's go then." Ryan grabbed her keys and the two waited outside for Olivia and Elliot before pulling away.

***

Trying not to cry, Ryan finished her account before the jury. Jerry sat in the courtroom, along with Elliot and Olivia. She could see the pity in their eyes. When she looked to Alexandra, she found support. Taking her seat, Alexandra kept her eyes on Ryan as the defense stood. "It's been almost five years Ms. Jamerson."

"That's correct." She didn't take her eyes off of Alex.

"Why did you report it sooner?"

Ryan frowned heavily, still watching Alex. "I...the only person I told about it at first, told me I deserved it. I assumed everyone would feel that way, and at the time, I was blaming myself for it too."

He walked up to her. "Five years!"

She started to stammer. "I...I wouldn't have been able to ID him anyway...I thought it was pointless. When I saw the case, with the same MO, I realized now was the time to come forward."

"Did you ever think that maybe you fabricated the whole thing in order to gain some kind of resolution to your pain?"

Alex was on her feet at the speed of light. "OBJECTION!"

The defense grinned like a sly fox. "Withdrawn. Ms. Jamerson, I understand there is no DNA because when the rape kit was preformed, the DNA was lost, is that correct?" Ryan nodded, staring at Cabot all the while. "You also stated that you became pregnant."

"That is correct Counselor."

"I'm by no means a doctor myself but isn't possible to extract DNA from the fetus?"

Ryan's eyes brimmed with tears. "I'm not sure. All I know is that when I was admitted to the hospital, no attempts were made at finding out who the father was."

Another sly grin from the attorney made Ryan cringe. "And you didn't ask did you Ms. Jamerson?"

Samantha sighed. "No, I didn't. I just wanted it to end Counselor!"

"So why are we here today?" Taking his seat, he gave Ms. Cabot a crude smirk. Ryan's stomach was churning, she knew she'd lost the verdict.

***

Cabot walked out of the courtroom; Samantha was pacing outside. When she looked up, she noticed tears trickling down Alex's cheeks and she broke down. "No! No!" Alexandra embraced her firmly.

"It's okay. He's still going away forever, it's okay. I'm sorry I failed you."

Olivia walked up; her impassive face was forced. She was fighting back tears as she spoke, "No, I failed you both." Elliot took her hand as she walked out of the courthouse.

Samantha watched her go. "Did she get a conviction?"

Alex shook her head. "Seven counts."

Biting her lip, she looked up at Alexandra. "Can I be alone for a while? I'll call you tonight...I promise..."

Embracing her and planting a kiss on her cheek, she nodded.

Ryan climbed in to her F-150 and sighed heavily. Her heart hurt.

***

Opening her apartment door the next morning, she found a dozen pink roses and a packet of pictures. She knew they were from Alex. Her phone call last night had been brief; Alex was bogged down with the Zapata case.

Smelling the roses deeply, she managed a smile. As she flipped through the pictures of the night Alexandra, her and the team had all gotten a bit too tipsy at the bar she couldn't help but smile. One picture in particular stuck out. Alexandra was hugging her from behind, her hands wrapped 'round her waist. A huge grin covered both their faces. Ryan's hands were resting on Alex's hips and the two looked completely happy. She tried not to cry. More pictures of them together at dinner, or at lunch, courtesy of Alex's scrapbook-like photography hobby brought tears to her eyes. Grabbing her keys and walking out the door, she was anxious to see her dear friend again.

***

Upon entering the station, Ryan could see the palpable emotion in the air. Assuming it was just because of the poor ruling, she walked in and sat at her desk. She had packed her favorite picture with her and started to slide it in to a frame when she noticed the paper on her desk. The words rang in Ryan's mind repeatedly. _'NO! NO! NO!'_ She didn't know when she actually spoke those words; she only knew the pain. The pain of those words that tore threw her heart. Samantha couldn't remember the glass from the frame she dropped shattering, or Olivia coming up and hugging her. All she could remember those words. _'ADA dead'_ Shuddering, she started to sob again. "NO! NO! NO!" Heartbreaking sobs racked her frail body as she fell to the floor in Olivia's embrace. "NO!" Pain filled her heart as she wept uncontrollably. _'She had been alive last night...if only I'd gone over there...why her?'_ She sobbed again.

***

Sitting in her home that night, Samantha found that she'd lost all hope. Slicing squares out of her bible, creating a compartment, with her Swiss Army knife, she was crying still. As she taped a picture of Alex at the restaurant in to the gap, she was still crying. By the time she placed one of the roses into the hole, no more tears would come. Standing, she closed the book. When she closed that book she hid everything. She gave up her faith as she stored away all those worthless emotions, love, kindness, compassion and vowed never to care for anyone again. By the time she put it on the bookshelf, all that was left was anger, hatred and vengeance, but that was all she needed. _'All I need...'_

***End Chapter Five***

**A/N: Casey Novak will make her debut as** **the new ADA.**


	7. Never Forget

"In the criminal justice system, sexually based offenses are considered especially heinous. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit. These are their stories."

It comes with the Badge

___________________________________________________________________________Last time:_

_Sitting in her home that night, Samantha found that she'd lost all hope. Slicing squares out of her bible, creating a compartment, with her Swiss Army knife, she was crying still. As she taped a picture of Alex at the restaurant in to the gap, she was still crying. By the time she placed one of the roses into the hole, no more tears would come. Standing, she closed the book. When she closed that book she hid everything. She gave up her faith as she stored away all those worthless emotions, love, kindness, compassion and vowed never to care for anyone again. By the time she put it on the bookshelf, all that was left was anger, hatred and vengeance, but that was all she needed. _'All I need...'__

__________________________________________________________________________

Chapter Six

Never forget

***

Olivia sat down at her desk, it was 9:30 and Ryan's desk was still empty. She wanted to tell her so bad about Alex, but she knew she couldn't. The poor girl had lost so much. Smiling as Elliot brought her a cup of orange juice, she kissed his cheek. "Thank you sweetheart."

Elliot smiled at her and sat at his desk, across from hers. "I think we need to get working on this case. Cragen's not going to be happy." 

Nodding, Olivia sighed. "Well, neither the father nor the step-father would give us anything."

A large frown formed on Elliot's face. "Which leaves us..."

Before he could toss a pessimistic comment at the end of that statement, Benson interjected positively. "With an Uncle in the Bronx."

Elliot looked at her. "You're right, I forgot. Let's go talk to him a little while."

Standing up and grabbing her coat, she smiled as she slid it on over her untucked shirt. "With solid alibis on the other family, we really need to break this guy."

Grinning, Elliot nodded. "I could use a chance to vent."

Olivia smiled softly and the two walked out.

***

Ryan finally arrived at the precinct around 10:30, and she still looked like hell. Sagging in to her chair with a look of utter dismay, her face fell at the sight of Maureen's case file. Today she would have to interview her roommate and any other students who attended the party. She grabbed her keys and prepared to head out when Cragen called her in. "Ryan, can you come here a minute?"

Sighing, she walked up to him. "Yes Captain?"

He gave her a firm look. "I delayed the psych evaluation as long as I could, it's this Friday."

Ryan paled slightly, but nodded. "Okay."

Cragen frowned. "You don't look concerned."

She shrugged. "What's it matter anymore?" Without allowing him a response, she picked up the case file from her desk and walked out.

***

Knocking vigorously on the door, Ryan frowned. "Police! Open up! Maureen, it's Detective Jamerson!"

A dark skinned girl, probably half black, opened the door. "Maureen's at class."

Ryan smiled. "You must be Jasmine."

Nodding, Jasmine frowned. "What's this about?"

Jamerson sighed. "I need to talk to you about that party you had a couple of nights ago."

Finally, Jasmine let her in. "The one Maureen got raped at..."

Samantha frowned. "You knew?"

Jasmine nodded. "I don't believe, but I heard her story."

Trying not to get angry, Ryan held out the sketch. "That's for me to decide. Have you seen this boy before? Was he at the party?"

Slowly, Jasmine nodded again. "It can't be him, you've got the wrong guy."

Struggling not to be overly authoritative, Samantha sighed. "What's his name Jasmine, give me a name."

"Simon. His name is Simon Chandler, he's a junior I think."

Ryan shook her head in dismay. "Does he have any classes with you or Maureen?"

Jasmine shook her head. "No, he just kinda showed up. I'm sorry I can't be any more help."

"If you think of anything else, Maureen has my number." Thanking her quietly, Detective Jamerson walked out.

Her next stop was administration to get a location on this prick. She picked up her cell and called John. "John? It's Ryan, can you do me a huge favor with no questions asked?"

Responding warily but positively, John sighed. "What?"

"I need you to look up Simon Chandler for any priors, an address or anything else that can be useful in finding him. Can you do that for me please?"

Munch frowned. "I didn't know you were working a case right now..."

"No questions asked John, please," Jamerson pleaded.

Finally giving in, John nodded. "Only because I know what you're going threw right now with Jerry, Jared and Alex."

For a long moment, Ryan was silent. "Thanks John, gimme a call back when you can, okay?"

A heavy sigh and then silence followed by a click told her that Munch would do it, but that he wasn't sure he was happy about it with the lack of information.

***

The Dean of Admissions had nothing for her, claiming she needed a warrant. Trying not to get hotheaded, she dialed Alex's old office. She was about to hang up after realizing no one would answer, when a woman picked up. "ADA Casey Novak speaking, how may I help you?"

Dead silence followed by a questioning 'hello' occurred. Finally, Ryan shook herself out of her trance. "Hi. This is Detective Ryan Jamerson and I need to get an search warrant for some files at Columbia University."

Responding formally, Casey nodded. "On what grounds?"

Ryan responded with equal formality, reminding herself that this was not her Alex. "I have a positive ID on a rapist and I need to get his schedule from the school but they're requiring a warrant."

The new ADA sighed. "You've got your warrant, just give me ten minutes."

"Thank you." Hanging up the phone, Detective Jamerson walked back in to the office.

"I've got a warrant on the way if you insist upon one, or you could just show me the files now and save us all a lot of time."

Sighing, the man allowed her to see the file on Simon Chandler. "Where is this Philosophy 101 course held?"

Frowning, he sighed. "I'll walk you down there myself."

***

Ryan called Munch. "Any priors?"

Munch laughed lightly. "What makes you think I'm done?"

Jamerson gave him a coy tone of voice. "I don't know, because you're a computer genius?"

This produced another laugh from John. "Yes, he has two prior sexual assault charges."

Ryan laughed. "How quaint. I've got him in the backseat right now. Could you make sure that new ADA gets down here for a line up?"

John nodded. "Of course. See ya' in a bit."

Hanging up the phone, she made a left and headed down Broadway. "So, I hear you like to play with girls."

The boy shrugged. "What college guy doesn't?"

"Do you ignore them when they say 'no'? Or did you think they were just playing around?" She gripped the steering wheel tightly so she wouldn't lash out at the prick behind her.

"No one says no to me, I get whoever I want." Simon gave her a cocky smile and leaned forward. "I mean everyone."

Turning around slightly, she stared him down icily. "What about Maureen Stabler? Or the two other girls who filed sexual assault charges against you?"

Sitting back in his seat, Simon frowned. "I want a lawyer."

Ryan smiled. "You're not under arrest, we just want to talk with you for a bit."

***

Sitting him down in the interrogation room, Samantha grinned. "I know you raped her."

Simon shook his head. "I didn't rape anyone..."

"I thought you'd say that." She stood up and walked around behind him. "If that's the case, then submit to a DNA test and we'll clear you."

Frowning he stood up. "No."

Ryan grabbed her cell phone. "I thought you'd say that too. I can get a warrant for it."

"I want a lawyer." He fidgeted nervously.

Samantha sat back down. "I have two things to say to you, then you'll get your lawyer."

"Fine."

"Were you at the party with Maureen and Jasmine?" Ryan stared at him authoritatively and tried not to glare.

He stared at his hands, which were folded together. "Yes. I was there from 10 until 1am but I left after that. I had an exam to study for."

Glancing at her notes, Ryan grinned. "Well that's perfect because Maureen reported that the rape occurred around 11:30."

Berating himself silently, he looked up at her. "Can I get my lawyer now?"

Ryan shook her head. "One last thing." She leaned over the table. "Did you know Maureen's dad works with me? He's a cop in this very precinct. His name's Detective Elliot Stabler. I will just warn you, if that DNA is yours, I'm going to let him interrogate you with me. How happy do you think he'll be?"

Those green eyes went wide with fear. "I want my lawyer."

Samantha stood up. "Of course you do." She led him out to call his lawyer, and saw a pale skinned woman standing outside in a suit.

She walked up to Ryan. "My name's Casey Novak, are you Detective Jamerson?"

Ryan nodded and shook her outstretched hand formally. "That's correct. I need you to get a warrant for his DNA and I need him in a line up."

Casey nodded. "What's the vic's name?"

Immediately,           Ryan pulled her to the side. "The vic is Detective Stabler's daughter and she has requested that he not know for the time being. If this leaks to him through you, I will make sure that you regret it. This young girl is terrified and if Elliot finds out what happened, she may not testify in front of him. Got it?"

Somewhat surprised at Detective Jamerson's rude mistrust and discrete sincerity, Casey nodded. "Of course. Oh, I never caught your first name."

As Ryan looked up, Casey could see the fire in her eyes. "That's because I didn't give it to you. Now get me that warrant. He's lawyering up now."

Casey nodded slowly, still shocked at Ryan's dismissal. "I'll have them promptly." She walked out.

Sitting in her desk, she called Maureen's cell. "Hey sweetheart, it's Samantha."

Maureen paused at the other line, and gave a slight chuckle. "Oh, hello Detective Jamerson. I didn't recognize the greeting."

Samantha looked around. "Everyone's here."

Realization dawned on her. "I see. Thank you for your confidence."

"That's not a problem, dear. I do want you to know that _He_ is here and I need you to come down to ID him. I will let you in around the back for discretion. Okay?"

Maureen nodded. "Thank you Detective Jamerson...Samantha."

Ryan smiled. "I'll be waiting outside in fifteen minutes."

Walking back in to the interrogation room, she saw Simon's lawyer. Grinning, she sat down across from them. "I'm getting a warrant for his DNA right now, unless he wants to submit to one now." The lawyer shook his head. Ryan continued, fueled by her emotions. "Also, the young lady is going to be here shortly for a line-up."

Frowning, the lawyer nodded. "My client will be waiting." He left slowly and Ryan went out back to see if Maureen was there yet. She wasn't. Sighing, Ryan sat down to wait. She noticed another cop sitting outside in his sedan with a cigarette in between his lips. Samantha knew how good a cigarette sounded right now, but she'd quit two years back. That's when Maureen's car pulled up. She got out slowly and walked up to Samantha.

"Hi." She smiled faintly

Samantha hugged her softly, "Come on in."

Walking in meekly behind her, Maureen followed Ryan to a dark room with a one-way window. "Men are going to file in to the room and each of them will be holding a number. If you need a closer look, I can ask them to step forward and such. Also, if you want, I can have them speak."

Nodding slowly, Maureen let out a loud breath. Two people walked in to the room. Maureen didn't know either of them. One of them reeked of cologne.

Ryan smiled faintly. "Maureen, this is Casey Novak, the new ADA."

Maureen had heard about Alex, and she had cried for Olivia and Samantha. The new ADA was sweet enough, although she could tell Ryan had more than a slight distaste for her. "Hello."

The men started filing in and Maureen's eyes went wide before more than four of them where in there. "Two. It was number two."

Ryan put a hand on her shoulder. "Are you sure?"

Maureen nodded. "Definitely. Can I go?"

Nodding slowly, Ryan smiled. "Stay safe kiddo."

Hugging her softly, Maureen slid out and left. Smirking, Samantha turned to the attorney. "Well? Still want to refuse that DNA test?"

Frowning, the attorney walked out.

***

Tossing and turning, Ryan struggled to get some sleep as the daylight started to stream in through her window. Closing her eyes in rejection of the imminent daybreak, Samantha let out a lethargic groan. "Make it go away..." That's when she smelled it. Alex's perfume tempted her to open her eyes. Upon opening them, she saw her bedroom was empty. As she turned to fall back asleep, she saw the soft pink collared shirt and slacks that she'd worn to court. That's where the scent was coming from. Crawling somewhat apprehensively, she crossed her bed and picked them up. The scent of her friend's perfume was so strong. She could hear her soft voice humming from the shower, but she knew she wasn't there. As she walked out to make coffee, she could see her friend smiling through her glasses while sitting at the island, but the seats were empty. She could hear her light laughter ring through the air, but no one was laughing. When she turned, her hair brushing against her bare back reminded her of the soft touch of her companion's hands and lips. It drove her mad hearing, smelling, feeling everything that reminded her of Alexandra Cabot.

Ryan gave a weary sigh as she sat down in front of her dimly lit computer desk. Opening her laptop, she frowned sadly. She hadn't checked her e-mail in ages, and she knew it would be bogged down. Deleting all the junk mail, she found something that caught her eye. An untitled e-mail from vivaldi_and_merlot@yahoo.com was the only e-mail left unidentified. Something about the title sparked her memory. She opened the e-mail apprehensively, knowing it could not be what she wished so much it was.

_From: Christina (vivaldi_and_merlot@yahoo.com)  
To: Samantha (RJamerson16@hotmail.com)  
Subject: (none)_

_Dearest Samantha, _

_          I am who you think I am. I can say no more. My name is now Christina Richards. I'm sorry I was not able to contact you sooner. I cannot tell you a location or anything along those lines. It hurts me not to be able to call you. I miss you so much, you cannot know. I was told that until Zapata is put away, I cannot return. I will never reclaim my position, and maybe never my own name. I would appreciate it if you would take my apartment. I wrote that in my 'will'. I miss you terribly Samantha. All I ever do is think of you. Every day I find myself looking at the pictures of us together. I will be sure to write you every week, okay? I look forward to your reply._

_          You have my love always,_

_                    Christina Richards (Alex)_

Ryan found herself weeping openly. Tears were streaming down her face. She yearned so badly to hug Alexandra's delicate form to her and never let go, but she knew that was beyond feasible. Sighing heavily, she began to type a response.

_From: Samantha (Rjamerson16@hotmail.com)  
To: Christina (vivaldi_and_merlot@yahoo.com)  
Subject: re: (none)_

_To my lovely Christina,_

_          I miss you too Christina. It's so odd calling you that but I will get used to it I suppose. I've heard that Zapata has been arrested for his crimes and I believe that Cragen himself is trying to tie him to your 'murder'. I don't want to say too much and get you in trouble. Just know I miss you and I promise to write you every week until you come back. I'll be waiting for you Christina, I promise you that._

_          My eternal love,_

_                    Samantha J._

Samantha stood up. Sighing heavily she walked over to her kitchen and grabbed another cup of coffee. Perhaps she'd visit Alex's apartment today after Church. Ryan picked up her keys and headed downstairs to her car, locking her apartment.

***

Olivia groaned incoherently in protest of whatever had shaken her from her slumber. "I need more sleep, come back later." She rolled over on the narrow cot.

Hearing laughter, Olivia groaned again and futilely attempted to remove the intruder from earshot. Shaking her again, her human alarm laughed faintly. "Olivia, Elliot won't be happy if he finds out you spent all night in the crib. Get up now and I'll cover for you."

Sitting up wearily, Olivia blinked several times in the harsh light and took the cup of orange juice from Ryan's outstretched hands without more than a mumble of thanks. After a heavy drink, Olivia looked up. "What time is it?"

Ryan looked at her watch. "It's around 7:15. When'd you finally hit the crib?"

Wiping the sleep from her eyes and yawning once, Olivia laughed cynically. "Probably around 3am as far as I can remember."

Ryan shook her head sadly. "You really need to sleep more Liv."

Olivia smiled. "I should, but we're so close to getting this perp, it's driving me mad."

Samantha shook her lightly. "You're almost five months pregnant! Chill out a bit!"

After laughing at herself for a few moments, Olivia nodded. "Will do. Now, is Elliot here yet?" Shaking her head, Ryan led Olivia in to the bathroom to work on her appearance while she went out to her desk and sat down wearily. '_Alex is alive...am I the only one who knows?'_ Shoving those thoughts from her head as she saw Olivia walk out of the bathroom in much better shape than she'd entered, Samantha smiled and greeted her.

"You look better."

Shooting Samantha a slightly dirty look, she sat down and topped off her orange juice with a large gulp. "Is Elliot even on his way? We've got to get an arrest warrant for this poor kid's uncle in the Bronx."

As Olivia started getting impatient and rummaging through paperwork, Elliot walked in. "I picked up the warrant on the way here, let's get moving."

Olivia gave Samantha an odd look in response to Elliot's short-tempered attitude but followed him out the door with a slight wave.

Getting in to the car slowly, Olivia smiled. "Something wrong Sweetheart?"

He kissed her cheek absentmindedly and shook his head. "Not at all, let's get going." Putting the sedan in to drive, he drove out of the lot. Olivia could tell easily that he was lying, but she'd have to wait to find out obviously.

***

Ryan sat up as she Captain Cragen walk in. "Hey Captain, I was just wondering, after I testify in court today for a case, is there anything you want me to work on?"

Grinning, he nodded. "You have paperwork from your last three cases that's overdue."

Groaning, she nodded before leaving to testify on Maureen's behalf. _'The paperwork will wait, I'll find something to preoccupy me and wait a bit longer for the deskwork I despise so.'_

***

          Elliot looked at Olivia sternly. "Did you know that Maureen was raped?"

          Olivia stared at him, stunned at the statement. "What?"

          Nodding firmly, he frowned as he escorted the lovely perp to his jail cell. "Someone in the 1-6 SVU handled the case too. I want to know whom. I had the _right_ to _know!_" 

With a determined and supportive nod, Olivia put a hand on his shoulder. "You did have a right, but unfortunately, if she asked the Detective not to tell you, then the Detective was just doing his or her job."

Elliot looked at her for a long moment, "I think it was Ryan."

Olivia nodded slowly as she played the idea through in her mind. "It sounds like something Samantha would pull. You know you can't hold it against her thought Elliot; she did as she was told. If she hadn't kept this from you, they never might've gotten the guy!"

Her lover glared at her. "How'd you know they got him?"

Taking on a more sophisticated deer-in-the-headlights look, Olivia bit her lip. "Okay, Ryan called me two nights ago about it. She was really torn up about not telling you...but she had to wait until after the guy went to trial, just in case. She's in court right now I believe."

Elliot shook his head. "I can't believe you didn't tell me..."

Putting a hand on her stomach, which was finally starting to protrude, she shook her head. Stopping in her tracks, and leaving Elliot to walk a few more paces before turning and glancing at her curiously, she looked at him. "First of all, don't talk to me in that tone of voice!" Putting her hands on her hips, she made one of the least threatening, yet most-threatening if you knew how accurate she was with a gun, opponents ever. "Secondly, I didn't tell you because if the victim requests that someone not know about the crime, it is the detectives' job to make sure that her wishes are carried out."

Olivia understood that Elliot was really torn up about what happened to Maureen, but that was not a reason for him to take it out on her. Trying to keep her own rather confused emotions in check, Olivia hugged Elliot softly. "I'm sorry it happened to her, but you need to learn to deal with grief in other ways, Elliot. You can't just bottle yourself up or take it out on others."

Elliot faded into the comforting embrace of the mother of his child. He wrapped his arms around her and took comfort in that familiar scent of her soft vanilla perfume. "I'm sorry sweetheart, it was just a bit of a shock to me."

"Who told you?" Olivia allowed him to wrap an arm around her waist as the two walked back towards the bullpen.

Arching his brown eyebrow for a moment, he shook his head. "I can't tell. She made me promise."

Olivia kissed him tenderly on the lips. "She, huh? I believe the only other female who knew was Casey Novak..."

The flinching look of self-reprimand confirmed Olivia's belief as Elliot futilely struggled to change her mind. "No! It wasn't Casey..."

Giving him a coy grin and another soft kiss, she walked towards Cragen's office and picked up his phone. Elliot knew she was calling Samantha, and that meant both he and Casey were going to be in serious trouble.

***

Samantha ran as quickly as she could to her truck after her testimony. Giving Maureen her sincerest apology for leaving abruptly, she headed for the 1-6.

"STABLER!" She'd made it back in record time and Elliot cringed when he heard her hollering his name. "It was NOVAK wasn't it? SHE told you, DIDN'T SHE?"

Elliot put his hands up, trying to calm her down. "Yes, she did, but on accident. She slipped up and said she had to go meet with the Stalber girl and I was in earshot."

Samantha swore quietly under her breath. "She PROMISED not to say anything! She's luckily Maureen has already testified because she's going to find out that you know the moment she walks in this precinct! I _knew_ I couldn't trust her."

Stabler frowned. "Calm down Jamerson."

Ryan ineffectively tried to get past Elliot and talk to Cragen about the pathetic excuse for a replacement ADA that was prosecuting Simon Chandler in court at this very moment. "Let me by Elliot or you _will_ regret it."

Shaking his head, Elliot sighed. "I'm afraid I can't do that. Casey Novak did not intentionally tell me and just because you're grieving over Alex doesn't mean you can jeopardize Casey's position."

Samantha glanced up at Elliot. "Grieving over Alex? I'm not grieving! Alex isn't dead!"

Olivia walked up to Elliot and pulled him away. "Ryan, you can go in there and get Casey in trouble but it won't bring Alex any closer to reclaiming this position. Regardless of when she actually comes back, she won't be the same. She won't be able to be the ADA and she won't be called Alex."

Elliot's stare shifted from Olivia to Ryan and back. "Wait, Alex isn't dead?"

Ryan shook her head. "She e-mailed me yesterday. She's in the WPP."

"Neither of you told me?" His stare rested more heavily on Olivia and she shifted uncomfortably.

Olivia kept her eyes locked on Ryan's. "Neither of us was supposed to tell _anyone_. It could jeopardize Alex and if we try and contact her, Zapata's chain could find her."

Ryan sighed. "She e-mailed me. I responded but one e-mail won't hurt Olivia. They can't trace it, and her name's Christina Richards now."

Elliot walked out of the bullpen wearily and didn't say another word. Ryan frowned. "I'm sorry if he's going to be mad at you later on."

Olivia shrugged. "He's already mad about Maureen. Can I have her e-mail?"

Ryan jotted it down for her and smiled. "It's very interesting, eh?"

Smiling, Olivia nodded and slid it in to her jean pocket. "Something you would understand more than I, I assume."

Samantha nodded. "When we got together for me to give my statement to her and practice my testimony...we were drinking merlot and she was playing Vivaldi in the background. It was the first time we kissed..." Her eyes somewhat glazed over as she relived the moment for a split-second.

Olivia frowned. "I guess there is someone who misses her more than I do. I got to see her before she left. She'd asked me to take you with me, but you weren't answering your phone."

Ryan frowned. "Yeah, I...uh...I wasn't available."

Curiosity overtook her. "Why not?"

Jamerson shook her head. "Everyone has their secrets."

Sensing her nervousness over the subject, Benson backed off and smiled. A few moments of comforting silence passed between them and they found their desks slowly. "Guess what?"

"Hmm?" Ryan looked up from her desk.

Olivia put a hand on her stomach. "It's a boy."

Ryan smiled. "I bet Elliot's happy, he only has one boy right?"

A slight pang flickered in Olivia's mocha colored eyes and she nodded. "Yeah."

"Well?"

Olivia leaned back in her seat. "Well what?"

Laughing, Samantha put her papers down. "What are you going to name him?"

Detective Benson shrugged. "I'm not sure really. We haven't decided."

Jamerson nodded. "Understandable. Any ideas?"

A light smiled tugged at Olivia's tinted lips faintly. "I like Kyle."

"Kyle Benson sounds nice." Ryan found herself sitting back in her seat too.

"No," Olivia shook her head. "Kyle Stabler."

Samantha raised her dark eyebrow with a soft smirk. "Are there wedding bells in the air?"

Olivia laughed. "No, no. I just want the baby to have his name. I don't think Elliot's ready to get married."

"Would you marry him if he asked?" Ryan realized what a serious question it was. Olivia had never really been in a serious relationship before from what she heard.

Shrugging faintly, Olivia sighed. "I'm not sure really. Maybe? It's hard to say. I really care for him, I mean...I love him I think...but marriage is a really big step."

Ryan nodded. "Definitely. I mean, I'm sure glad I waited and hadn't married Jared." She shivered lightly. "But then again, if I'd married him, those other people would probably be alive now."

A frown traced over Olivia's rosy lips. "Don't say that. That's not true. He would've raped someone eventually anyway. If not those girls, then others later on."

Elliot walked back in and he looked much calmer. He sat as his desk. "Why are we just sitting here? Cragen's not going to like this."

Olivia smiled. "Well, _we_ just put our perp away and Ryan's just finished testifying."

Munch walked in, followed by Fin. "Well that was enlightening."

Elliot looked up. "Hmm?"

Fin shook his head. "Our rape vic...she wasn't raped. She lied about the whole thing because she was mad at her boyfriend."

Munch sighed and sat in his desk. "People these days. Not to mention the guy's back with her and they're happy ever after."

Ryan laughed. "How interesting. Charging your beau with rape is the new way of resolving an argument huh?"

Fin chuckled faintly. "Evidently."

Casey Novak entered with a victorious grin on her face. "I got the bastard."

Ryan stood up. "Chandler?"

She nodded. "You'd better believe it."

A slight twinge of regret coursed through Samantha for being so harsh on her. "Thank you." Extending her hand and surprisingly receiving a hug instead, Ryan smiled. "I'm sure Elliot will appreciate it too."

Casey stepped back. "You heard then..."

Ryan shrugged. "I let things slip too." The crucifix tucked under her shirt felt warmer against her skin and she was thankful that she'd forgiven Casey instead of holding it against her.

Olivia raised her eyebrow but said nothing. She monitored Elliot's expression at the new development. He smiled. "Thanks Casey. You want to go get drinks? We're all doing pretty good right now. You got your perp, Olivia and I have ours and the parents are ready to be charged with endangerment of a minor, and Munch and Fin are finished with their case too."

Casey smiled. "Actually, I don't drink. I'll go anyway though."

Munch grinned. "I'm in."

Fin nodded. "Me too."

Olivia frowned. "I think I'll be with Casey, I'm sure my son will thank me later."

Elliot smiled softly at her and Ryan laughed lightly. "I'll stick with you two too, alcohol does not sound like the best idea right now. Not with me missing Alex so much."

Munch and Fin sobered slightly. Elliot stood up. "Then it's a deal."

Cragen walked out and laughed. "I see you're all ready to leave." Elliot, Ryan, Olivia, Munch and Fin all noticed the two files in his hand.

Ryan sat back down. "You wouldn't."

He handed her the first one. "You're with Munch."

Olivia walked up to take the second folder. Cragen handed it to Elliot. "You're with Fin."

Ryan looked up. "Is Olivia with us then?"

Cragen shook his head. "She's working the desk this time around."

"What?" Olivia looked at him for a long moment, staring him down. "Why?"

He looked at her stomach. "I'm sure your son will thank me later."

Cursing lightly, Olivia went and sat down at her desk, not even bothering to say another word to Cragen.

Cragen frowned but turned and walked back in to his office. Ryan opened the folder and tried not to vomit. "Munch, this is ugly. You might want more than alcohol to get this out of your mind..."

He walked up behind her and sighed. "Damn."

Elliot opened the file and shook his head. "A preteen girl. Found dead in an alley down by 3rd street."

Fin shook his head. "No ID?"

He responded negatively. "Let's check missing persons now."

Getting up unhappily he tossed his keys back on his desk. "So much for drinks."

Casey glanced around and noticed how unhappy Olivia was. "Do you want to go out anyway? You look like you could use it..."

Olivia nodded and stood, disregarding Elliot's look of concern. "I'll be back around 10 Elliot." She kissed him and smiled as the two walked out.

Elliot glanced at his watch. "What's she going to do for three hours?"

Ryan jotted down two addresses from the computer. "Munch, let's get going. You want to drive?"

Munch shook his head. "Go ahead."

As they headed out, Ryan looked at Elliot. "Don't worry, she's just unwinding. She won't hurt your boy."

Elliot frowned. "It's not just the baby I'm worried about."

Ryan smiled. "I know that, but does she?"

***

Olivia smiled across the table at Casey. "Thanks a ton by the way. Cragen just gets to me sometimes. I think he purposely leaves me out of cases just because he knows I'll get too involved."

Casey ordered and nodded. "I understand that. I'm glad I'm working with you all now. Where I used to be, there was an Assistant DA and another ADA. I only got the cut and dried cases because everyone seemed to think I was too nice to effectively prosecute."

Benson grimaced. "Yeah. I'm sure Ryan knows what that's like too. I remember her telling me that Elliot asked her if she was really a cop once. He said she looked more like a ballerina."

Novak laughed. "That would more than bother me. Then again, she's sure proved him wrong. She's a strong one. So are you." She smiled faintly at Olivia.

Olivia smiled. "Thank you. You're a good prosecutor. I know everyone's going to be a bit uncomfortable at first around you because we all miss Alex so much, but don't worry. They'll all come around. Ryan's starting to already and she was the closest to Alex."

Casey looked up from her glass of water. "I heard they were a bit more than friends..."

Laughing, Olivia took a sip of her water. "Rumor has it. Actually, I'm pretty sure they were just starting to get together. They weren't too serious, I think for Ryan it's more of the 'what might have been' complex."

Frowning, Casey sighed. "I see. It must be hard for all of you."

Olivia nodded. "Some more than others."

The waiter arrived with Casey's diet coke and Olivia's raspberry lemonade. "Your meal will be about ten minutes more."

Casey smiled. "Thank you."

Detective Benson nodded politely. "Thanks." Sliding out of her jacket, she smiled. "So, where's all your family?"

Novak smiled back. "My parents live in Vermont. My older sister and her family all live in New Jersey."

Olivia nodded. "Spread out a bit I see."

She nodded. "Yes. It's kind of nice though, when we all get together for the holidays it's much warmer. We tended to clash when we were all in one house. How about you?

Benson stared down at the table for a moment. "I only lived with my mother."

Novak looked up. "How is she?"

Olivia frowned. "She passed away a while ago."

Grimacing, Casey apologized. "I'm sorry. I know if I lost my mother I'd be heartbroken."

Benson shrugged. "It was hard, not any harder than living with her though I suppose." She took a drink of her lemonade and looked up at her. "My mother was raped and she didn't get an abortion, that's why I'm here."

Novak smiled faintly. "Makes for an interesting family I see."

Olivia nodded. "Definitely not picture-perfect."

"What about Ryan's family?" Casey unfolded her napkin on to her lap.

Pondering for a moment, Olivia shook her head. "Actually, I don't remember Ryan ever saying anything about her family. I know she was raped when she was twenty-two and she wasn't living with her parents then because they would've noticed."

Casey nodded. "Odd."

Olivia nodded. Going down the list of detectives, she smiled. "Elliot has four," she looked at her stomach, "Five kids. His ex-wife has custody of the other four though. Munch is a self-proclaimed bachelor and Fin's been solo for a while. I know his last attempt had a serious drug problem. I think he's pretty much closed up after that."

She sighed. "I noticed he doesn't seem like the type to be very social."

Benson shrugged. "He gets by."

Novak laughed. "So do I, that doesn't mean anything."

Olivia looked up at her. "No romantic interests?"

Casey shook her head. "Oh no. What about you and Elliot? What's your current status?"

The food arrived and Olivia began to eat her salad, not answering the question. The silence that hung between them while Casey awaited a response actually answered better. Olivia was sure. Casey frowned. It was evident that Elliot cared for her, hadn't the two talked things out yet?

***

After mass, Ryan had stopped by her apartment and grabbed some stuff, and then Samantha went to Alexandra's apartment. Ryan checked her e-mail as soon as she had arrived there and had plugged in her laptop. Nothing. _Wishful thinking._ Climbing in to the bed after locking the three locks on Alex's apartment door, she laid her head on the pillows, feeling bad about getting them wet. Everything smelled so much like Alex. She fell asleep immediately.

***End Chapter Six***


	8. Guilty Until Proven Innocent

"In the criminal justice system, sexually based offenses are considered especially heinous. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit. These are their stories."

It comes with the Badge

____________________________________________________________________________

Last time:

_After stopping by her apartment and grabbing some stuff, Samantha went to Alexandra's apartment. Ryan checked her e-mail as soon as she had arrived there and had plugged in her laptop. Nothing. Wishful thinking. Climbing in to the bed after locking the three locks on Alex's apartment door, she laid her head on the pillows, feeling bad about getting them wet. Everything smelled so much like Alex. She fell asleep immediately._

____________________________________________________________________________

Chapter Seven

Guilty until proven Innocent

Elliot groggily reached for the ringing phone and answered it with a heaving sigh. "Stabler."

The voice on the other line was feminine, but even more alarming, very formal. "Is this Elliot Stabler?"

He sighed. "That's correct." Rubbing sleep from his eyes, he tried to focus.

The woman replied gently. "This is Tracy from Mount Sinai General Hospital."

"What is it?" He immediately looked over his shoulder and saw Olivia sleeping peacefully. He let out a faint sigh of relief. '_At least it's not her...'_

Tracy sighed. "There's been a car accident."

He sat up and woke from his sleepy state instantly. "What happened? Are the kids okay? How's Kathy?"

Her tone grew softer. "Your three children are fine."

Making a mental list of who could be hurt, he crossed off Maureen, Kathleen, Elizabeth and Dickie because she obviously thought he only had three children and there was no reason for Maureen to be at Kathy's anyway. "It's Kathy then." His tone was painful but firmly realistic. _'Oh God, what now? What happened now? Is she okay?'_

"Yes."

"How is she?" Her tone alluded to his worst fears, but that couldn't be.

Tracy's tone was much softer. "I'm sorry to say this sir, but Kathy Stabler died at the scene."

_'Dead? Kathy's dead? No, it can't be! Dead. Dead. Dead._' The word rang in his mind like a condemning Church bell. _Dead. _Elliot's voice was choked up; he was trying his hardest not to cry, fighting back tears. "I'll be right down to pick up the kids. Has their older sister been notified? Have you called Maureen Stabler yet?"

She responded with some kind of negative response, Elliot wasn't really sure what she was saying anymore.

"Okay, I'll call her. Thank you. Bye."

Hanging up the phone, he ran his hands through his thinning hair and wiped the thin trail of tears away from his eyes. "Olivia." He shook her softly. "Olivia, honey."

She sat up and glanced at the clock before lying back down. "What is it? It's too early Elliot, we don't have to go to work yet."

He shook his head. "I know." His voice was blatantly emotional.

Olivia immediately noticed the change in his voice and grew concerned. "What's wrong?" She rested her chin on his shoulder and kissed his neck softly. "Is everything alright?"

Elliot shook his head. "I have to get down to Mount Sinai Hospital."

Scooting closer, Olivia wrapped her arms around him. "Is everything okay?"

He got up and started to pull on a pair of pants. "No."

She pulled on a shirt over her bra. "Who's hurt? One of the kids?"

Elliot shook his head again. "There was a car accident. The kids are fine."

"And Kathy?" Olivia fastened her belt and walked in to the bathroom to do something with her constantly lengthening hair.

He pulled on an undershirt and started buttoning a blue collared shirt. He shook his head painfully as he watched her through the mirror. "She's..." He started crying again.

Olivia walked out and sat him on the bed. "What happened Elliot?" Her eyes stared in to his and she knew._ 'Kathy did not make it. Kathy's gone. Oh, Elliot!'_ Embracing him strongly, she sighed. "I'm so sorry sweetheart. Do you want me to drive you down there?"

Elliot sighed. "I'd like it if you came, but I'd like to drive. Can we take your car? It'll fit all of the kids."

She nodded and kissed him softly. "It's okay sweetheart. You'll get through this. We'll take care of the kids. I have room in the house."

He looked up at her. "I can't ask you to do that. Your house is so neat, and trust me, with the kids it'd turn this place upside down."

Olivia kissed him and handed him her keys. "They're going to stay with their father and you aren't moving out so I'll just move them in here. I have two other bedrooms. One was really supposed to be a study but that's okay. We don't need a room for the baby until he's older, and then he can room with Dickie."

Elliot stood up and kissed her. "You're right." His eyes looked so sad, their usually mirth-filled blue glimmer was shadowed by pain.

She hugged him tightly. "It's okay Elliot. It will be okay."

***

Elizabeth, Kathleen and Dickie were all crying. Olivia hugged Kathleen and Elizabeth as Elliot picked up Dickie and held him tightly in his arms. Olivia smiled at the two girls. "It will be okay you two."

Kathleen shook her head. "Mom's gone Olivia. It won't be okay."

She hugged her tightly. "Shh. It's okay. You still have your dad..." She rubbed her back softly. "And I'll always be there for you. I know it won't be the same Sweetheart, but I will." Watching her intently, she smiled supportively. "And remember, your mom will still be watching over you from heaven Sweetheart. She's not gone."

Elliot hugged Kathleen gently and Elizabeth too in turn. Olivia had called Cragen on the way and told him what happened. They had the day off. She'd also called Maureen and told her to meet them down here. Olivia assumed that she'd call the hospital to find out what happened.

Elizabeth looked up at her father. "Are you going to move back to the house with us now?"

Clearly the children were trying to pretend their mother was just going to be in the hospital for a long time. That was okay, everyone needed to grieve in their own way. He shook his head. "Olivia told me you could all move in to her house and we'll live there. We'll pick up anything you all want from the house and go shopping for anything you need."

Dickie smiled at Olivia. "Thank you Olivia." His blue eyes were red from crying but he hugged her anyway. "Do I get my own room?"

Olivia smiled. "You bet." She squatted down somewhat nervously and smiled at him. "You get to share it with my son when he's born though."

He patted her stomach softly. "Another boy in the house finally."

Elliot picked him up again. "You still have your dad you know."

Dickie hugged him. "I know."

Kathleen frowned. "So what's going to happen with all Mom's stuff?" The poor girl looked traumatized, tired and very distressed.

Olivia smiled. "If there's anything of your mom's you want to keep, I'll find room for it."

Elliot smiled at her. Liz hugged Olivia. "Do I get to room with you?"

Laughing, Olivia shook her head. "You get to room with Kathleen unless one of you wants the basement."

Kathleen sighed. "I don't care. I _want_ my mom back." Olivia tried not to look hurt; she knew that Kathleen was just in pain. All of these poor kids were in pain.

Olivia's smile faded to a supportively weak one. "Kathleen, I'm not going to try and be your mom. I'm just going to be there for you because I know what it's like to loose your mom suddenly. I wasn't expecting my mother to die when she did, and I missed her so much."

Kathleen hugged her tightly. "It's not fair. She shouldn't have died!" Olivia nervously hugged the crying girl and sighed.

"I'm so sorry Sweetheart."

Elizabeth frowned. "If Dad had been with her, we'd have lost both of you the doctor said."

Elliot hugged her. "You still have me and you know Mom will watch over you from heaven."

Dickie smiled. "Do you think she's an angel Dad?"

He nodded. "Definitely."

Maureen walked in to the hospital. "Dad? Is it true?" She was crying softly. Her eyes were red, alluding to the fact that she'd cried on the way here too. Olivia's heart broke at the sight of her pained blue eyes. Maureen had so much to deal with right now; Olivia couldn't help but feel grief. After being raped, Maureen had been strong and now she had to deal with loosing her mom.

Elliot hugged her tightly, with Dickie in his arms. Elizabeth clung to her waist lightly from behind. Kathleen unburied her head from Olivia's shoulder and nodded. "Mom's gone."

Olivia stood slowly; Elizabeth helped her to her feet. Walking with Elizabeth over to the other children, she hugged Maureen supportively. "You can stay with us for a while too if you'd like."

Maureen shook her head. "I can't with school and all." She hugged Olivia tightly. "Not to mention the house will be even noisier in a few months, am I right?"

She nodded and smiled. "Yes. Do you want to help everyone get moved in and pick up anything from the house you want though?"

Nodding slowly, Maureen sighed. "I can't believe she's gone. I'm so glad that Kathleen, Dickie and Elizabeth are okay though." She hugged her siblings quietly and sighed. "What about the house?"

Elliot walked up. "John and Alice* are going to sell it I suppose. I'm going to let them have whatever they want from it, it's only right. The house was in both of our names so I suppose I'll get some money from it for Kathleen's college fund. The twins' is coming along nicely too."

Maureen smiled. "Dad, I miss her already."

He hugged her tightly. "I know Sweetheart, I know."

Dickie looked at Olivia. "When's my brother coming out?"

Olivia laughed. "In four months or so Dickie. You're going to have to help me raise him to be big and strong ten-year-old** like you are."

Elliot smiled and helped Olivia stand back up after she'd squatted down again. "We're going to go over to the house now. Do you want to come Maureen?"

She nodded. "I'd like to help prepare the funeral too Dad, I know you're going to be busy with moving the kids in and work and all."

Olivia smiled. "Sounds good. I'll probably take an early maternity leave and help the kids get adjusted so you're welcome to come over any time Maureen."

Elliot put a hand around Olivia's waist, supporting Dickie on his other side. "I'll feel better knowing your safe at home too Olivia."

She frowned slightly but took Elizabeth's hand and started walking with the family. Kathleen and Maureen walked ahead of them. Olivia felt so bad; this poor family had seen so much pain. She wanted to make sure they felt safe again. 

***

Ryan sat nervously in her chair. Huang smiled. "Hello again Ryan. How have you been lately?"

She smiled at him. "You know, same-old same-old."

He smiled. "Except for everything in your life it seems."

Ryan nodded. "Yeah, but that's expected in a cop's life."

"Not to this degree."

She shrugged. "No big."

"How do you feel about Casey Novak?"

Hesitating for a moment to fully think over an answer, Ryan smiled. "She's sweet. She'll never be Alex, but then again, she's not trying to be."

He nodded. "I heard about Jared. How do you feel about that?"

She laughed. "I majored in psychology too. I know what to say if I really wanted to, but, to be honest, I'm a bit unnerved by it. I'm slightly worried that I wasn't as attentive as I should've been. I mean, if I can harbor a criminal in my life for that long and not notice, what am I missing on the job that I should be catching?"

Huang nodded. "I see." George looked through some papers. "It seems you were quite the trouble maker when you were younger."

Ryan frowned. "Those are supposed to be sealed, and I was never convicted of anything. Not to mention, my last psych exam went over this. I'm fine."

"That's for me to decide." George filtered through the file. "Your rape case is in here too."

Samantha shrugged. "They never caught the guy."

He looked up at her. "You think they did."

Her grey eyes froze over a bit. "Jerry Hobson did rape me, just because he wasn't convicted of the charge does not mean he's innocent."

George frowned. "I thought it was innocent until proven guilty."

She nodded. "When you have no proof. That's correct."

"It says there was no DNA evidence, only a voice I.D. and MO match." He looked up at her for a response.

"That's also correct." Her voice was distant. "But I was the victim, I know who raped me."

George moved on. "Do you miss Alex?"

Ryan nodded. "Who wouldn't? She was a great ADA."

He took a few notes. "It's been rumored that you two were involved."

"So what. She's gone."

George looked at her for a long moment, watching her eyes change with her mood. "She died in a very tragic way Ryan, you should be grieving more than anyone, yet you didn't take even one day off work."

Ryan sat up straight. "If you look at my file, you'll notice the only days I've missed were ordered off. Cragen's orders, Doctor."

"I noticed." He smiled faintly. "You like your job?"

She laughed. "I see some of the most gruesome things that life can throw at one, but I put the bastards away. Of course I love my job. I make the streets safer for girls and children. Who wouldn't like that?"

George nodded. "Like the Simon Chandler case, open and shut. What about the Diaz case?"

Ryan turned serious. "That wasn't an SVU case, that was back from homicide."

"I know." He showed her the photos of the four murdered women. "You never convicted him."

She nodded. "That's right. The evidence was too circumstantial and I wasn't able to break him in interrogation. It happens Doctor Huang."

He sifted through a handful of papers. "Not on your cases evidently. You've worked over sixty cases in homicide and only one resulted without jail time."

Ryan nodded. "I recall. I'm a good cop Doctor, but sometimes you need more than that."

George put the pictures away. "Wasn't Jared your partner for those murders?"

Samantha shifted somewhat. "Yes."

"Could he have killed these women?"

Calculating measures showed in her eyes as Samantha relived the case. Blinking slowly, she shook her head. "We were at dinner at the time of the second murder. It's not possible. And he preferred to rape his victims anyway. Homicide was perfectly ready to hand it over to the SVU at the time, but there was no sexual disturbances and the case could not be considered a sex crime."

George smiled. "You're very perceptive Detective. How do you remember so well?"

She shrugged. "I just do. I was raised to."

"How do you get along with your family?"

Ryan sighed. "My father's dead. He died in the Iraq conflict a year ago as of last Monday. My mother's paralyzed from a car accident. I see her every week. My brother and sister...I haven't seen them since I went to Duke University for my degree."

He nodded. "How old were your parents?"

She smiled. "My mother is forty-six and my father was forty-seven."

"Why was he sent out to Iraq?"

Ryan gave a reminiscing smile. "He volunteered."

"How old are your siblings?"

She frowned. "My brother, Daniel, would be twenty-eight and my sister," she paused a moment but decided against giving a name, "She would be twenty-four."

George smiled. "How did you get along with your siblings?"

Ryan laughed. "The way siblings do. My big brother always picked on me; I was a total tomboy who admired him. I always fought with my little sister because she was too girly. Brother signed up with the Marines at eighteen. I went to Duke for my psych degree and then to the New York Police Academy at twenty-one. Never knew what my little sister got in to. I could ask my mother I suppose, but I was kind of estranged from the family until my father died. That's when I started taking care of my mother."

"You got your degree in three years?"

She nodded. "Yep. I was studious for a while." Laughing faintly, she looked up at him. "So, am I okay?"

He nodded. "I don't see anything getting in the way of your work. Cragen seemed really concerned that you'd be overly emotional."

Ryan shrugged. "You know how the mother hen is."

George laughed. "I do. So, you're free to go. If you ever want to talk though, you can talk to me."

Samantha stood up and smiled. "When I need to talk to a shrink, I talk to myself in the mirror."

He gave her a perturbed look and she laughed harder. "I'm kidding George, I'm just kidding."

Nodding slowly, he laughed too and smiled. "Have a good day Ms. Jamerson."

She waved and walked out.

***

Olivia smiled as Dickie struggled to carry the huge comforter bag. "I want this one!"

Elliot looked at it. "That will look great."

Dickie grinned and tossed it in to the cart. It was a denim patchwork quilt with red and white patches in it. It would look very nice in the white-walled room. He'd also packed a good deal of his paraphernalia that would bring the room to life.

Maureen returned with Kathleen and Elizabeth. Elizabeth had elected to keep her bedding because her mom had bought it for her last Christmas. Kathleen had a very nice comforter that was a combination of earthy desert-like colors in a geometric design. Elliot tossed it in to the cart also.

Olivia smiled. "Let's get you all matching curtains for the windows and then Kathleen, do you want to help me buy some stuff for your bathroom?"

She nodded politely. Olivia could tell she still was pretty set on never forgetting her mother, and Olivia was proud of her and not at all hurt.

Elliot took Dickie to pick out some matching curtains and such. Maureen was walking with Elizabeth and Kathleen was walking next to Olivia to make sure she was okay. "You sure you don't want me to take the cart?"

Olivia laughed. "You sound like Captain Cragen." She put a hand on her stomach. "I have another month or two before I start walking funny.

Elizabeth laughed lightly and then looked up at her. "Are you going to marry my Dad?"

Maureen started to scold her for asking such a rude question, but Olivia shook her head and smiled. She knew all the kids were curious. Olivia looked right in to the glacier blue eyes of Elliot's youngest daughter. "No. If your father asked me to marry him right now, I'd say no. I've never been married before, and to tell you the truth, I'm a little scared of the idea. Not to mention, now you're all going to be in my house and I think if I married your dad that it would be mean to all of you. To be entirely honest, if and when he does ask me, I'm going to let you all decide for me."

Getting back up with Maureen's help, Maureen thanked her quietly. "That was a sweet thing to say."

Olivia smiled. "It was the truth. I mean it Maureen, if any of you didn't want me to marry Elliot, I wouldn't."

Kathleen smiled and started pushing the cart before Olivia could get to it, this didn't go unnoticed by the expectant mother. Kathleen turned to her. "I think that's really nice of you Olivia." She smiled. "I also think after awhile I might like the idea of you and Dad married, just not yet."

Nodding, Olivia led them to the bathroom section of 'Bed, Bath and Beyond'. The girls decided on a pastel yellow and baby blue set that looked very cute. Olivia complimented them both on their taste. "Do you need anything for your dorm Maureen? I noticed you were pretty set up, but if you need anything, now's the time."

She smiled. "I'm fine. Thanks though."

Elizabeth ran up to her father as soon as they met up. Kathleen and Maureen grabbed some cute brick-red curtains that would go nicely with the desert tones in Kathleen's bedset. Elizabeth's was white, forest green and wine red. It was a pretty quilt Kathy had worked a long time on evidently. It would blend fine with the room.

Elliot kissed Olivia's cheek and smiled. "Dickie's all set. How are you girls?"

They all smiled. "We're good."

Maureen kissed her father goodbye, she had to get going and study for one of her classes.

Sighing heavily, Olivia sat down on a bench near the exit as Elliot checked out with her credit card. Dickie sat next to her and smiled. "Thank you for everything Olivia. You're really nice to us."

She hugged him slightly. "I hope so. I love you all so much. I'm so sorry about what happened to your mom, I'm glad you're all okay though. You mean so much to Elliot, and to me, I feel like it's my job to take care of you all now that Kathy's gone."

He nodded. "Kathleen really likes you. She always used to tell Mom that you were so nice."

Olivia nodded. "I know. She's just trying not to forget her mom Dickie. You shouldn't either, she's watching over you all."

Elliot joined them with Kathleen in tow and Elizabeth with the cart. "You ready?"

Nodding, Olivia got up easily, proving to everyone that she wasn't totally incompetent. Dickie asked for her to carry him and she sadly explained that she couldn't but took his hand tightly. "You want to help your dad load all the heavy stuff in to the car?"

He nodded. Elliot opened the trunk of Olivia's Ford Taurus and piled the stuff in. Elizabeth and Kathleen climbed in to the back and begged Olivia to turn the heater on. She did immediately, shivering herself. "It's awfully cold already."

Elizabeth laughed. "It is late November..."

Olivia shrugged and smiled when Elliot climbed in to the passenger's side and Dickie closed the rear driver's door and buckled up. "Not used to me driving, eh?"

He chuckled softly. "Not really. Everyone buckled up?" He glanced in to the back of the car.

Dickie nodded. "Yeah." Kathleen was staring out the window, crying again, but she had her seatbelt on. Elizabeth smiled and nodded back at Elliot.

Olivia turned the music down because she noticed Dickie and Elizabeth starting to nod off to sleep. She smiled at Elliot. "I could get used to this. I think I'm going to take my maternity leave starting tomorrow." 

Elliot smiled. "That's good, seriously. I'm more comfortable knowing your safe at home with our son."

She sighed and pulled away from a stoplight a bit too quickly, waking one of the sleeping children. Olivia frowned. "It wouldn't hurt you to care about the baby-carrier too. Sometimes it sounds like you care about your son and that's it. Where do I fit in?"

Silence accompanied them the remaining two miles to Olivia's house. Elliot frowned. "Olivia, I love you. I really do. You mean so much to me, honestly." He kissed her cheek softly before getting out of the car in the driveway.

Olivia smiled. "I see." Turning off the car, she popped the trunk and grabbed two bags and a comforter while Elliot carried Dickie, with Elizabeth on his back, in to the house. Kathleen grabbed the remaining comforter and helped Olivia close the trunk. Olivia waited for Kathleen to get in the house before turning off the porch light and locking the wrought iron door and then locking both locks on the front door. Setting everything down, she smiled as the three kids explored the bottom floor.

Elliot grabbed the remaining comforter and bags that Olivia and Kathleen had set down while Olivia guided them upstairs. Veering them away from her very messy room, she smiled. "Dickie, your room is at the very end of the hall."

He took off happily. Kathleen and Elizabeth walked in to their room on the left and smiled. The bathroom lay between the two rooms to be fought over on a future occasion. Handing the girls their bedding and turning on the light, Elliot headed for Dickie's room with the remaining supplies.

Olivia hung up the curtains slowly and smiled. "You two should get some sleep, it's already nine o'clock. When does your mom usually put you to bed?"

Kathleen sighed wearily, fighting back more tears. "Nine-thirty for me, nine for Dickie and Elizabeth."

Elizabeth pouted. "Can I please stay up Olivia?"

She shook her head. "I'm afraid not. Kathleen's waited five years to get to stay up later; she earned it. When you're that old you can too."

Kathleen grinned and helped Olivia put on Elizabeth's bedding.

Olivia stood up after both beds were made and smiled. "During Christmas break we can pick up some more things for you both. That's in about a week, right?"

Elizabeth sat on to her bed and smiled. "Two weeks." She clambered under her blankets and Olivia shook her head.

"You two have prayers to say, don't you?"

Kathleen nodded. "We usually say them with Dickie."

Olivia smiled. "Then lets go see if the two boys have managed to break anything yet." The fire truck-red curtains in Dickie's room were neatly hung and Elliot was folding down the comforter as Olivia walked in with the two girls.

Elliot looked at Dickie. "Are we going to say our prayers together?"

Dickie nodded. The three children and Elliot got on their knees around Dickie's bed. Olivia uncomfortably mimicked them. Dickie began. "Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep, if I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take. God bless Grandma and Grandpa, Maureen, Kathleen, Elizabeth, Dickie, Dad and Mom. Amen."

Kathleen frowned. "Lord, please keep Mom safe in heaven. Amen."

Elizabeth crossed herself and stood up. Elliot conned Dickie in to bed and kissed his forehead, much to the boy's dismay. Turning out the light, he herded the other two in to the next bedroom.

Olivia smiled. "I'll have everything ready for your showers tomorrow morning. How early do you need to get up?"

Kathleen pondered for a moment. "Wake me up around 5 if you can. I need to shower, then I'll wake Liz, then Dickie."

Elizabeth was contently sleeping already when Olivia said goodnight to Kathleen and walked out. Elliot kissed them both goodnight and closed the door, trusting Kathleen to prepare herself for bed and turn out the light.

Olivia smiled. "I could get used to this."

Elliot smiled back and hugged her tightly, placing a kiss on her forehead. "Me too." He walked with her in to the master bedroom and closed the double doors. "Do you want to come with us to Church Sunday?"

She nodded. "I'm not personally Catholic...but I'll go."

He kissed her and began to undress for bed. "I understand that. I know you're pro-choice and I'm not pressuring you to become Catholic or anything, I just thought you might want to go."

Olivia smiled. "I know. I do believe in God, and Jesus, but I'm just not Catholic. I have my own beliefs. I'd be glad to go then." She took off her shirt and jeans, sitting down on the bed. Elliot kissed her softly, laying her back on the bed.

"I love you."

She kissed him back. "I love you too."

***

          Ryan nervously sat down on the queen-sized bed and brushed her wet hair out. The warm bath had done her a lot of good. A picture of Alex sat on the bedside table, and she smiled at it warmly. Getting on to her knees, she said her prayers and climbed in to bed, turning off all the lights. Lying in bed, she couldn't manage to fall asleep. Cragen had told her why Olivia and Elliot missed work today. She'd prayed for Elliot at mass and her mother had promised to pray for them too. 

It was nice cooking for her mother again after such a hectic few weeks. The comfortable conversation had smoothed over her fraying nerves. She'd been very uptight lately, and withdrawn. Mainly due to the loss of Alex, Ryan hadn't been exactly sociable.

Talking to her mother about Alex was nice. Her mother made her promise to introduce her as soon as Alex came back. That'd be a while but it was still a nice thought. As she thought back to times she'd spent with Alex, she finally managed to drift in to a peaceful slumber.

***

Olivia sat up in the chair next to her bed, sipping hot chocolate. Elliot was fast asleep in the bed, looking very peaceful. She'd woken up after another nightmare, and was thankful Elliot had slept through it. As she headed downstairs to the kitchen, she heard crying. Creeping downstairs and preparing two fresh cups of hot chocolate, she walked back upstairs and opened the door to the girls' room. "Kathleen? Is that you?"

Kathleen sat up in the dimly-lit room and smiled faintly. "I'm sorry, did I wake you?"

Shaking her head, Olivia smiled. "Not at all, do you want to come downstairs and talk for a little while? I have hot chocolate and everything."

She smiled. "Okay." Climbing out of bed in a pair of royal blue satin pj pants and a white camisole, she took one of the cups and walked with Olivia downstairs.

Olivia handed her an afghan to wrap up in and the two sat down. "You miss your mom?"

Kathleen nodded. "Yeah. I dreamt about her, and when I woke up I couldn't help but cry."

Smiling and scooting her chair right next to Kathleen's, Olivia smiled. "Tell me about the dream. What were you two doing?"

She smiled. "I was remembering last Christmas. I was all stressed out about grades coming over the break and worried about how I'd done on my mid-terms but my mother wouldn't have it. She forced me to make cookies with her one afternoon. I ended up burning two whole batches before we got it right, but I think that was part of her plan. She definitely knew how take my mind off of it."

Olivia nodded. "My mom and I, every year for Christmas, we went shopping together and bought all we wanted for Christmas. I never wanted all the shiny new bikes and such, just clothes to keep me warm and the occasional doll." A smile crossed her lips. "Every year after shopping, we went to the same cookie store down on 1st and Broadway and we had hot chocolate and three cookies each. It was the nicest little tradition. It always managed to take my mind off not having a dad around for the holidays."

Kathleen's lips turned in a smile after she took a long gulp of hot chocolate. "Maybe we could go shopping this Christmas for stuff for the rooms."

After a comfortable moment of silence, Olivia nodded. "I'd like that. I'm really glad you aren't holding it against me that your dad and I are dating."

She smiled. "You're too nice a person Olivia."

Olivia laughed. "Thanks." Setting down her again, empty, cup she smiled. Standing and taking the cup in to the kitchen, Kathleen followed her.

"What do you want to name the baby?"

Turning to her and taking her cup, washing it, Olivia shrugged. "Elliot and I haven't really discussed it. I have been thinking about Kyle. Do you like that name?"

Kathleen smiled. "It goes with all the other names in the family. Elliot, Elizabeth, Maureen, Kathleen, Dickie and Kyle." She looked up at Olivia. "And Olivia."

Olivia smiled and looked at the clock. "It's half past eleven, you need to get some sleep kiddo."

She nodded and walked up the stairs with Olivia right behind her. "Thanks Olivia."

Watching her head in to her room and close the door, Olivia smiled. "Anytime kiddo." Olivia walked back in to her room and saw Elliot sitting up in bed, reading.

"Hello Beautiful."

Olivia grinned and climbed in to bed next to him, taking off the oversized t-shirt she'd been in. "When did you wake up?"

He smiled. "When I heard you offer Kathleen hot chocolate. You're going to make a great mom, Olivia."

She blushed softly and kissed him. "Thanks Sweetheart." He kissed her back and turned off the light.

"Is Kathleen asleep?"

Olivia shrugged faintly. "I'd assume so, why?"

"I don't want to wake her up again..." Elliot's sly grin was visible even in the faint moonlight. Olivia grinned back.

***

Ryan woke early the next morning and smiled happily. She'd slept well, without any nightmares, for the first time in a long time. Grabbing the case file, she headed to the kitchen to grab a cup of coffee. That's when she noticed the blinking light on the answering machine. She had yet to change her number, so it was probably for Alex, but she answered it anyway.

_"Hey Alex, it's Sean. I was wondering if you happened to have Ryan's cell number. I lost it. Well, I guess you're at work. I'll see you around. Gimme a call when you get this at 555-6729. Thanks, bye."_

A chill went up Ryan's spine. '_Sean?'_ What did he want with her cell number? _'Why is he calling Alex? Could he actually have known about Alex and me? Did he know Alex?'_ She shuddered. _'I have to talk to Casey about the entailments of a restraining order.'_ Getting in to the shower worriedly, Ryan frowned. _If Alex knew him, maybe he was after her too._ The warm water did little for her nerves as she washed her hair. _'I thought he was long gone. Bastard. I'll make him pay for what he did...'_

***End Chapter Seven***

*((These are the names I've chosen for Kathy's parents, they are kind of random but oh well.))

**((I know SVU-obsessed said that the twins are 11 but I needed to lower it a year for emotional and maturity reasons))


	9. Debt of Innocence

"In the criminal justice system, sexually based offenses are considered especially heinous. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit. These are their stories."

It comes with the Badge

____________________________________________________________________________

Last time:

_A chill went up Ryan's spine. _'Sean?' _What did he want with her cell number? _'Is he after me again? How could he have known about Alex and me? Did he know Alex?' _She shuddered._ 'I have to talk to Casey about the entailments of a restraining order.' _Getting in to the shower worriedly, Ryan frowned._ 'If Alex knew him, maybe he was after her too.'_ The warm water did little for her nerves as she washed her hair._ 'I thought he was long gone. Bastard. I'll get him for what he did...'

__________________________________________________________________________

Chapter Eight

Debt of Innocence

Fin sat down at his desk and frowned. Elliot was off for the next two days and that left him as the odd man out. Starting on the paper work for Munch and his last case, he sighed. The black coffee tasted refreshing sliding down his throat and helped wake him up. Ryan was due, along with Munch, any moment. It was almost time for lunch, and they'd elected to go out together. 

As he reached for his cell phone to call the, around 12:15, he noticed a girl sitting nervously at on one of the benches just outside of the bullpen. He stood up and approached her. She was repeatedly biting her upper lip and rubbing the underside of her right arm. Her long brown hair was tousled and unbrushed. Fin leaned down slightly. "My name's Detective Tutuola. Can I help you?"

She quickly pulled the sleeve of her grey sweatshirt down over the track marks her heroine addiction had left. "I-I don't know. M-maybe."

He frowned. When she finally looked up at him, something about the girl's appearance looked familiar. She had strikingly dark doe-like eyes that held his attention for a long moment. "What's your name Miss?"

Keeping his gaze, she laughed. "Not Miss, that's for sure. My name's Grace."

Fin sat next to her. "What's your last name?"

She scooted away from him. "It doesn't matter. I can't say here."

He nodded. "Okay. Who sent you here?"

Grace turned back to him. "A policeman. I told him I needed to report a rape and he directed me here."

Fin smiled faintly. "That's good. This is the SVU, the rape unit. Will you please come with me Grace?"

She nodded slowly and followed him over to his desk. He motioned for her to sit. "Now, when were you raped?"

          Grace bit her lip again and fidgeted anxiously. Fin could tell she was aching to get a hit. He would keep her here as long as he could. "Two days ago." 

Fin assumed that she probably didn't go to the hospital because she was high at the time but it couldn't hurt to ask. "Did you go to the hospital afterwards?"

She shook her head negatively. "I couldn't. They would've found out."

"Found out what?"

Grace frowned. "I wasn't using if that's what you think." She sounded very serious. Her brown eyes were defiant. "I'm, I'm pregnant. I quit when I found out three weeks back and it's still killin' me."

Fin nodded. "That's good, that's real good that you quit." She shrugged and started to fidget again. "Did you know the man who raped you?"

She shook her head. "I was at my boyfriend's apartment tryin' to get him to quit too. When I walked out of the apartment, he was watching me through the window. I blew him a kiss but as I started to look back at the street, this guy grabbed me."

He scribbled notes down as she talked. "Do you think your boyfriend may have seen him? Or knew him?"

Grace nodded. "I know he must've seen him, I don't know if he knew him or not."

Fin smiled. "Can you give me your boyfriend's name and address?"

She gave him a weak smile. "Yes. His name's Roberto Rodriguez. His lives at 1644 West 88th street. Um, could you give me a ride there? I really don't want to walk, I'm so paranoid now-a-days."

Staring at her for a few moments, still struggling to figure out why she looked so familiar, and nodded. "Sure." He headed out to the lot with her. As she walked beside him, he noticed she was taller than most and rather skinny, though that was probably from drug use. She was wearing a pair of Levi's that were starting to wear thin. Her grey sweatshirt was concealing a black halter-top that accented her pale skin. "Hey, do you have siblings?"

Pausing for moment as she buckled her seatbelt, she shook her head. "No. I have no family."

Fin couldn't help but pick up on the denial there, but shrugged it off. "Do you need any help staying clean? It's really important to your child."

She nodded. "I know. I'm doing fine."

It hurt Fin to think that poor girl was trying to fight this alone with her boyfriend using. He'd seen it tear people apart, and this girl seemed so fragile. She reminded him of a doll. _'That's it!'_ He turned to her as he made a quick right hand turn. "Do you know Detective Ryan Jamerson?"

Grace stared at him for a moment and shook her head. "No. Why?"

He smiled at her. "You remind me of her somehow. You look a lot alike, except she's got grey eyes and she's a bit taller."

Shrugging, Grace pointed out the right side of the car. "It's right there."

Fin pulled in to a sharp parallel parking spot and smiled. "Did I scare you?"

She shook her head. "Nice job though." Getting out, she walked up to the building and looked upward. Yelling, she smiled. "Bobby!"

No one replied. Grace frowned and walked upstairs. Fin followed close behind her. When she opened the apartment door, Fin got a run of adrenaline. Her face contorted with dismay. "NO!"

Fin rushed in and saw the dark skinned man in his late-twenties lying on the floor unconscious. The needle was still in his arm. Flipping his cell open, Fin called 911. "This is Odafin Tutuola, badge number..."

***

Ryan walked in to the station with Munch. "I can't believe it. I _know_ he did it. It was _him_ and we can't get that damned warrant because we don't have enough on him."

Munch frowned lightly. "It's okay. We'll get some more evidence against him and then we'll get the warrant and arrest the bastard."

Nodding slowly and absentmindedly, Ryan couldn't help but be slightly depressed. "Where's Fin?" When he shrugged, Samantha grabbed her cell. Calling him, she leaned against her desk lightly.

"Tutuola."

Samantha smiled. "It's Sam. Where are you?"

He swore lightly under his breath. "I won't be able to make it. I'm at the hospital with a victim. Her boyfriend's ODed."

Ryan frowned. "I'm sorry. Call us when you get off and we might still be at lunch."

Fin laughed. "Maybe. Okay, well, I have to go and get back in there."

She nodded. "See you later." Hanging up the phone, Ryan shook her head. "He's a no show. He's at the hospital. Where do you want to go?"

Munch shrugged. "Anywhere with food."

Ryan laughed lightly. "Hey, why don't we pay Olivia a visit? I know Elliot's with Kathy's parents going over her will and such so Olivia might be kind of lonely."

He acquiesced and smirked. "She may dislike the intrusion."

Samantha turned to him as she grabbed her leather jacket and batted her eyes. "Do you really think I care? She'll like it." Taking the keys, she headed out of the station with Munch.

***

Olivia nervously looked through the peephole in her door before opening it with a smile on her face. "Hey you two!"

She opened the wrought iron door and smiled. "Come on in!"

Ryan noticed she was wearing a baby blue t-shirt, which plunged a little lower than what she usually wore in public, and a pair of loose and very comfortable looking jeans. "You look good!" Samantha hugged her softly and smiled as Munch trailed behind them.

Olivia glanced at her watch. "I have to leave to pick up Elizabeth, Dickie and Kathleen around 2."

Munch noted that it was 12:45 now. "We won't be that long, we just thought we'd pay you a visit."

Smiling, Olivia led them in to the kitchen. "You want coffee?" Ryan got up and started making some with a smile.

"Don't let us be a bother Olivia. I know where everything is."

Olivia shook her head and chased Ryan back around the island and started to make a pot of coffee. "Munch?"

John smiled. "Coffee sounds great."

Ryan glanced at the latest issue of Cosmopolitan, right next to Parenthood magazine, and laughed. "You read these too?"

Olivia nodded. "I think they're every girl's guilty pleasure."

Munch glanced at the cover and sighed. "Not Cosmo."

Ryan gave him a falsely innocent look as she grabbed the sugar and Coffeemate from the cupboard. "You drink it black don't you John?"

He nodded. "It's the only way."

Sighing, Ryan added sugar to her cup and laughed. "It's a male thing obviously."

Olivia nodded and grabbed a jug of ginger ale out of the fridge. "You have no idea how hard it is to go without my morning coffee. It's torture I swear."

Ryan laughed again. "I can imagine."

Pouring herself a beverage, Olivia smiled. "Have either of you had lunch yet?"

John shook his head. "Actually, that's where we were headed after this." Ryan nodded her agreement as she drank from the coffee cup.

Olivia smiled. "What would you like?"

Samantha shook her head. "Oh no, we can't intrude."

John laughed at her false courtesy and turned back to Olivia. "I don't know, what were you intending on having for lunch?"

She grinned. "A peanut butter and pickle sandwich."

Ryan cringed. "Tell me you're joking..."

Olivia nodded. "I am. Honestly I was just going to heat up some leftover chicken noodle soup and barbeque ribs maybe."

John grinned. "Well, unless the ribs are completely kosher, I think I'll go with chicken noodle soup."

Ryan nodded. "Me too, if you're offering, I eat chicken."

Olivia laughed. "I was offering." She pulled a large Tupperware bowl out of the fridge and poured it into a pot sitting on the oven. "It'll be ready soon."

Samantha frowned. "Sit down Liv, you're making me nervous. You're the one who's pregnant."

Glancing down at her obtrusive stomach, Olivia acted surprised. "Oh! Would you look at that? I had no idea!" Rolling her eyes slowly, she gave Ryan a 'don't-treat-me-different-because-I'm-pregnant-or-you'll-regret-it' look. Ryan took note.

The chicken noodle soup finished the three detectives sat around the table eating contently. Making short conversation and enjoying the soup, Ryan smiled.

"So, Munch, where do you want to start looking for evidence to get this warrant?"

John shrugged. "I was thinking the vic. Since the beginning I've been getting a feeling that she's hold out on us. She might talk."

Ryan sighed. "She won't talk to me or you. You're male and I remind her of her little sister." Rolling her eyes, she recalled when Karen had told her that.

Olivia laughed. "She honestly said that?"

John nodded. "It was quite amusing."

Ryan glared daggers at him. "It was amusing for _you_. Her little sister lives in Queens."

Olivia looked up. "Did you ever ask the vic why she couldn't talk to someone who looked like her sister?"

Samantha shook her head. "I figured because it was too hard to tell her little sister she was raped. Maybe she hasn't even told her."

Benson shook her head. "Will you two let me talk to her? I've got a hunch."

Munch frowned. "Aren't you on maternity leave?" He motioned to her stomach.

Jamerson laughed. "Is that really a question?"

Olivia rolled her eyes. "Just let me talk to her. It'll help you both out."

John nodded. "Sounds good. Sam, you have her number right?"

"Uh, yeah. Somewhere in here." Samantha flipped open her phone and began to search. "Karen Wright, right?"

"Yeah." John laughed lightly at the homonym. "Can you drive yourself down to the station house Olivia?"

Giving him a noxious look, Olivia stood up. "I'm not dying guys. I'm fine, look." She turned around a few times, not even leaning backward to support the weight of the child.

Ryan smiled. "Do you two have a name picked out yet?"

"I don't know. I haven't really talked to Elliot about a name. The kids like Kyle though."

John watched her face light up when she talked about Elliot's children. "I hear you're taking on the whole family."

Olivia looked puzzled. "Why not? They're great kids and I owe Elliot my life. He saved me when Hobson attacked me. I would've died."

A silent pause of remorse filled the room and Ryan stood up. "Well, let's go down to the station then." She held her cell phone up to her ear. After a few moments, she began to talk. "Hello. Karen Wright? This is Detective Jamerson, remember me?" Karen responded. "I was wondering if you could come down to the precinct and talk with a fellow detective of mine. She'd like to talk to you about the case." More talking from Karen caused silence to hover over the room yet again. "Great. Thank you so much. Uh-huh. You too. Okay, bye."

Looking up, she nodded. "Let's go." John handed her the keys and Olivia grabbed hers.

"Do you think Cragen will get mad?"

Ryan paused. "Olivia, Cragen always gets mad. Don't worry about it. I'll take the heat for even bringing the case up around you."

She nodded. "Okay. I'll call Maureen to pick up the kids from school."

***

Karen bit her lip nervously "I used to feel safe in my own home. I used to like it when men thought I was attractive. Now, my husband wants a divorce because I can't make love to him without crying."

          Olivia frowned. "I know how you feel."

          She sighed heavily. "No, you don't."

          Benson raised her shirtsleeve up enough to reveal the fading scars from her handcuffs. "Yes, I do. I'm afraid to sleep with Elliot at night...but I'm even more afraid to sleep without him by my side."

          The vic nodded. "Okay. I get your point." Karen stared at the table. "What do I have to do?"

          Olivia looked sadly at her. "You have to testify against him...in open court."

          Tears sprang anew. "I can't."

          Detective Benson took her hands. "The guy who raped me, and seven other women, was on trial, but since I didn't testify, he was only convicted of six out of the eight counts; I doubt my fellow SVU Detective will ever forgive me for it. You _need_ to testify. Do it for you, and for any other victims who wouldn't...or couldn't...come forward. 

Karen shook her head, "You don't understand." Wiping her eyes softly with a tissue, she sniffled slightly. "He threatened to hurt Heather if I did anything."

Realization dawned on Ryan as she watched and listened. "She knows him."

"Olivia will get her to talk." John looked very sure of Olivia's ability so Ryan took comfort in that and continued to watch.

"That's why she didn't want to talk to me. She kept thinking of her sister and how much danger she was putting her sister in."

John nodded sadly.

Olivia frowned. "Who is he Karen? We can protect your sister. Once he's in jail, he won't be able to hurt her or you."

Karen looked doubtful. "What if he doesn't get convicted?"

"Look." Olivia looked up at her earnestly. "He will not hurt your sister."

"Okay." Karen folded her hands together slightly. "It was my best friend's boyfriend, Kenneth James."

Ryan sighed with relief. "I thought she was going to say Jamerson."

"That's just what you'd need right now." John smiled somewhat halfheartedly and put a comforting hand on her shoulder.

***

Knocking on the door of the house, Ryan frowned. The drizzle that had started on their way here was getting heavier. "Mr. James. Police, open the door."

"Mr. James!" John twisted the knob of the door and it opened. "Let's check it out. We have the arrest warrant."

Ryan nodded. Walking in, she cleared the living room and kitchen. "Clear."

John had drifted down the hallway and she decided to check out the backyard. She heard John yell clear a few times from inside as she nervously walked out. She cried out in surprise as someone grabbed her. She kicked him hard in the shin several times. "JOHN!"

Munch ran out to see Kenneth James with a knife to Ryan throat. Samantha's eyes weren't scared, but calculating. Surprising James, she elbowed him in the ribs and bent down, ducking out of the line of fire. Without hesitation, John let off two rounds from his clip.

"Shit." Ryan rolled out of the way and stood up. Standing up and checking Kenneth for a pulse, she frowned. "It's really faint. Call EMS and I'll see what I can do."

One bullet definitely hit his lung; all she could do with that was compress that one. Against all conscience, she tried to save his life. The second bullet had broken his clavicle and gone through his deltoid muscles. She tore off her collared shirt, she had a small bra-top underneath. Pressing her black shirt against his bleeding chest, she tried to slow the tremendous amount of blood that was seeping from his wounds. John tossed her his shirt too and she used it to cover the other wound. He was still on the phone with EMS.

John finally got off the phone and assisted her with compressing the wounds. What had started as soft rain was now a downpour of drenching rainfall. "He's loosing a lot of blood."

Ryan's hands and arms were drenched in blood and she knew she had it on her face too from tying her hair back. Kenneth was breathing laboriously under her and his eyes were closed to keep the rain out. He opened them for a moment and looked straight at Ryan. "Thank you."

"Don't thank me. If I had a choice, I wouldn't be doing this." She looked up at John. "Can you handle this? I'll show EMS out here."

He nodded, knowing that she couldn't stand this guy anymore. EMS came in shortly after she left and picked up where the two had left off. The paramedic thanked them. "You saved his life."

"Damn." Samantha looked upward at the storm clouds, letting her white bra-top get even wetter, not caring any longer. Short little hairs that framed her features were now weighted against her face from the rain. The long cascades of coffee that she'd tied back were dripping rainwater now. She was drenched. The cool rain soothed her ragged and threadbare composition. John stood about six or seven feet away, waiting for her. The rain had soaked him too, and now he stood under the patio with a jacket on. She spread her arms out slowly and continued to stare upward. For about another ten minutes she stood like that. Finally, she turned back to Munch. Her mascara had dripped down her face and blood still clung her to porcelain face.

"Let's go Sam." He put an arm around her and escorted her to the sedan, taking the key from her. "I'll drive." Opening the door for her and then walking back around, he turned the heater on immediately because Ryan was shaking furiously.

***

Fin ran out in the downpour. John had called him ten minutes ago and asked him to help him carry Ryan in. She was sleeping. Fin saw her walking slowly towards the steps up the station. "Sam!" He took his jacket and wrapped it around her. "Are you okay?"

She shook her head. "I need to get the blood off."

Munch was standing by the car still and shook his head. "I have to go talk to IAB. I shot the guy. He had a knife to her throat."

"Okay. Don't worry about Samantha, I've got her." He led her in to the station house. "You want to wash up?"

She nodded weakly. "I have a change of clothes in my locker." Sam walked over and pulled a pair of jeans and a tank top out. Fin walked her in to the bathroom and turned the shower on.

He put his hands on her shoulders. "Are you sure you're okay?"

Samantha gave him a half-smile. "You're not going to see me naked. Sorry."

Unable to contain a laugh, he nodded. "You sound fine to me. I'll make some coffee or something so you can warm up." He walked back out in to the bullpen as Ryan peeled off her bloody and wet clothing.

***

Olivia smiled as she set the table. Everyone was going to be home for dinner tonight. She'd had to buy a new dining room table but it fit fine. Setting five places and trying to hide her joy, she called Elizabeth and Dickie down for dinner. "Liz, Dickie! Dinner!"

Kathleen walked in with another girl about her age right behind her. She smiled and introduced her. "Olivia, this is Rebecca, I was wondering if she could stay for dinner."

Rebecca shook Olivia's hand politely. "Nice to meet you Mrs. Stabler." She had cheery green eyes and long blond hair that fell to her chest. Her skin was pale and slightly freckled. She didn't really seem as mature as Kathleen, but Olivia knew she was more than slightly biased.

Olivia laughed. "No, no. I'm Olivia Benson."

Kathleen smiled, thankful for Olivia's honesty. "Can she stay?"

"Of course. I probably cooked too much anyway. I still don't know how much to cook." She sighed heavily and placed a hand on her abdomen, her stomach growing each day. "Could you set the last setting for me Kathleen? I have to go get the twins. They obviously didn't hear me.

Climbing wearily up the stairs, she heard Kathleen talking to Rebecca. "She's so sweet. She and my dad get along perfectly. They're going to get married someday, but they act like high schoolers about it."

Rebecca smiled. "I'm glad she's great fun. She seems nice. How far along is she?"

Kathleen grinned, enjoying talking about her little brother. "Five months. Olivia will make a great mother; she's so excited about it. She's good to us too. I'll show you my new room after dinner."

Plates clambered around. A silent pause filled the air. "Don't you ever miss your mom?"

More silence. Kathleen's voice audibly sobered. "I think of her every day. I know she wouldn't want us to grieve though. I have to be strong for Elizabeth. She cries every night. I cried a lot at first, but I think it's better for me to stay strong for her and Dickie."

Rebecca nodded. "That's good."

Olivia, feeling guilty about eavesdropping, ran up the stairs faster. She opened the door to Elizabeth and Kathleen's room. "Liz." She was sitting at the desk with the lamp on. A schoolbook sat open in front of her and she looked utterly distressed.

"Olivia, I can't eat until I finish my math homework, but this is impossible!" She looked up sadly and gave defeated sigh.

"Here, let me see." She sat on the bed next to her. "What kind of math is it?"

Elizabeth frowned and showed her the problem. "I have to find out how big that angle is."

Olivia smiled. "Ah, geometry. Well, how many degrees are in a triangle?"

"One-hundred and eighty." Transcribing the triangle on to her paper, she shrugged. "I still don't know what to do."

"Look here." She pointed to the square angle in the corner of the triangle. "What kind of an angle is that?"

Elizabeth sighed. "A right angle."

Olivia nodded. "How many degrees is that?"

"Ninety." She filled that in on her paper. "And this one is sixty. So the last one is..." she thought for a moment, "Thirty."

"Exactly. Now what's part B?"

Elizabeth sighed. "Find the area." Her voice was accompanied by a very unhappy groan. "I hate this math."

Olivia smiled and hugged her softly. "What's the formula for the area of a triangle?"

"1/2base times the height."

"Good." Olivia motioned for her to write it down. "Now, that's the base?"

Elizabeth frowned. "I don't know."

Olivia pointed to the book. "Look. The two triangles' bases total thirty-six. So what's half of thirty-six?" 

Entering it in to her small basic calculator, she smiled. "Eighteen."

"Correct." She watched Elizabeth write it down. "And so, nine is the 1/2base part."

"Umhm. Now all you need is the height." 

Elizabeth sighed. "That's given. It's twelve. So the answer is..." her nimble fingers pressed the calculator buttons urgently, "One-hundred and eight."

Olivia smiled. "See? Is it that hard?"

Shaking her head, she stood up and closed her book. "Can we eat now?"

That's when Elliot came home. Kathleen could be heard downstairs talking to him. "Go say hi to your dad first."

She took off downstairs. "Daddy!"

Olivia walked out and smiled at him from upstairs. She was wearing a black tank top that was getting too tight and a pair of navy blue sweats. Olivia knocked softly on Dickie's door and opened it. He was playing Playstation 2. "What game you playing?"

He turned around. "Halo."

She smiled. "You any good?"

Dickie frowned. "I can't beat this level. Oh well. Is Dad home yet?"

"He just got home. Why don't you go say hi?" Before she could say anymore, he tore off through the doorway and ran downstairs.

"Daddy!"

Elliot groaned softly as he picked Dickie. "Did you do all your homework?"

He nodded. Olivia turned off the game and the lights then headed downstairs. As she stepped off the last step, Elliot embraced her. "Hello Beautiful. Haven't seen you all day."

She hugged him back. "That's sure a nice greeting. You must be hungry."

Kathleen laughed. "I'll put the drinks on the table. What do you all want?"

Elizabeth smiled. "I'll help. I want milk!"

"I want orange juice." Dickie was already sitting at the table.

Rebecca somewhat nervously followed Kathleen. "Do you have any apple juice?"

Olivia smiled. "I have everything in there. I can't have coffee so I decided I'd see what else I like. There should be some apple juice left."

Elizabeth walked out. "What do you two want?"

Elliot smiled. "Water's fine."

"I'll have some ginger ale if it's not too much trouble."

Elizabeth gave her a scolding look. "You're not a guest Olivia. It's our job to set the table. Dickie's supposed to have trash-duty but he never does it."

"Do to!" He shouted from the dining room.

Olivia couldn't help but laugh. "Okay. Thanks Liz."

Elliot kissed her. "You didn't think I'd let them cop out of their chores did you?"

"I don't know." She walked in to the kitchen and opened the oven. Inside was a rib roast and she had macaroni and cheese on the stove. "Elliot, honey, can you give me a hand?"

Rebecca smiled. "I'll put the mac and cheese on the table."

Olivia thanked her quietly as Elliot grabbed the large metal pan out of the oven. "Thanks." She began to cut it and he took the knife from her hand and kissed her.

"I've got it."

Rebecca could be heard from the dining room. "I see what you meant about high schoolers."

Olivia laughed lightly. "Fine, I'll sit down." She went and sat at the head of the table, across from where Elliot was to sit. Kathleen sat on her right, with Rebecca next to her. Elizabeth was on her left.

"Are you going to say grace for us Olivia?" Dickie looked hopeful.

"Well," she was definitely caught off-guard by this. She wasn't Catholic, was she even allowed? Would Elliot be mad? "Sure honey."

Kathleen took Rebecca's hand and offered Olivia her other hand. Elizabeth did the same with Dickie's hand. Olivia nervously took their hands as Elliot set the roast down and sat down in his chair. "Thank you God for this lovely meal. Thank you for such a great family to share it with. I thank you for helping Elizabeth with her math and for Kathleen's friend Rebecca's visit. I pray that everyone enjoys the meal and that you bless it. Amen."

Elliot looked up. "That was lovely."

Rebecca blushed. "I don't usually say grace, except at Thanksgiving and such."

"I know the feeling. It's something I've picked up around Elliot and these kids." Olivia smiled understandingly.

"Pass the mac and cheese." Dickie sat up in his chair anxiously.

As soon as everyone started eating, a cell phone rang. Olivia and Elliot both reached for theirs. Olivia's cell phone holder was clipped on her pants. "Benson."

"Stabler."

Elliot raised a hand to indicate it was his phone. "Is she okay?" Olivia closed her phone and looked concerned.

Kathleen turned proudly to Rebecca. "They're both cops. They work together."

"I've always wanted to be a cop." Rebecca looked at Olivia. "Is it really hard?"

Olivia smiled sweetly. "I love what I do. It's not easy, and it's not always very cheery, but I love it. I can't picture myself doing anything else."

Elliot looked up. "That was Tutuola."

"And?" Olivia looked anxious.

"John and Samantha apprehended a perp today." He sighed heavily. "John shot him when he held Sam at knifepoint."

Olivia's face fell. "Oh no."

"Fin said she was covered in blood and drenched when she came in. He said she's sleeping now." Elliot took a heavy drink of water. "I'll take you down tomorrow if you want to see her."

"Elliot." She looked at him sternly. "I can still drive and besides, I have to drop off the kids. I'm not dying! It's just a baby. Sheesh." Picking up her silverware, she began to eat again. "Did Fin say whether Ryan got hurt or not?"

"No." Elliot took another bite. "He said she's fine, just shaken up."

Olivia nodded. "Who wouldn't be?" She remained quiet for a moment. "She had to save him didn't she?"

Elliot nodded. "'Fraid so."

Blushing, Olivia apologized. "I shouldn't talk about work at dinner. How was your day Kathleen?"

Rebecca was watching both Elliot and Olivia, as they talked back and forth, amazed. Kathleen smiled. "Well, I did well on my physics exam today but I am really dreading my Algebra II test tomorrow."

Elizabeth piped up. "Olivia knows math. She helped me with my math today."

As Olivia grew increasingly embarrassed, Elliot stared at her from across the table. "Oh really? She didn't just give you the answers did she?" Elliot teased.

"Nope. She showed me how." Elizabeth ate another bite and drank from her milk glass, getting a small milk mustache.

Kathleen frowned. "My math's a lot harder than _yours_ Liz."

Elliot cleared his throat. "We know Kathleen. Dickie, what'd you do today?"

Dickie smiled. "I got an A on my vocabulary test."

"Great job!"

Rebecca and Kathleen began to chat about teachers. When Kathleen finished and went to clear off the plates. Elliot stood to take care of leftovers and Elizabeth let to finish up her math homework. Rebecca smiled. "How long have you and Elliot been together?"

Olivia put a hand on her stomach. "Five months or so."

She smiled. "How long have you been a cop?"

"Over eight years. Elliot and I have been partners for about six I think." She smiled and drank from her glass. "Are you really thinking about becoming a cop?"

"Yes." Rebecca nodded.

A genuine heart-warmed smile crossed Olivia's peachy lips. "That's terrific. Listen, if your parents will let you, I'm sure Captain Cragen would let you spend a day at work with one of us. Maybe Ryan since I'm on maternity leave."

Rebecca smiled. "Is it a boy or a girl?"

Olivia blushed. "A boy." Elliot smiled from the doorway, the look on her face was so motherly and joy filled that his eyes started to water slightly. Embarrassed, he walked upstairs to play a round of Halo with Dickie.

Kathleen came out. "Ryan's really sweet too. She solved Maureen's rape. Maureen and her have kept a weekly lunch date since. They get along great; they're not too far apart in age either. Maureen's never really had someone her age to talk to around the house."

Rebecca shifted slightly at the open and blatant mention of something as serious as rape. "I'd love to do that sometime. I'll ask my parents tonight."

"How are you getting home?" Olivia picked up three glasses and headed for the sink.

"I was just going to walk. It's not far." She brought in the remaining glasses as Olivia loaded them in to the dishwasher.

Olivia stood up slowly. "I won't have a pretty teenager like you walking home at 9:30 at night."

Rebecca flushed lightly and smiled. "It's not far, honest."

"Good," she grabbed her keys, "Then I'll be right back. Kathleen, if you want to come you can. Run up and tell your dad though."

Kathleen headed upstairs as Olivia handed Rebecca her coat from the coat rack and grabbed her own leather jacket that was becoming increasingly too small. "He said hurry back." Kathleen grabbed her own jacket and the three headed out.

***

Ryan kneeled in front of the cot in the crib and started to pray. She felt guilty for falling asleep without praying. "Lord, please protect Mom, Daniel, Grace, Olivia, Kyle her son, Elliot, Maureen, Kathleen, Elizabeth, Dickie, Don, Fin, John, Sean, Mariah, Father Kingery and especially Alexandra. God, keep Alex safe for me. I need her back so bad." Crossing herself, she sat on the cot, and finally noticed Fin standing in the doorway with a cup of tea.

"Want some tea?" He didn't say a word about her prayer. Fin respected her space and stayed on charted territory with her.

"Yes, thank you." She took the cup comfortably. She liked Fin. He was a great guy. He seemed to understand Ryan's physical borders and personal boundaries. "You don't have to stay with me, one of us should get some rest."

Fin nodded. "I agree; you should lay down."

Ryan rolled her stormy eyes. "That's not what I meant."

He shrugged. "Could've fooled me."

"Is Cragen still here?"

Fin shook his head. "Nah. He left about thirty minutes ago."

"Oh." She took a long sip of the warm tea that soothed her throat and warmed her. Her long brown hair was up in a bun and still rather wet. Sam was wearing a baby pink tank top that accented her dark hair and pale skin. What he'd thought were jeans turned out to be black dress slacks that didn't look very comfortable to sleep in.

"You know, I've got a pair of clean sweats in my locker if those would be more comfortable."

Ryan smiled. "That sounds nice actually, if you don't mind."

He shook his head. "Not at all, be right back."

After he left, Ryan decided to go out to the bullpen and finish up some quick paperwork since she wasn't tired enough to sleep yet. The door to the station house opened and Ryan glanced at her watch. _'Who would come in here at 10 at night?'_

Her eyes went wide. The pale skinned girl with brown eyes and brown hair sparked so many memories. Her eyes held the same shock and surprise that Samantha's did. "Um, I'm looking for Detective Fin Tutuola."

Sam shook her head slightly. "Uh, he's right here."

Fin walked around the lockers and smiled. "Hey Grace, what's up?"

"Gracie?!" Ryan stood up and walked over to her. "What in hell happened to you?"

Grace frowned. "I don't know you." She looked at Tutuola, "Can we talk in private?"

Sam's pale skin got redder as she balled her hands in to fists. She grabbed Grace's arm and pulled her sleeve up. "You're a junkie now? What the hell went wrong Gracie?"

Fin looked at Ryan for a minute. "Sam, I need to talk to her privately. Here." He handed her the sweats. "Get changed."

Giving Fin a slightly angered look but doing as she was told, she headed for the locker room. Pulling the pants on, she sat down on the bench and shook her head. "Gracie, Gracie, Gracie."

By the time that Samantha walked back out, she was gone and Fin was alone. "What the hell? You just let her leave?! That was my little sister!"

Her grey eyes looked far more tempestuous than usual. Fin nodded. "She didn't want to talk to you Sam. I wasn't going to hold her here like a criminal. She's a victim."

Sam sat down in her desk and took a drink from her tea. "She didn't believe me when I called home and told her I was raped. She said I was probably asking for it. It's her fault I never pressed charges. It's her fault I'll never receive justice."

Fin sat down in a chair next to her. "Hey, she was victimized too. Maybe she feels guilty about not believing you. Her own boyfriend told his supplier that he could have his way with her if he'd give him a little more crack."

"She's a druggie. I was an aspiring law student." Ryan couldn't keep the pain from her voice.

"That doesn't change anything and you know it."

Ryan stood up, no one spare Elliot and Casey had witnessed her anger before but it was definitely a change in her appearance. Her lovely porcelain skin reddened and her eyes shot daggers. Her tone of voice was firm and commanding. "It damn well DOES!" She glared at Fin. "I had a future! She has NOTHING! I had a fiancé and an aspiring career! SHE has nothing! NOTHING!" Ryan leaned against the wall and sighed. "She had my mother and father to baby her all her life. I had _nothing _from them except for doubt." Her chest heaved a sob. "She had someone who believed her and what did I have? _Nothing._"

Tears slid down her paling face. "Shh." In a motion that was somewhat foreign to Fin, he hugged Samantha against him. "It's okay. Don't worry"

"You know," Ryan pulled her gun out of the holster and stared down the barrel for a long moment, "It's a damn good think that I'm Catholic or this would look really tantalizing right now."

Fin grabbed the gun and slid it from her hand. "Don't. Think of how many girls could never find justice if you did that. They'd never get solace Sam."

Samantha nodded, sobbing softly. "I know...I know."

"Now," he stood slowly and helped her up, "Let's get you to the crib."

Walking weakly, she accepted his support and comfort. "Thank you Odafin."

Fin was caught off guard by the sincerity of her voice and the use of his full name. "I haven't done anything."

She smiled faintly and lay down on the cot. "Are you staying over tonight?"

He nodded. "It's already 11, no use in heading home for a little over three hours of sleep."

"Here." Ryan sat up and patted the cot. "I won't let you sleep in the bullpen."

At first, he was going to argue, but he gave up and lay down next to her. She laid her head on his chest sleepily and smiled. "You smell good."

He smiled faintly as his sleepy eyes drifted closed. "Thanks Sam, you smell flowery."

Giggling softly, her breathing settled and she fell silent. Fin assumed she was asleep and he brushed some of her loose hair from her face. "Sleep well little ballerina." He gave a final soft smile before falling asleep himself.

***

Elliot flipped on the lights of the crib to wake Ryan up and was pleasantly surprised. "Isn't that cute?" Quietly walking back out, he got Don and John to come see.

Don laughed faintly. "Hey you two! It's seven o'clock! Get your lazy asses up!"

John chuckled faintly. "Fin, when you said you'd take care of her, I didn't know this is what you had in mind."

Much to everyone's surprise, Ryan flung a pillow across the room and hit Cragen in the shoulder. "Go away." She looked exhausted to Elliot, but he shook his head and walked up to the cot. Mercilessly, he began to tickle Ryan's stomach. 

"Get up!"

She sat up and screamed in surprise. Kicking at him, she abruptly woke Fin who grumbled a few swear words before sitting up and giving Elliot a death glare. "Can't a guy get some shut-eye around here?"

Cragen laughed. "Evidently two people can at the _same_ time on the _same_ cot."

Ryan grumbled. "I'm up." She ran a hand over her eyes, smearing her make-up slightly.

Fin was the first to actually stand up and stumble in to the locker room. Ryan laid back down. "I don't have anything to do today." She pulled the sheet over her head. "Munch and I got the bastard yesterday."

John laughed, "He's alive. I'll think we'll go pay him a visit."

Samantha sat up. "Fine dammit, make me get up why don't you?" Unhappily she prepared to go to the hospital and confront the very man who's live she'd saved the night before.

***

Olivia grinned as she sat down across from Maureen. "So how's Columbia been?"

Maureen beamed. "It's going well. I'm thinking about a major still but I know I want to go to med. school so that narrows it down."

"I suppose so." She handed her sugar for her tea, "What kind of doctor?"

"Pediatrician." She smiled. "I love children, I always have, and I'd love to help them." Maureen glanced at her watch. "It's already 1pm? Wow, I have to get back to class in about and hour and a half."

Olivia smiled. "I'm glad you stopped by. I'll be sure to tell Elliot."

Maureen finished off her glass and nodded. Standing, she hugged Olivia and carried her glass to the kitchen sink. "I'll try and come by this time next week."

Embracing her again, Olivia nodded. "It does get slightly lonely without anyone to talk to."

"I can imagine, but it's good for the baby." Maureen smiled and motioned to her swollen abdomen. "I can't wait to see my healthy baby brother."

Olivia smiled and handed Maureen her coat as they reached the door. "Drive safely. Ryan told me to tell you that she won't be able to make this week's meeting. She's bogged down with a trial and has a few personal things to attend to."

Maureen nodded. "Thanks for relaying the information." She hugged her friend once more, waved from the walkway and got in to her car.

As she drove away, Olivia felt her lips tug upward into a smile. Elliot was so lucky to have such lovely kids. Grabbing her own car keys, she decided to go grocery shopping and refill on food. It went by so fast now with the three additions to the family.

***

Casey Novak gave John Munch and Samantha Jamerson a cheery smile as they walked in to the station house. "I've been waiting for you two. Mr. James's lawyer has basically begged me to deal down to sexual misconduct. You two did a great job on this case. Congratulations."

          John bowed falsely. "Thank you. Thank you very much." Casey rolled her eyes.

          "I'll need you two to testify in court of course, the trial date in next Thursday." 

Ryan frowned, "Are you sure?"

"Positive. Sorry if it's inconvenient." Casey frowned sympathetically.

"It's not a problem." Grabbing her keys, Samantha glanced at her watch. It was half-past seven. They'd spent all day searching the perp's room and talking to him. It sure left a mark on your conscience when you interrogated a guy in a hospital bed. "I'm going to call it a night. If you need me, you have my cell number."

Waving slowly, she sauntered out of the station house. Fin walked in to the bullpen. "Is Ryan going home?"

Casey grinned. "Poor boy. Did you get the brush off?"

"It's not like that." He glared at her. "Her sister was here. She wanted to talk to her."

John looked up. "I didn't know that you knew her sister."

Fin nodded. "She was raped. I handled her case."

Casey looked up. "Grace? Grace Wesley? She's Jamerson's sister?"

"Yeah."

Realization dawned on her. "That's who she reminded me of."

Fin nodded again. "Yeah." He grabbed his jacket. "I'm going to head home too. See you both tomorrow."

***

Ryan locked the door to Alex's-her-apartment and set her purse down exhaustedly. Next Thursday was her day with Mariah. Frowning, she checked her messages. There were two.

_"Alex, this is Ashley, the your realtor. I was just making sure everything's okay with you. You haven't visited the manor since you bought it a month ago, the 'for sale' sign is still up. Give me a call at 555-4498. I haven't seen you around lately and it'd be great to have lunch. Well, bye."_

Samantha frowned. _'Manor? What manor?'_ She'd have to e-mail Alexandra about it. The next message began shortly after.

_"Alex, it's Sean again. I haven't been able to get a hold of you or Ryan. Could you give me a call? She has a day with Mariah coming up and I want to talk to you about legal action against these visits. I really don't want her coming around. If you could give me a call soon, that'd be great."_

_'Legal action?'_ Ryan threw her jacket in to a chair. "Bastard." Pouring herself a glass of scotch, she sat down at the kitchen island and sighed. Letting her hair of out the French braid she'd put it in, she felt exhausted. Finishing off the glass, she stripped and climbed in to bed. "I miss you Alex. My prayers are with you. God, keep everyone safe for me. I'm too tired right now. You know the list. Olivia, Alex, Elliot, the kids, Mariah, John, Don and Fin. So on and so forth. Amen."

Crossing herself lazily, she laid down. She was asleep before her head hit the silken pillowcase. She slept all night, and into early morning without any disturbances. Then the phone rang.

***End Chapter Eight***


	10. Secrets

"In the criminal justice system, sexually based offenses are considered especially heinous. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit. These are their stories."

It comes with the Badge

____________________________________________________________________________

_Last time:_

Crossing herself lazily, she laid down. She was asleep before her head hit the silken pillowcase. She slept all night, and into early morning without any disturbances. Then the phone rang.

__________________________________________________________________________

Chapter Nine

Secrets

"Hello?" Every inch of Ryan's being was buzzing irritably with grogginess. "Hello?"

A voice ran chills up her spine. "Alex? It's Sean."

Taking in a deep breath and turning on the bedside light, Ryan sat up. "This isn't Alexandra. This is Samantha."

"Sam?"

"The one and only." Standing, she shuffled over to her laptop and flipped it on. The line was silent as the computer booted up.

Finally Sean responded. "What are you doing at Alex's?"

Sam took a deep breath and loaded Earthlink*. "Alex died about a month ago. She was shot. We had been dating for a while and she left me the apartment."

"Dating?" He laughed faintly, "You're bisexual now?"

Ryan frowned. "Not that it's any of your business."

Sean sounded flabbergasted, "Oh yes it is! I can't let Mariah be introduced to that way of life. It's not healthy for her."

Sam reined her temper, "That's not your decision Sean. We agreed on this a long time ago and you have no right to change your mind. Besides, she dead." Her voice was somber. "It doesn't matter anymore. I'm single again."

"That's not the point!" He was yelling in to the phone. "I will not let my daughter grow up thinking that being bisexual is normal!" He hung up the phone and Ryan sighed. Returning the phone to its cradle, she sat back down at the computer desk.

With a resigned sigh Samantha began to e-mail Alexandra.

_From: Samantha (Rjamerson16@hotmail.com)  
To: Christina (vivaldi_and_merlot@yahoo.com)  
Subject: Manor_

_          Dearest Christina,_

_I miss you so much. I'm writing about something rather important though. Your realtor, Ashley, called. She spoke about a manor you recently purchased and wanted to know if you were up to lunch. What should I tell her when I call? Also, I'm just a bit curious, but how do you know Sean Foster? He called twice about me. I'm rather worried because I know from personal experience that he is not the type of person I would picture you consorting with. You're a very refined woman and he is nothing but traitorous sleazy good-for-nothing trash. Sorry if I sound overly aggressive against him but I will explain later I suppose. Well, e-mail me back when you get the chance. I'm thinking of you._

_          Much love,_

          _          Sam J._

Sleepily, Samantha climbed back in to her bed after glancing at her clock. 4am. Shit. Finally falling asleep again, she dreaded Tuesday when she would have to call Sean and reschedule her day with Mariah.

***

Elliot sank sleepily in to his desk chair on Friday morning. "TGIF." 

Fin laughed. "No kidding."

"Do you have a date with Ryan?"

"Sam? Me?" Turning to the paperwork on his desk, Fin shook his head. "Nah."

Chuckling faintly, Elliot and Fin stood as Ryan walked in. She nervously glanced a both of them, her eyes hesitantly lingering on Fin's form. "What's all the commotion?"

Fin smiled. "You're supposed to stand when a lady enters a room."

Don came out of his office and smiled as Elliot chuckled at Fin's flirtatious behavior. "Ah Samantha, just the girl I wanted to see."

Sam swallowed hard. "Um, what is it Captain?"

"Well," he smiled cheerily, "There's a charity event tomorrow night that this unit is expected to be represented at. Since most of the attendants are male, I thought I'd bring a female along to attract attention." Ryan glared daggers at him. "Since Olivia's on maternity leave, you're next in line."

She sat in her desk and plopped her purse down. "Don't I feel loved? So you're ordering me to be eye-candy for you for this stupid event? Fine. I don't have a dress though."

Don frowned. "That's definitely a requirement Sam."

Ryan shrugged. "Too bad, guess you'll have to get Munch in to drag then."

Elliot laughed and almost choked on his coffee. Fin looked mentally disturbed as he cursed his photographic mindset. Don shook his head. "Actually, Casey Novak is going to be in attendance also so not only will you have female company, but you'll have someone to go dress shopping with."

Letting out a soft snarl, Ryan frowned. "Fine."

Casey Novak spoke up from the other end of the bullpen. "I'm not that horrifically unfashionable am I?"

Ryan laughed faintly. "No, not at all." Walking up to her, she cringed. "It's the concept of wearing a dress."

"I've got everything planned out." Ryan paled.

"You do?"

Casey nodded. "After work tonight, we'll go shopping and then tomorrow we'll both take the afternoon off to doll up."

Ryan gulped. "Doll up?"

"Umhm." She grinned. "Manicures, get our hair down, it'll be fantastic."

"Right," Sam shuddered, "Fantastic."

Casey glanced at her watch. "Well, got a case to win. See you after work Ryan." She waved casually and walked out.

Ryan collapsed back in to her chair. "I hate snobs. I hate cocktail parties. I hate false politeness and most of all, I hate dresses." Folding her arms across her chest, she fumed silently.

Fin smiled. "You'll look fine. Look, if you hate going that much, I'll go with you."

Elliot raised an eyebrow. "You know those things are tux-only occasions."

"I know," he cracked his fingers and grinned, "I've got a few surprises up my sleeve."

Ryan ignored their side-conversation. "You'd go with me?" A sigh of relief escaped her polished lips. "Terrific. I would die by myself. Casey strikes as one to be very in her element at one of these ritzy things."

"Yeah," Elliot laughed, "She does look pretty refined."

"Snobbish," Ryan corrected.

Fin sighed. "Lay off the poor girl. She's a good kid. Olivia likes her."

Sam arched her finely waxed brow. "And?"

Elliot shook his head. "Olivia hates snobby people. At first she was worried her and Cabot wouldn't get along." 

A smile graced Ryan's fair features, "Alex was different. She had a compassionate look to her. Casey looks very cool and distant."

Fin shrugged. "To each their own."

Munch walked in. "I just had my ear talked off by that new ADA."

Trying as hard as he could, Elliot contained the laughter that was building in the pit of his stomach. "About what?"

He shrugged. "A dress and Samantha."

Sam growled. "I have to go to some ritzy charity event with her and Cragen. Luckily, Fin's going to accompany me."

Munch groaned. "Not again!"

"What?" Fin gave him a rather bothered look.

"First Elliot and Olivia, now you two! I'm going to be the odd-man-out!"

Samantha laughed. "Not like that! He's just going to keep me company because if one hundred or so snobby people surround me for extended periods of time, I tend to go postal."

John laughed. "Sure. That's the only reason."

Ryan returned John's mirth-filled glance with an indignant one. "Oh shut up! Just because you're jealous that Fin got to spend an entire night with me doesn't mean you have the right to be terrorizing us."

"So you _do_ like him?"

She chucked a three-hole punch just above his head. It clambered loudly to the floor after hitting the wall behind him.

He cringed. "Okay, I get the point."

Fin stared open-mouthed at Ryan. "You're a mean one."

Elliot gave him a falsely remorseful tone. "Aww, does that mean the engagement's off?"

Ryan stood up and rolled her eyes. "Guys! Grow up!" She walked around her chair and laughed faintly. "This isn't third grade! Even if Fin and I did have something between us, it's none of your business and-" Her voice cut off and she fell to the floor unconscious.

***

Waking up in a hospital bed with an IV in her arm was the last place Samantha wanted to be when she woke up but, unfortunately, that's exactly where she was.

When her eyes finally adjusted to the soft light, she sat up a little. "Olivia?"

The brunette sitting in a chair next to her smiled sweetly. "Hey Sam. The whole crew is still at the station. Cragen said that since I can stay with you no one working needed to."

Ryan rolled her eyes. "Sounds like Cragen." She clutched her head agonizingly. "What the hell happened? My head is throbbing."

A more serious air filtered in to the room and clung to every inch of Ryan's being. Olivia's tone of voice only made this feeling more palpable. "You passed out, at least that's why your head hurts. As for why you passed out, the blood work just came in. Why haven't you been taking care of yourself?"

"What?" Sam gave her a bewildered look.

"You have hypoglycemia. The doctors told me it was previously diagnosed."

Sam shook her head, her luscious locks bouncing softly. "I've never been diagnosed with something as serious as that. It must be incorrect."

Olivia frowned. "Did you have breakfast before work today?"

A guilty look crept over Ryan's befuddled face. "No. I'd had one cup of coffee around 4am but that was it."

"Well that sure explains a lot. Do you know what hypoglycemia is?" Olivia was seriously worried for Ryan but she tried not to let on too much. _How could she not know about a previously diagnosed condition? Hypoglycemia isn't something that can go undetected after being diagnosed for so long. What's wrong with her? Are the doctors telling me everything?_

Ryan looked in to Olivia's eyes earnestly; she seemed to realize that Olivia was not as easily convinced. "Olivia," those grey eyes looked haunted and hallow, "Hypoglycemia isn't the reason I passed out. I manage my diet fine. I-" She glanced out the window. Tears were building up in her eyes, but they wouldn't fall. "I haven't slept in three days. I've been looking up legal technicalities as far as child custody goes. My daughter, Mariah, is going to be taken away from me. I passed out because my blood sugar falls more quickly when I haven't slept so even my monitored diet wasn't enough after three days."

Olivia blinked a few times. "Your daughter? I thought you didn't have any children…"

She looked regretful. "My ex-husband and I try to keep things quiet. We were foolish to have gotten married in the first place. Now, he doesn't want me seeing Mariah at all. I usually see her twice a week. He heard about my relationship with Alex and is going to bring that up in court. Then he wants to talk about how much my job takes away from me. He doesn't even have one!" Lines appeared in her face that Olivia had never noticed before. The dark prune colored circles beneath her eyes began to show. Those eyes looked so weary, so exhausted.

_'Ex-husband? How many secrets does this woman have? Damn. If Alex were here, she'd be able to help her out.'_ Olivia licked her dry lips softly before she spoke. "How old is Mariah?"

"She's three and a half years old."

Olivia nodded. "I'm sure if you e-mailed Alex, she could give you the name of a damn good lawyer."

Ryan shook her head as those pained tears finally broke over the crest of her eyelids and slid dejectedly down her paling cheeks. "I don't want to fight him. She's my daughter!" Lying back again, she calmed down. "Alex hasn't even e-mailed me back yet."

"Don't worry. She will." Olivia put a comforting hand over Ryan's. 

Samantha's mind wandered back to the event tonight. "Oh dear! When can I get out of here?"

As if eerily on cue, Doctor Stowe walked in and smiled. "Hello Ryan. I'm glad to see you're feeling better."

"Yes!" Ryan sat up. "Perfectly fine, now can I go?"

Her doctor frowned. "I'm not sure."

Ryan sighed. "I feel like I could run a mile right now. Please! I need to meet someone about a dress! It's very important."

"Well," Dr. Stowe looked at her chart, "Fine. You're healthy enough to leave."

Olivia frowned. "Is there anything we should be worried about or need to watch?"

Stowe shook her head. "If she sleeps well and monitors her blood sugar, she'll be fine."

Ryan bit her lip. "What time is it?"

"4:15. Why?" Benson closed her cell phone.

Jamerson yelped in fright and ran in to the bathroom to change. "I'm supposed to meet Novak in thirty minutes to go dress shopping and then get a manicure! I have to go to some wretched charity benefit with rich snobs." She rolled her eyes. Coming out of the bathroom, she looked better. Tucking her purse under her arm, Olivia and her went to check out.

***

Casey Novak sat anxiously in Ryan's desk as Fin made small talk. "She's fine. She just had an episode with her blood sugar. She called about ten minutes ago and said she'd be late."

Glancing at her watch again, Casey nodded. "Right." She proceeded to tap her fingers on the desk quietly. Her eyes went from one detective to the other as Fin and Elliot stood around her, talking. 

John had left early since Ryan was in the hospital and there were no new cases that needed his 'superior investigatory abilities' as he'd put it. Casey was relieved when Ryan Jamerson and Olivia Benson came strutting through the door. The sight of Olivia's enlarging stomach warmed her heart slightly. "Are you ready to go?"

Ryan nodded. "Can I talk to you about some legal technicalities on the way?"

Casey shrugged. "Sure."

"Then I'm driving." She grabbed her keys.

***

Olivia smiled. "Maureen picked up the kids from school today and is watching them now. I bet they miss their father." She kissed Elliot's lips softly.

Fin walked up nervously to Olivia. "Hey, do either of you have Samantha's cell number?"

"Why?" Elliot gave him an amused look. "Yeah. It's 555-0797."

Olivia looked from Fin to Elliot, "Are they an item?"

"No." Fin sighed with more than slight exasperation. "I just need to be able to get a hold of her incase I can't make the event."

"Ooo!" Olivia grinned, "You're going with her to the charity event? She failed to mention that, though she was in a big hurry to get her dress."

Elliot grinned and offered Olivia's his arm as they began to process out. "See you Monday Tutuola."

"See you two lovebirds later." He waved gently and programmed Ryan's number in to his cell phone and grabbed his jacket. He was definitely going to need sleep tonight.

***

Casey grinned. "I called in a favor to the lady who runs the place, they're not usually open after 8 but we're pretty good friends."

She opened the door to the boutique and Ryan cringed at the sight of all the dresses. "This is going to suck."

"You're a positive thinker."

Shrugging, Ryan walked in and looked around a bit. "I don't know what to get!" She looked frustrated and equally anxious.

Casey smiled and handed her two dresses. "Try these two on. One of them is bound to catch Fin's eye."

Ryan gave her a scolding look. "That's not what I'm after! The Captain said I had to wear one!"

"Sure, of course." She drifted off down racks of dresses in search for one for herself.

Nervously, Samantha found her way to the dressing rooms and prepared to cringe. As she removed her jeans and white collared shirt, she frowned. The first dress she prepared to put on was startlingly suggestive. After pulling it on over her head and tugging it down, she looked at herself in the mirror. It was lipstick red and the neckline plunged down to the small valley between her average sized breasts. Her pale skin looked rather blanched in the dress, but she worried that her eyes would clash with it. For hating dresses, she sure was picky.  The dress clung tightly to the curves of her body and ended at her mid-thigh. She must admit it complimented her figure, but it was not exactly what she wanted to wear around numerous drunk, rich, old, drunk men.

The next dress was black and was much more subtly captivating. The dress's neckline dipped somewhat and allowed just a small portion of her cleavage to protrude. It was tight, but not as tight as the earlier piece. The black color brought out the blue undertones in her grey eyes and made her hair look darker. Her skin appeared to be flawless porcelain often seen in a child's doll. The dress back fell past her ankles and spread out elegantly at her feet in a classy trail. The front ended just below her narrow ankles. Deciding that this was the ideal dress for just such an event. Walking out and glancing at the price tag, she tried not to gasp. She'd never paid that much for an item of clothing in her life! Alexandra would be pleased that she now owned a decent dress.

Casey walked out of her dressing room in a lovely garnet colored dress that had a beaded floral pattern along the top of the empire-waist dress. The bottom half was layered with see-through chiffon that made the dress look darker. It was lovely. She looked pretty. Smiling, she turned. "How'd I do?"

Ryan smiled. "You look lovely."

"No," she laughed, "I meant as far as your dresses."

"Oh." She held up the black one. "I'm going with this one."

Casey stared for a moment and nodded. "Fin will love it."

Sam blushed. "That's not why I'm wearing it!" Walking out to purchase it, she allowed Casey to redress and exit before she began to fidget impatiently. 

"What was wrong?" Casey inquired as they left the dress boutique.

Shrugging faintly, Ryan pursed her lips. "I just get nervous around all those rich snobby people. I don't live like that and I personally think it's unjust for people to live like the whilst other people scrounge for food each day."

Casey smiled. "I can't take that to court, sorry."

Ryan turned to her seriously as they got in the car. "Hey, I have a question to ask you."

"Fire away."

"Well," she hesitated. "My ex-husband wants sole custody of our daughter. When we divorced, we settled the custody matter saying he would keep Mariah mostly as long as I was working an on-call job and now he's saying he should get sole custody because of my relationship with Alexandra. Can he do that?"

Casey frowned. "I'm not sure, I'd have to see the paperwork but I can recommend a terrific attorney. She handled my sister's divorce and got her everything. He's great."

Ryan nodded slowly. "Sounds good. I guess I'm going to have to really fight him on this." She paused, "Do you think there's any chance I could get sole custody?"

"I'm afraid it's highly unlikely." She frowned sympathetically as they pulled in to the lot at the station.

"Casey," Ryan stopped her as she climbed out of the truck, "Thanks for your help. Can you keep this between us?"

The attorney grinned, "I don't know, I have a big mouth apparently." She teased Ryan jokingly.

Ryan revved the engine and startled Casey a bit. Smiling, she waved and headed to her own car. Sam parked and walked in to the station house, leaving her dress in the truck. 

Fin smiled as she entered. "Hey Sam, did you find a nice dress?"

She grinned, "Yes, but you can't see it until tomorrow night!"

Cragen walked out. "Are you going to take tomorrow afternoon off like Novak had planned?"

Samantha nodded. "I have to get my nails and hair done. I think after that I'm going to-" Her voice cut off as she glanced at her computer screen. _Another e-mail from Alex!_ She opened mid-sentence and began to read. "Hang on."

_From: Christina (vivaldi_and_merlot@yahoo.com)_

_To: Samantha (Rjamerson16@hotmail.com)_

_Subject: Re: Manor_

_          Dearest Samantha,_

_The manor that Ashley spoke of is exactly what it sounds like, a manor. I bought it two months back. It's fully restored and the staff is awaiting hire. Just call the numbers on the kitchen counter. The keys are in the desk drawer with a green key ring. Most the rooms aren't decorated yet but there's a bankcard with the keys, the pin is 1550. You can use that money. I love you so much; I'd love to return to that manor with your adoring decorative sense all around it. If you do move in to the manor, sell the apartment and move all the furniture in to one of the extra rooms. It's in Queens but it's lovely. Maybe you can't stay there with the long commute but I'd really like you to. It's up to you. As for Sean, he is acquainted with an ex-boyfriend of mine. I never really got along with him very well but I did not reject him for my old boyfriend's sake. He just never stopped talking to me. He alluded to the fact that you two were acquainted. How do you know him? I have to go, sorry. I love you more than you could ever know._

_Sincerely,_

_Christina Richards_

Ryan's eyes watered faintly. "I-uh- I need to go. Can I take a personal day Don?"

The captain frowned. "I need you on call, but I you can leave until you're needed. Promise me that you will make yourself available though."

Glancing at her watch, she nodded. "Of course." She hugged him. "Thanks." She hugged Fin, Elliot and then Munch on her way out.

Munch looked flabbergasted, "Who was that e-mail from?"

Cragen glanced at the screen. "A Christina Richards. Looks like they know each other pretty well, it says 'I love you more than you could ever know.'"

"Hey!" Fin flipped the screen off. "That's none of your business. Any of you." He glared at Munch.

An amused grin crossed Munch's chapped lips. "Oh, right. You're her knight in shining armor now. I thought you'd be jealous since it's obviously a competitor for her affections."

Fin scowled. "Oh grow up." He turned to Cragen. "Don't we have any new cases?"

Cragen nodded. "One. Do you and Elliot want it?"

"Uh-" Elliot frowned. "I'd prefer to go back to my pregnant girlfriend at home,"

Munch shook his head. "I'm exhausted with paperwork. Ryan will work it with you I'm sure." He have him a teasing look. "Just ask her. It'll be just like a date, oh wait, you already have a date set up, huh?"

Fin picked the three hole punch up from Ryan's desk and shook it threateningly. John didn't say another word.

***

Ryan opened the door to the manor and her jaw dropped. It was huge. The entry room was at least twenty feet high with the entire ceiling painted in to match the flooring. A chandelier hung from the center between two staircases leading to the second floor. A walkway on the ground floor between the staircases led to the back of the building. To her left was a study and to her right, a living room. Samantha couldn't help but marvel at the elegance of this house. It was definitely something Alexandra would buy. She walked through the walkway ahead of her to find a kitchen and dining room on her left and right respectively. Entering the kitchen, she saw the names for two live-in maids, a butler and a cook.

_'Wow!'_ Samantha was stunned by the majesty of the building. She'd definitely move in and decorate. Ryan had to admit she'd always loved decorating; her old apartment had been proof of that. Flipping her cell phone open, she called Fin.

"Tutuola."

Sam smiled. "Hey Fin."

A friendly laugh of surprised responded. "Hey Sam, what's up?"

"Can you do something for me?"

Fin grinned, "Is it illegal?"

Sam shrugged. "Are you on a case?"

Glancing at Cragen and then at his watch, he shook his head. "Not until you're ready to help me."

"Great. Can you come down here?"

Fin laughed. "Where's here?"

Excitedly, Ryan gave him the address and grinned. "Bring your truck, I want to have you help me with some errands."

"Alright." He smiled. "See you Samantha."

"Kiss, kiss." She flipped the phone shut and smiled. Running up the stairs, she found two wings with two bedrooms on the right and three bedrooms on the left side. Then there were the two bedrooms downstairs and a total of six bathrooms. The master bedroom was amazing. It was huge. Ryan's apartment paled in comparison. She flopped on to the four-poster California king and grinned. She could definitely get used to this. The bed was solid cherry wood and so was all the rest of the furniture. White paneled Monticello doors opened to a balcony that over looked the acre of backyard gardens. She smiled and breathed in the not-too-fresh air but it still inspired her. 

She walked in to the bathroom to see a Jacuzzi bathtub and a shower. A sit down vanity and a sink were across from the tub. The toilet was in a separate small room adjoined to the bathroom. Between the bathroom and bedroom was a walk in closet that was bigger than Ryan's old bedroom. She could definitely use the room. As she closed her eyes, Ryan could imagine Alex's and her clothes hanging in there and her charming lover lying on the large king bed awaiting her. When she walked back in to the bedroom, Samantha reached reality. Before she could explore further, the doorbell rang. Ryan grabbed the list of services to hire and walked up to the front door. "Hey Tutuola."

Fin smiled. "What are you doing at a ritzy place like this?"

Ryan's eyes went wide with excitement. "I bought it. You get to help me buy furniture."

"I-" He shook his head. "I can't fit all the stuff needed to furnish a house this size in my truck."

"I know." Samantha smiled slyly. "I have a truck too." She pouted. "Please come with me!"

Fin shrugged. "I guess but you better believe I'm not actually purchasing anything and I will make sure that my superior fashion opinion is consulted."

Ryan let a fluttery laugh erupt from her throat. "Okay. Come on. Let's go." She tugged on his arm after locking the front door. "I have to call the maids, cook and butler on the way there but it won't take long." She grabbed her keys and hopped in her car. "Think you can keep up?"

The engine of the Chevy* truck behind her revved in a challenge. Ryan tore off, grinning broadly.

***

As they arrived in the store, Ryan grinned. "I have to furnish the kitchen, one study and a bedroom for starters. The rest will definitely need Olivia's professional opinion."

Fin cringed. "I am not helping you pick out frilly pillows for you new house."

She turned and pouted, her peach colored lips glistening pathetically. "Please!"

He caved. "Fine, but I don't have to like it." Samantha kissed his cheek.

"Thanks." The next hour and a half of the day was torturous, yet humorous, for Odafin Tutuola. A side of Samantha he doubted anyone had ever seen came out as she picked out pillows and canopies and chairs and silverware. Finally, almost two hours and five thousand dollars later, they exited the store with both truck beds full and two desks, another bed and a larger-than-life TV set for delivery Saturday."

"Never again." Fin got out of his car and walked around to Ryan as she pulled the tailgate down. "You're crazy."

Ryan smiled. "I know. I'm going to need help unloading too. The butler should be here shortly too but would you mind?"

Fin frowned. "Fine! I'll help."

***

Olivia smiled at Elizabeth and Dickie. "You two like school today?"

Dickie nodded. "There are parent-teacher conferences next week, are you going to come?"

Nervous, unconfident silence filled the air as Olivia stuttered mentally to respond. Elizabeth smiled. "Please come. It's not for Kathleen and we both want you to come."

"Okay." Olivia smiled. "Do you two mind pizza for dinner tonight? I got a little held up today with Casey Novak trying to get tips on hairstyles from me. Like I know how to style long hair anymore. I told her to try Ryan and she mentioned Ryan was buying a house. I can't wait to help her set up Saturday."

Elizabeth frowned. "Should you be doing that with the baby?"

Olivia glanced at her in the back seat through the rear-view mirror. "You sound like your father."

Dickie laughed. As they pulled up to Kathleen's school, she climbed in the front seat. "I hate school."

Frowning, Olivia looked at her, she was crying. Mascara lines ran down her face and she looked miserable. "Oh Sweetheart, what happened?"

Kathleen fumed. "Can we talk about later?"

Olivia nodded. "Of course."

***

Ryan smiled as she fell spread-eagle on to the canopy bed and it's brand new bed linen. Fin grinned at her. "Comfortable?"

"You have no idea." She rolled over and sighed. "You want to spend the night? We did just set up that other bed and you are going to get home rather late after the event..." Sam beamed up at him. "I was thinking of having Casey and you over afterward to just chat and de-snobbify ourselves."

Fin chuckled. "De-snobbify? Your kidding right?"

She looked hurt. "You don't like my vocabulary?" Ryan chucked a pillow at him.

He grinned and threw it back at her. "I have my tux in the backseat, isn't it almost time for you to meet Casey?"

"Oh!" Samantha gasped and her eyes went wide with surprise. "Crap!" She sat up and ran in to the closet, pulling the one piece of clothing in there out and grabbing her new pair of shoes. "What time is it?"

Fin laughed. "Almost three."

Crying out in distress, Ryan sighed. "I'm supposed to be at the station already!" She grabbed her cell phone and ran downstairs with Fin in tail. She locked the door and hopped in to Fin's truck with him. "You can get me there faster, right?"

"Tch," he looked offended, "Of course I can."

She laughed and smiled. "Hey Casey, it's Ryan. I know I'm late. I'm on my way now. Sorry! I know, yeah, I know! I'll be there in thirty. Uh-huh. Bye." She hung up the phone. "Drive already!" Fin laughed and tore out of the lot.

***

Olivia sat down next to Kathleen. Elizabeth and Dickie were downstairs on the computer. "Kathleen, Honey, what's wrong?"

The fifteen-year-old frowned and looked down at her folded hands. "I hate high-school."

"Why?" Olivia put an arm around her and let Kathleen fall against her.

"There's this guy." Olivia's heart softened as Kathleen confided in her. "He's a junior at my school. His name is Jeremy. I like him so much; he's in my PE class."

Olivia smiled softly. "And?"

Kathleen sighed. "He asked Rebecca out today."

_'Ouch.'_ Olivia bit her lip. "I'm sorry Sweety." Kathleen hugged her tightly.

"I hate it. I don't want to go to school ever again!"

Olivia smiled wholeheartedly. "Rebecca didn't say 'yes' did she?"

Kathleen shook her head. "No. I still don't want to see Jeremy ever again though."

"How many absences do you have?" Olivia began to devise a plan.

The young Stabler girl shrugged. "Two maybe."

_'Perfect.'_ Olivia smiled, "How about tomorrow we excuse you from school and spend the whole day together? It will be our secret, no telling Liz or Dickie."

Kathleen's face lit up. "I'd love to! I promise I won't tell!" 

She hugged Olivia happily and Olivia smiled up at her. "Only for one day though."

"I know." The young girl nodded obediently.

Olivia patted her knee. "Now get to your homework so you won't have to do it tomorrow, okay?"

Kathleen nodded. "Sounds great." She hugged her again. "Thanks so much!" The teenager walked over to her backpack and began to fish through it for her homework.

Walking downstairs, Olivia ordered pizza and began to play Life with Dickie and Liz. She knew she'd regret lying on the floor to play, but she'd worry about that when she had to get up.

Dickie grinned. "Is Kathleen feeling better?"

Olivia nodded. "Much."

Elizabeth frowned. "When we decorate for Christmas, can we put Mommy's stocking up?"

Waiting a moment to digest her random thought, Olivia nodded. "Of course you can. Anything you want this Christmas Lizzie." She smiled. _'Gosh, it's almost Christmas!_ Glancing at the calendar as Dickie spun the wheel, she noticed it was December 3 already.

***End Chapter Nine***

*I don't own this!


	11. New Recruit

"In the criminal justice system, sexually based offenses are considered especially heinous. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit. These are their stories."

It Comes with the Badge

__________________________________________________________________________

_ Last Time:_

_Elizabeth frowned. "When we decorate for Christmas, can we put Mommy's stocking up?"_

_Waiting a moment to digest her random thought, Olivia nodded. "Of course you can. Anything you want this Christmas, Lizzie." She smiled. _'Gosh, it's almost Christmas!' _Glancing at the calendar as Dickie spun the wheel, she noticed it was December 3 already._

____________________________________________________________________________

Chapter Ten

New Recruit

Casey smiled as Ryan finally walked in to the station house in a red sweater and black jeans. Fin filed in behind her and sat down at his desk. Sam smiled apologetically. "I'm really sorry that I'm late again."

"Keep it up and I'll just arrive late myself, counting on your tardiness." Casey laughed airily and smiled.

Ryan chuckled. "Let's get this over with." She waved elegantly to Fin as the two climbed in to the ADA Casey Novak's X-terra.

Foxy Nails*, the nail salon at which they had their manicures down, was packed. Casey and Ryan sat down next to one another, thankful for having an appointment. Casey naturally let her hands fall slack as the young Korean lady began to work with her nails. Ryan nervously did as the man across from her said. Casey laughed, "Have you ever had your nails done?"

Sam shook her head negatively, "'Fraid not. I'm not really the hyper feminine type."

Casey grinned. "I'm a big sports fanatic," she indicated to the lady how long she wanted the false nails to be, "But I still find time to pamper myself." She sat for a few moments, just going through what seemed like second nature. "I'll have to get together with you more and change that tom-boyish part of you back to the good side."

"Hmm." Ryan smiled at the man across from her, Kevin she learned was his name, began to shape the cold acrylic over her nails evenly.

***

Casey Novak and Ryan Samantha Jamerson entered the station house slowly. Fin was wearing a handsome tuxedo with a white rose in his jacket pocket. Ryan shivered lightly at the memory of her rapist. "You look charming."

Fin walked up to the two lovely women. His eyes seemed locked on Ryan. "You look gorgeous." He turned to Casey politely. "Both of you."

The softly shaded cheeks of Samantha's reddened naturally. "Thank you." Fin offered her his arm.

"Cragen will be right out." The three got in to Fin's truck slowly.

"Do you think we should call a limo?" Casey looked curious. As if on cue, a long black stretch limo pulled up.

"Casey Novak?" The Hispanic driver got out. He explained that the DA had called it in to escort Tutuola, Novak, Jamerson and Cragen to the event. Cragen walked out of the station, dressed much like Fin.

Three uniform units acted as an armed escort for the small group on their way to the event. It was being held at the large ballroom of the republican Senator Lewis Williams and his family. The building was enormous. Two large double doors awaited them at the end of the walkway. 

A large chandelier hung just inside the massive overhead windows. It lit up the colossal entrance hall. The tile on the floor must've been imported and the banisters of the stairways were solid ebony. Wreaths decorated everything and big red bows spread holiday cheer. Christmas lights illuminated doorways and everything was decorated. Ryan couldn't help but wish she were so skilled at decorating.

Casey didn't pay much attention to the décor but walked straight to a table in the backyard garden. The backyard was massive and done to resemble a lovely English garden. The table had fine silverware and crystal wine glasses that were just beautiful. Fin and Cragen took Casey and Ryan's coats. Fin politely sat on her right and Casey on her left. Cragen laid his jacket on the back of the chair across from her and went to mingle. Cragen called the three over to introduce them to the Senator himself.

Senator Williams was about forty-five and his hair was starting to grey. The hair that had yet to fade with age was a healthy shade of almond. His sapphire eyes shined cordially. "It's nice to meet you all."

Ryan offered him her hand. "I'm Detective Jamerson."

He took her hand and shook it, smiling. "You're the one who caught that dirty cop, weren't you?"

"Yes Sir." She maintained an impartial façade. "That's correct."

Fin shook his hand next, "Detective Tutuola."

He smiled. "Yes, you used to work for Narcotics..." Fin nodded affirmatively and the Senator turned to Casey. "You must be the fine new ADA. I'm glad to see that we have another resilient face in that office. I've heard you're keeping a pretty good record."

"That's accurate." She took his hand. "I can only attempt to maintain the high prosecutorial standards that Alexandra left in her wake."

A soft smile tugged at Ryan's lips as the Senator nodded. "She was a terrific ADA, that DA position was just waiting for her."

Ryan sobered. "We definitely are inspired by her ardor for the job Sir."

Cragen took the Senator away to discuss charity donations no doubt. Ryan smiled at her two remaining companions. "Let's get a glass of wine and check this ritzy place out." The three headed to the bar.

***

After merely ten minutes of looking around the ballroom and backyard, Ryan began to realize she would be bored out of her mind in less than half an hour. Drinking a large glass of wine, she sighed. "This sucks." She sat down in a chair lazily. Tutuola and Novak sat with her. Cragen was off brown nosing still, or so Sam assumed. "There's no way this can go on for more than an hour."

Casey laughed. "Unfortunately, we'll be stuck here for the next two and a half hours unless Cragen himself runs out of benefactors to implore."

Fin looked around slowly. "That'll take a while. 

Two or three lawyers and businessmen approached the table and asked the lovely ladies for a dance, and were rejected rather exasperatedly. Casey sighed. "I thought the charity events in Philly were bad, this is at least ten times worse. Damn." She emptied another wine glass.

Fin laughed. "You two seem to the envy of every girl in here." Ryan shot him an angry look before looking around and noticing that most men _were_ focusing on their table.

A malicious grin crossed her painted lips. "Maybe they think you're just damn sexy Fin."

Casey laughed casually and leaned back in her chair. Ryan kept her posture immaculate. Both the detectives could tell that the alcohol was beginning to get to Casey. Ryan stood up. "Tell you what, Fin, why don't you take Casey out for a dance and I'll go find our good Captain?"

Fin gave her a curious look, "Are you sure?"

Sam nodded emphatically. "Yes, positive." She picked up her small purse and walked in to mingle with the airheads and aristos of New York City.

***

Olivia couldn't keep the eager grin off her face as she checked in on the kids again. All of them sleeping, Elliot on his way home, everything was perfect. She walked downstairs cautiously one last time and made sure every light was off. As she entered her room, she shed her house robe, revealing a black nightgown that truly left very little to the imagination but tonight, that's exactly what Olivia wanted. As she lay herself down on the bed, she heard the door open and grinned mischievously in the candlelit room.

***

Cragen smiled jovially. "Good night you three; drive home safe." Ryan, Casey and Fin waved him off as he climbed in to a cab.

Casey walked back in to the kitchen first. "I must admit Ryan, you didn't strike me as the type to own this kind of a house but it really is lovely.

"No, no, no." Ryan blushed. "I haven't even finished decorating yet!"

"Tch." Fin laughed, "I ain't helpin' you."

Sam put on a pitiful puppy face, "Olivia and you are going to help me on Saturday." No response. "Dinner's on me..."

Fin sighed, "Okay."

"Well that was simple." Casey laughed. She drained her glass of red wine (a wine cellar below the house was fully stocked) and smiled. "I should probably get going; I do have to work tomorrow." Glancing at her watch she noticed it was almost 1am already.

Sam smiled. "I'll call you a cab too, take it home, don't drive home from the station house."

Giving her friend and slightly disapproving glance, she sighed. "Fine. I'll pick the car up tomorrow."

"Good idea." Fin walked her outside as soon as the cab arrived. "Stay safe tonight Novak. Munch and Ryan have a court date with you on Thursday."

Ryan recalled the court date and swore lightly. She had to pick up Mariah tomorrow and take her out. Maybe Mariah would like to decorate her room. Sam had plans of hiring a full-time Nanny for Mariah and getting full custody. She knew it'd be difficult but if Alex could get her the name of a great attorney, she also knew she could pull it off.

"Hey." Fin walked in to the kitchen behind her and smiled. "I locked the door. I think I'll take you up on that offer to stay over. My car's at the station still."

"Okay." Ryan turned around and sat on the counter. "Which room do you want?" Drinking the last of the wine straight from the bottle, she set it back on the counter and headed upstairs. "You can stay in the right wing with me, or sleep in the left wing by yourself. It's up to you."

Fin shrugged. He appreciated Ryan's concern about his personal comfort. He smiled. "I'll keep you safe in the right wing."

Sam laughed. "There's no need with this security system, but okay." She walked him down to the first newly decorated room. It was done in a lighthouse/beachside manor that really blended well with the whitewashed walls. She eventually intended on painting the bottom half of the walls with water but it would have to wait awhile.

"Thanks." He turned and smiled. "Where's the bathroom?"

"It's the next door on your left." As she led him to it, she showed off more of her fashion sense, as it was done in the same lighthouse/harbor appearance that really blended perfectly.

Fin smiled. "Sleep well Sammi."

She beamed back at him softly as they headed to the hall to go their separate ways. He leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. "Sweet dreams."

"You two Fin." She hugged him softly and sauntered in to her room slowly. She closed the door and immediately began to draw a bath. The warm water soothed every tender nerve and aching muscle in her body.

Finally drifting off to sleep around 2am, she slept well under the down comforter and satin sheets she'd bought. All that was missing was Alexandra.

***

The first thing Ryan did Wednesday morning was call Sean. As she ate eggs the cook had come over to make, she frowned. "Sean. I can't make my date with Mariah tomorrow so I'm going to take her today. I have a court-date tomorrow."

Sean shook his head. "No. You're not seeing my little girl."

"Like hell I won't!" She screamed in to the phone. "She's my daughter too you asshole! I'm picking her up tonight at four and she's spending the night in my new house. I have a room decorated just for her. She'll love it. Have her ready or I'll keep her until Friday and have one of the maids entertain her!" Slamming the phone on to the receiver, she blushed as Fin walked in.

"Daughter?" He grabbed a piece of toast and munched softly.

Sam looked at him for a moment before shaking her head and pulling her black satin robe tight over her body. "Forget about it." She showed the maids and cook to their rooms downstairs. Luckily, the two maids were friends who'd worked together before and were comfortable sharing a larger room. 

As she headed upstairs, she ran in to Fin again.

He stopped her. "Sammi, if you need to talk, I'm here."

Soft tears fell from her eyes. "I just want to see my little girl again. I only see her every other week. Is it so much to ask?"

Ignoring the shock of finding out about her daughter this way, he held her. "I'm sure you'll get to see her. I'm sure you'll see her soon."

Samantha looked up and blushed. "I really need to be getting ready for work." She kissed his cheek. "Thank you for your support." She handed him the stack of towels in her hands and smiled. "Take a shower, you look like hell."

He gave her a jovial smile. "You too."

"Oh really?" She gave him a challenging look before laughing and heading in to her room to shower. 

***

Cragen beamed anxiously as the four detectives filed in to the bullpen. First Stabler, Tutuola, Munch, and Jamerson. They all sat down, then looked up when he stood silent for a few moments. "What is it Cap?" Ryan looked unusually cheery again today but Don didn't question it.

Elliot, Fin, John and Samantha stood up and walked up to him. He smiled. "I have someone I'd like you all to meet. It's very important that you all get to know this young person. Please be polite-" he eyed Samantha, "And try to treat her with respect. Detective Brown."

A Black woman walked in. Her long black hair was perfectly straight and shined in a classy manner. She was wearing a suede jacket and faded blue jeans. Her glimmering brown eyes looked over all the detectives. She was about 5'6" tall and average weight. A white t-shirt was unbuttoned a little too low, revealing lusciously dark cleavage.

Ryan noticed Fin examine her and blanch when his gaze reached her face. His mouth fell open slightly. Sam eyed him suspiciously, _'She's not that pretty, is she?'_

The woman smiled. "Hello. I'm Detective Serenity Brown."

Elliot extended his hand. "I'm Detective Elliot Stabler."

"I'm Detective John Munch." He smiled politely as he shook hands with the new detective.

Fin glanced at her and nodded, but hardly spoke. "Serenity."

She tilted her head likewise. "Odafin."

Samantha gave Fin a questioning look before shaking her hand softly. "I'm Detective Ryan Samantha Jamerson. Call me Ryan."

Serenity smiled. "Nice to meet you all."

Cragen examined all his detectives. "Elliot, would you or John prefer to take her on for the couple cases?"

Elliot frowned. "Perhaps I could work at the desk while Munch does it, that way Olivia will have less reasons to worry about me. She's becoming more and more paranoid by the day."

Don smiled. "Alright then. Serenity, you're partner for the next couple of weeks will be John Munch."

Serenity smiled, a perfect smile. "Thank you very much Captain."

"Oh brother." Ryan began to see why Fin didn't like her. She couldn't put a finger on what it was, but this woman irked her in a most unpleasant way. "Maybe you and Casey should go out for lunch sometime."

Munch and Fin snickered and laughed at her joke while Cragen responded with a rather reprimanding look. Ryan gave him an innocent smiled and Serenity looked at the Captain for an explanation. Samantha headed to her desk. "You know, in a unit like this, you can't get all the answers from the Captain." Elliot covered his face with a handful of papers and Fin suddenly had to cough. Munch just outright grinned.

Cragen cleared his throat and headed back in to his office. Sam turned around, "So that's what the new desk was for." Elliot frowned.

Fin opened a folder. "I think I need to get started on this new case." He opened the case file before him. "You with me on this Samantha?"

Sam nodded and walked up to his desk. "Sounds like a plan. What have we got?" Her heart broke. A forty-five year old woman and her two daughters all raped in murdered in their home while the father was on a business trip. _'Sometimes the world seems darker than I thought.'_

Without commenting on the brutality of the case, Fin grabbed his jacket. "Well, Mr. Bruer is supposed to be back today at nine, how about we meet him at the airport?" Ryan glanced at her watch; it was ten 'til eight. The two walked out quickly.

***

As person after person filed in to the gateway, Samantha finally noticed one man in a suit looking rather perturbed. She approached him. "Are you Mr. Bruer?"

He looked her up and down once, "Yeah, who are you?"

Fin came up behind her. She smiled. "I'm Detective Jamerson, this is Detective Tutuola."

"How can I help you Detectives?"

Sam frowned. _'This is the hardest part of this job sometimes.'_ She took a deep breath, "We need you to come down to the station. You need to clear some things up for us."

Fin finished for her. "We have reason to believe your wife and two daughters are dead."

The glacier blue eyes of the middle aged man started to water. "That can't be!" He started to cry softly. "All of them? My whole family? What about my son?"

"I'm afraid so Sir." Ryan's heart ached for this poor man. "Wait, son?" From all the pictures they'd seen in the house and all the toys, he loved his family very much but she'd never noticed a young boy.

"Yes," he said with a sense of urgency. "My son, Gregory. He's three." He looked from one detective to the next.

Ryan frowned. "We haven't located him yet. Be assured that we will make it our first priority though Sir." She whispered softly to Fin. "You lead him out, I'm going to call Elliot and have him check out any information the neighbors might have about the son."

Fin nodded. "Of course." He led Mr. Bruer towards baggage claim. "I'm terribly sorry for your loss. As soon as you're ready, I'll take you down to the ME's office."

"Okay." He grabbed his garment bag and suitcase before walking towards the sliding glass towards and outside in to the snow. It had snowed the first time this year only a week ago. It had snowed the night of the Charity event and it had pretty much been snowing since. Not heavy or dangerous snow, just small flakes that stuck in your hair and on your clothes. Ryan looked angelic with the bits of snow in her dark hair.

She smiled firmly as she walked up to them. "Elliot's got it, he's going to check out the scene too. Are we headed for the ME's?"

Mr. Bruer nodded. "Yeah. I don't think I'll ever be any more ready for this." His voice was in total despair. The detectives asked him to follow them to the office in his own car for convenience and he obliged.

***

Olivia smiled. "Well? How's it feel to sit at home all day?"

Kathleen frowned. "I'm bored."

"Tell you what," she stood difficultly, "Let's go shopping for stuff for your little brother. I still need to buy a crib and such."

"Really?" Kathleen's eyes lit up. "I'd love to!"

Olivia smiled. "I know." She took her hand and pulled her towards the door. "Let's go. Don't tell Elliot that I've been out and about walking around like this though. He'll make me buy a wheelchair."

Kathleen laughed. She helped Olivia in to her leather jacket and pulled her own jacket on. Flipping a soft pink scarf over her shoulder, she smiled. As Olivia opened the door, Kathleen paused. "Olivia," her voice was very serious and sincere, "I want to thank you. You've been there for my father since the divorce and now you're here for all of us. You accept that we cannot forget our mother and you encourage us to keep her memory alive. You're like a mother to us, without making us feel suffocated by countering emotions." A small tear formed in the corner of her eye. "Thank you so much. I want you to know that, if you and Elliot were to get married, I'd want to be the flower girl."

A simple innocent statement that had so much underlying information in it. Kathleen understood that eventually Elliot and her intended on getting married. She was telling Olivia in her own way that she would give them her blessing; saying that she would approve of the marriage whenever the two were ready. The irony did not escape Olivia that this young girl was prepared for the marriage far before the two main participants were. Olivia smiled; she held back the motherly emotional tears that were tempted to flow due to her hormonal swings and to the honest and heartwarming statement the young fifteen year old just made. "Thank you Kathleen. I'll make sure you're the flower girl, I promise. If not, then will you be a bride's maid?"

"Yes." She grinned. "With Ryan and Maureen?" Olivia nodded. Kathleen's grin spread. "Liz can be the flower girl then, I'm too mature for that."

Olivia laughed softly. "Okay then, it's settled. Only one thing left to do."

Kathleen turned to her as they walked towards the driveway, "What's that?"

"Elliot has to ask me first!" They both laughed softly and climbed in to the car.

***

Ryan frowned as her cell phone obnoxiously intruded upon the somber silence that lingered in the hallway of the M.E.'s office. She looked at the ID. "Fin, I have to take this, I'll be right back." Stepping in to a side room, she flipped the phone open. "Jamerson. What do you want Sean?"

Sean's annoyed voice came over the phone. "I got your message. If you want to take Mariah today instead of tomorrow, you'll have to come get her now because I'm going to be out all day and I either have to take her to a day-care or you have to come get her."

"What?!" Samantha glanced at her watch. "You know what, fine. I'll be there in thirty." She shut the phone with a finite 'goodbye' and ran out to catch up with her colleague.

Mr. Bruer and Fin hadn't gotten very far. The poor man was terrified of the simple idea that inside the room ahead of him might lay the body of his wife and daughters. Ryan blushed. "Fin, can you cover for me for like an hour? I have an emergency..."

Fin nodded. "No problem."

Ryan ran out with a perturbed look on her face that bothered Fin somewhat. He sat down with Mr. Bruer. "Sir, I understand how much this must hurt, but without a proper ID we cannot be sure it's them."

He looked up, he was crying now. The dam had finally broken and tears slid down his face. "I can't go in there. Victoria was my life, and our two daughters were my soul. I cannot confirm the fact that some sicko took them all from me! Ana, Sarah _and_ my Victoria? No!" Jonathan Bruer futilely threw his hands up powerlessly. "I just can't admit that it could be true. They are my life. Please, can I come back tomorrow? Please?"

Part of Fin told him not to let the man go, because his alibi wasn't cemented in fact but he nodded. "Leave your cell phone number with me and we'll call you tomorrow."

Jonathan nodded. "555-1930. I have it with me always." He weakly picked up his briefcase. "I'm sorry."

Fin placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "Don't worry about it. One day can't hurt."

Elliot walked in with a young boy on his hip. Jonathan's eyes lit up. "Greg!" He grabbed the boy from Elliot and hugged him tightly against him. "Oh Greg, I was so worried."

An amused look was painted across Elliot's features. "He was hiding in the attic, his big sister had been playing hide and seek with him when he got locked in there."

Fin felt a soft smile cross his own lips as the father took comfort in the sight of his son. The young boy pulled away, his short brown hair becoming tousled. "Daddy, why are you crying?"

Mr. Bruer struggled to compose himself. "I'm just happy to see you Greg, that's all." He hugged his boy again and thanked the two detectives before leaving.

Elliot frowned. "I'm going to head home to see Olivia. This case has me more than a little on edge. I'll be back after lunch."

Fin nodded and Elliot drove him back to the station house and dropped him off. Once in the bullpen, Cragen looked at him. "Where's Ryan?"

"She took an early lunch." Sounded like a legitimate cover to Fin.

Unfortunately, Cragen saw right through it. "Where'd she go?"

Fin grimaced. "Well, you see-"

Ryan's soft mezzo-soprano voice interrupted him. "I'm right here." He turned around to see her with a small girl on her hip. The girl had soft blond, almost naturally platinum blond, hair that fell to her shoulders in the same wavy curls that Samantha's hair had. Her eyes were the same steel grey and her skin was the same soft ivory. Her thumb was in her mouth as she contently clung to her mother. "Sorry, I had an errand to run."

Cragen motioned to the girl. "Who the hell is that?"

Samantha set the little girl in her seat. "Sit here for a moment Mariah, mommy will be right back okay?" Mariah nodded without removing her thumb and started to draw with a pen on an open notepad on Ryan's desk.

Walking in to Cragen's office and shutting the door when he'd followed, Ryan bit her lip. Fin was outside talking to Mariah softly. Cragen walked around his desk. "Mommy?"

"Yeah." She blushed. "That's Mariah, my three and a half year old daughter. I don't appreciate you swearing around her either." Ryan couldn't keep the scolding tone out of her voice; her motherly side was definitely offended.

Cragen shook his head. "You can't keep her in here during working hours!"

Sam frowned. "It was either that or take a personal day and I really don't want to do that with this case. Mariah will be fine; she's no trouble at all. I swear."

"I'm sorry." Cragen looked doubtful. "If you can't get anyone to watch her, you'll have to take the day off. It's too dangerous for her to around here, you know that."

"Of course." She walked back outside and picked up the corded phone on her desk. She sat Mariah on her lap and became distressed when she found that Mariah had been messing with the computer mouse and had opened her e-mail. As she dialed Olivia's cell phone, she began to close all the windows on the screen, only to notice a letter from Alex.

"Benson."

Ryan opened the e-mail and started to read it.

Olivia answered again questioningly, "Hello?"

"Oh!" Ryan blushed. "Hey Olivia, sorry." She smiled. "I was distracted."

"Ryan, what's up?" Her voice sounded cheery.

Sam smiled. "Not much, can I ask a favor of you?"

Olivia laughed lightly. "Of course, as long as it doesn't involve running or anything overly strenuous."

"Sounds like Elliot's home already."

"Exactly."

The two detectives laugh. "Well, Mariah's here at the station because her dad bailed for the day. Is there anyway you could watch her for me?"

Olivia let out a soft 'aww' and smiled. "Of course."

Ryan let out a soft sigh of relief. "Okay. I'm going to bring her down right now and then Fin and I are going to hit the scene again." She said it more as a heads-up to Fin than for Olivia to know. "We'll be right there. I have everything she needs."

"See you then." _Click._

"Oh thank God." Ryan glanced at the computer screen to see Cabot's message. 

_From: Christina (vivaldi_and_merlot@yahoo.com)_

_To: Samantha (Rjamerson16@hotmail.com)_

_Dear Samantha,_

_Why didn't you reply to my message? Are you okay sweetheart? I wish I could call you or something; I miss you so much. I am worried about you, you usually respond to my e-mails with utmost promptness. Are you okay? Oh I do hope you are not hurt. How do you know Sean Foster anyway? I suppose I will reply when you do. Until then, all my love is yours._

_          Yours forever,_

_                   Christina_

Ryan blushed and quickly began to scribe a response.

_From: Samantha (Rjamerson16@hotmail.com)_

_To: Christina (vivaldi_and_merlot@yahoo.com)_

_Dearest Christina,_

_          There's something I haven't told you about that I suppose has left me with no better time than the present. Sean Foster is my ex-husband. I was married prior to my seeing Jared. We thought we were going to be together forever, so we had a surrogate mother carry a child for us. I have a three and a half year old daughter. Her name is Mariah. I'm sorry that I did not tell you before, but until last week no one knew. I hope you will not be angry with me. I love you with all my heart. I've begun work on the manor; it's lovely. I cannot wait for your return._

_          All my love,_

_                   Sam_

It wasn't as lengthy as she would've liked but Mariah was distracting her and Fin was trying to read over her shoulder so she sent it. "Ready to go?" Fin nodded. She picked up Mariah as she stood and she rested her on her hip. "We're going to visit Olivia. She's one of my best friends. Will you let her watch you for maybe two hours while mommy finishes up work?"

Mariah giggled. "Liv'ya. Yes mommy."

Fin laughed. "Liv'ya huh? I'm sure Olivia will love that."

Trying not to laugh herself, Ryan made sure the diaper bag and everything was in the back seat as she buckled Mariah in to her car seat. Mariah began to cry. Ryan frowned. "Shh sweetheart, mommy has to drive, okay?"

Mariah would not stop crying. Fin smiled faintly. "I'll drive, you hop in back."

"Think we should leave the car seat in here for when we make an arrest?"

Fin laughed. "Sure."

Samantha smiled as she climbed in the other side and Mariah's cries fell silent.

As Fin began to drive, he found himself continuously glancing in the rearview mirror. "You're a great mom, you know that?"

She laughed, "Well, its not hard when you only see your daughter twice a month or so."

Fin could hear the pain that lingered underneath her overwhelming sarcasm. "She loves you, so obviously you're doing something right."

"Hmm." Samantha took Mariah's tiny hand in hers and smiled. The little blond tike was sleeping. "She usually falls asleep during car rides. Poor Olivia won't be able to get her down for a nap later though if she sleeps too long."

As if silently responding to an unspoken request, Fin drove a bit faster.

***

Elliot frowned. "I don't really know if I should leave you to care a rambunctious child by yourself..."

Olivia shot him a dirty look as she washed the lunch dishes off. "I can take care of a child, I'm not incompetent." She rested against the counter ands shook her head. "Everyone keeps babying me and I'm sick of it. I'm fine, okay? FINE!" She immediately regretted raising her voice and yelling at him. Olivia hung her head slightly. "I'm sorry."

"I know." Elliot stood up and grabbed his coat. "Well, if you're so competent then I'll just go back to work. You obviously don't need my help." The tone in his voice made Olivia's heart break with regret and guilt.

"Elliot!" She followed him out the door and in to the snow in her house robe and slippers. "You _know _I didn't mean it like that!" He got in the sedan and drove off. Olivia frowned and resignedly retired to her house. Inside, she picked up a few misplaced articles from the children and put them in their respective rooms. After that, she went downstairs because Ryan had just arrived and Kathleen was greeting them at the front door. She heard Kathleen's excited tone as she met little Mariah. Olivia was anxious to meet the adorable daughter of her good friend as well.

***

Ryan sighed with relief. Olivia and Kathleen had been thrilled with Mariah and Mariah was equally happy to see them. Luckily, she and Fin were now able to get some work done. It was off to the crime scene and time to grill the neighbors.

***

Olivia smiled softly. "Well Mariah, Kathleen, where do you two want to go?"

Kathleen shrugged. "Maybe we could go get some lunch and then go shopping?" Her tone was hopeful.

The classic parent ploy that all children, especially Kathleen, hated was utilized by the keen detective before her. "Okay, but anything we buy, you won't get until Christmas."

"But Olivia!" Kathleen let out a despairing sigh.

Mariah piped in. "Liv'ya!"

Olivia looked over at her. "Hey? Why are you taking her side?"

"Because I'm right," Kathleen shot back. She blushed. "Sorry, I didn't mean to be rude."

Mariah pouted. "Presents!"

Olivia looked at her. "You two are terrible. Alright, let's go." She picked up her keys and handed Mariah to Kathleen. "I can't hold her that long."

"Okay." Kathleen adjusted little Mariah on to her hip and smiled. "No problem."

***

"How many people can _not hear_ three successive gunshots? I mean, were they all trying _not to_?" Ryan's temper was flaring again. Useless. Two teenage girls and their mother shot dead after the younger girls were raped and the mother sodomized. Three different guns, none silenced. Not one of the thirteen neighbors heard a thing. She shook her head as she climbed in to the passenger's seat.

Fin clambered in to the car and started it up as he buckled his seat belt. "I'm sure they're all covering for someone. They've gotta' know who it is, or at least if their were multiple assailants. I could see it in their eyes."

Ryan laughed. "If there were multiple assailants? There had to be. A guy can't rape and kill three women in the course of twenty minutes. I'd say two, if not three, assailants."

"Really?" Samantha nodded, she replied with confidence, "Definitely."

Shrugging, Fin drove the two back to the station and climbed out of the car. "Do you want me to follow you home? I know it's a long way and I don't want to get back here tomorrow and find out you didn't make it here..."

Samantha's pale cheeks flushed softly with embarrassment. "No, thank you though Odafin. I have to pick Mariah up and I should be able to make it home fine before dark. If I need your help for anything, I'll call you. Promise."

She took both his hands in hers and kissed them. "You're a great friend Fin."

Fin nodded softly. "But you're seeing someone?"

"Huh?" Ryan arched her eyebrow in surprise. "Yeah...I am..."

"Christina?" Fin's dark brown eyes showed no hurt, only understanding.

Samantha pursed her lips. "I have to tell you something, but not here and not now. I will tell you tomorrow. We'll go out to lunch. You know Christina, you just don't know it yet."

Fin looked bemused, "Huh?"

She dropped his hands and put a finger to her lips. "We'll talk tomorrow. Goodnight Odafin."

He waved softly. "'Night Samantha."

Backing up until she reached her F-150, she climbed in and revved the engine. It was about 4:30, but they'd nothing to do and Cragen knew about Mariah now so she decided to head to Olivia's. Perhaps a small chat with her friend could do her some good. She had some things to discuss with someone who knew her, and someone who knew Alex was alive. _'Yes,' _she decided_, 'Olivia is the perfect person to talk to.'_

***

Olivia pulled wearily in to the driveway. She'd spent her month's pay but she knew the kids would be ecstatic when they opened their gifts. She'd forced Kathleen to take Mariah to the toy aisle while she had bought Kathleen's gifts and made it through the checkout before she'd returned. Mariah had suckered a small lollipop and of her and Kathleen had gotten ice cream. Olivia was definitely craving coffee. Walking inside the house with all the bags, she quickly stowed them away and stared argumentatively at the coffee machine. Sighing heavily, she reached in to the fridge and grabbed some apple juice. Kathleen and Mariah were watching T.V. quietly in the living room.

"Do you have any homework?"

Kathleen turned around, slightly surprised by her presence. "No Mam."

Olivia laughed. "Don't call me Mam, I'm not that old."

She headed upstairs. Maureen was helping Elizabeth memorize her vocabulary words and Dickie was playing Halo again. "Do you have any homework?"

He shook his head. "Nope." After beating his opponent, he turned. "Wanna play?"

Olivia shook her head. "Negative. I'm afraid I can't. Don't know how. Your dad should be home soon though, he'll play with you."

Walking silently in to Elizabeth's room, she sat next to Maureen. "How's your day been?"

Maureen smiled. "Surprisingly lethargic."

Kathleen grinned. "Lethargic: lazy, sluggish, weary."

"Good job," Olivia proudly voiced her approval. Then she heard the door open and Elliot shout.

"I'm home! Guess who's here?"

Mariah shouted. "Mommy!" from downstairs. Voices ran together but Olivia discerned that Ryan had come to pick up Mariah. She stood up slowly, straining in effort. Olivia hated her lack of mobility; she really shouldn't have gone shopping. Oh well. She walked slowly downstairs with the kids to greet the arriving parties.

***End Chapter Ten***


	12. An Unexpected Turn of Events

"In the criminal justice system, sexually based offenses are considered especially heinous. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit. These are their stories."

It Comes with the Badge

Note: I don't own Victoria's Secret, Ford F-150, Chevy trucks or any other brand name products that have been listed so far in this story and I definitely don't own SVU, if I did Casey Novak would be dead already (lol).

__________________________________________________________________________

Last Time:

_"I'm home! Guess who's here?"_

_Mariah shouted. "Mommy!" from downstairs. Voices ran together but Olivia discerned that Ryan had come to pick up Mariah. She stood up slowly, straining in effort. Olivia hated her lack of mobility; she really shouldn't have gone shopping. Oh well. She walked slowly downstairs with the kids to greet the arriving parties._

____________________________________________________________________________

Chapter Eleven

An Unexpected Turn of Events

Ryan looked up at Olivia. "You didn't have to get her anything, I'm sorry if she was any trouble..."

With a soft smile, Olivia laughed. "Oh no, it was my pleasure." She glanced over at Mariah sleeping on the couch. It was now 5:30 and Elliot was upstairs playing Halo with Dickie. Elizabeth and Maureen were out shopping for Christmas gifts and Kathleen was upstairs on the phone. 

"Hey, Olivia..." Samantha's grey eyes darted nervously around, "Can I talk to you?"

Olivia gave her a bemused look but nodded. "Of course. What about?"

"Alex."

A stunned silence hung between them. They'd come to the agreement that even if they both knew about Alex's real situation, they wouldn't talk about it too much in order to prevent it leaking to Zapata, or anyone else for that matter. It was the first time one of them had even mentioned Alexandra Cabot to the other since Ryan had given her Alex's e-mail address. Now she could tell that what Ryan had to talk about was serious. "Call her Christina."

Ryan nodded in understanding. "I love her. The house I'm staying in now, the new furniture I just bought, it was all her money. It was all meant of _us_ not _me._" She looked downtrodden as she drank from the glass of club soda. "Fin sort of asked me out tonight. I didn't know how to react."

Olivia was surprised. "Fin? Our Fin?"

"Yeah, as opposed to all the other Odafins you know." She nodded with a faint smile. "He's a great guy and I sort've like him...but I _cannot_ forget about Alex. I _love _her! It tears me up not knowing when she'll write again, what she's doing, where she is or when the hell I'm going to see her again! I can hardly stand it!"

"I'm sorry." Her heart went out to her fellow detective. "I truly am. I miss her too." She handed her the paper sitting on the table. "Cesàr Velez is the only one left that's connected to Zapata. The last guy is being indicted on multiple accounts of murder and much more. He won't get out when he's convicted. He was Zapata's superior. That leaves only Velez. If you put him away for good, she should be able to return."

Ryan looked up. "I'm considering transferring units for awhile. With _Serenity_ in the unit, we've an odd number. Maybe if I just stayed out until you returned, then it'd be even and I'd have had time to calm down a bit..."

Olivia looked her in the eye intently. "Do you really think that will get rid of it? That once you're out of the unit you'll stop thinking of Alex? You won't. You never forget what happens once you've been in the Special Victims Unit. Ask Monique Jefferies in Vice or Cassidy in Homicide...they know. You never forget. No matter what happens, these ghosts will never leave. Quitting won't solve anything."

"I know," she sighed, "It's just that I need some time away from Novak. I can't stand the fact that I sort of think she's nice. She _can't _be nice because she has Alex's job. I can't bring myself to be civil to her and she deserves better from her colleagues. On top of all of that, I'm afraid of being around Fin too much. I like him too much already. I trust him, I just don't trust myself."

"Oh." Olivia nodded slowly. "I see. Talk to Cragen about it, he'll know what to do."

Ryan sighed. "I'm considering transferring to the DEA."

"Really?" Olivia looked surprised. "I didn't picture you working for them."

She laughed. "Well Elliot always said I didn't look like a cop and I'm good undercover...not to mention I'll be up to date with the Velez case."

Olivia stared at her sincerely. "Don't mess things up with Velez. You and Alex both need that case to be open and closed."

"I won't." Ryan's hands started to play with her keys slowly. "I'd better get going. Mariah and I are off to see Sleeping Beauty on ice." A grin crossed her face. "She doesn't know yet."

Olivia laughed. "Yes she does."

Upon turning around, Samantha saw the excited and bright-eyed face of her daughter. She smiled. "You excited?"

The three-year-old ran up and hugged her mother. "Thank you mommy!"

Ryan stood up. "Thank Liv. It means a lot to me that I can talk to you, that I can trust you."

Olivia smiled and started to get up. Sam shook her head, "I know where the door is. You should really stay off your feet more often."

With a resigned sigh, the sixth-and-a-half-month pregnant cop nodded. "Alright. Drive safe. Come see me again soon, eh? It's nice to talk with another adult."

Sam laughed. "Tell Maureen I can make lunch on Wednesday and to call me Monday-ish."

Olivia nodded and waved. "No problem." She hugged Mariah. "Thanks for being such a good girl."

Mariah beamed happily. "Bye Liv'ya         !"

***

Ryan sighed wearily, she had court tomorrow morning and she knew she had to sleep. Glancing down at her exhausted daughter sleeping lazily in her room, she wrapped her robe around her form and headed to her own bedroom.

She opened the door to her balcony and took in the cool night air. Letting her robe fall away and reveal her royal blue silken gown. Every brush of the wind reminded her of Alex. She craved just hearing her voice. Then the phone rang. Not her cell, the house's phone. She'd only hooked one up in her bedroom just yesterday. She wasn't even sure of the number yet. Answering it hesitantly, she greeted her caller. "Hello?"

There was dead silence on the other end. Chills ran up her spine, she couldn't stand it. "Who's there?"

Soft sobs traveled through the phone. It was a woman crying. "Hello? Who is this?"

She heard a click and a dial tone followed soon after. Ryan was unnerved now. She knew she wouldn't be able to sleep. Walking slowly back in to her daughter's room, she smiled at the sight of Mariah sleeping peacefully. Brushing her curly blonde locks away from her face, Ryan took comfort in the serenity of her daughter. Lying next to her, the street-hardened detective fell asleep quickly and peacefully, completely forgetting the distressing phone call she'd received.

***  
John smiled as Ryan walked in to the squadroom. "Ready for court?"

She was wearing a button-down red shirt and a black business skirt. "I hope so."

"They told me that the defendant wants to thank us."

Ryan turned to him. "Fuck no. He comes near me and I'll shoot him."

Elliot turned. "Munch already took care of that last time."

Arching her eyebrow and giving Elliot a reproving look, she stood from her chair. "Let's go. I don't want to be late. I have to talk with the captain after this."

John nodded. "No problem."

"Ryan," Elliot began, "Does is have to do with you and Olivia's conversation last night?"

She nodded affirmatively.

He grinned. "I always thought you didn't look much like a cop."

Sam smiled back at him before walking out of the station house. John didn't ask questions on the way to the courthouse, he knew he'd find out soon enough.

***

The defense grinned as he began to interrogate the first detective, John Munch. "Is it true that my client held your partner at knifepoint?"

John nodded, "That's correct."

"Could you indicate to the court who said partner is?"

Pointing to Sam, who was sitting in the first row of pews, the defense nodded. "Let the record show that he pointed to Detective Ryan Samantha Jamerson. Correct?" Both Ryan and John nodded.

"Now," a sly smirk crossed his face, "Have you ever heard of the term 'suicide by cop'?"

John gave an affirmative nod. "Yes, I have."

The defense continued. "And does it seem plausible that this was the intent of my client when he seized your partner and held her at knifepoint?"

"It's possible."

"So, why didn't you just shoot him dead? Or let him die after shooting him?"

John chuckled cynically. "Because I knew he'd end up in court this way. I'd much rather true justice be found than the tainted justice that would have occurred had I killed Mr. James."

Casey Novak smiled softly and nodded. John was an excellent witness. Every answer left no doubt in the jury's mind.

***

Friday was slow for the SVU team. Casey had dropped by to deliver the news of Kenneth James's guilty verdict. Ryan thanked her and smiled. "I've got an announcement to make. Two actually."

Munch looked up. "Oh really?" Elliot turned his seat around with interest and Serenity took her eyes off her papers. Her eyes were filled with the curiosity of someone who felt like they were eavesdropping. 

Fin smiled and leaned back. "Spill."

"Right." She took a deep breath. "I want you all to know right away, I'm transferring for the duration of Olivia's maternity leave. I'm transferring to the DEA. I need a break from _this_, going to work every day and seeing how ugly life is, not to mention an odd number of detectives can get ugly. I'll be returning when Olivia returns if all goes well. I apologize if I'm unknowingly hurting anyone by doing this." Her soft grey eyes fell on Odafin.

Munch smiled at her. "Good Luck."

"Say hello to Andy Stratford for me, he works up in there too." Elliot grinned. "Be sure to come back to us though, we'll miss you."

Fin looked back down at his paperwork, without saying anything.

Serenity gave a half-smile, nervous about her own interjection. "You're going to leave me here with all these guys?"

"Sorry," Ryan laughed faintly, "You'll have Novak, and Munch."

Munch gave her a sarcastic laugh and rolled his eyes. Elliot grinned the goofy grin he had when he was making or laughing at a jest between the unit. It was a definite contrast to the aggressive cop she usually saw. Ryan wished she'd seen more of it in the six months she'd been there. No one smiled very much around here; it was hard to.

"Secondly," Samantha began, "I'm inviting you all to my new house for Christmas, and actually it's on Christmas Eve until Christmas day. I know Christmas is only six days away so you're all invited. I have enough bedrooms for all of you to stay the night incase you're all wasted." Soft chuckling wafted through the bullpen. Cragen was standing in the doorway, smiling. "Fin and Olivia can give you directions. They know where it is. I'll be accepting donations, presents, first born children and human sacrifices."

John grinned broadly, he had definitely left a mark on her sense of humor over the past six months. Elliot shook his head and smiled. Fin suddenly had to cough several times. Captain Cragen was laughing faintly and Serenity was appalled.

Ryan's eyes met John's. "You can bring Chanukah presents if you want also. I won't have any crosses up or anything, just the Christmas tree and presents. I'll be cooking, and since I'm a vegetarian there will be things other than red meat to eat. I hope you all come. The party starts at six, bring alcoholic beverages and desserts." Sam glanced at Cragen. "Invite George too, he doesn't ever talk about family. I wouldn't want him lonely on Christmas."

Casey had crept in to the bullpen at sometime during her statement for the second time this morning. Fighting back a smile, she sobered as she approached the detective. "You're transferring?" It was more of a statement than a question.

"Yeah."

"I can't help but feel I have some part in this." The brunette looked guilty.

Ryan laid a comforting hand on her shoulder. "You're invited too. The only role you played was encouraging. I know you're a great person and I'm treating you unfairly due to your replacement of Alex. Maybe if I quit for awhile, I'll be okay with it upon my return."

"Oh," Casey nodded. "Alright. That puts me at ease a bit. So I'm still invited to the Christmas party?"

"Yup," She nodded.

Casey smiled. "No snobs?"

A soft laugh, actually somewhat happy, came from Jamerson. "Unless you count yourself."

"Ouch." Casey grinned. "Sounds great."

Unexpectedly Ryan Jamerson found herself in a friendly hug from the ADA. She smiled softly and returned the embrace. "I'll see you around. I have to go talk with the DEA about my transfer."

Fin stood up, "Let me walk you to your car."

Ryan understood that he wanted to talk. She hadn't told him anything prior to this announcement. She knew it was rude but she couldn't help it. Sam couldn't bring herself to tell him any other way. As the two reached her pick-up she turned to him. "I'm sorry Odafin. I really am."

"Look," he looked in to her eyes intently, "I just wanted to say good luck. I'll miss you Samantha."

She blushed. "What I was going to tell you, about Christina..." Sam looked back in to his eyes and smiled. "She's Alex. Alex is in the WPP. She's not dead." Her voice was hushed and discrete but excited as well. "That's who Christina is."

"Sam..." Fin kissed her lips softly. "Stay away from Velez or you'll mess things up for Christina _and you._"

"I can't do that Fin." She shook her head and smiled. "I can't." Hugging him tightly, she climbed in to her car and started it. As she drove away, he stood in the parking lot watching her. He looked hurt and Samantha felt guilty about it. She couldn't help it, it would've happened sooner or later, right?

Sighing, she headed for the DEA building and her new job.

***

Saturday came all too fast. December 19th and she hadn't finished Christmas shopping. She still had to buy a gift for Alex and for Elliot. The presents for Olivia, John, Fin, Don, Casey, Maureen, Kathleen, Dickie, Elizabeth and even Serenity were already under the tree. Four nicely wrapped presents with bows and ribbon awaited little Mariah. John's gift was nicely wrapped in blue with silver bow and ribbons. 

She'd been up since seven, when the furniture was delivered. She felt rather foolish walking out in her bathrobe and slippers. The deliverymen seemed to have found it amusing enough though. All the furniture was sitting in the main entryway and she knew she'd catch hell for not having them put the corresponding pieces upstairs when Fin, Elliot, and Olivia arrived.

As she stepped out of the shower, she grinned at the sound of the doorbell. "Speak of the devil." Pulling on a pair of underwear and a bra, she ran in to her room. Grabbing her jeans and quickly stepping in to them, she buttoned the white shirt she'd pulled on moments ago before finally running downstairs. "COMING!"

Rushing to open the door, she smiled when she saw Elliot, Fin and Olivia awaiting her. She embraced Olivia softly and allowed Elliot and Fin entrance, "Come in, come in!" She lingered behind with Olivia. "I'm transferring Monday."

"Good to hear." Olivia looked genuinely pleased with the turn of events. "I'll be able to talk to you more often without talking about work."

Ryan smiled. "I'd never thought of that, good point." Fin and Elliot turned to her with a look of disbelieving despair.

"You had them leave _all _the furniture downstairs?"

"Yeah," Sam blushed embarrassingly, "All except the bureau and the beds go downstairs anyway."

She pointed to the three separate piles. "This piles for the living room. This is all for the den," she motioned to the second pile which was slightly smaller than the first. "And _this_ all goes upstairs," Elliot and Fin's eyes fell on the third (and largest) pile.

"Upstairs you say?" Fin sighed. "Alright. Come on Elliot." He grimaced and began to lift one of the headboards.

Ryan smiled. "I have rugs so Olivia and I can move some of the lighter stuff around downstairs." She turned to Olivia. "Shall we start with the living room?"

Olivia was gazing around with her lips slightly parted in amazement. She didn't realize Ryan had been speaking to her until it all fell silent and she noticed her three fellow detectives awaiting her answer. "Huh?" She blushed, "I was hoping we could start with a tour. This is definitely a magnificent manor. How could you afford this?"

The grey eyes of her female colleague dimmed. "Alex bought it before..."

Elliot nodded. "I see. Well how about a tour?"

A soft smile replaced her frown and she nodded. "Of course." Walking with them to the right, she motioned to the first of many large rooms. "This is the living room." Hardwood flooring and a lovely fireplace and mantel accented the room. White Monticello-like paneling added a refined appearance and the leather couch sitting in the middle helped. She smiled. "I've started to set up this room but I haven't gotten far." A 52in. plasma TV sat across from the couch and to the left of the large fireplace. Monticello windows allowed the waxing sun's rays to shine through. A doorway to the right of the Ryan led to another room. She guided them in. "This is a smaller room, I think I'm going to eventually purchase a pool table for it. What do you think?" The same wall and floor patterns adorned this room but it was empty spare the smaller, less bravura, chandelier.

Olivia beamed. "It's lovely."

Fin smiled. "It's massive."

Escorting them in to a larger room, not unlike the first, she turned. "This is the dining room." A similar chandelier from the entryway hung from the ceiling. The walls were a soft off-white and peach hybrid that glowed warmly. The floors were made of a lovely mahogany pattern with a flower in the center of every square. More Monticello windows allowed light to flood in to the room. It was gorgeous. '_Pretty large for a dining room,'_ Olivia thought. A china cabinet was against the wall on the left. The light from the windows hit is just right from the other side of the room. A large table, looked like either mahogany or pine perhaps, was sitting dead-center under the chandelier. It was polished to perfection with not a smudge on it. A lace doily was in the middle on top of a pale white tablecloth. Twelve chairs made of the same wood with white cushioning surrounded the table. "I hope you'll all be eating here come Christmas."

"Actually," Elliot smiled, "Olivia and I have cleared it with all the kids and we were hoping Maureen could come too."

"Oh!" Sam laughed. "I already invited her. Of course she can! I wouldn't be able to stand just Mariah and me here on Christmas. The more the merrier. Christmas is about family."

Fin wandered over to two identical wooden doors about ten feet apart. "Where do these lead?"

Sam walked in front of the one nearest him. "This one is the maids' bedroom and the other bedroom is for the chef."

"Chef?" Olivia arched her eyebrow curiously, "Interesting."

Elliot shook his head. "I bet IAB will have a field-day when they see how far above your paycheck this place is."

Sam shook her head. "Witness Protection talked to them. They won't check the account used to furnish the house or the house itself. They know that it's all Alex's. I left it in her name, even if she is 'dead.'"

Taking them through a small hallway to the kitchen, she smiled. "This is Rick's kitchen. Don't touch anything, I haven't asked him to deactivate the booby-traps."

Olivia laughed. "He a good cook?"

"Great!" Her eyes went wide with amazement. "Just amazing."

Ryan headed to the left. "In here's the den, where Olivia and I have some setting up to do." Several wall-mounted lamps lit the room. Large red velvet drapes covered the windows. She cringed. "I haven't risked opening those yet due to dust allergies. I think I'll tackle that tomorrow."

Olivia noticed upon entry that she was walking on marble flooring down. Lovely black marble with red and white veins coursing through it covered the floor. The walls were darker wood that Olivia didn't recognize and no furniture, spare a settee and small bookshelf were to be seen. "This is amazing. Everything matches."

"Yup," Sam beamed, "It's every girls' dream home. No wonder Alex bought it." She blushed when she noticed Fin and Elliot's faces. "One more room and then upstairs." A slight twinge of guilt hung over her. They'd all known Alex for much longer than she, but she had received all her belongings? Biting her lip, she led them in to the study. Plush hunter green carpet covered the floor. The walls were painted a terra cotta brown and accented the floor in a very earthy way. The desk was made of pinewood and a low coffee table was as well. A brown leather couch and loveseat were also encompassed in the large room.

"I love it." Olivia grinned. "It's fabulous."

Ryan leaned in and whispered. "The master bedroom is to die for." She grinned and turned to the men. "Upstairs then?"

Fin smiled. "Lead the way."

Elliot helped Olivia slowly up the stairs and Ryan smiled. "Right or left first?"

"Hmm," Olivia glanced down the two corridors, "Left first."

Sam grinned. "The master bedroom's to the right. Guess the best is last." Talking down the dimly lit hall, she opened the first door on the right. "This is Mariah's bedroom." The walls were already painted pink.

"You've been busy painting eh?" Fin smiled. The room looked infinitely better than the whitewashed one he'd seen less than a week back. Pale pastel pink with a blue sky painted on top of the ceiling accented one another. A cute white bed set was already set up. Pinks bedspread with Sleeping Beauty on it. A pink canopy hung atop the four-poster bed. A white nightstand, a white dresser and a full-length mirror decorated the rest of the room. A doll crib with dolls in it and a palace sized perfectly for Barbie dolls were also strewn about.

Olivia smiled. "It's so adorable. Mariah's the sweetest girl. You've really raised her well."

A frown crossed Ryan's gentle features. "Christina gave me the name of an attorney so that I can fight for custody."

"You're going to fight huh?" Olivia nodded. "I'm glad. She needs you. That father of hers seems like a prick from what you've told me."

With only a slight nod, Ryan continued down the hall. On the left was a bathroom decorated with a beach theme. Seashells decorated the walls. Soft blue was the main color and even the hand towels matched already. It was so adorable. Although the two men really saw nothing interesting, Olivia grinned. The attention Ryan had paid to such detail was amazing. "You should really have become a decorator. Do they pay more than cops?"

Sam shrugged. "Dunno." Chuckling softly, she shooed everyone back in to the hall. The next room on the left was the room Fin had slept in. It was decorated like a harbor. Lighthouse wallpaper and an afghan decorated the room. A gentle blue ocean scene was depicted on the bedspread with a large red and white striped lighthouse illuminating the water. The whitewashed walls had pictures, wallpaper, and seashells on them that really brought the scene to life.

Fin smiled. "You've done more with it. It looks even better than before."

Nodding she walked back down the hall and pointed to the last room at the very end of the hall. "I haven't decorated that one yet. Most of the furniture is for that room or the empty room on this side. The room on the right up there is another bathroom. It's decorated in a soft green that I liked a lot."

Olivia grinned mischievously. "Do I get to see the master bedroom yet?"

Ryan shook her head. "Nope. Almost. Only two rooms and a bathroom left."

"Hey," Elliot smiled, "Fin and I will start moving some of the stuff up now, okay? This seems like a girl-bonding moment."

Fin laughed. "Sounds good. Let's get started."

***

Ryan had just shown Olivia the two rooms on the right side of the house. The lovely oriental style room and the cool and collected Alex's-old-apartment-furniture room. Olivia had been delighted. Now was the master bedroom. Opening the door, Sam grinned. "It's just amazing!"

The four-poster California king sized bed was amazing. It was made out of solid cherry wood. The bedding on top of it was just as beautiful. Like she and Ryan had discussed on the phone a while ago, a raisin and ebon black contrast of satin and velvet decorated the bed. It looked like something out of the Victoria's Secret catalog. In fact, Olivia would almost go so far as to say that was where she ordered it. Olivia swore there were at least ten pillows on that bed, excluding the random and mismatched smaller pillows that added their own personal flare to the room. 

The room was definitely Ryan and Alex. She could see in the delicate black satin curtains that hung from the four-poster bed that Alex would approve. The curtains, which were a thick cranberry with golden lace over them, were definitely a reminder of the past ADA. 

The bathroom was done in a beautiful Chinese/Japanese theme. Cherry blossoms were carved in to the glass of the shower stall. The huge Jacuzzi tub was surrounded by different pink soaps and decorative oriental designs. The curtains were white on a black wrought iron rod and Olivia loved it. Japanese (or perhaps Chinese, she couldn't tell) symbols decorated the walls. Candles and lanterns hung about. "I love it."

Sam's face was so proud and excited that Olivia couldn't stop smiling back. "I can't wait to show Alexandra when they put Velez away."

Olivia nodded. "She'll love it." Hugging Ryan softly, she smiled. "Shall we start downstairs?"

"Sure," with a slow nod of compliance, the two headed downstairs.

***

It was far past sunset and snow was falling hard when the three detectives finally finished working. Rick, the cook, had prepared a large meal for the three of them and Elliot had left to get all four of the kids to join them. Olivia had agreed it was good for them to know the house a bit before they came over for Christmas.

Olivia smiled. "So how are you going to fit all thirteen guests in those three rooms?"

Ryan laughed. "I've actually planned it all out. Mariah can sleep in my room with me. You and Elliot are going to be in a room together. Since each room has a fold out couch in it too, I've got Munch and Fin in a room. Elizabeth, Kathleen and Dickie are in Mariah's room. Her pullout is in the closet right now though. Don and George are in a room and that leaves Serenity, Casey and Maureen in a room together. Elementary dear Watson." A grin crossed her lips.

Pausing to analyze all that, Olivia nodded. "Good work Sam. Must be all that time on the job." She laughed. "I don't know about Casey and Serenity in the room together. They might become friends."

Sam shuddered at the though. "Oh well."

Fin had been silently sitting in one of the new chairs in the den. "Wait, I'm sharing a room with Munch?"

"Well..." Ryan nodded, "Yeah, that's the gist of it."

"Fine," he fumed. Glancing at his watch, he frowned. "Shouldn't Elliot be here by now?"

Like clockwork, the doorbell rang and the butler, whose name was Peter, answered it. Elliot and all four of the kids piled in. Maureen smiled and hugged Ryan. "What a beautiful house! My goodness! It's gorgeous! I love it!" Kathleen was begging for a tour, as was Elizabeth and Maureen. After promising them one following dinner the large group sat down to eat.

The food was delicious and filling. Ryan gave the girls a tour whilst insisting that Olivia stay off her feet. Elliot and Fin started to watch the news and Olivia finally gave in to Ryan's demands and played a game of checkers with Dickie.

Just as Dickie claimed another of her pieces, Elizabeth came running down, followed by a much slower Kathleen, Maureen and Ryan. Elizabeth grinned. "Ryan bought us presents Olivia!"

Dickie turned. "Me too?" With an excited nod, Elizabeth ran to the tree. Dickie soon followed. Maureen smiled as she sat next to Olivia. Kathleen sat on Olivia's right and Ryan took a chair.

Olivia raised an eyebrow. "Presents?"

Sam grinned. "There's one for you too if you want to run up and shake it."

Maureen laughed. "You went all out didn't you?"

"Yeah," she sighed, "I think Alex would've liked it."

"I think so too." Olivia smiled at her.

***

Ryan sighed heavily. "Mother, I'm sorry I'm late!"

No response. Dreading what she'd find, Ryan ran down the hall of the apartment searching each room for a sign of her mother. Finally she found her. Sighing with relief, she woke her mother from her sleep and smiled. "Merry Christmas Mom."

Her mother smiled up at her. "Merry Christmas Samantha. Are you going to come over this year?"

"Actually," Ryan smiled. "No. I'm having you over. I'll drive you home after the party but I want you to meet all my friends mother. All the detectives will be there and more. You must come meet them."

She sighed. "I don't know."

"Mariah will be there."

"Oh, alright." Her mother smiled. "Where will I sleep?"

Ryan smiled as she walked in to the kitchen and prepared to make dinner. "I have a pullout couch set up in my room and an air mattress if that doesn't work."

Smiling genuinely as she wheeled herself in to the kitchen, Samantha's mother smiled. "Thank you Samantha."

Sam turned for a moment and looked at her. "It's nothing. The room is upstairs though so I'll have to carry you."

"If you insist. You could just set the air-mattress up downstairs."

As she sprayed Pam in to the frying pan she shook her head. "I won't have you sleeping down there when everyone else will be downstairs. Just let me dote on you for once, alright?"

Her mother nodded reluctantly. "If you insist."

"I do." She smiled.

***End of Chapter Eleven***


	13. Prelude to a Christmas Party

"In the criminal justice system, sexually based offenses are considered especially heinous. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit. These are their stories."

It Comes with the Badge

__________________________________________________________________________

Last Time:

_As she sprayed Pam in to the frying pan she shook her head. "I won't have you sleeping down there when everyone else will be downstairs. Just let me dote on you for once, alright?"_

_Her mother nodded reluctantly. "If you insist."_

_"I do." She smiled._

____________________________________________________________________________

Chapter Twelve

Christmas Party

Olivia sighed sleepily as she rolled over and rested her head on Elliot's shoulder. He smiled down at her. "Good morning Beautiful."

Blushing softly, she smiled lethargically and sat up. "How long have you been up?"

He shrugged. "Two hours." Glancing at the clock, Olivia realized two hours ago was four a.m.

"Why were you up so early?"

Elliot frowned as she traced the lines of his tattoo on his forearm. "The case we're on."

She sat up and took his hand. "Tell me about it. I promise not to get involved..."

Nodding, Elliot sighed. "This guy targets girls who are just barely sixteen. The last two vics had their birthday just two days before their murder. The third victim went missing from her birthday party." He shook his head. "Sixteen. Can you imagine?"

Olivia started to gently massage his shoulders. "Kathleen's sixteenth isn't for two months. You'll get him before that."

"Yeah," he frowned, "I hope so."

A knock sounded on the door.

Olivia smiled. "Come in."

Kathleen entered in a pair of Levi's and pink tube-top. "Dad, can I go out with a couple of friends later today?"

Elliot turned to her. "It's Sunday."

"Yeah? And?"

"It's family day. Besides, we have Church at ten."

Kathleen sighed. "_Later. After church._"

Elliot raised an eyebrow. "I'll think about it."

She smiled and he interjected as she started to leave. "You...you're not leaving the house in that. You're not going to church like that and I'm going to approve anything you wear out tonight."

A bit of the present joy in her face faded. "_Fine._" She closed the door.

Olivia shook her head. "I know it's hard for you to let her out, but she's a teenager El, she has to live."

Elliot turned to Olivia again, the haunting case images flashing before him. "He's using Jerry's trademarks. White rose, stabbing them between the legs...but he keeps trophies."

'_Don't ask. You don't want to know Olivia. Stop. Don't think about it.'_ She took a hesitant breath. "What kind of trophies?"

"Well..." he hesitated, "He takes their eyes."

Silence. A long, eerie and estranging moment of silence sat between the two cops. "God Elliot."

Elliot put a hand over his mouth. "It's a hard case for Serenity to start with but it's better than Sam. She would be working it non-stop until she burnt out. The vics are all blond-haired and blue-eyed. All about the same height...they all look like Alex if she were younger."

"God." That's all she could stomach saying. Trying to keep her stomach down, she shook her head. "You think its Velez?" She didn't know if she was stating the suspicion or actually asking him but he didn't answer. The answer was given. Of course it was. "You can't get him without involving the DEA."

He nodded. Taking a long breath he let it out loudly. "That's where Sam comes in. I've been talking with Andy and he thinks it's an idea. We're thinking about dying her hair and sending her out. Her grey eyes can be changed to blue with contacts. All the other agents there are too short or tall or heavy or muscular. Ryan's frail like Alex was."

"Is," Olivia corrected, "Like Christina is."

"Yeah." Elliot grimaced as he looked in to her eyes. "What do you think?"

Olivia sighed. She had two potential responses. She could be blunt and outright while risking Elliot's anger and Sam's friendship if she ever heard; or, she could straddle the fence and reply as an uninvolved party. But she was involved, Alex had been her friend and Ryan was her friend, now was not the time for impartiality. 

Taking a very deep and long breath, she spoke. "I think that's bullshit. Ryan has never worked undercover on such a covert and vital operation before, Elliot. Putting her out there in a case that she's too emotionally involved in and using her as bait to be raped, the same way she was five years ago and is still traumatized about, is ludicrous and callous. I'd have thought more of you and your friend but obviously it's a woman thing. Can't you see she's still hurt over her rape? Can't you see how biased she is? I'd wager she'd blow Velez's head off before she was even introduced. You're crazy. Not to mention he's probably hiring someone to handle the murders, not killing the vics himself and that's ignoring the challenge of actually making her look sixteen. We don't know how the perp is picking up his victims."

Elliot took a moment to let her calm down. "We know he's doing them. He's left us a handwritten letter saying so. Quaintly, it was unsigned." He shook his head. "Thanks for being the voice of reason though. I don't know if it will work at all but Andy has faith..."

"Is it faith enough to risk Alex's return and Ryan's life? Do you really trust him that much? Because I sure as hell don't."

Standing wearily, Olivia headed downstairs. "I'm going to start breakfast."

Elliot nodded. "I've got to take a shower."

"I know." She smiled at him somewhat halfheartedly but walked out of the room quickly afterward.

***

Ryan left mass at 8 a.m. and took in a deep breath. Tomorrow was her new job; she should probably go shopping and buy something to help her look real nice. After carefully considering it for about a minute, she decided against it and went back to the manor. Last night she'd gotten Elliot and Fin to set up her punching bag since there was no way she could've lifted the thing off the ground. It was now hanging on the back porch.

Changing in to navy sweat pants and a white sports bra she headed out to the backyard. The black bag loomed before her, 100 pounds for her to take her aggression out on. She wrapped her hands and feet carefully before she started to punch it. A few kicks fell in between. Three nicely placed punches. She could feel herself getting hyped up.

***

Elliot smiled as Olivia fixed his tie and kissed his cheek. "Perfect."

She was wearing a cute black dress that was actually made to accent her pregnancy. He thought she looked gorgeous in it. "Are the kids ready?"

As if on cue, Olivia walked out of the room and in to the hall. "Kathleen?"

The fifteen year old ran out of her room in a knee length light blue skirt and a white collared shirt. "Yes?"

"Is your sister ready?"

Glancing back in to her room, she nodded. "Yup."

"Dickie!?"

The younger boy opened his door at the end of the hall. "Huh?" He was wearing his dress pants and a button down shirt with a tie.

Olivia smiled at him. "Just making sure that you're ready." She walked back in to her room. "All three are ready."

Taking a moment to check the time on his wristwatch, Elliot frowned. "We might be late. Could you herd all the kids out the door and towards the car? I'll be right down."

"Oh, sure." Olivia kissed his cheek and walked back into the hall. "Come on everyone! Time to leave! Get out to the car!" Both doors opened and the three kids filed out and down the stairs. Olivia held the door open for them as they piled in to Elliot's four-door. 

Kathleen grinned. "I get shotgun!"

Elliot walked out and locked the door, clearing his throat. "Shotgun is for Olivia, you know that Kathleen."

She blushed softly. "Sorry, I forgot. I'm not used to her coming to church with us yet." Slinking sheepishly in to the backseat, Olivia frowned.

"Should I just stay home, Elliot?"

He gave her a look of concern. "No," he said with earnest. His voice softened, "No sweetheart. She just forgot; that's all. Come on." He put his arm around her as he escorted her around to the passenger's seat.

***

Ryan woke to her phone ringing. It was 6p.m. already. Her short nap had lasted way too long. "Jamerson." Her voice was dazed and filled with sleep.

"Mommy?"

She sat up immediately, wide-awake. "Mariah?"

The voice of her little daughter replied. "Mommy, can you come get me?"

"Oh, of course honey. Where's Daddy?"

Mariah sounded doubtful. "I think he's sleeping."

Cautiously and yet anxiously, Ryan nodded, "Alright, okay. Sweetheart, try to wake Daddy up while mommy finds her keys." Sam was running around her house looking for them.

When she reached the bottom floor, she almost ran in to Rick. "Hey, Ricky, have you seen my car keys?"

He smiled and nodded. "On the desk in the den, why? What's up?"

"Mariah's going to be over for dinner."

"No problem." Ricky followed him to the keys and then handed her her jacket as she headed out. 

***

Olivia couldn't hide a grin as Elizabeth and Kathleen helped wash the dishes and refused to let her get anywhere near the kitchen. Elliot had tried to romance her upstairs to keep her off her feet but she'd caught on eventually. Refusing to allow them a victory, she'd started a load of laundry.

As she transferred the damp clothes to the dryer, Elliot crept up and kissed her neck softly. "You should really get off your feet. For me, sweetheart."

"Elliot!" She turned around and gasped. The three kids and Elliot were present. Elliot was on one knee with her left hand in his.

"Olivia..."

Kathleen grinned and Elizabeth was giggling excitedly. Dickie had his hands behind his back suspiciously.

Her heart was beating double time and her breathing was halted. "Elliot?"

Elliot smiled. "Liv? I've got something to ask you." He reached in to his pants' pocket and pulled out a ring box.

Olivia's eyes were wide with disbelief. _'He is going to ask me to marry him?'_ Swallowing hard, Olivia nodded for him to continue.

"Will you marry me?" He opened the box to reveal a white gold band and a marquise-cut diamond solitaire.

Taking in a ragged and weak breath, Olivia nodded. "Yes Elliot." Small tears swelled in her eyes, of course it was hormones, or at least she could blame them. Embracing him as soon as he got to his feet, Olivia laughed softly.

Kathleen smiled and Elizabeth was jumping up and down. "I want to be flower girl!"

Dickie looked cheery too, and he pushed between Elliot and Olivia to hug them individually. As he hugged Olivia, he pulled away and looked seriously up at her. For a small 10-year-old he did look serious. "I won't call you Mommy, Olivia."

She, with the aide of Elliot, got to her knees and nodded. "I know. Don't call me Mommy; I can't be Kathy for you. I'll just be your friend."

"Okay." He smiled, "That's good."

Elizabeth whined. "Do I get to be flower girl?"

Olivia laughed. "Have I missed all the planning already? We don't even have a date set yet!"

"After the baby's born." Elliot put a hand on her stomach. "So your wedding dress won't have to be altered."

"Of course!" A broad grin masked Olivia's face. She kissed Elliot deeply as Dickie made barfing sounds and then smiled. "I love you."

***

Ryan buckled Mariah in to her car seat and smiled. "We'll be home in a little bit, Daddy will call when he wakes up." Slamming the door on accident. _'Daddy won't wake up she'd said...'_ Ryan was fuming mad, _'He was bloody WASTED!'_ Cursing under her breath, she climbed in to the truck and started it up. "Honey, Mommy might be a bit busy tonight with work but I got you some new toys to play with in your room."

"Barbies?" She looked excited.

"Well," Sam smiled, "As a matter-of-fact, yes. I got you a new Barbie doll. I also got you some other things too. You'll see when you get home, okay?"

Mariah grinned broadly. "Okay."

Driving madly through the rain that had begun pouring, Ryan couldn't keep her temper in check. She knew she was speeding and she knew it was dangerous, but her temper was controlling her, not her brain.

Finally putting her anger behind her to ensure her daughter's safety, she slowed and sighed heavily. Mariah was sleeping already.

***

Olivia couldn't keep the smile off her face as Elliot put the kids to bed and walked in to the bedroom. His smile was more of a childish grin that she adored. Her future husband, her son growing inside of her...it was all too surreal. Suddenly the hair on the back of Olivia's neck stood on end. Too surreal. What if something went wrong? Elliot kissed her lips gently and smiled. "Sleep tight."

Taking his hand and kissing him, she smiled. "You too." Nothing would go wrong. She was finally happy, and she wasn't going to let anything ruin that for her. Ever.

~End Chapter 12~


	14. The Case

"In the criminal justice system, sexually based offenses are considered especially heinous. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit. These are their stories."

It Comes with the Badge

__________________________________________________________________________

Last time:

Taking his hand and kissing him, she smiled. "You too." Nothing would go wrong. She was finally happy, and she wasn't going to let anything ruin that for her. Ever.

__________________________________________________________________________

Chapter Thirteen

The Case

          Elliot hated returning to work on Monday morning. He showed up around seven-thirty, dead set on finding a lead in what the press was calling the "Sweet Sixteen Murderer" case. Rifling through the paperwork and evidence, he couldn't find a thing. Munch came in about eight with Fin about ten minutes behind him. Serenity didn't show up until nine thirty.

          "Sorry I'm late."

          She smiled apologetically and took a seat at her desk. Elliot frowned, but didn't comment. Fin murmured something derogatory under his breath. "I've been going over the case since seven thirty. I think we're going to have to go over to the DEA. Talk to Andy, he's on the Velez case...and he's our prime suspect, right?"

          Serenity nodded as if Elliot would really change his mind according to her opinion. The two headed out quickly to the DEA office.

                                                    ***

          Ryan smiled as she saw two familiar faces quickly approaching her. So far her experience at the DEA had been a bad one. Andrew Stratford, her new partner coincidently, had already asked her to go under cover as a 16-year-old to be bait for Velez to attack her the same way Jerry had attacked his victims. "Hello Elliot, Serenity." She smiled cordially to Serenity and grinned at Elliot. "What brings you two here?"

          Elliot frowned. "We have to go after Velez. He's under suspicion in our case."

          "The Sweet-Sixteen Murders...yeah, I've heard. Detective Stratford's already told me that he wants me to go undercover." Ryan did _not_ look pleased.

          Serenity raised an eyebrow faintly but didn't ask any questions. Detective Stratford quickly came out to join Jamerson and Stabler. "Hey Elliot! How you doin'?"

          He had a thick Jersey accent, his grey hair was balding around the crown of his head and he had a five o'clock shadow that only made him look older. Elliot was displeased to see that he was still smoking; a pack of Camels were in his shirt pocket. The forty-seven year old Detective had tried twice to kick that habit, obviously unsuccessfully. His green eyes were still bright and youthful though. Elliot smiled. "It's been a while. I'm doing pretty well. You?"

          "Eh." Andy shrugged. "Same old same old here. What brings you down here?"

          Elliot cleared his throat. "The Sweet Sixteen murders. That's our collar and we want to be involved in the investigation. We want to question Velez."

          Andrew nodded. "I see. I'm going to be putting Detective Jamerson undercover..." He was interrupted by an exasperated sigh from Ryan as she turned and walked away. Andy sighed. "She's not exactly thrilled."

          Serenity couldn't mask a smile. "So I noticed." She blushed. "Sorry, I've forgotten my manners. I'm Detective Serenity Brown; I'm new with the SVU team."

          "Look," Andy shifted his weight to his left foot, "I can let you guys in on what we're doing but you can't jeopardize any of our undercover agents by poking around our operation. Got it?"

          Elliot looked pissed, and rightfully so. "This man is raping and murdering sixteen-year-old girls!"

          "DETECTIVE STRATFORD!" Ryan was running down the hall holding a sheet of white printer paper. As soon as she reached, she took in a winded breath. "There's been two more murders. Only the victims were turning 18 and 13."

          "A copycat?" Serenity suggested softly.

          Andy shook his head. "A copycat wouldn't mess up the signature. He would have made sure to kill a sixteen year old, that's the trademark and if he missed that, what was the point?"

          Ryan's eyes were wide and she bit her lip. "Maybe he's broadening his horizons. Everything, even the unreleased notes to the SVU, was present. If this was a copycat, he's seen the scenes. Also, sixteen is sort of a 'coming of age' year, along with thirteen and eighteen, so it still fits psychologically."

          "His method's evolving." Andrew nodded, "That seems the most logical explanation. We should go to the scenes to make sure."

          "Scene."

          Andy turned to her, "What?"

          Ryan sobered, "They were sisters, Detective Stratford, both their birthdays are close. The older vic just turned eighteen and the younger is almost thirteen."

          "Bastard." Everyone's attention veered to Elliot, who was fuming.

                                                    ***

          Olivia grinned as Mariah woke from her nap. "Hey Sweetheart!" She was babysitting for Sam, ever since she called her extremely distressed the night before. Sam wouldn't, or couldn't, tell her for how long, just that Mariah couldn't stay with her father.

          Mariah smiled up at her. "G'Morning Liv'ya."

          It was actually more like noon, but she smiled nonetheless. She was beginning to worry a bit, Elliot usually tried to call her really quickly around noontime but she hadn't received a call yet. He was working a very taxing case though; she could see it when he came home. The bags under his eyes kept growing as he tossed and turned every night. Part of her wanted to intercede, while the other half of her knew as a cop that it wasn't her place. She had been furious when Elliot had put a protective detail on her once during their professional relationship, so who was she to intervene?

          "Liv'ya?" Mariah padded on to the tile of the kitchen floor and smiled at her. "Can I have pancakes for brey-fast?"

          Olivia smiled, Mariah's pronunciation made her wish more and more that her little boy were further along. She couldn't wait to see him struggling with words and grinning so broadly. "Pancakes? Okay Sweetie, one or two?"

          "Two!" She climbed up to a barstool at the breakfast bar and set her hands on the table anxiously. "With powdered sugar?"

          "If I have some."

          The tot's grin broadened. "Yay!" She paused for a few minutes. "When's Mommy coming back?"

          Olivia turned from the stove. "As soon as she's done working Mariah. It won't be much longer." In reality, she had at least five more hours but hopefully an hour or two of that would be spent taking a nap.

          Dishing out the pancakes on to Mariah's plate, she gasped as she felt the baby kick.

          "What's wrong Liv'ya?"

          A soft grin crossed Olivia's face. "My baby boy, he just said hi. Want to feel?"

          Mariah climbed out of the barstool and around to Olivia. Reaching as high as she could, she put a hand on the arch of Olivia's stomach, waiting. Olivia rearranged her hand to just where the newest Stabler boy had kicked her. "Can you feel anything?"

          Moments passed and then a wide and excited smile crossed Mariah's tiny little mouth. "What's his name?"

          "I'm not sure yet, actually. I was thinking Kyle but I haven't decided. I think El wants something more religious, like Daniel."

          Nodding, Mariah smiled and returned to her seat to eat her pancakes. "Thank you Liv'ya. I like Daniel too."

          Smiling at the little girl, Olivia gave in to her worries and punched Elliot's cell phone number in to the corded phone mounted in the kitchen.

                                                    ***

          Elliot sighed in frustration as his cell phone started to vibrate in his pocket. He already had Ryan being stubborn; El meant no disrespect but he didn't think he could deal with his hormonal fiancé at the moment. "Yes Sweetheart?"

          "Hi Elliot, I was just making sure you were okay," she didn't sound distressed but he could tell she missed him. He'd been very distant lately and he was beginning to regret it even more. "You usually call is all, I didn't mean to distract you, and I'll let you go."

          "Oh," Elliot seemed reluctant to let her go. "I'll see you tonight Liv. I promise I'll be home on time tonight. I love you."

          There was definitely some disappointment in her voice but with Ryan burning holes in his eyes with her glare, he had little choice. She finally sighed and responded, "I love you too. I'll have dinner ready when you get home. Bye."

          _Click._ He flipped the phone closed and returned it to its holster. _'It could have been worse, I suppose.'_ His attention was forced back to reality by Ryan's demanding voice.

          "Elliot. I won't play the victim! I'm willing to go undercover but not as bait! You and Detective Stratford are heartless to even suggest that!"

          Olivia's words rang in his head as he nodded. "Talk to Andy. I've got no say in this matter."

          Much to her dismay, she realized he was right and stormed off to find Detective Stratford, whom she still refused to call Andy or Andrew even.

          Serenity laughed faintly after she was out of earshot and the duo headed out of the DEA. "She's stubborn."

          "Just wait until Olivia gets back," he just gave her a moment's look and climbed into the driver's seat.

                                                    ***

          Olivia paced back and forth as Kathleen, Dickie and Elizabeth sat at the dinner table awaiting their father's arrival. She glanced at her watch. It was 19:30 already. She dialed his cell again; it was off. What the hell was going on? Olivia dialed Ryan's cell.

          "Jamerson." Ryan's voice was rushed and distracted.

          "Sam? It's Olivia. Do you know where El is?" Her voice was filled with worry after hearing Sam's wavering answer.

          Ryan sighed. "Olivia, he's at the hospital."

          "Oh God!" She gasped, "Is he okay?"

          "He's fine. It's Fin. He was shot as he and Munch were apprehending a perp." A guilty undertone in her voice alerted Olivia to the reason for Ryan's dismay.

          Olivia smiled faintly. "He'll be fine. It's not your fault, Sam. Tell El I'll have dinner in the fridge when he gets home. Give Fin my best."

          "Of course. Bye Olivia! I'll be by in an hour or so to pick up Mariah, promise."

          Silence filled the earpiece as Ryan hung up. Mariah padded out. "Where's Mommy?"

          "She'll be awhile longer, I'm sorry, Mariah." Swearing softly for loaning Maureen the car, she sat down helplessly and served dinner. Maureen's car was in the shop and now Olivia was stranded with no way to get to Fin at the hospital. Besides, she reasoned, she had the kids to watch after now. "Come on everyone, Elliot is checking up on one of our friends at the hospital, so eat up. He's going to be home later."

          The children were completely silent as dinner was politely eaten and the dishes cleaned. Slowly, Dickie milled up to his room to play X-box while Elizabeth migrated to the TV and Kathleen read to Mariah upstairs in the girls' room. Olivia painstakingly made her way upstairs and lay down on her bed. Her abdomen was sore as were her ankles. Placing a hand on her stomach and sighing heavily, she fiddled with her engagement ring as she fell fast asleep. Tomorrow was Ryan's Christmas Eve party...and Fin was in critical condition at Holy Hope Hospital. Merry Christmas everyone.

***End Chapter Thirteen***


	15. Merry Christmas

_"In the criminal justice system, sexually based offenses are considered especially heinous. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit. These are their stories."_

It Comes with the Badge

Last time:

_Placing a hand on her stomach and sighing heavily, she fiddled with her engagement ring as she fell fast asleep. Tomorrow was Ryan's Christmas Eve party...and Fin was in critical condition at Holy Hope Hospital. Merry Christmas everyone._

Chapter Fourteen

Merry Christmas

Ryan sat up and stretched her aching body. Her back stiffened argumentatively as she tried to stand. The florescent lighting of the hospital room invaded her vision and her eyes shunned their bold outcry. Finally, they adjusted and she saw Fin sleeping in the hospital bed next to the chair she'd slept in.

She faintly remembered Elliot leaving around twenty-two hundred to go home. Sam remembered him promising to take care of Mariah. So she'd stayed. From the looks of it, Fin was already improving. The GSW had punctured his lung, according to the doctors, but they'd spent a few hours in surgery and managed to repair it. His skin was already back to it's healthy color, and he groaned as she opened the creaking bathroom door. "Hey sleepyhead. I'll be right back."

When she reentered his room, he was trying to sit up. "Do you think you can..."

He cut her off. "I'm fine, alright? It's not like I've never been shot before!" She sure hadn't, then again, she had only worked homicide in Albany and Phoenix and almost no one actually shot at a cop.

Sam frowned. "Sorry."

Fin gave her a crooked grin. "My bad, it must be the morphine." A few moments of awkward silence passed between them. "I'll be at your party tonight, don't worry."

She doubted it but nodded nonetheless. In fact, she knew that if through some odd fluke he did make it to her house for the party, she'd drive him back to the hospital herself. Ryan stood up as her pager went off. "I've got to get down to the DEA. It's an emergency they say. Sorry." Giving an apologetic smile and promising to hurry back, Ryan ran out to the sedan she'd driven last night. _What in the hell happened now?_

Ryan ran up to Stratford's office. "What's up?"

He frowned. "Our only inside source is gone. We've got to send someone new in. Someone good. I need you to help me look for a..."

Sam cut him off, "I'll do it."

Andrew laughed. He grinned at her. "Good to see you still have your sense of humor."

Her grey eyes were stone cold and dead serious. "I'm not a familiar face so none of his buddies will recognize me. I'm young and I can pull off the ritzy girl role. I can do it Detective Stratford!"

When her partner realized she wasn't kidding, he frowned. "Ryan, you're new to the unit..."

She cut him off again. "Which is exactly why I need to prove my skills as an undercover detective!"

"This case is very important to several different police branches. Homicide, the DEA and your SVU squad."

Ryan's glare didn't fade. "I'm part of the DEA now. Maybe you didn't get the memo but you're my partner."

Detective Stratford sighed. "Alright. Fine. I'll bring it up at the strategy meeting this afternoon." He knew they'd never allow it but it beat arguing with her. She was more stubborn then Stabler ever was.

"There's a..." she stopped and frowned. "If you don't want me to help, fine, just say so, but you're sure as hell not getting anywhere without me!" Sighing exasperatedly, she stormed off to her desk and opened one of the files just to preoccupy herself. It was older sister who'd been murdered most recently. Her eyes locked on the picture of the girl and she bit her lip. Picking up the phone, she called Olivia.

Olivia had been up since before dawn. Her son wouldn't stop kicking and she couldn't sleep. She picked up a book she'd been reading. Another James Patterson novel that'd she purchased about a week ago. Elliot was sleeping next to her.

At seven, his alarm went off and he looked surprised to find Olivia was not there. He showered quickly and headed downstairs in khaki dress pants and a half-buttoned khaki shirt. By now he could smell the bacon and sausage. Kathleen was already downstairs and she was brushing Mariah's hair for her. Elliot kissed his daughter on the cheek and walked in to the kitchen. "You look beautiful."

Her brown eyes gave him a reproving look but she smiled. "Hope you're hungry."

"How long have you been up?" He finished tying his tie and kissed her gently, putting a hand on her stomach to greet his unborn son.

Olivia shrugged. "Four thirty or five, this little one wouldn't stop kicking." She patted her stomach ever-so-gently and continued flipping the last batch of pancakes.

The phone rang, and she picked it up eagerly. "Benson."

"Olivia? It's Ryan."

"Oh? What's up?" Olivia motioned to Elliot to finish up the pancakes while she walked in to the hallway. "Go ahead."

Ryan sighed. "How's Mariah?"

A warm smile crossed Olivia's lips and she turned to watch Elliot setting the table. "She's just fine. I think she misses her mommy though."

These words brightened Sam's day. "Well, tell her I'll see her tonight. The party's still on. Fin says he'll make it, I guess we'll see. Can you bring her or do I need to pick her up?"

She did a mental head count. "Well, Maureen has her own car too so we'll have two. That should be plenty. We'll bring her." Giving her a joyful good-bye, Olivia hung up the phone and sat down to breakfast with her new family.

The rest of Ryan's day passed at a painstakingly slow rate. Finally, at 3pm, she managed to get out early. Saying a brief good-bye to Detective Stratford, she sped home to set up the final preparations for her party. She blushed faintly when she entered and saw Ricky looking very distressed. "How many people am I cooking for tonight?" He'd seen the guest list on the counter.

Ryan smiled guiltily. "Umm..." Doing the math in her head, "Fourteen?" she replied nervously. "Is that okay?"

He looked annoyed. "Fine, fine." A smile broke across his face. "You better have bought enough wine for me too."

She grinned. "I'm sure a did." Loading the three bags on to the kitchen counter, she sighed. "I've got a few vegetarians I think, so try and cook up some salad too."

Ricky sighed in mock frustration. "You're lucky I'm an amazing chef." He loaded all the alcohol in to the fridge and started to get out some pans. "I'll be fine. Go get everything else ready!" He shooed her out of the kitchen.

Sam eagerly hurried out, double checking that all the bedrooms were set up. Then, she called Munch. "John, do you think you could pick up my mother on your way? She lives on your side of town.." John agreed, taking down the address. "She's paralyzed, but the wheelchair will fold in to any trunk. He gave her an 'okay' and they said their goodbyes, hanging up. Ryan made sure there was at least one gift for each person under the tree and then she sat down to check her e-mail. Much to her surprise, Christina had actually e-mailed her back.

_From: Christina (vivaldiandmerlotyahoo.com)_

_To: Samantha (Rjamerson16hotmail.com)_

_Subject: Re: (no subject)_

_Dear Samantha,_

_ While this comes as a bit of a shock to me, I want you to know that I still want to be with you. I'm sorry I haven't written in a while, they had to move me again. Mariah is a lovely name and I look forward to meeting your daughter when I come back. While I must comment on your poor choice of men, I hold nothing against you Sam. I love you. Keep in touch._

_ Always,_

_ Christina Richards_

Ryan smiled, she'd e-mail her back after the party. Ding dong. 'Speak of the devil...' She thought as she walked downstairs. "Coming!" She opened the door to see Fin, Cragen and Casey. "Hey!" She led them in, taking their coats and hanging them on the coat rack. "I'm so glad you could come!" Sam showed them to the Christmas tree, where they deposited their gifts. Next, she showed them where the bathroom was and returned to the living room. Fin had started up the stereo, playing some holiday music.

Casey smiled. "Let's break out the bubbly."

Fin laughed. "I didn't know you were that kind of girl Casey..." She rolled her eyes at him and followed Ryan in to the kitchen.

"We have club soda for you Don!" Ryan hollered.

He grinned. "Now this is my kind of party."

Fin grinned and hollered 'I'll get it!' when the doorbell rang. Ryan and Casey returned to the living room to see the Stablers, Olivia, and Mariah file in. Mariah ran in to the arms of her mother, and her mother returned the eager embrace.

"I missed you Sweetheart!" She smiled and kissed her forehead. "I've got a PS2 and a computer in the study if you want to entertain yourselves." She looked to Dickie, Kathleen and Elizabeth. "Take Mariah with you though, won't you?"

Dickie had already taken off. Elizabeth picked Mariah up. "I'd love to!" She grinned at the three-year-old and Kathleen followed them in to the study according to Fin's directions.

More presents were placed under the Christmas tree. Wine and club soda was served with some small entrées as Ricky introduced himself loudly and disappeared back in to the kitchen.

The last group finally piled in. They consisted of Munch, Mrs. Jamerson and Serenity. Once their gifts had been stored, the group settled on to the various couches. Mrs. Jamerson insisted on visiting the kids, wanting to see Mariah.

Ryan thanked Olivia again for watching her. "I hope she wasn't too much trouble. Her father... He's not in the condition to watch her at the moment." Her mouth the pulled tight in an expression of concern.

Olivia grinned. "First of all, I could use the practice. Secondly, she was no trouble at all. You have a wonderfully behaved toddler."

Fin laughed. "I thought they didn't exist." The group continued to converse, moving to the dining room as turkey, salad, and several other dishes were served. Ryan sat her mother next to her at the head of the table. The Stablers and Olivia took up another side of the table with Fin opposite Ryan at the other end. Munch, Cragen, Serenity and Casey sat along the other side. Mariah was on Ryan's right.

The meal was delightful. The food tasted spectacular, as Ricky continually mentioned, and the company was marvelous. The bond between the fellow detectives, family, and friends was quite obvious. Ryan put Mariah to bed after dinner and the kids retreated back to the study. Sam led her guests out to the back porch, turning on the lights. "Merry Christmas everyone!" It was exactly midnight.

"Merry Christmas!" They toasted, glasses of wine and club soda clanking jovially. Only a week until New Year's Day. All of them looked forward to the optimism of a new year as they celebrated the fabulous winter season.

The next morning, presents were opened and hugs were exchanged. Santa had brought Mariah a PlaySchool vanity and a Barbie Jeep. Olivia smiled broadly when Elliot gave her a silver locket with_ To Liv with love_ engraved on the back. Polite 'thank you's and zealous embraces were shared as they sat down to a marvelous Christmas breakfast. Alex was the only thing missing. Ryan tried to ignore it, but she couldn't help wishing she'd been there. Things broke up about five pm that evening and one by one they all filtered out. Ryan was left by herself, Mariah sleeping by the time everyone had left. Ricky waved goodbye and took off too. She decided to write Alex.

_From: Samantha (Rjamerson16hotmail.com)_

_To: Christina (vivaldiandmerlotyahoo.com)_

_Subject: Merry Christmas_

_Christina,_

_ I missed you terribly last night. I hope you're having a wonderful Christmas. Elliot and Olivia are getting married! I think there's something else you might want to know. I might be going undercover for the Velez case... I switched to the DEA while Olivia's on maternity leave. He's been raping and murdering young girls, Christina. One's that look just like Alex did. I won't be set up as a potential victim, I made sure, so don't worry. I'll let you know how it goes. I love you too, darling!_

_ Sincerely,_

_ Sammie_

End Chapter Fourteen


	16. Undercover

_"In the criminal justice system, sexually based offenses are considered especially heinous. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit. These are their stories."_

It Comes with the Badge

_Last time:_

_Christina,_

_ I missed you terribly last night. I hope you're having a wonderful Christmas. Elliot and Olivia are getting married! I think there's something else you might want to know. I might be going undercover for the Velez case... I switched to the DEA while Olivia's on maternity leave. He's been raping and murdering young girls, Christina. One's that look just like Alex did. I won't be set up as a potential victim, I made sure, so don't worry. I'll let you know how it goes. I love you too, darling!_

_ Sincerely,_

_ Sammie_

Chapter Fifteen

Undercover

Ryan bit her lip gently as Camellia Anders, the DEA's stool pigeon, introduced her to Cesár Velez. It took all her self-restraint to flirtatiously extend her hand and shake his. "I'm Cindy, Cindy Blakeford."

He kissed her hand with a repulsively wet kiss, "I'm sure you know who I am..."

Camellia smiled. "Cindy here's looking for someone to hook her and a few of her friends up. She says she's willing to pay top dollar."

Sam interrupted her, "Assuming I get top of the line material, that is."

Cesár's eyes were unabashedly wandering over her body. Ryan felt terribly uncomfortable in the miniskirt, stilettos, camisole and suit jacket she was wearing. It was definitely not her style, but with all the diamond bracelet, earrings and necklace that Detective Stratford had hung on her, she looked richer than Paris Hilton. "Of course, the lady will get the cream of the crop. Assuming, that is, that she shares her company with me as well."

Camellia nodded. "She's been so informed."

"Well," Ryan put her hands on her hips, "That depends on what sort of company you're expecting." She stood up straight. "I'll be blunt. You won't get sex out of me."

"But I'm available." A tall blonde, Ryan's co-worker, walked up to her side. "I'm Clarissa Reynolds. Cindy's best friend." Ryan couldn't believe Detective Kindra Laki was being so bold. This was only her third undercover op. She was wearing a white mini-skirt, a red tube top and red stiletto sandals.

Cesár's eyes explored her body with equal interest. "While your friend here is more my type, I suppose you will do." He turned back to Ryan. "You play hard to get, I like that." He gave a hearty laugh and a slimy smirk.

Ryan smiled. "I'll put on any sort of show you want, you can tell people we're together... The works, I just will not sleep with you."

Camellia looked impressed, but didn't say anything.

"Alright then, I'll take you both on board." He leaned back in his chair. "I can get you only so much a week until I know that I can trust you." He turned to stare straight at Ryan again. "I want you to attend a dinner with me tomorrow night. Some associates of mine from Columbia will be visiting. They're very important people so you will need to make a very important impression." He turned to Camellia, "Call Carmen and make sure she takes this girl shopping. This outfit won't do."

Ryan looked down at her outfit. What was wrong with it? "I'd love to."

Cesár grinned. "Take your friend, Clarissa, with you too. Anything you buy will be on me." He stood, embracing Clarissa first and then 'Cindy.' His hand roamed over her body as he embraced her, grabbing her ass firmly. She fought back her gag reflex and grinned, purring in his ear. _Don't blow your cover. Just act._

Pulling away from him, she kissed both sides of his face. "It was a pleasure doing business with you." She handed him a card. "That's my cell number on there."

"A lawyer? Wow..." He looked interested.

She smirked. "Defense lawyer, I handle the drug lords' cases quite often. It's all hush-hush. If you ever need help, you know who to call."

Clarissa extended her hand. "She'll contact me, I'm afraid my husband does the working at my house." Ryan bit back a snort, so Clarissa, a cop, was playing the ritzy bitch wife. Thrilling.

---

Olivia's stomach had swollen much larger in the past month and she was beginning to waddle around. February still held the icy bite of winter when she left to picked up the kids wrapped tightly in a sweater. Mariah sat in a car seat in the back. Turning on the radio, she headed to pick up Kathleen, Liz and Dickie.

---

Elliot sighed wearily as he arrived back at the station house. With the Velez case under the DEA's command, he and Serenity had little to do. As soon as he sat down though, a young girl walked in to the bull pen. Her pretty green eyes were red-rimmed and her cheeks tear-stained. He walked up to her quickly, "Can I help you?" From a closer vantage point she looked about ten years old.

She nodded slowly, her long red hair falling over her shoulder. "I think I'm pregnant." The young girl sobbed hard, leaning against his shoulder for support. Elliot motioned for Serenity to come over and she did.

Serenity sat on the other side of the young girl. "It's okay honey," she put an arm around her and freed Elliot to go talk to the Captain. "What's your name?"

"Lani Strell." More tears streamed down her cheeks.

"How old are you, honey?" The young detective spoke soothingly, trying to calm the young girl.

She sniffled, "Eleven and a half." Her fingers toyed with a tissue that she'd dampened and crumpled in her palm.

Serenity smiled. "It's okay Lani, you're okay. Do you know who the daddy of your baby is?"

Lani opened her mouth to speak before clamping it shut and looking desperately at Serenity. Serenity looked rather clueless, calling to Elliot for help. Elliot took one look at her and pointed to his right. "Down that hall on the left. Serenity, get her to the bathroom!"

Realization dawning on her, Serenity rushed the young girl to the bathroom and waited outside. After several moment, she heard the toilet flush, the sink run and then the door open. "Sorry." She looked terribly embarrassed.

"It's all right," Serenity led her out to her desk. "Now, do you know who the father of your baby is?"

Lani shook her head. "I'm not sure."

Now it was Detective Brown's turn to feel nauseated. "Well, have you slept with anyone recently?"

The young girl looked confused, "What do you mean? I sleep with Bobo."

"Who's Bobo?"

Lani grinned, "My toy clown."

Serenity did not have a good feeling about this. "Do you know what sex is, Lani?" She shook her head. Damn, someone had done a great job of sheltering this girl. Detective Brown took a deep breath, "Okay Sweetheart, I'm going to ask you a very personal question but it's important that you answer truthfully..."

She nodded slowly. "Alright."

"Has anyone ever touched you here," Serenity motioned to her own chest, "Or here?" she motioned between her legs.

Lani looked up at her with her intense green eyes and nodded slowly.

Serenity smiled supportively, "Alright, now can you tell me who?"

The ten year old shook her head. "No..."

"Why not?" And this had looked so promising... Serenity sighed.

"Daddy said I couldn't. I told him, and he said not to tell anyone."

Serenity looked to her partner. "You got the home address yet?"

Elliot held up a slip of paper, "Yeah." Serenity led Lani in to talk to George before pulling on her coat.

"The kid says she told her dad who molested her... But her dad told her to keep her mouth shut."

"Great, I've got the feeling we're going to be dealing with a lot of lawyers on this one." He frowned and headed out to the sedan.

---

Life was just getting more and more hectic with the four kids in the house. Olivia tried to order the pizza while Kathleen whined about needing the phone and Liz and Dickie argued in the next room. She covered the mouthpiece and glared at Kathleen, "Go tell your brother and sister to keep it down!"

Stomping her foot in irritation, Kathleen walked out of the room. Olivia finally finished the order and hung up the phone. Something wasn't right, she felt dizzy and the room began to spin. A sharp pain seared through her abdomen. "Kathleen!"

"I'm trying!" The girl yelled, thinking Olivia was talking about the bickering twins.

"Kathleen, call Maureen. I think there's something wrong with the baby." She couldn't very well drive herself to the hospital, she could hardly hold herself up. Kathleen ran in and stared at Olivia in shock a moment before picking up the phone and urging her sister to hurry over.

The young girl helped Olivia on to the couch. "Should I call 911?"

Olivia shook her head, "No, not yet." God it hurt, her whole lower body was searing with pain. She was only seven months along! The baby wasn't due for three months! Her mind raced at all the possibilities and it only make her worry more. "Get you sister and brother upstairs and have them play a game or something, I don't want them worried too. Oh, make sure the front door's unlocked first."

Kathleen nodded obediently as Olivia cringed again. Bloody hell! _If labor is worse than this than Elliot was SOL; one kid would have to suffice._

_---_

Ryan looked appalled at the short black cocktail dress that Carmen had picked out for her. It had a plunging v-neck that showed off her smaller breasts. Her long legs were accentuated by four-inch heels. She dreaded having to go out in this outfit. Carmen seemed to love it though and told her it was just right.

Clarissa was wearing a floor-length red dress that clung to her voluptuous curves. It too had a deep halter neckline, but her breasts were much more accentuated. As she stepped towards the mirror, a dangerously high slit crept up to her mid-thigh.

Weakly staring at herself in the mirror, Ryan sighed resignedly before going to take it off. Carmen would buy it, she would wear it. She had no choice, she had to do this. Ryan took a deep breath and slid back in to her business skirt and suit jacket. A chain of soft pink pearls dangled around her neck. She was dressed a lot like how Alex used to dress, and it made her miss the ADA more. Tonight she'd go to this event that Cesar was hosting, and she'd wear that dress, but she wouldn't have to like it. She was doing this for Alex, she couldn't mess it up. Taking a deep breath, she walked out of the dressing room.

---

"Mr. Strell? Detective Stabler, Manhattan SVU. This is my partner Detective Brown," he held up his badge and Serenity did the same, "We'd like to ask you a few questions."

A man with dirty blond hair and a receding hairline looked from Detective Stabler to Detective Brown. "Come in Detectives." He opened the door wider to let them by. "Is this about Lani?"

Serenity sat down on the couch in the living room, watching him intently. "Did you know that your daughter is pregnant?"

"What?" Mr. Strell looked alarmed.

Elliot smirked, "You're a good actor Mr. Strell, but your daughter told us that you already knew."

He shook his head, "No...She must've meant her mother's new husband. I haven't seen her in two years... Can I come see her?"

Serenity sighed, "I'm afraid that if you don't have at least partial custody that we can't allow it.

Elliot frowned, "Well, we could take you down for questioning... And you might happen to get a glimpse of her on the way..."

His eyes lit up, "Yes. Thank you."

Serenity looked at Elliot in surprise, "You know we shouldn't do this..."

Elliot shook his head, "I'll feel better for doing it. A man should be able to see his daughter, especially after finding out that she is pregnant."

Mr. Strell followed them out to the sedan, where he climbed in to the back and was escorted to the station.

Once they were in the interrogation, Elliot frowned. "Do you have your ex-wife's address? Or her name will do..."

"Um, yah. Her name's Janet Kross." He looked in the direction he'd seen his daughter. "How could she let this happen to her?"

Serenity left to look up the name as Elliot sat with him. "I'm not sure. Your daughter told us that her father, or now we're assuming she meant her step-father, knows who got her pregnant. We'll find out who it is."

Mr. Strell looked very stressed out, "Is she going to have the baby?"

Elliot shrugged, "A psychiatrist is with her now..."

Captain Cragen walked in, "Elliot..."

He walked out and joined the Captain. "What is it?"

"Serenity just called the Kross house... She's not been remarried. She's not even dating anyone..."

Elliot looked at the father through the two-way mirror. "Bastard." His fists were clenched in anger. He opened the door and glared at the man. "Thought you'd try and pull one over us!?"

Mr. Strell looked confused, "What?"

"Your ex-wife isn't remarried! Detective Brown just spoke with her on the phone!"

"That's not true!" He looked angry, "I did NOT know that my daughter was pregnant! I haven't seen her in two years! Have your psychologist ask her that!"

---

Olivia groaned loudly as her OB ordered her to stay off her feet, confining her to bed rest for the next three months. Maureen gave her a firm glance as she led her out to the car, "You'd better listen to her too. I'll pick up the kids from school. I'll tell the kids to make sure you aren't on your feet too much."

She shot the eldest Stabler girl a rather annoyed look. "I can't stay off my feet for _three months!_ I'll get so fat!" Olivia laughed faintly as she listened to herself.

Maureen smiled, "You'll be fine, now let's get you home and call Elliot."

End Chapter Fifteen


	17. Closure

_"In the criminal justice system, sexually based offenses are considered especially heinous. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit. These are their stories."_

It Comes with the Badge

* * *

Last time:

_Olivia groaned loudly as her OB ordered her to stay off her feet, confining her to bed rest for the next three months. Maureen gave her a firm glance as she led her out to the car, "You'd better listen to her too. I'll pick up the kids from school. I'll tell the kids to make sure you aren't on your feet too much."_

_She shot the eldest Stabler girl a rather annoyed look. "I can't stay off my feet for _three months_! I'll get so fat!" Olivia laughed faintly as she listened to herself._

_Maureen smiled, "You'll be fine, now let's get you home and call Elliot."_

* * *

Chapter Sixteen

Closure (I swear I didn't mean to steal the episode title!)

Elliot, who was already strained about his current case, nearly lost it when Maureen called. Stress related complications, she'd explained. Olivia was confined to bed rest for the duration of her pregnancy. His mind finally started playing with the ideas that Olivia's health, and the baby's health, were in danger. There was always a chance of further complications. He wanted nothing more than to be home with is lovely fiancé right now, but Serenity called him back to reality. Reality was the station house; reality was the pregnant ten-year-old whose case they were working.

"Elliot," she repeated. He frowned but looked up to her. Serenity shook her head, "You need sleep. I can go interview the mother myself..."

He shook his head, "I'm fine... I'm fine..." Climbing to his feet, Elliot grabbed his coat and the keys to the sedan. "Got an address?"

Serenity nodded. "Right here."

"Let's go." They headed out.

---

So far, so good. Ryan had done surprisingly well undercover thus far, even Andrew couldn't refute that fact. Her stomach turned at the very sight of Velez, but she'd kept her cool. After he'd found she was willing to pay, he'd become more interested. She wasn't sure he trusted her yet, but it was definitely progressing.

Putting in her pearl earring, she smiled. Alex had written her again. Things were going better, she said. Ryan told her how well the op was going and that she was optimistic about the whole thing. She climbed in the back of her limousine escort and lit a cigarette. The tobacco soothed her ragged nerves. Just a little while longer, and this would be over. Alex would return and her life would start to make sense again. Ryan sighed, resting her head against the seat.

--- Two Months Later ---

"Detective Ryan Samantha Jamerson," Ryan repeated her full name for the court. Cesár Velez was sitting behind the defense table dressed in an Armani suit with a firm look on his face. Her hands were getting clammy, she was nervous. Returning her gaze to Casey Novak, Ryan smiled softly. Watch Novak, forget Velez. Casey was relying on her to be a solid witness, now she had to finish this up, so Alex could come home.

---

Olivia cringed as she stepped down from the final step. Maureen helped her to the kitchen, much to Olivia's dismay. She hadn't fired a gun in nine months, and now she needed help getting down stairs? It was too much for the independent and determined detective. "I must say, I love feeling him kick every time he does, but I can't wait for him to get out of there."

"I doubt you're alone in that aspect," Maureen smiled. "Lizzie's going mad wanting to play with him and Dad worries about you like crazy." She started chopping up a salad. "I wouldn't worry about the weight if I were you though, you'll be slim and trim in no time."

Honey-colored eyes watched Maureen scathingly, "I hadn't even mentioned weight gain. I just want to be able to go up a flight of stairs without needing a nap halfway up." She smiled goodheartedly.

Maureen washed the lettuce, "Dad called while you were asleep, he said he should actually be home on time tonight. He's in court."

"I know," she grinned. "I picked out his suit this morning. Just because my stomach rivals that of a whale doesn't mean I'm shirking my motherly duties."

She laughed, "I noticed that someone had given Dickie, Liz and Kathleen sack lunches... I had hoped it was Dad."

Olivia grinned sheepishly, "I can't help it. Three months of doing nothing... It's torture."

Maureen smiled, "Look at it this way: Only one month left!"

---

Elliot was relieved to be off the stand and he was even further comforted by Serenity's terrific testimony on the stand. That scumbag of a boyfriend that Janet Kross had been seeing had knocked her daughter up. What a world they lived in. Elliot still felt bad for punching Arthur Strell... But just the thought of him having lied sent Elliot in to a rage. Luckily, he hadn't pressed charges.

Serenity spoke about the girl's first appearance in the station house and talked about the case's progression. When the jury reached a verdict, Janet Kross was convicted of accessory after the fact and Mickey, her boyfriend, got eight years for statutory rape. Elliot decided his work was done for the day, said good-bye to the Captain and headed home.

---

"Daddy!" Elizabeth came running down the stairs and in to his arms.

"Hey honey!" Dickie followed and Mariah appeared around the corner with a look of disappointment. She must've been hoping to see her mother. He sighed softly, hugging and kissing Dickie. After the two kids had headed back upstairs, he knelt down next to Mariah. "And how was your day, Sweetheart?"

She gave him an apprehensive smile, "Good. 'Liv'ya teached me my name."

Elliot picked her up and carried her upstairs on his hip, "Is that so?"

Mariah nodded, "M-A-R-I-A-H." A grin crossed her lips.

"That's right! Wow! What a smart girl you are!" He walked with her in to the master bedroom where Olivia was impatiently resting. "And I've got good news for you too!"

She looked up anxiously. "What? What?"

He grinned, "Your mommy just finished up her undercover op. today so she'll be home tonight or tomorrow night!"

Olivia smiled brightly from the bed, sitting up. "That's great!" Mariah was jumping up and down enthusiastically before running around the room chanting "Mommy's coming home" with excitement.

Elliot kissed Olivia on the cheek softly, "I love you, 'Liv."

She blushed. No matter how long he was away at work, he always made up for it. She kissed him back, earning a disgusted look from Mariah. "I love you too, El."

---

Ryan rang the doorbell at a little past eight in the evening. Kathleen answered with a smile. "Hey, is Olivia still up?"

Kathleen nodded, letting the detective in and calling Olivia's name. "She's in the bedroom."

"Oh, I don't mean to be a bother, I'll just go upstairs." She started up the stairs, giving Kathleen a final smile. Ryan was greeted with a massive hug around her knees from her daughter as she looked at Olivia. "The jury hasn't reached a verdict yet, but they've been sequestered since the beginning so I'm just praying they find him guilty before he can get to them."

Mariah whined to be picked up and Ryan picked her up, covering the girl in soft kisses. Olivia smiled softly, "I'm glad you got him. You're a real good cop, Ryan."

She blushed, "Thanks. And thanks for watching Mariah, I know she can be a handful."

Olivia shook her head, "It's great training. I'll be lucky if Evan behaves as well as she does."

"Evan? So you've decided on a name. It's lovely." She grinned.

The mother-to-be beamed, "Evan Delaney Stabler."

Ryan chuckled softly, "Sounds like a lot of research went in to that name."

"Elliot wanted a religious first name and Evan means 'God is good,'"

A small 'o' formed around Ryan's lips. "And Delaney?"

Olivia frowned, "I just liked the sound of it..."

Ryan could tell she was lying easily, but decided to simply look the name up later. "It _is_ pretty."

"You going to be okay in that big manor by yourself tonight?" she looked concerned.

Her friend brushed it off nonchalantly, "Yah, I'll have Mariah for company anyway." She gave her now sleeping daughter a kiss on the cheek.

---

Christina tried again, the line just kept ringing. The WPP had just called her twenty minutes ago... Life without chance for parole meant that Christina could finally go home... But to what? Samantha wasn't even answering!

---

Ryan got home and passed the sleeping Mariah over to Rick, who eagerly coddled her. She smiled softly, joking with him before noticing the red blinking light on her answering machine. Three messages. Mariah started crying and she looked back to her lovely blonde daughter, carrying her up to bed.

Around eleven, she rushed inside to the sound of the phone. "Jamerson," she said nonchalantly on the fourth ring.

"Sammie?"

She dropped her water bottle on to the floor, her eyes wide with shock. "Alex?"

Soft laughter, trying to conceal tears, echoed on the other line. "Yes, it's me."

The number was a Colorado number... "What're you doing in Colorado?"

"Packing," she said, wiping tears from her eyes and sniffling.

Ryan gathered herself together and picked up the bottle, "When does your plane get in?"

Christina couldn't keep the grin off her face. "Four p.m. tomorrow..."

"I'll pick you up, love." Glee filled her, she felt like she could fly if she truly wanted. "It feels so good to finally hear your voice!"

"Same here, you didn't terrific undercover... Or so I hear." She laughed softly.

Ryan's expression looked slightly perplexed, "Who told you?"

Christina chuckled, "I can't say. Just know that you impressed quite a few people upstairs..."

A blush broke across her cheeks. "I won't be able to sleep tonight!"

"I'll let you go, I've got a few more hours of packing left. I'll see you tomorrow, Samantha?"

She grinned, "Yes, of course. Good night, Alex." God, it felt so good to say her name.

Alex responded in kind, "Good night. I love you." _Click._

How cute! She'd gotten embarrassed! Chuckling softly to herself, Ryan set the phone back in its cradle and took off her gloves. She'd need the rest. Tomorrow would be a big day.

* * *

End Of Chapter Sixteen

Finally updated! wOOt!


	18. Welcome Home Alex

_"In the criminal justice system, sexually based offenses are considered especially heinous. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit. These are their stories."_

It Comes with the Badge

* * *

Last time: 

_Alex responded in kind, "Good night. I love you." Click._

_How cute! She'd gotten embarrassed! Chuckling softly to herself, Ryan set the phone back in its cradle and took off her gloves. She'd need the rest. Tomorrow would be a big day._

* * *

Chapter Seventeen 

Welcome Home

As soon as Alex had hung up, Ryan had called Olivia and told her the good news. Then, she had run down stairs and told Rick, the chef, that tomorrow would call for a grandeur celebration. Alex was returning. By one a.m. she realized how slim the chances of actually sleeping were. Finally conceding to pull an all-nighter, she pulled another bottle of lemon Propel © from her fridge and made a date with her punching bag. The sun came up before she stopped, finally resigning around 5 to take a shower, take Mariah and stop by work before stopping by sex crimes to see the squad.

Trying for warm water would've been futile, they were having a rather chilly April, so Samantha settled for enjoying the cold water. Pulling on a pair of pinstripe dress pants, she put a white camisole on, the matching jacket and teardrop pearl earrings. Her hair went up in a messy ponytail and she woke Mariah by half past six.

"Sweetheart?" the detective shook her daughter to rouse her from her sleep.

Mariah's bright blue eyes opened reluctantly, "Good morning, Mama."

Ryan smiled, "Ready to go to Mommy's work and then meet Alex?"

She nodded sleepily and sat up, wiping the sleep from her eyes. Ryan remained on the edge of the bed as Mariah picked out a cute pink corduroy dress and a white undershirt for it. Dressing herself perfectly, Mariah smiled and picked out small white socks with lace frill on them. By this time, Ryan had located her white dress shoes and sat them next to her with a pink corduroy hat. "Mommy, who is Alex?"

Sighing softly, Samantha hoisted Mariah in to her arms and carried her down the stairs. "Alex and Mommy love each other very much. She's the one who let us stay in this big beautiful house. She's going to be staying here with us."

"But what about Daddy?" Mariah looked up doubtfully.

"Well, Daddy doesn't love Mommy anymore, Mariah. He still loves you very much but he and I just couldn't live happily ever after. Hopefully, Alex and Mommy will be able to." She smiled, struggling to be supportive. Children always managed to ask the hardest questions...

---

The entire flight seemed awkward, from getting a boarding pass under her name again to sitting there (an hour early) and feeling like every single person was watching her. Her luggage was pulled tight against her legs and her black business skirt reached her knees. Tucking another piece of her black hair behind her ear, she glanced around wearily. Would it be this bad when she switched plans in Chicago? Lord, she hoped not. Playing with her black purse and fixing her suit jacket, she exuded nervousness. Her boyfriend had called. Well, her cover boyfriend. He was gay, but the fact that they went out all the time kept other guys from trying. It served its purpose both ways. Girls didn't approach him and Alex didn't have to fend off men. His name was Jeffrey Tiner.

That was one person Alex would miss. She had explained to him that her stay here was merely temporary... But she had been unable to say more. This morning, she'd sent him flowers, daisies were his favorite, with a long card explaining she truly lived in New York and she left her phone number. She was sure he'd be angry for her betrayal and lies, but it was still worth a try. Ryan would get along nicely with Jeff, he reminded her quite a bit of her lover. Ah, Samantha... It had been so long. She'd missed Christmas and New Year! But, she would get to see this lovely daughter of hers.

---

Olivia sighed sadly. It was noon and she still hadn't gotten out of bed. She just didn't feel like. She didn't have the energy today. Maureen had taken the kids to school. She would be indebted to that girl forever at this rate. Placing a hand on her stomach absentmindedly, she cringed in pain. A searing pain split through her abdomen and her stomach felt hard. It faded and she let out a ragged sigh. She wasn't due for two more months... She couldn't be going in to labor. When a second one came, Olivia called 911. "911 emergency services, what is your emergency?"

"This is Detective Olivia Benson, badge number-" She blushed and realized this was a personal matter, she couldn't use her badge! When another contraction rocked her body, she decided that it wouldn't be so bad to do it this once. She repeated her badge number and address, praying the ambulance would hurry.

---

"What's with the kid?"

Ryan rolled her eyes, readjusting Mariah on her hip. "Andrew, really, haven't we matured enough to form a half-way coherent thought? Assuming you were asking me who the child on my hip is, I'd tell you it's my daughter, Mariah, and that I'm leaving work early today to pick up my girlfriend. That's why she's here."

Detective Stratford gave her a reproving glance. "The usual ray of sunshine again today, eh?"

She glared back at him, "Well maybe if the company at my job were better, I'd be in a better mood!" Setting her daughter down in the elevator, she pressed floor eleven.

"Hey, listen..." he sighed. "That was good work you did on the Velez case, and your testimony took real cojones."

Ryan laughed softly, "So am I 'one of the boys' now?"

He gave her a reluctant look before shrugging and nodding, "I'm not sure Englehard will accept you, but Grimes and I think you're all right."

Mariah took her mother's hand, "My mommy's da bestest copper out dere!"

Andy laughed, "The kid might even get you bonus points. Unless she's not potty-trained."

Samantha swatted him with her newspaper, "She's fine. It's only for one day anyway."

He looked down at her, "How old?"

"Three," she said, hoisting her back up as the door opened. "You have kids?"

Andy sighed, "Yah, three. Two boys and a girl. Two in high-school and one in diapers." He chuckled.

Ryan set her child on the desk chair. "What're their names?"

"Winona, Mari, and Brian. Mari's the youngest," he looked very nostalgic. "Mariah is your only child?"

She smiled softly, "Yah. I don't intend on having another either. Sounds like a lot of thought went in to those names..."

Andrew looked embarrassed, "The wife's that way... That's all."

"I see. Well, we got anything new to work on?"

He headed over to his desk, "I've been working something while you've been off flirting with death." He chuckled, "Not very big, we just think there are some guys dealing to high school kids on 88th... We tried to shake 'em up and get names from higher up, but they stone walled us."

Ryan batted her eyelashes, "I could give it a try..."

"We don't work like that here," he said sternly.

She glared, "I was just trying to help. But, I can tell you right now that Fin, from the SVU, used to work in Narcotics, he's got interrogation down to an art."

Andrew frowned, "I suppose it couldn't hurt."

"I'll send him up when I stop by," she replied tartly. "Is there anything else, or can I go?"

Detective Stratford flipped through the files on his desk. "The Velez paperwork is due by the end of the week, but that's all we're currently working on."

She nodded, "I'll have the paperwork tomorrow."

Detective Grimes knocked on their office, "Actually, Jamerson, could you spare a minute?"

"Um-" Detective Jamerson looked at Andrew, hoping he'd watch Mariah a moment.

Sighing, he nodded. "Go ahead, I'll watch the diablita."

Laughing softly, Ryan followed Benjamin out of the office. "What's up?"

Grimes turned the corner, opening the door to his office. "There's been a threat phoned in, on your life."

Detective Jamerson sighed, "In connection to my testimony at the Velez trial?"

He gave a grim nod. "I'm afraid so. WPP is waiting outside."

She shook her head adamantly, "I will not go in to hiding. They want to come after me, they can go ahead and try. Velez was the ring leader, with him gone all that are left are his lackeys. I took down Velez, I will not back down to his cohorts."

"That's all well and good but you have a daughter to think of as well, Ryan."

That was the first time she could recall Detective Grimes calling her by her first name. "They won't lay a hand on my daughter either." Her voice was determined.

With a reluctant sigh, Detective Grimes nodded. "No one can force you to go in to the WPP, we can only recommend it. I want to tell you, not as your superior officer, but as your friend, that I am afraid for you. Velez being locked away leaves room for someone to fill his shoes. I don't want to see you hurt."

Ryan gave him a polite smile. "I won't get hurt."

His exasperation was evident, "As you chose. I'll relay it to higher authority. Get out of here, enjoy your first day back by not coming in."

"Thanks, Ben." She waved to him, granted him a wink and walked out to hoist her daughter in to her arms. As she faded from view, her hips swayed under the weight of her three-year-old daughter.

---

Olivia cringed as they removed the IV, allowing her to leave.. They had told her that she hadn't been in labor, simply experiencing contractions. Explaining that it was a sign that perhaps she would deliver soon, the doctor left. Olivia pondered this awhile, she _was_ eight and a half months along, but doctors always recommended ten months... She frowned, regardless, she had to get home before anyone could suspect and worry about her.

Calling a taxi, she made it home hardly ten minutes before Maureen led the kids in. "How was your day?" Maureen seemed concerned that she was even up and about.

Giving her most convincing smile, she turned to face Maureen. "Uneventful." _'Any day now there'd be quite an event if the doctor was right...'_ she thought mischievously.

"I'm glad to hear that," she started fixing a snack for her siblings. Kathleen was already up in her room, Dickie was playing video games that were audible from the kitchen and Liz was one the living room couch watching T.V.

Olivia frowned, noticing that only the younger two had greeted her today. Working her way laboriously upstairs, she knocked on Kathleen's door. "Kathleen, honey? Are you okay?"

Kathleen shook her head tersely.

"Something wrong? Is it Jeremy again?" She sat on her bed.

The teenager looked shocked that Olivia remember her emotional bout with Jeremy a few months back. "No."

She was persistent. "What then?"

"Do you think Dad would let me have a boyfriend?"

Olivia chuckled, she couldn't hide her excitement. "I'm sure he would, if the boy came over for dinner once or he got to meet him."

Kathleen seemed discouraged, "He'll scare him away!"

"If you can gain my approval, I talk it over with him." She smiled. "For starters, how old is he?"

Having already seen Olivia's persuasive power over her father, this seemed like an ideal opportunity. She managed a smile herself. "Seventeen."

Olivia nodded, this was not outrageous. Kathleen was staring down the barrel at her sixteenth birthday in just twenty-three says. So a year and a half or so age difference, that's not too bad. Elliot was four years her senior. A/N: Anyone know the real difference? I thought I'd put El at 42 and Liv at 38… "Name?"

"Jerry."

Her heart leaped in to her chest. God, after eight months that name still made her blood run cold. She still had nightmares... Olivia managed to swallow the lump in her throat and gave a delayed nod. "He go to your school?"

Kathleen was eyeing her with concern as she nodded. "He's a junior. He plays baseball."

Olivia smiled to dismiss Kathleen's concern. "Does he get good grades?"

"He's got a 3.4... He wants to go to Columbia." She seemed proud of him.

"Terrific," she grinned. "I'm sure Elliot will have no problem. When's he coming over for dinner?"

Kathleen pleaded silently as she watched Olivia. "We wanted to go to a movie on Friday night!"

She shrugged nonchalantly, "So have him over Thursday for dinner. He can come over after school."

Conceding with a sigh, she nodded. "You shouldn't cook for all of us, you need rest. I can call in a pizza."

Olivia looked offended, "You most certainly will not! I bought a whole new cookbook so I could learn how to cook for you all and I'm going to use it!" The two laughed softly before Olivia brushed a hair from her cheek. "You sure are growing up, you know that?"

She rolled her eyes in a manner Olivia had seen from the girl since she was ten. "Don't get nostalgic on me."

"Big word, trying to intimidate me?"

Kathleen laughed. "How'd you know?"

Smiling a moment, Olivia allowed a moment of silence. "Your dad is so proud of you, you know that? I'm sure your mother would be too."

It had been a while since anyone had mentioned Kathy, and Kathleen merely nodded firmly. "I know she watching over us. That's enough for me. She's in a better place, no matter how good it was down here."

Olivia nodded, "You're a strong girl. Keep it up." Smiling once more, she hauled herself to her feet and padded out of the room. Making it painstakingly down the stairs, she turned to Liz. "Hey, Lizzie, would you mind helping me in the kitchen?"

Switching the television off, she nodded. "Will you teach me how to cook?"

"I was hoping you would teach me..." Olivia laughed, ruffling the girls hair as they walked in, deciding what to cook for dinner.

---

"Sammie?"

The voice she'd longed to hear for almost eight months now was drifting from behind her. Turning around eagerly, her eyes searched the groups of people. There was a woman with black hair to her shoulder blades and a rich tan. Her eyes were green and she didn't wear glasses. "Christina? A- Alex?" She asked dubiously.

The woman nodded, a smile gracing her lips as she walked forward to embrace the girl. Her voice whispered softly in her companion's ear as they held the prolonged embrace. "God, I've missed you."

Tears were forming in Ryan's eyes and she merely nodded. One hand on Alex's lower waist to hold her close and one buried in her hair to prevent her from moving. "You look so different, but I'd never forget that smile..."

Mariah whined impatiently. "Mama!"

Laughing softly through her watery eyes, she reluctantly pulled away. "Mariah, honey," she knelt down, "This is Alex. The girl I told you about?"

Alex sat down in the chair beside where Mariah was sitting. "It's a pleasure to meet you."

The girl's blue eyes searched Alexandra's curiously. Finally, as if okaying the woman's presence, she opened her arms, standing in the chair and hugging her. "Welcome home, Mommy missed you."

Ryan sighed with relief. "Do you have bags?"

Alex nodded, "Three." She stood, taking in Ryan's form for a moment to see what had changed. Her eyes drifted over the pale skin, the lovely yet ever so faint curves and the beautifully long legs she'd always admired. She looked thinner, and soft laugh lines were visible from close-up, but she was surprisingly the same. Good, she had been worried Ryan would have moved on. Left her in the past... Smiling, she thankfully took Ryan's hand as her detective counterpart hoisted little Mariah in to her arms and adjusted her on to her opposite hip.

"It _is_ okay to call you Alex now, right?" Ryan squeezed her hand softly.

"Yes," she smiled. "I'll be a blond in a few weeks too. The contacts I might keep a while, I like them."

Ryan laughed, thanking Mariah for wiping the tears off her cheek. "It seems like it's been years."

Alex gave a disheartened nod. "It could have been, if you hadn't done such great work."

"I had a great motivator," she grinned.

Raising their joined hands, she kissed the top of Ryan's softly. "Thank you. I owe you my life, really."

Ryan shook her head, "No, you don't. You let me stay in that house, you let me furnish it. I'd say it's at least even."

---

"We've got a third vic," Captain Cragen's all too unenthusiastic voice called through the station house as he pinned a new picture on the board. "Stacey Larson, 22. Same MO and right on schedule."

Munch growled, "Guys like this tempt me to believe in a hell... Just so I can condemn them."

Fin smirked, "But then you'd end up there yourself."

Giving them both sharp looks, he noticed George coming in. "Do we have any leads?"

Serenity shook her head. "As usual, everyone and their mother was busy at the time of the first two crimes. No one's coming forward with anything. All we know is he's strangling them and dressing them in bathrobes afterward..."

Cragen turned to George, "What's your take on this so far?"

He sighed, "Clothing them after the commission of the rape and murder could be a sign of regret. Perhaps he doesn't mean to kill them, he loses his temper when they refuse him... So, he definitely has a low self-esteem and a negative opinion of women."

"Terrific," Serenity murmured.

John shook his head, "Has any man with a _high_ opinion of women ever raped and strangled them?"

Cragen shook his head, this was not the time for sarcasm. With the sweet sixteen murder case under wraps, the SVU was getting more press than usual. This meant they had to work better than usual, which was hard when they were short two weathered detectives and they had a new serial killer on their hands.

"Did he leave anything with the body this time?" Elliot looked deep in thought. "Last time, he left crosses on them... One gold, one silver."

Captain Cragen nodded, "Platinum this time."

Fin growled, "Damn, this habit of his won't be cheap."

"There are diamonds laid in the center of the crosses too. Diamond are clear gems, maybe symbolizing purity?" Serenity was watching the FBI psychiatrist for confirmation.

George nodded as the three male detectives all watched her in a state that much resembled shock.

Don smiled, "I like it, that sounds good. Now, any possible perps?"

Elliot shook his head, "Both husbands have solid alibis and we're not sure whether or not to suspect other family members..."

Dr. Huang mimicked Elliot's negative response. "I don't think this was done by a family member or someone who knew them intimately. I think the intimacy involved in strangulation is meant to bring the perp closer to his victims with the diluted idea that he belongs with them."

"So all we really know is we've got a sick fuck on our hands, as usual." Fin sighed.

The group was interrupted by Ryan walking in to the bullpen with Mariah and another young woman. All the detectives started at the new face curiously after giving Ryan the standard amiable greeting. A grin crept over Ryan's face. "None of you recognize her?"

Elliot looked up, "Should we?"

Alex laughed, "I'd hope so."

Munch stood up, "Alexandra?"

Fin shook his head, "Can't be... She's..." He watched her. "Alex?"

Don was gaping, having already made the connection. "I- I'm not sure what to say. Welcome back, Alex."

She blushed softly, "Thank you all."

George smiled at her, "You look nice."

Alex crinkled her nose, "It's not me."

Serenity couldn't help but feel out of place at the moment, never having known the former ADA.

"Well, I just thought we'd stop by. I'm heading over to visit Olivia." Her eyes drifted across the room.

Elliot grinned, "Tell her I'll be late again."

Ryan gave him a falsely reproving glare. "All right." Her grey eyes fell on Fin, "Detective Stratford could use you at the DEA if Don can let you go for a little while."

Don frowned, "Don't start with me. We'll discuss it later." Fin and Ryan grinned at one another. Munch was muttering something incoherent that indubitably mentioned government conspiracy and Don looked stressed. Too stressed. Ryan gave him an apologetic smile.

Waving politely and exchanging amiable farewells, the two women departed.

"Wow," Elliot said bluntly.

Don gave a weak nod, all of them still staring at the doors the women had disappeared through. "Well put."

Clearing his throat, Much approached the board, holding one of the profiles in his hands. "Did the second vic have a child?"

Elliot snapped out of his trance, flipping open the manila folder. "Affirmative. A three-year-old girl."

He looked to Fin, "The first?"

Fin took a moment to peruse the documents, "Four and a half, also female."

Munch nodded. "Victim number three had a daughter that was two and a half. That can't be a coincidence."

"Connection? Maybe how he picks the vics?" Serenity was idly devouring the end of her bic pen.

George nodded, "Were any of the children present at the scene?" Three negative response caused a frown to form on his thin lips. "Were they single moms?"

Elliot nodded, "Widow."

"Divorced," Fin read off.

Munch sighed, "Father unknown..."

His eyes narrowed, "Well, the widow doesn't particularly fit... Maybe he didn't realize the father was dead, just noticed his absence. Perhaps he raped the women as punishment for neglecting their children and leaving them at... Say... A daycare? Then he regrets it, wraps them in a bathrobe and strangles them out of desperation, he knows they'd turn him in if he let them live..."

Serenity shook her head, "You men are sick."

Fin laughed softly, earning a mock glare from Munch. "We're not sick, if the government didn't control the media then men wouldn't have to play up to this misconstrued conception of the hyper-masculine male..."

"John," Don motioned for him to calm down. "There's no government link to the vic or the perp, let's stick to the case."

Elliot couldn't mask a grin.

---

Ryan walked back in to the bedroom timidly, "Hey."

"She fall asleep?" Alex was lying on the bed, a book below her and open.

Nodding, she sat on the edge of the grandeur canopy bed. "How you feeling?"

Alex gave a soft nod, sliding her newly replaced glasses off her face. "All right. A bit overwhelmed. So much has changed. Elliot's ex-wife... Olivia... You're child... A new detective... It doesn't seem like the same world."

Ryan smiled at her softly, noticing that the ever-so-faint curve in her eyebrows were the same as they had always been, her face still had the soft contours that made her the beauty that was Alexandra Cabot. "I missed you so much."

She sat up and put her book on the nightstand. "We'll have plenty of time to catch up."

"We'd better," Sam boldly leaned in and kissed her.

A rosy blush colored the former prosecutor's cheeks. "But, the sooner we start... The better."

Ryan chuckled and switched off the bedside lap. "I completely agree, Counselor."

* * *

---End Chapter Seventeen--- 


	19. Worst Case Senario

"In the criminal justice system, sexually based offenses are considered especially heinous. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit. These are their stories."

It Comes with the Badge

* * *

Last Time:

_A rosy blush colored the former prosecutor's cheeks. "But, the sooner we start... The better."_

_Ryan chuckled and switched off the bedside lamp. "I completely agree, Counselor."

* * *

_

Ryan strutted in to work the next morning about ten minutes late with a broad grin on her face. "Morning, Andy."

Andrew looked up in a state of quasi-shock. "Ryan..." The first words out of her mouth were usually "where's the coffee" or "damn it's early" or some other complaint along those lines. He watched as if she carried the black plague in her blood. "How are you?"

She smiled at him, "Pretty good. You?" Sitting down at her desk, she smoothed her khaki skirt down and crossed her legs.

"I'm fine," he shook his head a moment.

Ryan pulled a picture frame out of her messenger bag, it was over 6 months old... She smiled at it reminiscently before setting it on her desk. Alexandra had begged her to get a new one, but she loved the pictures Alex had left at her door before... Well, that didn't matter now. Alexandra was home, with her. She turned to her partner, "So what now?"

Andy shrugged, "We've got two minor cases, one in Jersey and one in California."

She cringed, the idea of leaving Alex for any amount of time sounded painful. "I see."

_Knock. Knock._ The two turned to the door. Detective Grimes looked straight at Ryan as he poked his head in . "I need you."

Looking perplexed, she nodded and stood up. Shrugging to Andy, she followed Benjamin out. "Yes, sir?"

He shook his head, "I'm not the one who wants you. Mr. Rogelio Guevara wants you."

"Oh," she replied plainly. "Where is he?"

Grimes watched her closely, "He's upstairs, I'll show you to the office."

Ryan nodded complacently, "You seem uptight, what's wrong?

"Jamerson, do you know who Mr. Guevara is?" He watched her closely.

She shook her head, "Not a clue. Why, is he some big shot I should know about?"

Benjamin looked astounded. "He's the Chief Inspector of the DEA, Ryan. He's as big as they come, hell, you might as well have the Administrator breathing down you neck."

A chill ran up her spine. "What could he want with me?"

He opened the door for her, "Go find out."

---

Olivia sighed softly, "Don't."

Alex looked at her in surprise. "It's no trouble. You watched Mariah for Ryan all those times, now you need to rest. You've got two weeks left... I can pick up the kids from school for you. I don't have a job, I have no obligations. It's fine."

"I'm tired of being babied! I'm a full grown woman and I can take care of myself!" she grumbled exasperatedly.

Her companion nodded, "But you aren't just taking care of yourself. You're taking care of yourself, that baby, Elliot's children and this house. That's a bit much, even for a full grown woman."

Olivia gave her a death glared, "Lawyers."

Laughing, Alex took her keys from her. "I'll be back in twenty minutes. Don't over-exert yourself." Having said that just to annoy Olivia, the ex-ADA made a dash for her car with a wink and drove out of the driveway.

After closing the door, Olivia sighed. God, feeling useless was the worst feeling ever. Her phone started ringing, only leading her to realize both handsets were upstairs. Trudging up as quickly as she could, she heard the message machine pick it up. "Detective Benson? Do you know who this is? I was just wondering how you were doing... How's my son? I've heard you're expecting... Don't worry, I'll call back."

Olivia sobbed, leaning against the wall and sliding down it as she curled up as tight as her swollen stomach allowed. Tears ran down her cheeks. How could he still manage to destroy her life in prison? Struggling to compose herself, she pulled herself to her feet and dried her eyes. He wouldn't ruin her life anymore, she was a full grown woman, right? Tears threatened to fall again but she forced them back and carried one handset back downstairs after deleting the vulgar and offensive message. That bastard. How dare he.

---

Elliot frowned, wondering if he was even cut out for this line of work any more. Case after case, rape after rape... Did it ever help? Did it really do any good? His contemplation was interrupted by the phone ringing. It reminded him that he didn't have any time to think about these things, he had a job to do, he had women to save. "Manhattan SVU, this is Detective Stabler."

---

Ryan drove home around two a.m. and she was beyond exhausted. She'd have to sit down Alexandra and talk with her. Her lover would not be happy. Not at all. Tossing the keys on the end table, she trudged up the stairs to find Mariah fast asleep in her bed. Tucking the little girl in with a kiss, she headed down the hall and opened the door to her bedroom. Alex was sitting up with the bedside light on, a book in one hand and a cup of tea in the other. "Hey there stranger."

Smiling, she stripped off her jacket and hung it up, "I'm sorry I'm so late. We had a meeting, it ran awfully late." Giving her an apologetic look, she headed for the bathroom.

"What was it about?" Alex called to her.

Ryan answered with a heavy sigh, "Another undercover operation..."

A knot grew in Alex's stomach, "Where?"

"In the tri-state area... I made sure of that. The only thing to worry about are the hours." She reemerged in a big t-shirt with 'USMC' sprawled across it. She climbed in to bed next to Alex and kissed her softly. "You mad?"

Alex remained quiet for a moment and then shook her head. "I'm not mad. I'll be worried out of my mind about you... But I'm not mad."

Ryan settled in under the blankets, "How was your day?"

It was soothing to hear Alex's voice ramble about the Stabler kids, Olivia and her trip to the grocery store. Snuggling up next to her, she smiled softly and let her continue her explanation. Such trivial things, but they always seemed to be the most important at the end of the day.

---

Elliot glanced at the clock that read 4 a.m. and decided he should get some sleep before Munch and Fin came in around seven. Heading up to the crib, he closed his eyes. God, he was getting old. Coffee wasn't enough to keep him up in the morning anymore... And this new case was one of the worst. A husband raping his wife and child? A ten year old girl pregnant with her father's son and her mother pregnant as well.

A quick look in to the perp's background had revealed three previous marriages. Those ex-wives would be coming in tomorrow but Elliot wasn't sure he could take it. Two of them had at least one female child. Massaging his temples gently, he rolled over on the cot and tried to get some sleep.

---

Olivia paced slowly, Elliot had called to say he wouldn't be coming home. Since then, that bastard had called her five times. Every time, she'd been reduced to tears on the bed. The kids were long asleep, it was half past three. She felt worse than she had in a long time. When the phone rang again, she jumped. Staring at it as if it were the devil himself, she checked the caller ID. It was Ryan. Picking it up quickly, she sighed with relief. "Benson."

"Hey, Liv..." Ryan sounded like Olivia felt.

She pursed her lips, "What's up?"

Ryan sighed, "I'm surprised I didn't wake you up..."

Why was she avoiding the question? Olivia frowned, "It's hard to sleep with a little rugrat kicking your spine or bladder, depending on his current mood."

Her friend chuckled, "Don't I know it."

"What's wrong, Ryan?" she wasn't going to beat around the bush.

Ryan took a ragged breath, as if on the verge of tears. "Have you been getting calls?"

A breath caught in Olivia's throat. "From who?" She closed her eyes in sweet denial, praying her mind was imagining things.

"Him," Ryan said, proving she was experiencing the same denial.

Olivia couldn't hold the tears back. "Yes," she sobbed softly.

A sigh came from the other line, "We have to do something." She wasn't quite in tears, she was struggling to hold them back.

"What is there to do?" she sounded weak, angry at herself for giving in so easily.

"Olivia," Ryan sounded terribly concerned. "I'm going to come over."

She shook her head, "That's not necessary."

Ryan would have none of it, "For the both of us." Rustling was audible through the phone. "I'll be there in a hour. Call my cell if he calls again, I don't want to wake Alex."

Olivia had momentarily forgotten about Alex. "Oh, don't leave her there Ryan... I'm fine." She sniffled softly.

"Not a chance, Olivia." She kissed Alex's sleeping form once. "One hour." She clicked her phone off and unplugged the line. Jerry wasn't going to torment her family in her absence. Grabbing her keys, she headed out in a pair of jeans and a camisole. It was freezing, but she'd been too hurried to look for a jacket. Pulling the car out, she sped off silently in to the night.

---

Alex woke to a loud phone ringing downstairs. Why wasn't the one up here working? Yawning, she hurried down and picked up the phone, "Hello?"

"Who is this?" the voice was deep and male.

She frowned, "Who's calling?"

There was a soft chuckle, "I'm looking for Samantha..."

"She's not here at the moment," she didn't like this guy at all.

"Pity," he frowned. "Tell her an old friend called and I'm eager to hear from her."

Alex was worried now, "Who is this?" The line went dead. She looked at the caller ID. A government number? She pushed the message button.

'_Samantha. I've missed you. Olivia wasn't answering today either. How's she doing? Is my son growing inside her? Are her breasts getting bigger? I'm thinking of you both. I'll never forget you. You were the best, you know. That's why I kept you so long. Don't worry, I'll call back.'_ Click.

Her blue eyes went wide, where was Ryan now? She ran upstairs to find Mariah sleeping soundly. Dialing Ryan's cell, she waited anxiously as it rang three, four times.

"Jamerson," the voice was troubled.

Alex frowned, "Sam, are you okay?"

She sighed heavily, "I'm going over to Olivia's. Something came up. I'm sorry, I didn't want to wake you."

"Does this have to do with the man who called? The one who left the message? Was it Jerry?"

Ryan bit her lip, a terrible habit of hers. "Yes. I'm fine, I just need to talk to Olivia. I'll be home in the morning, I promise."

Alex nodded, "I will see you then. If you need me, call, okay?"

"I love you," she kissed the phone with a faint smile.

She repeated her lover's action, "I love you too."

* * *

_Fin._ To be continued. 


	20. Perpetual Fear

_"In the criminal justice system, sexually based offenses are considered especially heinous. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit. These are their stories."

* * *

_

It Comes with the Badge

Last Time:

_Alex nodded, "I will see you then. If you need me, call, okay?"_

"_I love you," she kissed the phone with a faint smile._

_She repeated her lover's action, "I love you too."

* * *

_

Chapter Nineteen

Perpetual Fear

"Hey," Ryan smiled supportively through tears as Olivia opened the door.

Olivia returned the halfhearted smile, "Hey."

A loud moment of silence fell between the two before Olivia stepped back and invited her in. Ryan sighed, "Has he called again?"

Shaking her head, Olivia headed for the kitchen to make tea. One glass wouldn't hurt, and she needed it.

Ryan followed her, sitting on the bar drying her eyes. "I have the number he's calling from, I'll trace it and have his phone privileges revoked."

"He'll just find another way to taunt us," Olivia handed her a cup and sat down as well.

She shook her head, "Casey will take care of it. Don't think like that Olivia..." Her lips pursed, "You have a little one on the way to think about. Just remember how much he needs you."

Olivia looked up at her, water welling in her eyes again. "What if he's the father?"

Ryan got off her stool, embracing the weary detective. "The baby boy is inside _you_, he will be raised by _you and Elliot_ and he will love _you and Elliot_."

Nodding, she sniffled lightly. "I was so convinced it wasn't his... And now he calls me..."

She rubbed Olivia's back soothingly. "Don't worry about it. You know he's yours, it's just the pregnancy hormones right now, honey."

Olivia laughed softly, "You're right." She pulled out of the embrace and dried her eyes. "I have to be strong."

"You _are_ strong," Ryan watched her supportively. She smiled, "Alex will be picking the kids up to take them to school, I'll stay until then."

She frowned, "You sure you don't need rest?"

Ryan shrugged, "The DEA has me going undercover again."

"Already?" Olivia sounded alarmed.

Frowning, Ryan nodded. "It will be shorter than I expected, six months to a year... And it's nearby."

Olivia put an arm around her friend with a smile. "You're a great cop."

Raising a brow incredulously, Ryan sighed again she shrugged. "You're better."

A moment of silence passed between the women before the harsh ringing of a telephone ripped through the air. Olivia looked to Ryan, brown eyes meeting grey. They were both fearful. "Should-?"

Ryan shook her head and looked on the caller I.D. "It's the station house..."

Olivia's eyes went wide. "Elliot!" She grabbed the phone, "Hello?"

Fin's voice broke on the other line, "Olivia, hey, it's Fin."

She whimpered quietly, "What's wrong? Just tell me..." God, it was torment. Was Elliot hurt?

"Is Elliot there?" he didn't seem to understand her concern.

Olivia watched in horror as her mind wandered with possibilities, each more frightening than the last. "No, why would he be?"

He sighed heavily, "He isn't answering his cell, he isn't here and he isn't at home..."

"Oh god..." her voice was weak. Ryan snatched the phone away, refusing to let her listen to him any longer.

She rubbed Olivia's back as she put the phone to her ear, "Do you want us over there?"

Fin took a moment to think, "No, no need for any more worry. I'm sure he's fine. I'll call back if I don't hear from him by seven."

"Allright, see you." Ryan hung up the phone and clung to Olivia.

Olivia froze stiff, "Ryan...?"

She looked at her pained friend, "What?"

The senior officer was looking between the two of them at the ground, silent. Ryan looked down too, seeing a puddle and gasping loudly. "Is that?!"

Olivia nodded, "I have to get to the hospital!" A contraction hit her and caused her to lean on Ryan. After it faded, she took the phone to call Maureen and Ryan headed up the stairs to wake the kids.

Ten minutes later, Olivia was in the passenger seat cringing as Ryan drove. The three kids in the back were watching Olivia with concern. "Just a few more minutes. Did you manage to get your dad yet Kathleen?"

The eldest daughter shook her head, "I'll keep trying. Drive faster." Dickie and Elizabeth made cautioned cries, recalling the accident that had killed their mother.

Olivia screamed again, "Elliot!" She wasn't having this baby without Elliot here.

---

Fin had heard the news and alerted the rest of the station house. They were all eagerly awaiting the news of Olivia's delivery, and struggling to locate their lead detective. As Serenity walked in to work, he and John headed out to check the old house. There was always a chance.

She smiled, "Morning." Fin didn't respond and John merely nodded.

When they were in the car, he grinned. "Liv's going to be a mom..."

"God help us all," John smiled softly and they pulled out.

---

Elliot groaned, his head aching as he struggled to focus. He couldn't move his hands, and sometime was over his eyes. Shit. What had happened? A girl, brown hair and blue eyes, had come in crying. Rape. She'd been gang raped. How had that landed him here? What was going on? He shifted uncomfortably, all his senses working to get him out of this. He was on the floor, cement. It was freezing. His back was against a cement wall and there was no potent source of light to filter through whatever masked his eyes. "Hello?" the gag made him far from coherent. His cell was vibrate happily in his pocket, could he reach it? Damn, he was so sore.

"Detective Stabler, you're awake. What a delight." He heard footsteps approached from his left, how had they gotten in to the room? Stairs or a door?

"Who are you?" he frowned, figuring there was little chance she'd understood him. Was this the same girl from before? It was definitely a woman...

She laughed softly, "I hope you're comfortable, you'll be staying with us for quite a while, Detective."

He coughed, choking on his gag. "Why?"

"Because you owe us."

---

Olivia refused the epidural, even when the doctor told her she was 5cm dialated and going to deliver soon. She was not having this baby without Elliot.

Ryan gripped her hand as another contraction hit her, the four Stabler kids watching anxiously. Lizzie was frowned, "Where's Daddy?"

Maureen put a hand on her shoulder, "He'll be here." She had been told by Ryan while the doctors had argued with Olivia. That hard-head... It was no surprise.

---

Alex arrived to pick up the Stabler kids and found the entire lot empty, except for Ryan's truck. Feeling a knot grow in her stomach, she peeled out of the driveway and headed for the station house. Cragen would know. God, she hoped Cragen would have the answers she needed. She'd just gotten Alex back, she couldn't lose her now.

---

_Finite._

Look for an update soon, Mariska's inspired me.


	21. Bastard Child

"In the criminal justice system, sexually based offenses are considered especially heinous. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit. These are their stories."

It Comes with the Badge

Last Time:

_Alex arrived to pick up the Stabler kids and found the entire lot empty, except for Ryan's truck. Feeling a knot grow in her stomach, she peeled out of the driveway and headed for the station house. Cragen would know. God, she hoped Cragen would have the answers she needed. She'd just gotten Ryan back, she couldn't lose her now. _

Chapter Twenty

Bastard Child

Olivia moaned in pain as the contractions seemed to come one after the other. Squeezing Ryan's hand on one side and Maureen's on the other, she cringed. "Where the hell is he?"

Ryan flinched at her iron grip, "We haven't been able to reach him yet..."

"And-" she was interrupted by another contraction, "The kids?"

Maureen smiled, "They're in the waiting room with Fin. Olivia, he won't be able to get here in time, you're _in_ labour.

She squeezed their hands again, let out a groan of frustration and pain. "Get. Elliot. Here. NOW!"

---

"In labour? Olivia's in labour?" Alex paled as Cragen nodded. "What are you doing here then?"

Cragen frowned, "Elliot's missing."

Alex repeated him again, "Missing? What do you mean 'missing'?"

"I mean no one has been able to account for his whereabouts since around seven p.m. yesterday night." He looked older; the stress was getting to him.

She nodded, "Should I go see Olivia? Or do you want my help?"

He looked at her as if it had never dawned on him that she could offer some assistance. "Um, it's up to you. Munch is trying to get him to answer his damned phone."

Alex bit her lip, "Can I see the case file he was working on?"

"Aren't you jumping to conclusions?" Cragen watched her nervously.

She shook her head, "If he won't come watch Olivia have his child, there is definitely something wrong."

Cragen followed her out, sitting at the desk with her as they went over his notes.

---

"What do you want? If you let me call the station house, you can talk to the captain. I'm just a detective.." Elliot was thankful the gag was removed.

The girl laughed airily, she sounded young. She couldn't have been older than 30 from what he'd been able to deduce. "I know who and what you are, Detective. You wouldn't be here if it wasn't you I was after."

Elliot groaned, "Why am I here?"

"To pay your debt, Detective Stabler."

He tried to adjust to the light she'd turned on. He couldn't see her, the light was shining down on hi alone. "What debt?"

A soft laughter rang through the room. "Have you forgotten, Detective? Tsk-tsk."

---

"It could be any one of the hundreds of cases he's worked before..." Alex looked defeated.

Cragen sighed, "I'm going to call missing persons."

"Wait!" Munch ran in to the bull pen, "His phone's on. I can't quite hear everything, but I heard him talking... And I think a woman."

Alex rolled her eyes, "Little surprise."

Don frowned, "Let's not jump to conclusions."

John nodded, "Elliot wouldn't do that to 'Liv. He knows Fin and I would pummel him for it."

"You pummeling anyone doesn't exactly strike fear in to my heart, John." Alex laughed softly.

---

Olivia couldn't stop crying even after the baby was born and in her arms. She held him, but she didn't even look down at the gurgling bundle.

Ryan smiled, "He's beautiful 'Liv! Such a perfect little boy, you must be thrilled."

Tears continued to stream down her cheeks, "D'you want to hold him?"

Looking surprised, Ryan stammered a reply. "Uh-sure..." Taking the small bundle into her arms, Ryan smiled at him, looking at Olivia with concern, "What's the matter?"

Olivia sobbed again, "Where is Elliot?" She didn't even look at her son, worry and fear evident in her expression. "I just want to see Elliot."

---

Munch pulled up to the ramshackle house and turned to Fin, "They say we're here." It was amazing how easily the police could track a cell phone signal. Turning off the ignition, he climbed out. "Call for back-up." He removed his police issue from the hip holster and approached the porch, ascending the stairs. He knocked on the door.

Fin came up behind him as a young blonde answered the door, "How may I help you?"

He frowned, "I'm Detective Tutuola and this is my partner Detective Munch, would you mind if we took a look around?"

Looking rather displeased, she shook her head. "I would mind. Terribly."

"Well, that's too bad because we have a warrant on the way so you don't really have a choice." Munch looked at her with a pleased expression on his face, glad to have ruined her day.

There was a loud crash downstairs, interrupting the snide girl's response. Munch growled, "Did you hear that scream?"

Fin nodded, "I think we need to respond immediately." Pushing past the girl, Fin headed into the house while Munch detained her. He heard her cry out something about there not having been a scream, she obviously didn't understand. "Elliot!" He heard more commotion in the back of the house, causing him to draw his gun. "Elliot?"

---

The girl, his captor, shifted uncomfortably. "Is the cavalry here already?"

Elliot grinned softly, "You shouldn't have underestimated my team." He tried to sit up again, "Tell me why you brought me here, let me see your face."

She stepped in to the light; her lovely brown hair fell to her waist and tempestuous grey eyes. A deep scar marked the side of her cheek all the way to her lip. "Remember me, Detective?"

He looked at her again. Yes, he did remember. "Eva, right?"

The young girl looked at him with bitter contempt. "Yes, only, last time I saw you I didn't have this rather unattractive scar. I have _you_ to blame for it, in fact. If you'd put Tony away right the first time, he never would've come back for me."

Elliot looked honestly regretful, watching the range of emotions the girl was going through. "I was a new cop then... I couldn't control my temper. I let it cloud my judgment."

She shook her head, "That's still a problem with you, Detective Stabler." Eva kicked him angrily in the stomach, or at least Stabler was awaiting the impact.

When he finally looked up at her to register why her foot hadn't hit him, he saw Fin. Grinning, he tried to sit up. His head still hurt, "Thanks."

Fin was restraining the girl as he looked to Elliot. "Are you okay?"

He laughed, "I will be if you can untie me..." Elliot shifted again eventually admitting it was futile.

Once Munch came down, Fin took Eva up the stairs. John because to untie Elliot, pulling out a Leatherman with a frown, "What was this all about, Elliot?"

He frowned, "Let her go... She had every reason to be angry with me."

"So does your fiancée," John couldn't help but remark smartly.

Elliot rose to his feet, "What's happened?"

He frowned, "She's in the hospital," Munch's frown turned to a faint smile, "She's having the baby."

He headed up the stairs quickly, eager to get to his fiancée's side. "Fin, start the car!"

Munch followed him quickly, watching Elliot climb in to the driver's seat as Fin lowered Eva into the back of the sedan. Once the door was closed, he sped off, leaving Fin with a surprised look on his face. John shook his head and sighed, "I guess I should have waited."

Fin turned to his partner, watching him laugh. "You think this is funny? Then your sorry ass had better be finding us a ride."

John simply continued to laugh, "Backup will get here soon..."

---

Ryan held the baby as Olivia slept, not wanting her to wake up and wonder where her young boy was. Cuddling the child, she took a moist cloth and wiped the streaks remaining from her tears away. Evan was an ideal infant, gurgling and happy and rarely crying.

She shook her head softly. Olivia seemed so heartbroken when Elliot wasn't there and once she held the baby and looked at him, things only worsened. Ryan sighed, it was incomprehensible to her. When her little girl had been born, Mariah became the light of her life. She smiled softly, it made sense that the Spanish phrase for giving birth was 'dar luz' or 'to give light.' Ever since her daughter was born, she had been the light of her life. Inspired beyond imagining by this little innocent life, Ryan was changed. When she looked at Olivia, she didn't see that change.

The door of the room flew open quickly, startling Ryan and the baby. She stood up immediately as the baby's big brown eyes flew open and he began to fuss. As soon as Ryan realized it was Elliot, she began to calm the baby. She certainly didn't want to wake 'Liv with her in the state she was with Elliot standing right there. Elliot immediately quieted down, not wanting to disturb Olivia or the baby. He grinned, looking over Ryan's shoulder at Evan. "You want to hold him, Dad?" Ryan beamed right back at him.

This Stabler boy had the most priceless face. He could soften even the hardest of hearts. Elliot nodded and took his second son into his hands for the first time. "How's Olivia doing?" He coddled the baby boy gently, kissing his forehead.

Ryan bit her lower lip as she debated how to explain. "She's a little distraught I guess, from all that's happened. We had no idea where you were..." She looked at Elliot. "She flat out refused to have the baby until you got here." They both chuckled softly, "Luckily Mother Nature had other plans."

Elliot nodded. "I'm glad. I doubt it's healthy for her to be under all that stress and in labour..."

His fellow detective gave him an exaggerated expression, "You have no idea. She- _We_ had no idea if you were alive or dead..."

He frowned, "There was nothing I could do about that..." Elliot looked back to Evan, smiling again.

"What happened?" she questioned inquiringly.

Elliot shook his head, "There'll be plenty of time to discuss it later. When Olivia wakes up, I want to tell her first. She has every right to know why I wasn't here for the birth of our son."

Ryan's eyes went soft for a moment, remembering the day of her daughter's birth. "This the first time you haven't been there then?"

He nodded, "And I really think this is the time it mattered most." Elliot sighed wearily; the lines in his face became evident. "I mean, I love all of my children beyond measure but Kathy and I never shared the bond that Olivia and I do. I don't think she really saw my presence as an important aspect of her giving birth..."

She nodded softly, trying to convey her understanding. "Well, you were both young, weren't you? I mean, Olivia told me it was mostly because of Maureen..."

Elliot sighed, age showing in his face. "Yes- No, for her it was... I loved her." He shook his head, another tired sigh escaping his lips, "I guess it doesn't much matter now, hmm?" The deep blue eyes that were usually so firm and decided seemed lost in memories and thought.

"Don't think to hard on it," Ryan gave a supportive smile, "You've got something more important to worry about now." She smiled down at the sleeping infant in his arms as Olivia began to stir. Standing up, Ryan opted to take her leave at this point. Smiling softly at him, she waved and headed out; an exhausted look fell over her face once the door closed. Perhaps Alex was right; she should've stayed home today.

Shaking all the what-ifs from her head, she called Alex's cell phone and made arrangements to meet her for a drink.

---

"El?" Olivia whispered hoarsely, "Are you there?" She blinked a few times, as if to convince herself. Once she was sure, Olivia sat up and smiled at him.

Elliot smiled right back, still holding Evan. "Hey there beautiful, I heard about this little miracle." He bounced the boy up and down gently. "You're amazing, Olivia. He's going to be as handsome as his mother is beautiful."

She shook her head, looking away from the child. "Can you put him down and then we can talk?" Olivia didn't want Elliot out of her sight, but if it would get rid of the child, she'd allow it.

He looked surprised, but nodded. "Okay, I'll be right back."

When Elliot returned, he began to recant to Olivia why he'd been unable to get here in time. A few moments later, the Stabler kids came in. Olivia smiled at them, "Hey." She still looked slightly drowsy. "What d'you think of having an younger brother?"

Elizabeth grinned, "I can't wait to hold him!" Olivia smiled softly, at least someone wanted to. Liz was at the age where little babies were precious and cute, so Olivia was grateful for the help that would get her. Kathleen looked rather excited as well.

Maureen smiled, "I'm going to drive these three home; they have school in the morning." She hugged her dad a moment. "The doctor told me you can take Evan home as soon as you feel up to leaving. They'll keep you overnight but tomorrow, you're free to go." She smiled again, ushering her three younger siblings back through the door once they'd hugged their father.

Elliot turned back to her, "Is everything alright, 'Liv? Something seems off with you today..."

She shook her head, pushing her own doubts from her mind. "I just need to get home, that's all." Olivia squeezed his hand, "D'you think you can take a few days off work now that the baby's here?"

He put his hands on his hips, pondering a moment. "I can try. On account of what happened today as well, I can probably get two days off. And then there's the weekend..."

Olivia nodded, understanding how difficult it was. "Alright, we can talk about it some more when you pick me up tomorrow." She yawned, obviously exhausted.

Kissing her softly, he brushed the hair from her face. "I love you. I'll see you in the morning." Once she'd returned his statement of affection, he headed down to the nursery and rocked Evan for an hour or so before finally heading home. He was a dad. Again.

---

Olivia tried to forget the sight of her son's deep brown eyes. Eyes just like Jerry's. Clamping her eyes shut, she struggled to sleep. It was difficult with all the thoughts swirling through her head. Elliot had been kidnapped. Jerry had called her. She would have to go back to work soon enough. It wasn't until she was finally asleep and dreaming that her son came to mind. And the thoughts weren't pretty...

-End Chapter 20-

A/N: I'm sick of everyone here pretending that they're fucking obgyns! None of you are doctors, so stop correcting me. I've had two pregnancies and both were supposed to last 40 weeks from conception (40/410months for those of you who aren't math geniuses either) so stop correcting me. I know from experience, okay? Cool. Thanks for that. Secondly, in regards to another review, Olivia pregnancy has lasted 36 weeks, not a year, so learn to count or stop pretending that you've read my story. Thanks.


	22. Returning to Work

"In the criminal justice system, sexually based offences are considered especially heinous. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit. These are their stories."

It Comes with the Badge

Last Time:

_Olivia tried to forget the sight of her son's deep brown eyes. Eyes just like Jerry's. Clamping her eyes shut, she struggled to sleep. It was difficult with all the thoughts swirling through her head. Elliot had been kidnapped. Jerry had called her. She would have to go back to work soon enough. It wasn't until she was finally asleep and dreaming that her son came to mind. And the thoughts weren't pretty..._

Chapter Twenty-One

Returning to Work

Sighing softly, Olivia adjusted the holster on her belt. She hadn't been up at seven in the morning since her maternity leave started... She was exhausted. Evan had kept them up until three, but slept through the night from then on. He was still asleep. _'A miracle,'_ the detective thought to herself as she combed through her hair neatly. After adding frizz-control mousse, she headed down the stairs. "Kathleen! Are you driving the twins to school today or sleeping in?"

Olivia couldn't make out the girl's shouted response over Liz and Dickie fighting in the kitchen. Quickly telling the two to be quiet while Evan slept, she opened the door for Alex before the doorbell woke him. Frowning softly, she yelled once more for Kathleen, then left.

---

Elliot paced the station house, a frown set firmly into his visage. It was almost ten, where was Olivia? He sighed, sitting back in his chair.

"Stop pacing, you're making us all nervous," Fin quipped quietly as Cragen emerged from his office again.

Clearing his throat, Elliot gave Fin a faint smile; it was the best he could do under the conditions. Cragen leaned against Olivia's empty desk as his eyes wandered over the four detectives before him. "Well, it seems our leading lady has not shown up. I'm not going to put the department on hold on her account. We have a job to do. Munch, do you think you can contact Ryan and figure out when she'll be rejoining us?"

The older man nodded respectfully and picked up his phone. Fin looked over to Elliot, sighing. "Are you up for casework? Didn't the cap offer you time off?"

Elliot nodded, "The sickos aren't going to take time off from victimizing women and children, and until they do, I'm needed here."

Cragen frowned, "In that case, we have two cases to look at. Fin, can you run this one with Elliot? Munch and Serenity can handle the second."

Taking the manila folder into his hand, Elliot sighed and nodded. That file was thick already, and it only weighed more heavily on his heart. Where was Olivia?

---

Alex answered John's call, frowning softly. "Ryan's not here John."

"Well, why doesn't she have her cell with her?" he asked impatiently, in no mood to beat around the bush.

"She can't use this number right now," her voice sounded distraught as the new Stabler baby cried in the background.

John sighed heavily, "How long?"

Alex bit her lip, fighting back the loneliness that she'd been battling for far too long. "Two months now..."

He shook his head, "Any idea when she's due out?"

"Indefinitely, but she said the situation was improving. I don't think I can take two more days of this, let alone four months, John." She sounded exhausted, and the infant did not seem to be helping matters at all. "I haven't seen her in two weeks."

John frowned deeply, hanging his head. "I'm sorry to hear that Alex. When you see her next, will you tell her we're waiting for her?"

Alex nodded, hearing Mariah calling as she clamoured down the stairs loudly. "I have to go. It's lunch time."

Laughing softly, he nodded. "All right. Keep in touch Alex. You don't have to be cooped up in that estate all alone."

"Thanks, John. I'll talk to you later." She clumsily found the hook for the phone, turning to Mariah with a big grin, "What does this little four-year-old want for lunch?"

---

Olivia stared over the steering wheel of her vehicle as the New Jersey state line faded in her rear-view mirror. Tears streamed down her cheeks as she struggled to put the life she'd come to love behind her for the sake of her son. _My son._ Olivia shuddered; she loved the thought and hated it at the same time. She would not risk hurting him, that's why she had to leave. Sniffling softly, she pulled off an exit to get gas and a cup of coffee.

She missed Elliot immensely and it hadn't been more than six hours since she'd seen him. How was she going to get through this? Frowning heavily, Olivia locked her car and tried to forget.

---

Ryan dialled home as soon as she got out of the building, hoping to hear from Alex at least for a couple minutes. Hearing the repetitious pattern of her heels on the stairs, she almost missed the sound of Alex's meek 'hello' over the line. "Alex?"

"Hey, honey." the sound of her girlfriend's voice was so comforting. "How've you been?"

Smiling broadly, thrilled to have reached her, Ryan hopped into her truck. "I've been well. How is Mariah?"

Slightly insulted that her lover would first ask about Mariah rather than her, Alex sighed. "She just misses her mother. I think we all do, Sam." Alex's voice sounded weary, desperate almost.

"I'm sorry, honey. Is the little Stabler brat really that bad?" she joked with a laugh.

Alex, however, seemed to miss the pun. "I just miss you, sweetheart, that's all. I can't help it."

Ryan still sounded cheery, something Alex found rude. "Well, I've got good news."

Had she even heard her? She was lonely! She wanted Sam back! Sighing heavily, she raised a brow, "What's the news?"

"I'm re-signing with Manhattan SVU in a week. We've got to do a few preps for the trial, but after that all I have are court dates." Opening the front door to their home, Ryan held her arms open for a hug.

Alex turned around, eyes wide with surprise and delight. "Sam!" She ran up to her hugging her tightly and spinning around. "Oh, I've missed you." She kissed her passionately.

Returning her lover's ardent kiss, Ryan smiled at her. "Surprise."

Tugging her hand, she escorted her up to the second floor and down the hall to Mariah's room. "She's sleeping, but I'm sure she wouldn't mind being woken up for this." Opening the door, Alex and Ryan stared down at her charming little four-year-old.

---

Olivia sat in a roadside diner, eating what would've been lunch if she'd been at home. Instead, it was terrible coffee and an overcooked burger. Frowning, she tried to pretend her fiancé wasn't on her mind. She missed him immensely. It was like a part of her was incomplete without him, but when her mind wandered to her home, it was her son that brought tears to her eyes.

The tears she cried were tears of desperation and regret. How could she have forgotten? What had she expected? All her life, she'd known if the worst could happen, it would happen to her. Now it had. Her son was just like she was and Olivia refused to subject her son to the kind of parenting her mother had bestowed upon her. Being a constant reminder of her mother's rape, Olivia had been hated as a child. Her mother was constantly drunk during her childhood and rarely home unless she was passed out.

Drying her eyes, she shook her head. She wouldn't let Evan go through that, even if he was evil. He was three-fourths rapist... Olivia's blood ran cold at the thought.

---

Cragen frowned, "Munch, hold up."

Turning around, he looked less than pleased. It'd been a miracle when the man who'd raped their vic was simply her ex. The easiest collars were never easy, but they were a lighter burden to handle. Severely worried by the look in Cragen's eyes, he raised a sceptical brow. "You rang?"

"I've got a girl here saying she needs to talk to an SVU detective, can you and Serenity take it?"

He sighed, "Yah, Cap."

Serenity even looked down-hearted at the thought. Sitting back into her chair, she folded her legs and waited for the girl to enter the room.

A small girl, about elementary school aged, walked into the bullpen with a beat-up stuffed rabbit in her arms. "I'm Lily," she said meekly.

John led her over to him, setting her on his lap as he sat down. "Lily's a lovely name. Do you know your last name too?"

Her curly brown pigtails bobbed as she nodded. "Jensen."

Serenity smiled at her, "Lily Jensen? That is a pretty name. And what is your rabbit's name?"

"Cock," she said just as quietly, her eyes shifting from one detective to another.

John's demeanour shifted immediately. His frown settled in his jaw, "Who gave you the rabbit?"

Bowing her head a moment, she pursed her lips. "I'm not supposed to say..."

"Aw, sweetie, can't you tell us?" Serenity smiled broadly, "We can keep a good secret, and besides, we're the good guys."

Chewing her lip in deliberation, the child nodded again. "Jason gave it to me."

Serenity started writing things down, deeply troubled over their new apparent case. "Who's Jason, honey?"

Again, Lily looked perturbed. "He won't be happy if I tell about him."

John ran his hand over her hair, "Don't worry, sweetheart. We're the police, we'll protect you. He can't do anything to hurt you if you tell one of us."

Looking resigned, she set her rabbit into her lap. "He's my master."

The air in the room grew incredibly stale as one partner looked to the other. Serenity's chocolate eyes were appalled and remorseful. John's darker ones saddened immensely and he ran a stressed hand through his hair. "You mean your father?"

"No," she giggled. "Daddy doesn't like Jason."

Serenity bit her lip, "What about Mommy?"

Lily frowned, her soft hazel eyes glancing down at the ground. "Mommy is the one who gave me to Jason."

"Gave you?" Munch asked cautiously.

She squirmed nervously, "Jason had something Mommy wanted so she gave Jason me. Now, I live with Jason. He let's me see Daddy and Mommy, but I sleep at his house."

Serenity smiled, trying to hide her feelings. "Do you know the address?"

"Thirty-six fifty-two North Ninety-Eighth Street, Brooklyn." Her feet dangled a ways above the ground, her heels bouncing into John's shins as she recited the address from memory.

"Very good, Lily." She grinned at the young girl. "Tell me, how old are you?"

Lily hugged her rabbit, "Seven, I think."

John looked down at her, surprised. "You think?"

"Well, Jason doesn't like birthday parties, so it's hard to keep track. We only celebrate his birthday." She stopped kicking, looking distressed.

Serenity sighed, "How do you celebrate it?"

Lily shook her head strongly, "Jason won't let me say."

"What do you mean, honey?" John tried to humour the young girl, easily telling how nervous she was. It infuriated him to see this young girl so terrified.

---

"Alex?" Ryan sat up, shocked to find herself in her own bed. It'd been ages, two months and three days to be precise, not that she was counting. Smiling softly, her ears tuned into the sound of the shower running. Sliding down the bed and slipping her delicate feet into soft furry slippers, Ryan padded down the brief hall to the bathroom. As she untied her hair and began to style it, her lover emerged in a baby pink bath towel with a gracious smile. Kissing her tenderly, Ryan grinned. "I have missed you so much."

Laughing softly, Alex shook her head. "Flattery will get you everywhere, Detective."

Ryan chuckled softly, setting her hairbrush aside to embrace the lovely blond before her. "I like it," she motioned to her re-bleached hair. Her roots had been showing, so Alex had opted to dye it back to its natural colour. Ryan had been thrilled. "I was worried you were up to no good..."

Alex kissed Ryan tenderly, a soft smile painting her lips. "Maybe you should strip search me, Detective."

Her lover's hand made quick work of her towel. "I'm happy to oblige."

---

Elliot set down his phone, eyes filled with immense worry and a hint of fear. When Cragen walked from his office, his perceptive gaze fell upon Elliot. His lead detective looked perplexed and lost in thought. Frowning, he called Elliot into his office. "We've got a seven-year-old girl out there who thinks she has a master. Usually, you'd be livid, what's wrong?"

The hard blue-eyes gaze of the ex-Marine didn't waver. "Olivia hasn't shown up for work yet, and she's not answering her cell."

Cragen sighed, "Seeing as you won't be able to focus until you find her, get out of here. When you've found her, you can both come back in."

Elliot nodded, grabbing his jacket and offering Cragen a thankful smile.

---

Olivia locked the door to her hotel room, her eyes surveying the economy room and she shook her head. Elliot wouldn't be here to keep her warm tonight. After taking a warm shower, Olivia wrapped up in one of Elliot's oversized t-shirts. Crying softly as the TV lulled her to sleep, she tried so hard not to think of the large family she was leaving back home. She couldn't handle what might happen if she returned. Olivia knew she wouldn't drink, but there were many other ways to ruin a child's life. What if she hit him? She'd never thought she'd hit her own child, but this wasn't her child. That little boy was Jerry Hobson's son. Closing her dark doe eyes, she begged sleep to come.

---

Elliot was panicking by now; it was not like Olivia to go this long without calling. She wouldn't just take off like this. Where was she?

As he laid out dinner for his four children and fed Evan the breast milk Olivia had stored in the fridge, his mind wandered. He knew Olivia had been through a lot with Evan's birth and his kidnapping, but surely she should be home by now? He blinked, realizing Dickie had asked him a question. "What was that?"

"Where is she, Dad?" He frowned, missing her presence (and cooking) immensely already, along with the rest of the family.

Sighing heavily, he laid Evan into his playpen, set up in the living room. "Olivia had to take some time to clear her head, she'll be home soon." He wanted so desperately to believe his own words. He put the children to bed, did the dishes and settled into his empty bed. The tender blue eyes Olivia had always admired began to cry for the first time in a very long time. Where was she? Was she okay? What was wrong? Evan began to cry around 2 am and Elliot stayed up with him before finally giving into exhaustion around 5 am.

---

John walked into the station house, his face set gravely. They would be interviewing Lily Jensen's mother today, an event he both dreaded and anxiously awaited. He wanted to know what was going through this woman's mind when she traded her daughter for crack and yet didn't want to hear the reasoning at the same time. From what Lily had said, her father thought that Lily was in an open adoption, completely clueless to his wife's arrangement with this 'Jason.'

Joining her partner and bearing strong coffee, she shook her head. "I wish we could find that bastard," she said, referring to Jason. The search warrant for his residence had yielded plenty to make their case, spare the perp. Child pornography both purchased and personally produced, a room filled with bondage and costumes which he presumably used with Lily and a journal detailing his horrific acts made their case against this man concrete. Now, they needed their suspect.

"We'll find him," John said in a serious tone. "I owe it to that seven-year-old." His eyes looked so wounded. Drinking the coffee, he shook his head. "Maybe the mom can tell us where he is..." As if on cue, Holly Jensen walked into the station house.

---

Olivia woke and immediately felt like crying. She missed making the kids breakfast, missed feeding Evan, kissing Elliot goodbye and taking the kids to school. Her heart ached as she began to weep again. What she was doing was for the best for her family, but that did not make it any easier on her heart. No matter what, she couldn't go home.


End file.
